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Monday, June 24, 2019

ANOTHER USE FOR DUCT TAPE

I have to tell you that I have never seen a better use for duct tape in my life. Makes you want to require everyone carry a role for emergencies.



Duct tape... making our world a prettier place to live.

Die! Tink! DIE!

Die Tink DIE!

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Redneck Love Poem

Redneck Love Poem

Hallucination Inducing Video

This video has been carefully designed to create a strong natural hallucination. Set aside a good 30 seconds for your free trip.

Click above to watch the video

TRIBUTE TO STEVE IRWIN

Tribute to Steve Irwin - Click here

Click above

"Billboards"

Post Title is in quotes as these are obviously not real!

Ukrainian Fire Department Story

One dark night outside a small town in Saskatchewan, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."


But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.


From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Dauphin-Yorkton rural township volunteer fire department composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant... and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Yorkton old-timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, Ukrainian firefighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Vell," said Nick Sputski, the 70-year-old fire chief,"..... da furst thing vee gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck."

The Duck & the Devil

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with, out in the woods. He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved.

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes." But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen. Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck? So Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper." Sally just smiled and said," Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help." She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know.

You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you."


Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.). Whatever it is ... You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing ... He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets..... It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.

Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today.

Share this post with a friend and always remember: God is at the window.


*To share this post, click on the "Permanant Link" and paste the new window's address in an email.

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Tickle Me Stupid!

A woman desperately looking for work goes into a toy factory. The Personal Manager goes over her resume and tells her that he has nothing worthy of her. The woman says she really needs work and will take almost anything.

The Personal Manager says he only has a low skilled job on the "Tickle Me Elmo" line. The woman happily accepts. He takes her to the line and explains her duties and that she should report for work at 8:00 AM the next day.


The next day at 8:45 the "Tickle Me Elmo" Line Manager is in the Personnel Manager's office ranting about the woman just hired. After 15 minutes of screaming about how badly backed up the assembly line is the Personal Manager suggests seeing the problem. They head to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. At the end of the line is the woman just hired, she has gathered a big bag of marbles and a roll of the fabric used for making the Elmos. As they watch, she cuts a little piece of fabric places two marble in it and starts sewing it between Elmo's legs.

The Personal Managers starts rolling on the floor laughing.

After 10 minutes, he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says: "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't make myself clear yesterday.

We want you to give Elmo " two test tickles."

Welcome to Saskatchewan

Every Place that has tourists or people passing through our Province should have a copy of this posted.

Thank you for visiting our beautiful province. Here are a few things you ought to know to make your stay more pleasant:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it the hell out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine-years-old. Yeah, we saw Bambi die. We got over it.

4. Any references to "grain fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweetened ice tea. It comes sweetened, you don't need a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house you should bring rye along, and ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town, but we stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat trout, northern pike, walleye (Pickerel) and perch, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them. The more people that leave, the better the hunting & fishing.

15. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

16. Yeah, we have golf courses, more per person than anywhere else on earth. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the fish. And stay out of the woods, that spooks the deer.


Please enjoy your stay.

Weirdly, Meester Fleeentstone....

Strange guy falling and falling
Strange!

Baloney Sandwiches

by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON, WhatWillMatter.com

When Jason, a construction worker, took a sandwich out of his lunch bag, he looked at it and threw it on the ground yelling, “Baloney again! I hate baloney.”

A co-worker said, “If you hate baloney so much, just ask your wife to make you something else.”

Jason replied, “That’s the problem. My wife didn’t make the sandwich. I did.”

Lots of people continually make their own baloney sandwiches and then act as victims when it’s time to eat them. It’s like the man who killed his parents and had the audacity to demand mercy because he was an orphan.

The baloney sandwich is a metaphor for things we do to ourselves that make our lives tougher. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

For some, the problem is personal relationships. Thus, intelligent people driven by loneliness, sexual attraction, irrational romanticism, or a rescue mentality disregard their good sense and core values by repetitively getting involved with people who are bad for them.

Others have baloney sandwich jobs. They ignore their instincts and experience, thinking they can put up with unkind or dishonorable bosses or unfulfilling or demeaning jobs. Sooner or later, unhealthy relationships and unrewarding jobs will become intolerable.

Thomas Huxley said, “Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men.” In other words, every mistake can make us more afraid or wiser.

If you don’t like baloney sandwiches, take control of your life — identify the values that are really important to you and don’t compromise them.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

TEMPER TANTRUM

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five year old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a U.S. Marine Corps uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand and quietly fastens his seat belt.

All the passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the flight attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars and battle ribbons and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose and that I was just about to make my selection for this flight."

The world’s highest battlefield

From Blind To Bounds

With the tragic news of 150 Pakistani soldiers buried alive in an avalanche in the Pakistan base camp at Siachen, it brings back to memory the bitter truths about this conflict.


The Siachen Glacier


The glacier:

• Siachen means ‘the place of wild roses’.

• Siachen glacier is the great Himalayan watershed that demarcates central Asia from the Indian sub-continent, and that separates Pakistan from China in this region.

• It is the world’s second longest non-polar glacier, and thus is sometimes referred to as the third pole.

• It is 70 km long and flows from an altitude of 5750 meters to 3620 meters above sea level.

The conflict:

Siachen is known as the world’s highest battlefield between India & Pakistan. Troops are deployed at elevations of up to 6,700 metres (22,000 feet) at minus 60 degrees C.

• Siachen conflict began in 1984 when both India and Pakistan, began sending mountaineers, in an attempt to lay their claims over the area. Several skirmishes took place till 2003 when a cease fire was declared.

• The roots of the conflict over Siachen lie in the non-demarcations on the map northward to the China boundary beyond NJ9842, which is the line’s “dead end” in the India-Pakistan line of control agreement.

• The 1949 Karachi agreement and the 1972 Simla agreement presumed that it was not feasible for human habitation to survive north of NJ9842.

UN officials presumed there would be no dispute between India and Pakistan over such a cold and barren icy wasteland.

• The contentious area is only 900 square miles (2,300 km2)

• Indians control the length and heights of the glacier including the three passes, while the Pakistanis control the glacial valley. As a result, Pakistanis cannot climb up, and Indians cannot come down.

Together, the two nations have about 150 manned outposts along the glacier, with some 3,000 troops each.

Over 2,000 Pakistani & 4,000 Indian soldiers have died at Siachen conflict. More soldiers have died or handicapped from frost bites, cold and avalanche i.e. harsh weather than combat.

• Official annual figures for maintaining these outposts are put at $300 and $200 million for India and Pakistan respectively.


The strategic importance:

No matter what India and Pakistan may claim about its strategic importance, Dr. Stephen Cohen, a well-known and respected Washington-based South Asia analyst, considers, “Siachen conflict is a fight between two bald men over a comb.”

In his view, “Siachen… is not militarily important… They (Indian and Pakistani armies) are there for purely psychological reasons, testing each other’s ‘will’.”
The talks for demilitarisation of Siachen did take place between India and Pakistan in May 2011, but failed to reach any agreement.

The truth remains that this stretch of icy wasteland holds no political or economic importance to the billion and a half residing on both sides of the border.


soldiers on The Siachen Glacier


Instead of being a battle ground, Siachen should be demilitarized, and to evade the unresolved dispute of AGPL ( actual ground position line) the area could be seen as a ‘common ground’ precious enough to study and conserve the glacier which is under threat due to the climate change. And the billions of rupees used to maintain its cost should be directed at improvement of the plight of the impoverished peoples on both sides.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

Best Coin I Ever Spent

The Sheldon Inversion

The Sheldon Inversion

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The Hypnotist at a Senior Home

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center.

After the community singalong led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show: Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.

"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.

"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch."

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.

The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

They were hypnotized.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact.

"SHIT" said Claude.

It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens Center, and Claude was never invited there again.

Deer Shooting

Deer Shooting

How to confuse an idiot.

How to confuse an idiot movie

What a guy!

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.



My name is John. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Lin. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Lin to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.



Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.



She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining. I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.



But, boys, we take ' em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any -- if you know what I mean. I like to think tact is one of my strong points.



When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.



I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Lin. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.



Signed,

John



EDITOR'S NOTE:

John died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife, Lin, was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that John, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

1942 Flying Fortress

1942 Flying Fortress


December 1942, a year after Pearl Harbor. "Production. B-17 heavy bomber. A nearly complete B-17F 'Flying Fortress' at Boeing's Seattle plant." (Photo by Andreas Feininger for the Office of War Information)

To see a much, MUCH larger picture, click here. You can also order the print.

Twitchy...

Twitchy

The Amphicar



The Amphicar was the only amphibious automobile ever mass-produced for sale to the public. The German vehicle was designed by Hanns Trippel, creator of the war-time Schwimmwagen and manufactured by the Quandt Group at L├╝beck and at Berlin-Borsigwalde. Its name is a combination of "amphibious" and "car".






The powerplant was the 1.1 L (1147 cc/69 in³) engine from the British Triumph Herald. This engine predated the Triumph Slant-4, which was also found in the early SAAB 99. It comes with a power output of 43 hp (32 kW) at 4750 rpm. Called the "Model 770", the Amphicar could achieve speeds of 7 knots in the water and 70 mph (113 km/h) on land. Nevertheless, some would comment that it wasn't a very good car and not a very good boat either because of this modest performance in or out of water.

Production started in 1961, after 1963, cars were assembled from the parts which had been supplied for the over-estimated sales of 20,000 per year, and production ended in 1968. Most cars were sold in the United States. Cars were sold in the UK from 1964. Total production was 3,878 vehicles before the company folded.

Amphicars were plagued with reliability problems, including faulty waterproofing on the engine that occasionally caused it to seize while driving through water (just in case, Amphicars came with an oar) and rapid corrosion of most surfaces. The vehicles have been described as "marginal in water, and not too fun on land", due to the bathtub shaped structure. However, they are one of the few amphibious production cars. The amphicar works well in snow, but has many limitations otherwise.

*Wikipedia


--more--> http://www.amphicar.com/history.htm


**Photo Credit D. B. Austen

Want Asylum? Prove That You're Gay


Same sex in bed


Prove your sexuality, border patrol agents are are telling asylum seekers in the UK. Amid tighter border control in a nation rapidly growing in diversity, England's Home Office and border agency (UKBA) is asking people seeking refuge to "prove" that they are gay and have undergone persecution for their sexuality.


--more at The Guardian

Tru dat!

I have CDO

Reflections

Has music

Reflections - Click here for the Powerpoint

This is a PowerPoint presentation. Click above.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Eye Trick

cool illusion

Baptizing a Newfoundlander

Valerie is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk,when she comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. She proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks Valerie, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

Valerie answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs her and dunks her in the water. He pulls her up and asks the drunk,"Sister have you found Jesus?"

Valerie replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks her into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls her out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my sister?"

Valerie again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks Valerie in the water again ---but this time holds her down for about 30 seconds and when she begins kicking her arms and legs he pulls her up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

Valerie wipes her eyes and catches her breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
HYUK!

True Doctor Stories

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba , Canada


I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester , MA


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered. Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR


I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI


And Finally . . .


A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

--won't admit his name

SO, WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE NOT TO BE PROUD OF?

Canadians fail to practice good hygiene: study

Even though Canadians know hand-washing is important, some would rather just zip up than turn on the tap after going to the bathroom, according to a new international survey.

Almost three quarters of Canadians surveyed (74 per cent) said they understood that regular hand washing could greatly reduce the spread of germs in the home.

However, the report by the Hygiene Council said 12 per cent admitted they didn't wash their hands before eating or handling food. And nine per cent said they didn't wash up after going to the toilet.

"Hand washing is so important," British virologist Dr. John Oxford, chair of the Hygiene Council.

"I can see people washing their hands, like men in men's toilets...They tend to just put their hands under the tap for a couple of seconds and go out and that's not really enough," he told CTV's Canada AM on Friday.

Oxford said for hand-washing to be effective, you need to use soap, and lather up for at least 20 seconds. As a rule, try singing Happy Birthday twice through.

"That will be the time you need to spend washing your hands."

Aside from hand-washing, it's also important the people understand that surfaces need to be cleaned to keep germs away.

"It's not the toilet that's causing problems because most people's toilets are perfectly okay. It's the sink," said Oxford.

"They should be concentrate on cleaning the surfaces in their kitchens, in their home, doorknobs and that sort of thing. That will break the chain of transmission."

The Hygiene Council is a think-tank whose objective is to increase hygiene knowledge around the world. It is made up of infectious disease experts around the world, including Canada's Dr. Low.

Low said people should consider washing their hands about five times a day, but do not be compulsive about it.

"We need a cultural change here,'' Low, chief microbiologist at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto, told The Canadian Press.

"We did it with seatbelts. In Canada, we've done it with smoking. . . . Now we've got to do it with hand hygiene. And I think that it would be a worthy investment.''

The Hygiene Council receives grants from Reckitt Benckiser, which makes home-cleaning supplies such as the Lysol and Dettol disinfectant products.

At least 9,000 people worldwide were surveyed for this latest report, which was also conducted in Britain, Italy, Germany, the United States, South Africa, the United Arab Emirates, India and Malaysia.

For the Canadian survey, 1015 randomly-selected people were interviewed in the second week of August. The results are considered accurate to within 3.1 percentage points, 19 times out of 20.





*With files from The Canadian Press

SO, WHAT DO CANADIANS HAVE TO BE PROUD OF?

1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch
3. The size of our footballs fields and one less down
4. Baseball is Canadian
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Apple pie is Canadian
9. Mr. Dress-up kicks Mr. Rogers butt
10. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts butt
11. In the war of 1812, started by America, Canadians pushed the Americans back...past their 'White House'. Then we burned it...and most of Washington.
12. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
13. We have the largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war to anyone. anywhere. EVER.
14. Our civil war was fought in a bar and it lasted a little over a half hour.
15. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
17. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company. (Updated - SOLD TO THE NRDC in theUS!!!!)
18.We don't marry our kin-folk.
19. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, the telephone and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
20. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
21. A Canadian invented Superman.
22. We have brightly coloured money.
23. Our beer advertisments kick butt
24. Coffee Crisp
25. We don't bomb our allies
26. Our elections only take one day
 

 BUT MOST IMPORTANT:

28. The handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.

I AM CANADIAN!!!

Click here for a powerpoint presentation from Canada!
(~4.3MB - if you need the Powerpoint viewer, click here.)