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Recently Unearthed E-Mail Reveals What Life Was Like In 1995

KNOXVILLE, TN—A 1995 e-mail extracted from the hard drive of a recently unearthed Compaq desktop PC offers a tantalizing glimpse into the day-to-day life of a primitive Internet society, said the archaeologists responsible for its discovery. 

"We're very excited by this find, because only by understanding our e-mail past can we hope to understand our e-mail present and future," said Northwestern University archaeology professor Lane Caspari, who has been leading the dig through the equipment storage area of a Knoxville-area credit union since late April, on Tuesday. 

"The discovery also sheds new light on the 1990s—an era we know very little about." Written by a "scully666@compuserve.com" and addressed to a "makincopeez@prodigy.net," the writer expresses the ancient equivalent of boredom, asks the receiver about his or her status in their primeval office environment, then refers to the act of sending the e-mail itself. 

"Nothing going on," begins the e-mail. "What's up with you? Are you going to Mike's b-day thing on Friday? I'm thinking about it. I might go, but I'm not sure yet." The e-mail continues, "Let me know if you get this e-mail twice. I'm still trying to learn the system. I think the managers know when we're on the Net, so I'll stay away from the web surfing and check my e-mail only once a day." 

The e-mail is signed only "K." It contains no subject line. "It shows that these forgotten people of the '90s had many of the same concerns as modern man, such as b-days, and slow periods at work," Caspari said. "The presence of the archaic slang verbalization 'what's up' appears to indicate that they cared about the immediate welfare of others in their closely knit community, much as we do today."

New Airline

Bad Stained Glass Window...

seen in a Catholic Church...

A BLOND CALLS 911 ......

on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cries. The dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard," he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."

You Know your in SO-CAL* when...

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 

2. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house. 

3. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.  

4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, & is named Breeze.   

5. You can't remember...is pot illegal? 

6. You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

8. You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

9. A really great parking space can move you to tears. 

10. A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast. 

11. Gas cost 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 

12. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice. 

13. A woman gets on the bus with live poultry. You don't even notice.  

14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney. 

15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 

16. The gym is packed at 3 pm ....on a work day. 

17. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into BDSM, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag. 

18. It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 99". 

19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class. 

20. Your paperboy has a two-picture deal. 

21. The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific nine-car Freeway pileup, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe laying on the shoulder. 

22. The weatherman talks about the weather in other parts of the country, as if we really care. 

23. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers. 

24. It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour or two early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 

25. You AND your dog have therapists. 

*Southern California

Bank Robbery

I don't know if it's true or not but it's good for a laugh! This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2,1999: 

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING

Baby born with 28 year-old sperm

DHS

Click Above.
*Thanks, Ken

Creative Johns

 

Ben Foster

(Los Angeles, California) He may have one of the smallest roles in “X-Men: The Last Stand,” but twenty-five year-old, five foot, Boston native Ben Foster, at the same time, has one of the most memorable. In the third installment of “X-Men,” five foot, nine inch, Ben Foster climbs into the wings of Warren Worthington III aka Angel. 

Foster plays the son of the head of the FDA, the son of the man who has helped discover a ‘cure’ for all mutants. “My father,” says Foster, whose perfectly sculpted body is shown for all its glory in this “X-Men,” about his father in the movie, “is torn between two worlds. He sees his son, whom he thinks is suffering, and wants to help him become human, but his son, me, I don’t want to change. I am happy with my wings.” 

It’s hard not to think of the “X-Men” mutants without thinking of a gay analogy. If someone who were gay could change to become straight, would they want to? “This movie produces one of the biggest gay analogies I can think of on the big screen. It’s certainly not meant to be a preachy movie, but it might help open some people’s minds, who are not yet open,” says Foster. “My character is very adamant about not changing,” reveals Foster, whose character is the first mutant to be brought into the facility to undergo the ‘change,’ (to lose his powers and become human). What got Foster, and his younger brother, Jon, (who was last seen on the big screen in the film “The Door In The Floor,” the adaptation of John Irving’s “A Widow For One Year”), in the movie business? 

“Though we were born in Boston, we moved to Iowa when we were young and in the town we lived there were four community theaters. There was pretty much nothing else to do than act.” The boys’ good looks, stunning looks, actually, couldn’t have hurt their chances getting the heartthrob roles in each production they tried out for. “I wrote, starred in and directed my first play when I was twelve,” laughs Foster. Although he wouldn’t suggest dropping out of high school to most, he did. And at sixteen moved to Los Angeles and almost immediately got a job in the Disney Channel show “Flash Forward.” Foster’s first big screen starring role was in the teen romantic comedy “Get Over It,” which incidentally is the first movie for which I interviewed the budding star. It shouldn’t be long before Foster, who will next be seen in a starring role in “Alpha Dog,” becomes a household name, before he is not known for just his supporting roles in classic television shows such as “Six Feet Under” (where he played Russell Corwin, the boyfriend of Claire Fisher), or “Boston Public” or “Freaks & Geeks.” While the producers of “X-Men 3” allege that this is the end of the line in the series, don’t count out a fourth installment, with Angel returning as one of the most popular mutants. 

If you stay in your seat at the theater, until the very last credit roles in “X-Men 3,” you will see why there may be much bigger heights to which this Angel will be flying. If you’re in the mood to check out more of Ben Foster’s work, after seeing him in “X-Men: The Last Stand,” try “Hostage,” the 2005 movie, in which he plays a vicious teen kidnapper, opposite Bruce Willis, or almost any episode of Season 3 or 4 of “Six Feet Under,” where you can find him at his finest.

by Tim Nason, Special to 365Gay.com

Mother knows best

Dear Tide: 

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product! Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

Three Parrots down the chute...

Series Finale Of Will & Grace Ends Eight-Year Truce Between Gay, Straight Communities

LOS ANGELES—Widespread violence and riots have broken out across the U.S. since the May 18 airing of the last episode of Will & Grace, the NBC sitcom hailed as the lone common bond between American gays and straights. Relations between the two sides have returned to the hostility that marked the tumultuous period before the show ushered in a tenuous truce eight years ago. In the nearly two weeks since gay Will and straight Grace ended their televised domestic cohabitation, dozens of vigilante raids on gay bars and nightclubs have been reported, Provincetown, MA announced its secession from the U.S., while skirmishes have broken out at gay–straight border areas along New York's Chelsea neighborhood and the Castro district of San Francisco. And Monday, openly gay congressman Barney Frank was shot and killed on the steps of the Capitol. "Straight men and women have reverted to their stereotypical view of gays, painting them as two-dimensional caricatures of either uptight, impeccably dressed neat-freaks, or shallow, flamboyant, sex-crazed maniacs," said Neil Giuliano, president of the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. --more-- *The Onion

Why would someone throw away a perfectly good horse?

The Scratch and Sniff Web Page

Pretty cool! I don't know how it works, but it does!

Click here.

'Breakfast Club' Principal Gleason Dies

BURBANK, Calif. (AP) - Paul Gleason, who played the go-to bad guy in "Trading Places" and the angry high school principal in "The Breakfast Club," has died. He was 67. Gleason died at a local hospital Saturday of mesothelioma, a rare form of lung cancer linked to asbestos, said his wife, Susan Gleason. "Whenever you were with Paul, there was never a dull moment," his wife said. "He was awesome." A native of Miami, Gleason was an avid athlete. 

Before becoming an actor, he played Triple-A minor league baseball for a handful of clubs in the late 1950s. Gleason honed his acting skills with his mentor Lee Strasberg, whom he studied with at the Actors Studio beginning in the mid-1960s, family members said. Through his career, Gleason appeared in over 60 movies that included "Die Hard,""Johnny Be Good," and "National Lampoon's Van Wilder." Most recently, Gleason made a handful of television appearances in hit shows such as "Friends" and "Seinfeld." 

Gleason's passions went beyond acting. He had recently published a book of poetry. "He was an athlete, an actor and a poet," said his daughter, Shannon Gleason-Grossman. "He gave me and my sister a love that is beyond description that will be with us and keep us strong for the rest of our lives." Actor Jimmy Hawkins, a friend of Gleason's since the 1960s, said he remembered Gleason for a sharp sense of humor. "He just always had great stories to tell," Hawkins said. Gleason was survived by his wife, two daughters and a granddaughter. Funeral plans were pending.

Cool Graffiti

Spot the differences

There are 7 differences in the pictures. See if you can find them all. Harder than you think. Look closely.



Click Above. Use your back button to return to 'OZ'.. If you still want to...

How to ship a hippo

You'll need:

1,000-gallon tank per hippo
1,000 gallons of water
Crane
1-pound sedative
Soothing hippo music
2 Aspirin (for you)


How to pack:

1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)

2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.

3. Hold it, hold it - put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.

4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.


WAIVER: We in no way advocate moving a hippo or any animal without the express advice and consent of your local vet or zoo keeper.

Talented Tongue

They've got rythym....

Click Above.

Cows with guns...

Click above. (Flash Movie) You will have to use the 'BACK' button on your browser to return to 'OZ'...

ONE ROSE & A KIND WORD

I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truckload when I'm gone.



THESE ARE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!
*Thanks, Ken

The Fart Button

Now isn't THAT annoying!

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU MEET A QUEER PERSON:

HINTS FOR HETEROSEXUALS

1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.

2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.

3. Do not assume she/he is attracted to you.

4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you.

5. Do not assume that you are not attracted to her/him.

6. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a straight person as you may be about meeting a queer person.

7. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight.

8. Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.

9. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.

10. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.

11. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue. They are gay twenty-four hours a day.

Bob and Larry (and what the goat saw)

Once upon a time two guys, Bob and Larry, were walking through a forest and they came across this HUGE hole in the ground. They pondered the possibility of just how deep the hole might be. 

Bob said to Larry, “Larry, I bet we just need to throw a rock down in the hole and then we will know how deep it is.” So Bob threw a rock in the hole. They waited and waited, and never heard a blasted thing. Larry said, “Bob, we need a bigger rock!” 

So Larry went and found a bigger rock, it was almost as big as Bob. Larry hucked the rock in the hole and they waited. They waited some more, still not a blasted thing. Then Bob broke the silence by exclaiming, “We need something BIGGER!” 

He went walking through the forest and came back with an old railroad tie, hoisted it above his head and threw it in the hole. They waited and waited, then out of no where this goat came running through the forest. The goat was moving so fast Bob and Larry barely got a glimpse of it as it flew up in the air and jumped down the hole. 

Bob turned to Larry and said, “That is just about the strangest thing I’ve ever seen .” Bob and Larry sat and pondered the speed of the goat for a couple of minutes and then along came farmer Randy. Randy asked Bob and Larry (with a thick Montana accent), “Have y’all seen a goat around here?” Bob and Larry glanced at each other and then retold the story of the goat running through the forest and jumping into the hole. 

Randy, looking confused (as Montana ranchers named Randy usually are), responded (again with a thick Montana accent), “That couldn’t have been my goat… he was chained to a railroad tie.”

Hot air balloons over Albuquerque

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Zero to 200....

A couple had been debating the  purchase of a new auto for weeks.  He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming  up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please send you donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife."

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. 

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. 

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

*Thanks, Andy

Dumb Jokes

#1 - Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'

#2 - Good Dog!

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse."My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill."What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died."

Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?"

To which the man replied, "Get in line."

#3 - Gone Country

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies, "You must really be doing well!"

"Naw," said the man with a sigh, "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

*Thanks, Andy

A Rare Photo

1911 - Niagara Falls almost completely frozen...

VERY cool commercial...

Read the info first, then watch the clip.

And you thought those people that set up roomfuls of dominos to knock over were amazing. There are no computer graphics or digital tricks in the film. Everything you see really happened in real time exactly as you see it.

The film took 606 takes. On the first 605 takes, something, usually very minor, didn't work. They would then have to set the whole thing up again.

The crew spent weeks shooting night and day. By the time it was over, they were ready to change professions. The film cost six million dollars and took three months to complete including full engineering of the sequence. In addition, it's two minutes

long so every time Honda airs the film on British television, they're shelling out enough dough to keep any one of us in clover for a lifetime.

However, it is fast becoming the most downloaded advertisement in internet history. Honda executives figure the ad will soon pay for itself simply in "free viewings" (Honda isn't paying a dime to have you watch this commercial!).

When the ad was pitched to senior executives, they signed off on it immediately without any hesitation - including the costs.

There are six and only six hand-made Honda Accords in the world. To the horror of Honda engineers, the filmmakers disassembled two of them to make the film.

Everything you see in the film (aside from the walls, floor, ramp, and complete Honda Accord) is parts from those two cars.

The voiceover is Garrison Keillor. When the ad was shown to Honda executives, they liked it and commented on how amazing computer graphics have gotten.

They fell off their chairs when they found out it was for real. Oh, and about those funky windshield wipers. On the new Accords, the windshield wipers have water sensors and are designed to start doing their thing automatically as soon as they become wet.

Click here for the commercial.

Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

                                 

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.