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Friday, November 16, 2018

5 indisputable facts


1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

The Definitive Answer To 20 Of Your Biggest Health Questions



"Aha! C'est un clue!"


Does olive oil prevent heart disease?

Short answer: Yes
The health benefits of olive oil come from the presence of polyphenols, antioxidants that reduce the risk of heart diseases and cancers.

But to get these healthy compounds, consumers should buy good-quality, fresh "extra-virgin" olive oil, which has the highest polyphenol content. Most commercially available olive oils have low levels of polyphenols associated with poor harvesting methods, improper storage, and heavy processing.



Do cough syrups work?

Short answer: No
In 2006, the nation's chest physicians agreed that the majority of over-the-counter cough medicines don't actually work.

These colorful syrups typically contain doses of codeine and dextromethorphan that are too small to be effective.

Only cough suppressants that contain older antihistamines seem to relieve coughs. That includes brompheniramine, an active ingredient in Dimetapp.



Do sugary soft drinks lead to diabetes?

Short answer: Yes
The majority of health research is stacked against sugar-sweetened soda. A large 2004 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that women who drank one or more sugary drinks per day increased their risk of developing type 2 diabetes by 83% compared to those who consumed less than one of these beverages per month.



Do I need sunscreen with more than 30 SPF?

Short answer: No
Sunscreens with an SPF (sun protection factor) of 30 block about 97% of ultraviolet rays,
While sunscreens with an SPF of higher than 30 block 97%-98%. It's more important that you choose "broad-spectrum" sunscreen, meaning it protects against both UVB and UVA rays.

Sunbathers also need to apply a generous amount of sunscreen in order to get the full benefit of the SPF.



Is the MSG in Chinese food likely to give you a headache?

Short answer: No
A review of 40 years of clinical trials, published in the journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners in 2006, found that all previous research "failed to identify a consistent relationship between the consumption of MSG and the constellation of symptoms that comprise the syndrome," including headaches and asthma attacks.

The misconception spawned from several poorly-done small studies in the 1960s that seemed to connect MSG with a variety of maladies that people experienced after eating at Chinese restaurants.



Do nuts make you fat?

Short answer: No
As much as 75% of a nut is fat. But eating fat doesn't necessarily make you fat. The bigger factor leading to weight gain is portion-size.

Luckily, nuts are loaded with healthy fats that keep you full. They're also a good source of protein and fiber. One study even found that whole almonds have 20% less calories than previously thought because A lot of the fat is excreted from the body.



Is walking as effective as running?

Short answer: Yes
Studies have shown that how long you exercise and thus how many calories you burn is more important than how hard you exercise. Running is a more efficient form of exercise, but not necessarily better for you.

A six-year study published in the journal Arteriosclerosis, Thrombosis, and Vascular Biology in April found that walking at a moderate pace and running produced similar health benefits, so long as the same amount of energy was expended.



Is drinking fruit juice as good for you as eating fruit?

Short answer: No
Calorie for calorie, whole fruit provides more nutritional benefits than drinking the pure juice of that fruit. That's because when you liquefy fruit, stripping away the peel and dumping the pulp, many ingredients like fiber, calcium, vitamin C, and other antioxidants are lost.

For comparison, a five-ounce glass of orange juice that contains 69 calories has .3 grams of dietary fiber and 16 milligrams of calcium, whereas an orange with the same number of calories packs 3.1 grams of fiber and 60 milligrams of calcium.



Are all wheat breads better for you than white bread?

Short answer: No
Not all wheat breads are created equal. Wheat breads that contain all parts of the grain kernel, including the nutrient-rich germ and fiber-dense bran, must be labeled "whole grain" or "whole wheat." 

Some wheat breads are just white bread with a little bit of caramel coloring to make the bread appear healthier, according to Reader's Digest.



Can a hot tub make me sick?

Short answer: Yes
Hot tubs, especially ones in spas, hotels, and gyms are perfect breeding grounds for germs. The water is not hot enough to kill bacteria, but is just the right temperature to make microbes grow even faster.

Even though hot tubs are treated with chlorine, the heat causes the disinfectant to break down faster than it would in regular pools. The most common hot tub infection is pseudomonas folliculitis, which causes red, itchy bumps. A more dangerous side-effect of soaking in a dirty Jacuzzi is a form of pneumonia known as Legionnaire's disease.

This is what reportedly sickened more than 100 people at the Playboy Mansion back in 2011.



Does coffee cause cancer?

Short answer: No
Coffee got a bad rap in the 1980s when a study linked drinking coffee to pancreatic cancer. The preliminary report was later debunked.

More recently, health studies have swung in favor of the caffeinated beverage. Coffee has been linked to a lower risk of type 2 diabetes, Parkinson's disease, liver cancer, and even suicide.



Do eggs raise cholesterol levels?

Short answer: No
Although egg yolks are a major source of cholesterol a waxy substance that resembles fat researchers have learned that saturated fat has more of an impact on cholesterol in your blood than eating foods that contain cholesterol.

"Healthy individuals with normal blood cholesterol levels should now feel free to enjoy foods like eggs in their diet every day," the lead researcher from a 25-year University of Arizona study on cholesterol concluded.



Can you drink too much water?

Short answer: Yes
It is very rare for someone to die from drinking too much water, but it can happen. Overhydrating is most common among elite athletes. Drinking an excess of water, called water intoxication, dilutes the concentration of sodium in the blood leading to a condition known as hyponatremia.

The symptoms of hyponatremia can range from nausea and confusion to seizures and even death in severe cases. To avoid this, drink fluids with electrolytes during extreme exercise events.



Can yogurt ease digestive problems?

Short answer: Yes
Our digestive tract is filled with microorganisms some good and some bad. Yogurt contains beneficial bacteria, generically called probiotics, that helps maintain a healthy balance.

Probiotics can relieve several gastrointestinal problems, including constipation and diarrhea. Certain brands of yogurts, like Activa by Dannon, are marketed exclusively to treat tummy issues.



Do whitening toothpastes whiten teeth more than regular toothpastes?

Short answer: No
Whitening toothpastes usually contain peroxides and other strong abrasives that might make your teeth appear whiter by removing stains. Unlike at-home whitening strips and gels that contain bleach, these toothpastes do not actually change the color of your teeth.



Is it safe to microwave food in plastic containers?

Short answer: Yes
But the plastic container should display the words "microwave safe." This means that the Food and Drug Administration has tested the container to make sure no chemicals used to make the plastic leech into foods during microwaving.

If chemicals do seep out into food, the amounts are tiny and not dangerous to our health. As a general guideline, plastic grocery bags as well as most plastic tubs that hold margarine, yogurt, cream cheese, and condiments are not microwave safe.



Can watching TV ruin your eyesight?

Short answer: No
Watching TV will not destroy your rods and cones as the outdated myth suggests. Before the 1950s, TVs emitted radiation that could increase an individual's risk of eye problems after excessive TV viewing.

Modern TVs have special shielding that blocks these harmful emissions.



Is red wine better for you than white wine?

Short answer: Yes
Red wine contains much more resveratrol than white wine, an antioxidant found in the skin of grapes that has been shown to fight off diseases associated with aging.



Is bottled water better for you than tap water?

Short answer: No
Bottled water is no safer or purer than tap water, although it is substantially more expensive. A recent study by Glasgow University in the U.K. found that bottled water is actually more likely to be contaminated than water from your faucet because it is less well-regulated. Bottled water and tap water typically come from the same sources as natural springs, lakes, and aquifers. While public water supplies are tested for contaminants every day, makers of bottled water are only required to test for specific contaminants every week, month, or year.

Story from a Minnesota State Trooper


Coming Out is not easy


Coming Out Tips - when you're married
From Ramon Johnson,
Your Guide to Gay Life.

Coming Out Tips - General
Provides information on coming out of the closet and transitioning to an openly gay lifestyle.

Dust Bunnies in Your Closet by Joe Kort
Gay pride and coming out advice from gay therapist Joe Kort.

Being Young and Gay
Young gay people often find it difficult to hide being gay, but fear how their family or friends will react. Get advice on being young and gay.

I Think I'm Gay. Does This Mean I'm Not Normal?
One of the most frequently asked questions about coming out of the closet.

How Do I Know If I'm Gay?
One of the most frequently asked questions about coming out of the closet.

I know why there are so many rabbits on the golf courses down there




A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary . . Mary. .."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona!!!!

The Happy Woman


A PowerPoint Presentation. Click here.

If you need the PowerPoint viewer click here.

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Will Rogers

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.




ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.


And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

The Star-Trek Apartment

My favourite!

You know, we all say we'd like to have our own transporter rooms, but so few of us ever bother to make one. Interior design genius Tony Alleyne (www.24thcid.com) owes a tremendous debt to "Star Trek: The Next Generation," not only for inspiring his insanely wonderful apartment, but also for generating enough mainstream acceptance of the franchise to entice non Betazoid women through the door.

Alleyne used Vellman digital audio playback modules to provide authentic ST sound effects, plus Vossystems voice-activation gear and loads of AEI Security Systems remote controls. No word on whether he hires a flunky in a red shirt to stage spark-showered deaths at parties. Located in the neutral zone of Hincley, Leicestershire in the UK, Alleyne recently posted a stellar $1 million USD asking price for his unearthly domicile on eBay. Say, wasn't money supposed to disappear by the 24th century?

To view his apartment, click below:

click here

Creepy Text Theatre NSFW!



Language warning. Do NOT watch at work!

Test for old 'kids'



This is a test for us, old kids! The answers are posted below, but don't you cheat.

READY????? Here we go!

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?____________

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The __________________ Show.

03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."

04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed ___________________."


05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, _____________."

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."

07. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S", Nestle's makes the very best _______________."

08. Satchmo was America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________

10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "_______________".

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their____________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died." This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________.











ANSWERS:

01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion sleeps tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader, and "Good Night, and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop

Very Cool Illusions!


Click above to go to pleated-jeans.com

ALZHEIMER'S EYE TEST



Count every "F" in the following text:


FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...



(SEE BELOW)


HOW MANY ?






..................... 3?







WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !


Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.




The reasoning is:

The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what?



Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy!
And keep them occupied for several minutes.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

11 Wonderfully Weird Facts You Might Not Know About 'Weird Al' Yankovic


The Huffington Post | By Christine Dalton

'Weird Al' Yankovic

Get out your accordion, crank up the weirdness, and get ready to laugh because today is "Weird Al" Yankovic day!

Our beloved prince of parody turns 55 today, so we thought we'd share 11 tidbits about Weird Al that you might not know. Check them out below!

1
Yankovic has been playing the accordion since age 7.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
 Getty
Well, to be exact, one day before his seventh birthday, October 22, 1966.

2
He was the valedictorian of his high school class.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Getty
Some inspiration for "White and Nerdy?"

3
The "Weird Al" nickname started while he was studying architecture at Cal Poly.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Getty
At California Polytechnic State University at San Luis Obispo, Yankovic hosted a radio show under the moniker "Weird Al."

4
His first single, "My Bologna," was also born during his college days.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Getty
Yankovic recorded his introductory parody (of The Knack's song "My Sharona") in a college bathroom.

5
"Ricky," an "I Love Lucy" themed parody of Toni Basil's hit "Mickey," was his first song to crack the Top 100.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
AP
He achieved this feat in 1983. Since then, he's had 10 more Top 100 hits.

6
Coolio is the only artist who did not give Yankovic permission to parody his song.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Amazon
A breakdown in communication between Yankovic, Coolio, and Coolio's record label led to the release of the "Gangsta's Paradise" parody against Coolio's wishes. Yankovic sent a personal apology and now only acquires permission directly from the artist.

7
He was rejected from working at McDonald's.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Getty
The Golden Arches turned down his post-college application because he was overqualified.

8
"Like a Surgeon" is the only parody idea that Yankovic did not come up with himself.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Vinyl Tap
Madonna asked if he was going to turn "Like A Virgin" into the doctor-themed parody. So he did.

9
He has won three Grammy Awards.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
WireImage
Yankovic won Best Comedy Recording for "Eat It" (1984), Best Concept Music Video for "Fat" (1985), and Best Comedy Album for "Poodle Hat" (2003).

10
The number 27 creeps up in many of Yankovic's songs.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
Vinyl45s
He first started using the number because it was a "pretty funny number." When fans started noticing the references, though, he started integrating it into his work more often. For example, on the Michael Jackson parody, "Fat," he claims to have eaten every Twinkie on 27th Avenue.

11
His most recent album, "Mandatory Fun," is the first comedy album to debut at number 1 in over 50 years.

'Weird Al' Yankovic
AP
Long live "Weird Al!"

The Values Our Kids Learn From Others


by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON on OCTOBER 22, 2014
in COMMENTARIES, PARENTING, FAMILY, RELATIONSHIPS, THE GOOD LIFE

Blessed with the opportunities and obligations of raising four young daughters, my wife Anne and I are profoundly aware of the importance of instilling good values that will help them become capable, honorable and happy adults. I think we’re doing a pretty good job, but we know that isn’t enough.

Frankly, we’re worried about the values and character of your kids or anyone’s children who may befriend or eventually date or marry our girls. And we worry about what our kids are learning in classrooms, playgrounds and sports fields about things like honesty and honor, respect and responsibility, kindness and compassion, and service and self-discipline.

Sure, parents are children’s primary source of moral education, but the lessons taught at home — through example as well as words — may be confirmed or repudiated by peers or from the values explicitly and implicitly promoted in school and extracurricular activities. Contrary to uninformed or cynical assertions, there’s ample and mounting evidence that well-designed efforts to instill and strengthen core ethical values can have a dramatic, positive impact on the attitudes and behaviors that constitute character.

That’s why I’m such an ardent advocate of purposeful and pervasive character education. I want teachers, coaches and other adults who help shape the attitudes and habits of children to consciously and competently reinforce positive character traits like trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and good citizenship.

Get your free resources at CharacterCounts.org.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

The door???


Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was ? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.

animated door opening outside

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an Event Boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.


Thank goodness for studies like this. It's not our age, it's that darn door!


Did I post this already from the other room?

WHEN GOD SENDS HELP !

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.

Within 5 minutes a motorcycle pulled up, driven by a big bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.

She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You so much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a "PROFESSIONAL"

Is GOD great or what!?!

Can You See it?


cow faces illusion
Once you see it, you won't be able to "un-see" it

The Outhouse Poem !!



The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.


With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.


He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Your Yearly Dementia Test


(only 4 questions)


Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.
Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you're losing it or not.

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.



#1. What do you put in a toaster?






Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else. And, try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question #2.


# 2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?






Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.



# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks anda pink house is made from pink bricks anda black house is made from black bricks,what is a green house made from?






Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this??? PLEASE, go lie down! But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.





# 4. Do not use a calculator for this:

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia ..
In Staten Island , 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden , 6 people get off and 3 get on.

You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.


Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?







Answer:  Oh, for crying out loud!



Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!

PUPPY BOUQUETS


PUPPY BOUQUETS

PUPPY BOUQUETS

PUPPY BOUQUETS

Dad gum thing works!


Did you smart computer guys know this?

Computer email Info :


I just found this out and thought I'd pass this on. It's very useful when trying to read small print (especially in the early hours). If you hold down the 'Ctrl' key on your key board and then turn the small wheel in the middle of your mouse away from you or towards you, the print size will change - it will either get larger or smaller - depending on which way you turn the wheel ...

Try it.

Sylvester Catches Tweety


Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety...(wait for it. It's worth it)... then scroll down...




















This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?

0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec-1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Mr Bush
5 min-1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot...