Medical Terminology

Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U

Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark

Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend

Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase

Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane

Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test

Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery

Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood

Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

The Old Couple

The two old boys were rocking back and forth on the front porch of the Happy Trails Gay Senior home. They had been together for more than 50 years, and now they enjoying their golden years at the retirement centre.

Slowly they rocked, in rhythm as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.

Suddenly Bruce stopped, grabbed his cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit Mort across the shins.

Poor old Mort's eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?"

"That's fer fifty years of bad sex," Bruce said.

Mort just nodded his head, saying nothing.

Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly Mort stopped, and picked up his cane.

He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit Bruce across the shins.

As soon as Bruce's eyes quit watering and he could speak he asked, "What was that fer?"

"That," said Mort, as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the difference."

Students Set Naked Roller-Coaster Record

Coaster Does Up To 4 1/2 Gs

Thrill-seeking students went out Friday trying to set a new world record in Surrey, England riding a roller coaster naked.

Braving cold weather and pouring rain, 82 students took their clothes off and boarded one of England's toughest coasters.

It was a successful attempt to set the first world record for the largest number of people to ride a roller coaster naked.

The Nemesis Inferno ride is one of the fastest in the United Kingdom.

It includes several 360-degree turns along a 799-yard course and gravitational pulls up to 4½ times the level normally felt on earth.

Staff at the Thorpe Park theme park organized the event to coincide with the park's 25-year anniversary.

Gas Prices

Gas has just hit close to $1.00 a Litre - Campbell River is at 96.5 - Nanaimo at 91.5. If you want gasoline prices to come down we need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth, offered this good idea: This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the 'don't buy gas on a certain day campaign' that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to hurt ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read it and join the crusade!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at $.80 a litre is super cheap. We all know that we're being screwed by the oil companies. Does everyone remember how they drove up the prices way past a dollar and got the gas prices to where they wanted them, claiming there was a shortage of oil. Well, there isn't any shortage - the oil is more abundant than it was 35 years ago when the price of a litre of gas was 29 cents!!!

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a litre of gas is CHEAP at $0.78-$0.85, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which are now one), PETRO CANADA and SHELL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of PETRO CANADA and SHELL buyers. Its really simple to do!!

I am posting this note as I believe it will reach more than if I email 10 people as I get more than 30 hits in a day. Please feel free to pass on my blog address:

 

https://othersiderainbow.blogspot.com.

 

If each of you send it to at least ten more (50 x 10 = 500) ... and those 500 send it to at least ten more (500 x 10 = 5,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!

Please send this to 10 people.

How long would all that take? If each of you sends this email out to ten people within one day of receipt, all MILLIONS of people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $0.64 OR LESS RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK BUT WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER!!!!!!!

EEC GLOSSARY OF ENGLISH/GERMAN MOTORING TERMS

ACCIDENT - Der bludimessen
BONNET - Pullenob und knucklechopper
BREATHALYSER - Die puffintem fur pistenarsen
CLUTCH - Die kuplink mit sclippen und schaken
CYCLIST - Der pedalpushink pillloken
ESTATE CAR - Der bagerroom fur shaggininauto
EXHAUST - Spitzenpoppen bangentuben
FOOTBRAKE - Der edbangeronvindschreen stoppenquick
GEAR LEVER - Biggensticken fur kangaroojumpen
HEADLIGHTS - Das dippendontdazzelubastad
HIGHWAY CODE - Der wipen fur arsen
INDICATORS - Die plinken tickentocken
JUGGERNAUT - Der fukkengretten trukken
LEARNER - Die twaten mit elplatz
NEAR ACCIDENT - Der fukken nearen schittenselfen
PARKING METER - Der tennerpinscher und klockenwerr
PUNCTURE - Die phlatt mit bludyfukken
SEATBELTS - Der klunkenklicker frauleintrapper
SKID - Der bannanan waltzen
SPEEDOMETER - Das Egoboozta mit Digitsundneedle
TYRES - Flattenfahrts
WINDSCREEN WIPER - Der flippenflappen muckenschpredder

Rosie Back On The Tube!

Click above to read about it!

Sasser One Of Largest Worms To Date

MS: Almost 1.5M download Sasser cleanup tool

Almost 1.5 million Windows customers downloaded a cleanup tool for the Sasser Internet worm in the first two days after Microsoft Corp. began offering the tool on Sunday, according to a Microsoft spokesperson. The number of downloads is one indication of the number of Windows computers infected with Sasser and it is bigger than most estimates from computer security companies. Still, the total number of infected Windows systems could be even higher, especially when infections on computer networks are taken into account, the spokesperson said.

Sasser appeared on Friday and exploits a recently disclosed hole in a component of Windows called the Local Security Authority Subsystem Service, or LSASS. Microsoft released a software patch, MS04-011, on April 13 that plugs the LSASS hole. Sasser had spawned at least four variants, labeled A, B, C and D, as of Tuesday. The worm is similar to an earlier worm, Blaster, because users do not need to receive an e-mail message or open a file to be infected. Instead, just having a vulnerable Windows machine connected to the Internet via communications port number 445 is enough to catch Sasser.

After appearing Friday, the worm spread quickly around the world. Early estimates by the SANS Institute's Internet Storm Center (ISC) put the total number of infected system in the "hundreds of thousands."

As it did with the Blaster worm, Microsoft began offering the Sasser removal tool from its Web site shortly after the worm appeared. The tool, which can be downloaded or run from a Web browser, scans computers for telltale signs of Sasser and then allows the user to remove the worm.
(See: http://www.microsoft.com/security/incident/sasser.asp )

You can find security update 835732 here.

What Sperm REALLY Talk About To Pass The Time On The Long Trip...

"Man CAN Be Replaced..."

Password...

On-Line Orgasm!

Give it a try!

Click here.

Ten reasons to go to work naked..actually 11...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

7. So that-with a little help from Muzak-you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your already exaggerated resume.

8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.

10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

11. No one steals your chair.

Weird Sex Facts

Wizard's Note: Hey! I didn't write em (or measure them! =)

Actual amout of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour

These facts are brought to you by:

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start excercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches

The human equalivent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)

Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds

Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years

Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm

# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.

Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.

Dairy products can create a foul taste.

The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.

ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE.

Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown

Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun.

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis:lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)

Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.

It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an a.m. erection.

Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.

What Goes On When You Sleep...

Strange People (Facts)

Click Below:

"The Penis Poem"

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.


Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring,
But now I ve got a full-time job,
To find the blasted thing.


It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave,
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.


Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!

--Unknown

New Face On Mars Sighted!

This is the one discovered just a few short months ago:



Click on the picture above to see the latest sighting.

Da Vinci Credited With Developing The First Search Engine

Click here.

Robin steals show

Williams schmoozes with Winnipeg Junior Achievement grads
By KATIE CHALMERS -- Winnipeg Sun
WINNIPEG -- It was a graduation to remember.

About 80 high school students celebrating the end of their Junior Achievement program at the Fort Garry Hotel Thursday night got a surprise visit from Robin Williams.

The Oscar-winning actor, now in Winnipeg for the filming of The Big White -- co-starring Oscar winner Holly Hunter, Woody Harrelson and Giovanni Ribisi -- was spotted alone in the hotel lounge by the program's event planner about 9:30 p.m. Valerie Betker said she approached Williams and asked if he'd go upstairs and say a quick hello to the kids. He ended up spending half an hour signing autographs and even broke into an impression of Mrs. Doubtfire.

"They just couldn't believe it. They just went wild when they saw him," Betker said. "He was so gracious. He was so real."

Betker and her husband were marking their 37th wedding anniversary that night so the couple figured they would stop by the hotel lounge for a celebratory drink. But Betker's celebrity encounter quickly sent her back up to the ballroom, a Hollywood star at her side.

Williams' extensive movie resume includes Good Will Hunting, Awakenings, Good Morning, Vietnam and Dead Poets Society.

"I told him it would be a grad to remember, even if he just stuck his head in and said hello. He said he could do that and chatted all the way," Betker said. Williams, who appeared shy at first, told Betker he hadn't slept for hours, yet he managed to transform himself into the off-the-wall personality his fans recognize the moment he stepped off the elevator. "He was so very tired but he was willing to give his time to the kids. They were just thrilled," she said. "He's a real performer. He turned on the charm."

Clamoring for their cameras, the students were quick to steal a pose with Williams, who is expected to be filming in the city until May 18. Student Kyle Gray, 17, said he was floored when a staff member cleared a path through the crowd, announcing Williams was there.

"He got swarmed by everyone," Gray said. "Everybody started shrieking," Patrick Smith, 18, added. When a student asked Williams to sign his program, the actor initially declined, saying he would have to sign everyone's copy, Gray said.

"Then he said, 'Oh, what the hell,' took 20 or 30 other programs and started to sign them," Gray recalled. "He's a really nice guy. He's cool, really energetic." Williams thanked the group for the invitation, said good night and hopped back into the elevator. "It was a really neat experience, almost surreal," Betker said.

The consequences of an instantaneous switch to the metric system in the U.S.

Border Crossing Guards




OOPS!












A hand is a hand, or so I thought....


Metric Scale


Drug Metrics 101


Use Yer Eyes, Man!

Short Takes

Dozens Tossed Into Texas Lake As Party Boat Overturns

AUSTIN, Texas -- All the passengers of a party barge that overturned in a Texas lake have been accounted for.

The barge turned over and sank Sunday in Lake Travis, where the water is at least 50 feet deep.

There were 60 people on the boat -- two received minor injuries.

Witnesses told authorities all the people on the boat moved to one side as it approached a lakeside park called Hippie Hollow. It has the only public nude beach in Texas.

The Austin American-Statesman reports in its online edition that the barge flipped over during Splash Day, a semiannual event hosted by the gay and lesbian communities.

"At Arm's Length"

A Hastings man is appealing for the return of his prosthetic arm which was stolen during a scuffle in the city at the weekend.

Senior Sergeant Greg Bradshaw said a skirmish broke out in Market Street between two people on Friday. One of the combatants had a prosthetic arm which was torn loose in the scuffle. Instead of leaving it behind, the second man then ran off with it.

"He'd like it back," remarked cops.

Cops claim bubble bath attack

HENDERSON, Texas (AP) -- A man set up a bubble bath for his wife, complete with candles and music, then tried to electrocute her by pushing a radio into the tub, authorities say.

William Joseph Wolfe, a 34-year-old emergency room nurse, was arrested Thursday on charges of attempted murder and freed on $40,000 bail.

"It's the kind of case you would expect to see on a 'Columbo' episode," said Police Chief Randy Freeman.

Teresa Wolfe told police her husband had moved the radio from its usual place in the bathroom to a bench near the bathtub, with an extension cord running into another room.

She said she caught the radio before it hit the water and threw it out of the way. She said she later discovered that he had visited Web sites on their home computer dealing with bathtub electrocution.

According to authorities, Wolfe bought a life insurance policy on his wife five months ago.

He could get up to 20 years in prison.

"Sign" Language

Read Row by row, left to right...

Corporate Mergers Gone Too Far...

New "Heads-UP" Display

Now available as an option for your car!

'Simpsons' Cast Settles Salary Dispute

LOS ANGELES - A month after stalled contract renewal talks led the voices of "The Simpsons" to stop work, both the actors and Fox are getting more "D'oh!" Terms of the deal were not announced for the actors who provide the voices for Homer and Marge Simpson and other characters on the long-running animated series.


AP Photo

"We couldn't be happier to have reached a multiyear deal with the enormously talented cast of 'The Simpsons,'" series producer 20th Century Fox Television said Friday in a statement. A spokesman representing the cast said they had no immediate comment. Despite speculation the dispute would shorten the 2004-05 season, the studio said it was optimistic that all 22 planned episodes could be finished.

The loss of even a few episodes of "The Simpsons," a bulwark of Fox TV's schedule, would be financially painful for the network. Each cast member was seeking about $360,000 an episode, or $8 million for the 22-episode, 2004-05 season, the trade paper Daily Variety reported previously. The actors were earning $125,000 an episode. The contract dispute involves Dan Castellaneta (Homer); Julie Kavner (news) (Marge); Hank Azaria (news) (Moe, Apu and others); Harry Shearer (news) (Mr. Burns and others); Yeardley Smith (news) (Lisa) and Nancy Cartwright (Bart), the paper said.


The actors' previous deal, which covered seasons 13, 14 and 15, was reached without complication. In 1998, however, the cast — except for Kavner, who had a previous deal in effect — sought significant pay increases. At that time, the performers made $30,000 an episode from a show that has proved a huge international moneymaker.

Others Could Be Charged in Jackson Case

SANTA MARIA, Calif. - A conspiracy charge against Michael Jackson (news) signals a new direction in the case, one that could include indictments for other people accused of conspiring with the singer to commit the crimes of abduction, false imprisonment and extortion.


AP Photo

Jackson pleaded innocent Friday to a newly unsealed grand jury indictment listing the new conspiracy charge, as well as counts of molestation and giving a child alcohol that were similar to the ones in a previous indictment.


The grand jury indictment said Jackson conspired with "other uncharged co-conspirators and co-conspirators," but the judge ordered that the parts of the indictment identifying them be removed before it was publicly released. The defense and prosecutors declined to say Friday who else may be arrested.


"We have a lot to say and we're going to do our talking in court," Jackson attorney Steve Cochran said.

Checkout Stand Rage Results In Fight

LOWELL, Massachusetts - Checkout rage has officially reached new levels. One too many people brought more items to an express lane than allowed, and a customer snapped. When a 51-year-old woman accidentally bought 13 items in a 12 items or fewer checkout lane, the lady behind her could no longer contain herself. She attacked the shopper outside the store and kicked and punched her. She has since been charged with assault.

A Lowell, Mass., woman faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted of shopping cart rage. Actually, the charges against Karen Morgan, according to the syndicated column The Supermarket Shopper, are assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (her shoe). It seems Morgan objected to Alice Tooks, the shopper in line in front of her, trying to sneak 13 items into a checkout lane that was for 12 items or fewer. The ladies took their dispute outside -- where insults and profanities reportedly escalated to physical combat. Tooks said Morgan shoved her to the ground and kicked her in the head. Morgan claims Tooks was the assailant and that she was only trying to protect herself.

The "Microsoft Shock Treatment"

Duct tape suit stuck in his mind

Randel Metzinger prides himself on being different.

Randel Metzinger wears a pink duct tape suit that he made for his school prom. "Even at school, I try not to have myself classified as anything,'' Randel said. "That just makes me stand out of the crowd and be my own person.''

Randel certainly stood out of the crowd at the Pine Forest High School prom. It's hard not to stand out when you're wearing a hot pink suit emblazoned with black flames at the sleeves and cuffs. It also helps if that suit happens to be made of duct tape.

Randel wore that get-up to the prom, which was held April 24. He doesn't regret his choice of attire a bit, even if it was a little hot under all that sticky tape. Randel, said his mother, Marian Metzinger, is "very artistic.'' He plays more than 10 instruments, including trombone, trumpet, keyboards and guitar.

So when it came time to decide what to wear to the prom, it wasn't surprising that Randel decided to get creative. The duct tape idea had actually been in Randel's head for years. When he was in the eighth or ninth grade, Randel and a friend came across a Web site for a duct tape manufacturer.

The site offered a scholarship to the student who created the most inventive duct tape suit. The idea, well, stuck with Randel. When prom time rolled around, Randel revived the idea of the duct tape suit. "It was just one of those things - 'It would be cool to do this,''' Randel said. "I'll pretty much do anything for a laugh.''

Randel had the full support of his mother, who marvels at her son's creativity. "I told him, 'rock on,''' Marian Metzinger said. Randel used the lining of an old thrift store suit. He had to order the duct tape online - you won't find hot pink duct tape at most Home Depots. It took two layers of tape to get the effect Randel wanted. He used seven rolls of pink tape and two rolls of black for the flame designs on the jacket sleeves and pants cuffs.

To complete the outfit, Randel wore a black shirt and a pair of hot pink duct-taped loafers.

The result was a blindingly bright suit that you could envision Elvis Presley wearing in the 1950s - if Elvis had a thing for duct tape. Needless to say, Randel's duct tape suit got lots of stares at the prom. "Surprisingly, I heard no negative comments, at least to my face,'' Randel said. "None of them were that surprised, because they know me. They expect me to do something different, they're just not sure what.''

86.9? Ridiculous!

Find the cheapest gas near you! With gas going over a buck a litre this summer ya gotta be prepared. Click on the cartoon.

Making Sense Of English

Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

BATMAN BEGINS - Batman In Color!

Hey folks, The Wizard here... not really sure what I think of this. Not really a clear shot, can't see the logo... The suit seems to be a bit bulky - especially in the shoulders... is that shoulder pads? Could be. Nice atmosphere... Can't wait to see this thing moving around. Here it is in color!

ROB AND LAURA ARE RICH NOW

April 29, 2004 -- ROB Petrie must have done OK after leaving the employ of Alan Brady in 1966. In CBS's new, updated edition of "The Dick Van Dyke Show," the Petries - Rob (Dick Van Dyke) and his wife, Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) - live in a Manhattan apartment that's so huge, there's enough room for Laura to run a dancing school for little girls in it.

(Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore)

It's a pretty nice pad for a TV writer, but unfortunately, this one-hour nostalgic special - premiering Tuesday, May 11, at 9 p.m. on CBS/2 - sheds no light on what Rob might have written in the intervening years that would enable him to afford a West Side penthouse of Seinfeldian proportions.

The Petries' Manhattan home - where they've lived for 20 years, according to the special - is a far cry from the modest, but comfortable home they inhabited in New Rochelle on the old "Dick Van Dyke Show," which ran for five seasons on CBS (1961-66).

The Writings on the Stall!

If you're like me, you just can't spend enough time reading in public restrooms. And there's always some guy standing in front of the next chapter on the wall by the urinal. And he seldom wants to be a dear and jot down the phone number. I kid. Comic relief.

But it is nice the computer age brings funny restroom graffiti direct to our screens, the modern bathroom monitors. Of course, we must do without the ambient flushes and floating cigarette butts.

This site is clogged with hundreds of actual messages noted in the Mens and Ladies, Guys and Dolls, Buoys and Gulls. We're told "They serve as (informal) forums for politics, pop culture, humor, and so forth." Please note: Explicit content and they're out of paper towels.

My personal favourite:

University of Colorado
Engineering Building
Boulder, Colorado USA 80023
Men's restroom, ground floor

E=MC2
(And underneath it)
Very nice Albert, next time show your work
Written on the side of a stall, Albert Einstein's famous equation.

The Writings on the Stall!
Entries posted on this site don't necessarily reflect the beliefs of its The Wizard.

Man Says He Thought Dead Teen In Windshield Was Airbag

ST. JEROME, Quebec -- He assumed it was an airbag -- but it turned out to be the body of a teenager he had hit with his car.

A Canadian man who drove around with an 18-year-old's body lodged in his windshield after hitting him has been sentenced to 3.5 years in prison.

Gilles Francoeur pleaded guilty last year to leaving the scene of an accident in Quebec. The man said at a sentencing hearing that he felt an impact while driving home. He said his windshield broke and he saw something on the passenger seat -- but assumed it was the airbag that deployed.

He said it was only after he went home and then out again that he realized a dead body was stuck in the windshield.

Woman who used fake baby in bank robbery pleads guilty

MINNEAPOLIS - A Minneapolis woman who pretended to be carrying a baby before she held up a bank pleaded guilty Thursday to robbing two banks.
Saundra Lee Coleman, 41, pleaded guilty in U.S. District Court to two counts of bank robbery in a Feb. 20 robbery of a TCF Bank in St. Paul and a March 4 robbery of a TCF Bank in Roseville.

In the February heist, prosecutors said Coleman walked into the bank carrying what appeared to be a child wrapped in blankets and demanded money from the teller. It became apparent the pink and blue blankets weren't covering a baby when the woman started shoving the money into them, the FBI said. No sound came from the bundle. Coleman was arrested a few days after the Roseville robbery. She faces as many as 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine on each count when she is sentenced by Chief Judge James Rosenbaum. A sentencing date has not been set.

6 Hours To Do Your Taxes...

If you are in a hurry, just use the new quick file option:

100 Reasons To be Gay...

In celebration of the mirth it caused I thought I’d share it with you all. Aren’t I kind ? If you’re on a random joke list then you might have seen it before, but the oldies are always the best (unless you’re lucky enough to pull some young chicken) and we say share and share alike (unless its an STD).

So, here are 100 reasons to be gay. How many can you own up to?
Click here.

Looks "Ripping"

Hugh Jackman stars as the legendary monster hunter Van Helsing, who wages an ongoing battle to rid the world of its nightmarish creatures...

Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers

This one is for all who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

*Thanks Pammy =)

PC Troubleshooting

Sometime during the life of your PC something will go wrong. Unless you want to pay someone big bucks to fix it, you will need to learn how to troubleshoot it yourself. That is why we have created this section.

If its under warranty, let them do it.

Attempting to troubleshoot your own computer can be a real nightmare. After awhile, you feel like trading your screwdriver for a sledge hammer. I know. I've been there. Before trying to troubleshoot, you must keep a few things in mind:

A computer isn't that complicated. Its just a collection of parts. Do not panic. Chances are that your problem is really pretty simple. What has changed since it last worked? Sometimes one has done some small upgrade that seems unrelated to the problem, but in reality caused the problem to begin with. There are also some things that you should think about:

Beta software: Remember that this software is beta because it still has bugs. Some problems may be the result of this.

Jerry-Rigging: If you have built some strange setup on your computer to "make due", this could result in a problem.(i.e., short cables, missing screws)

Viruses: Scan for viruses. Some of them can do some nasty things.

Here is a list of the current troubleshooting articles:

Check this one thing first

Articles:

REAL Common Network Troubleshooting

by Justin Shin 8/2/2003
A problem/solution type article for some common networking problems.

Mobile PC Tool Kit - What you Need

by David Risley 4/22/2003

A thorough look at the items one may want to have in their own PC repair toolbox. A useful read for anyone about to tackle a PC repair/upgrade/build task using our website.

Before Submitting Contacting Tech Support

by David Risley 3/30/2001
Some basic steps you should take before contacting any tech support.

Windows 95 Error Messages

by David Risley 3/23/2001
A look at some of the common Windows errors and what they mean.