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Sunday, September 30, 2018

“Went Fishing... Caught 4 Deer”

Deer

A once in the history of mankind kind of thing… The Best Day of Fishing Ever! Some fishing stories are a little hard to believe but this guy has pictures to prove his story. I've heard of salmon jumping into boats, but never anything quite like this.

Tom Satre told the Sitka Gazette that he was out with a charter group on his 62-foot fishing vessel when four juvenile black-tailed deer swam directly toward his boat.

Deer

"Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed. I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it! Once on board, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering."

Deer

"This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest. We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help.

Deer

This is me carrying the little guy.

Deer

My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well!"

I told you! Awesome!

Our Lord works in mysterious ways...

Tom Satre and the rescued deer

"Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear." - Mark Twain

Tom Satre

12 Crazy and Interesting Facts About Sperm

by Jessica Booth, gurl.com

Sperm Can Live In Your Body For Longer Than You Think

A common myth about sperm is that it dies the instant it hits the air, so you definitely can't get pregnant if a guy ejaculates on your leg or outside of your vagina. But this isn't exactly true. Sperm can actually live in your body for up to five days, depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. If you just had your period, sperm can probably only last for a day or two, but if you have "optimal mucus" down there, they can live for longer. Condoms, everybody. Condoms.
Source: Gurl.com

His Diet Affects How Semen Tastes

If you thought that all semen tastes the same, think again. A dude's diet can change how his semen tastes. If he eats a lot of red meat, dairy products, onions, garlic and coffee, chances are, the taste isn't going to be great. But if he eats a lot of fruit, vegetables, maintains a healthy weight, exercises regularly, doesn't smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, his semen probably won't taste so bad. Another bonus for doing all of that stuff? His body will produce more sperm.
Source: Gurl.com

There Is Only A Little Sperm In Each Ejaculation

Not ALL of that semen your guy just ejaculated is made of sperm. In fact, sperm only makes up about 5 percent of that ejaculation. The rest of the stuff is a bunch of nutrients and protective substrate, which help these swimmers get to the egg.
Source: Gurl.com

When They Aren't Ejaculated, Where Do Sperm Go?

Have you ever wondered where sperm go when they're not ejaculated with the rest of a guy's semen? Yeah, me neither, but now that I asked you're probably wondering! Apparently, these rejected sperms get broken down and reabsorbed by his body. Eek!
Source: Gurl.com

You Can Be Allergic To Sperm

Sorry guys, but it's true - people can totally be allergic to sperm. It happens when your body reacts to a certain protein in the semen and a lot more women suffer from it than you think. The symptoms are often misdiagnosed and include pain, redness and swelling in the vaginal area during and after sex. The good news? It's treatable!
Source: Gurl.com

His Body Thinks Sperm Are Germs

A man's body sees his sperm as germs. This is because they don't become active until a boy hits puberty, which is also when he starts developing a tolerance to different diseases. The testicles protect the sperm from the immune system with a blood-testis barrier.
Source: Gurl.com

Sperm Live In A Cold Environment

In order to produce healthy sperm, a guy's testicles have to stay about 7 degrees cooler than his ordinary body temperature. Another interesting facts? When dudes cross their legs, their testicles can get up to two degrees hotter.
Source: Gurl.com

There Are Male and Female Sperm

I personally never knew this, but sperm has a gender! There are both male and female sperm. The males might be faster than the females but guess what? The females are stronger. Boo-yah.
Source: Gurl.com

Sperm Wear Hats!

Okay, not real hats, but they definitely look like they're wearing a hat. The coolest thing about their oval shaped heads are that they act as a drill to make a hole in the female egg. So useful!
Source: Gurl.com

Sperm Are Not Great With Directions

While sperm may be super fast swimmers, that doesn't mean they're great with direction. They can only swim forwards, but that doesn't mean they know where they're going. A chemical substance from the egg sort of guides sperm to it, but they don't always listen. Actually, only 1 in 5 sperm will start swimming the right way after ejaculation. Oh, and most of them can't swim in a straight line - they'll go in circles instead sometimes. Silly sperm!
Source: Gurl.com

Sperm Wasn't Discovered Until The 1600's

The world wasn't always informed about sperm. In fact, we didn't even know these little guys existed until 1677, when a Dutch microscope-maker Antony van Leeuwenhoek decided to put his own semen (most likely) under a microscope. He discovered little sperms swimming around.
Source: Gurl.com

Sperm Can Be Really Weird Looking

Not all sperm are made exactly the same! Healthy sperm will - they should have a smooth oval head and a long tail - but not-so-healthy sperm will be a little, well, weird looking. Actually, most of a dude's sperm is weird looking. Some of them might have two heads, heads that are way too small or way too big, a bent tail or neck, multiple tails or broken tails. So much can go wrong!
Source: Gurl.com

Read more at gurl.com

So, What Makes Us Happy?

by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON in COMMENTARIES, GRATITUDE, WhatWillMatter.com

There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness.

For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well being.

Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s the way we choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said, “People are generally about as happy as they’re willing to be.” A Buddhist proverb tells us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

So, what are the most common attributes of happy people? Well, it’s not money, fame, or good looks. It’s not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal relationships.

The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy your family and friends.

Sadly, simple is not always easy.

People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It’s one thing to say happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get; it’s quite another to really be satisfied with what we have.

For many people, it takes discipline and practice to think positively.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing one’s perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what’s required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment, or envy, and instead force one’s mind toward good thoughts, including all the things we should be grateful for.

Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive attitude is also important in forming and sustaining meaningful relationships – seeing and bringing out the best.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Gratitude | Louie Schwartzberg | TEDxSF

Badgers, Mushrooms, and A Snake

Badgers, Mushrooms, and a Snake. Click here

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100 Ways To Live To 100

100 ways to live to 100. Click here

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Saturday, September 29, 2018

MLK

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.

Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.!

Air bag's? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, or cough..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires...


--This essay was written by Linda S Amstutz in 2003, originally entitled "Trade In Wanted" and published by the Ozark Senior Living Newspaper in November 2003.

Redneck Scrap Book...

"Duel" Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes

TRIBUTE TO STEVE IRWIN

Tribute to Steve Irwin - Click here

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What is the name of man in the fridge who turns off the light - and why is he named that?

From Answers.com, edited by The Wizard
There is a little man who lives in the fridge. I have seen him. You have to open the door quick enough and you can see him running away. He is about 2 inches tall and where a green shirt and overalls.

* His name is Yahootie. I am unsure of the spelling. He lives in the refrigerator and hides out in there, usually behind the milk. He comes out of the refrigerator and will turn on the lights in the kitchen and leave them on. My dad would always blame Yahootie whenever no one in the family would admit to leaving lights or not putting things back where they belong. My dad knew knew this little guy very well.

* I heard this little guy's name was used in WWII as a password. If you didn't know his name you could get shot! I think this was an advertising gimmick. I believe the little man is named "Monty" and he was responsible for shutting off the light in refrigerators sold by Montgomery Ward.

Friday, September 28, 2018

The 23 Solutions To Your Most Pressing First World Problems

The 23 Solutions To Your Most Pressing First World Problems
Click above to see the rest at Buzz Feed
When you get in some moments in your life when you can’t find the solution for problems, don’t think bad, because all you need to do is down on these photos. Remember these tricks and you will have happy life.

Who am I?

Who am I?

In the beginning of a song, I was extolled for not being afraid to:

1. die
2. be killed in nasty ways
3. be mashed into a pulp
4. have my eyes gouged out
5. have my elbows broken
6. have my kneecaps split
7. have my body burned away
8. have my limbs all hacked and mangled, nor
9. have my head smashed in, my heart cut out, my liver removed, my bowels unplugged, or my bottom burnt off.

Who am I? Click here.

A Flowchart to Determine What Religion You Should Follow

A Flowchart to Determine What Religion You Should Follow

These People Died After Selfies (14 Photos)

Not sure of validity. Click on the image for more at The Listicles

The Most Craziest Fart Story Ever!



Click above to read the rest of the story at Listicles.com

The Wiz's Quiz - No Pun In Ten Did...

I dream of Jeanie, She's a light brown hare.
Get out your pencil and paper. Answers are below Pun 10...

1. While vacationing in Paris, I thought I might enjoy this soft, creamy cheese, originally from Normandy; however, I found I ___________ it. What name of a cheese made from cow's milk and given to French soldiers of World War I would create a pun when put into the above blank?
a) Gruyere
b) Madredet
c) Beaufort
d) Camembert

2. Obviously, I was still hungry, so I set about finding something else I could eat. I had a hankering for fish and visited a local seafood restaurant. The waiter informed me I'd come to the right plaice and offered me the catch of the day. After I took a moment to mullet over, I decided to try it just for the ____________. Which word below, considered the largest of the flatfish and popular with Catholics, would create a pun when inserted into the blank above?

a) tuna
b) turbot
c) sole
d) halibut

3. I eventually left the restaurant, strolled down the avenue, and came to a pet shop that caught my attention. Upon entering it, I was curious about a creature that looked somewhat like a lizard. I inquired about it of the store's clerk and was informed that this animal was not for sale, was not a reptile at all, and interestingly could regenerate various parts of its body as well as secrete potent toxins from its skin. The clerk told me its name was Tiny, and when I asked why, he said, "Because it's my ______." What animal name below fills this blank to create the appropriate pun?

a) newt
b) salamander
c) toad
d) caecilian

4. I then asked the clerk about a large cat that seemed to have free range of the store but was currently sleeping on the seat of a recliner. He informed me, "This feline was a gift to me from a visitor from China, and I call him _________________." Fill in the blank with the name of an individual who was a wealthy farmer's son who eventually became a revolutionary and the founding father of the People's Republic of China.

a) Chiang Kai-shek
b) Longqing Emperor
c) Sun Yat-sen
d) Chairman Mao

5. I left the store and came to a bar, where I saw a sign that all people of the medical profession could drink for free. Luckily, I am a doctor, so I entered, informed the bartender of my occupation, and told her I'd like a daiquiri. Interestingly, she crushed up some large nuts and mixed them with the sugar, lime juice, rum, and crushed ice. I asked what she called this concoction, and she replied, "It's __________ daiquiri, doc." The blank should be filled with the name of a tree whose wood was once used frequently for baseball bats and is currently used for its flavoring of smoked or barbecued meats.

a) a walnut
b) an acorn
c) a chestnut
d) a hickory

6. Feeling refreshed, I decided to entertain myself at the local zoo. While there, I passed a man eagerly standing and watching a large exhibit filled with various antelope. Though he held a camera as if he were ready to shoot, he was taking no pictures. Around five o'clock, I was leaving the zoo and saw the same man watching the antelope and taking no pictures. Curious, I asked him what he was doing. He cheerfully replied, "I'm waiting for the evening ______." Fill in the blank with the name of an antelope of southern Africa that is also referred to by another name derived from the Afrikaans language.

a) gnus
b) gerenuks
c) kudus
d) gemsboks

7. That evening I decided to take a tour of some of the city's older streets by riding in a horse-drawn carriage. The driver informed me that his horse was a genius as it had mastered math, physics, and history. However, he complained that the horse could not comprehend philosophy. I told him I thought that proved that you can't put __________ before the horse. Fill the blank with the name of a French philosopher known as the creator of analytic geometry and for never getting out of bed before eleven in the morning.

a) Abelard
b) Pascal
c) Foucault
d) Descartes

8. The next morning, I lay in bed late and read the daily newspaper. I read an article about someone who nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. The thief had masterfully broken into the museum and defeated all of its security measures but then was arrested only two blocks away after he foolishly allowed his Econoline to run out of fuel. In a statement, the thief remarked, "I had no __________ to buy ________ to make the ________." Fill in the blanks consecutively with the painter of "Haystacks", the painter of "After the Bath", and the painter of "Irises".

a) Renoir, Picasso, Da Vinci
b) Monet, Degas, Van Gogh
c) Pollock, Cassat, Gauguin
d) Dali, Durer, Caravaggio

9. Further into the newspaper, I read an article about a woman of an Anabaptist denomination who had been arrested for bigamy. Apparently, she liked two ____________. Which term below would complete the pun? It is a name used to denote an individual who belongs to a Christian sect known for its pacifism and founded by Simons of Friesland, a northwest section of The Netherlands.

a) Amish
b) Huguenot
c) Swedenborgian
d) Mennonite

10. After a late lunch, I returned to the bar where I'd had the daiquiri. However, this time I was in the mood for a different drink and requested the interestingly named Charles Dickens martini. The bar tender responded, "________________________?" To complete the pun, what is the title of Dickens' second novel, one that exposes society's cruel and exploitative treatment of children and one that was criticized as anti-Semitic because of Dickens' portrayal of a Jewish character?

a) David Copperfield
b) Oliver Twist
c) Great Expectations
d) Martin Chuzzlewit




1. Correct Answer: Camembert
I found I "camembert" it or I "cannot bear" it. The original Camembert cheese was created by Marie Harel in Normandy, France, in 1791. She used raw milk, but society's current health standards usually require that cheese be produced from pasteurized milk; thus, the Camembert that most people eat today is not true Camembert. After Camembert ripens through the use of the penicillium candidum fungus, it has a white rind that is meant to be eaten with the creamy interior cheese.

2. Correct Answer: halibut
I tried the fish for the "halibut" or for the "hell of it." The word "halibut" comes from the combination of the words "haly" (holy) and "butt" (flatfish), a term applied to the fish after it began to be quite popular with Catholics as a meal on various holy days. Another point of interest is that the halibut in its earliest stages of life has an eye on either side of its head; however, as the fish matures into an adult, one eye gradually moves to the other side of the head so that the fish looks like a typical flatfish with two eyes on one side. Meanwhile, if you can think of some better fish puns than those I used in the question, let minnow it.

3. Correct Answer: newt
While salamander would fit the description, particularly since newts are a particular kind of salamander, the word "newt" is the only word that completes the pun: the animal was named Tiny because it's "my newt" or "minute." The newt has cells that scientists believe are very similar to cells that would normally create tumors in human beings yet allow the newt to regenerate lost limbs and eyes as well as damaged spinal and cardiac tissue. Also, the newt's skin secretes toxins that serve as a defense mechanism against those predators that might consider making a meal of the creature. In fact, the rough-skinned newt's toxin is so potent that it would kill a human being if he or she ingested it. Interestingly, most garter snakes have developed a tolerance of the newt's toxicity and thus are one of the newt's only predators. By the way, the newt is, indeed, not a reptile but rather an amphibian that spends part of its life as an aquatic animal and has gills during its early stages of development. The word "newt" comes from the Old English term for the animal--"euft" or "ewt"; "newt" came about as more and more people blended the "n" from the article "an" that often occured in speech before the word "ewt."

4. Correct Answer: Chairman Mao
While the cat is sleeping in a recliner, referring to him as a Chairman seems appropriate, but, more significant is the pun on "Mao" or "Meow," the sound a cat is said to make. Mao Zedong (Tse-tung) was born the day after Christmas in 1893 and died in September of 1976. He was married four times and had ten children. Mao's father was a harsh disciplinarian and frequently beat his children. When Mao was thirteen years old, his father forced him to marry a seventeen-year-old girl so that the two families could unite their wealth for greater power and prestige; however, Mao, showing his revolutionary spirit even at a young age, refused to recognize the girl as his wife and ran away. Locally disgraced, the wife eventually died three years later. Of note, Mao's military strategy was influenced not only by Napoleon but also George Washington.

5. Correct Answer: a hickory
"A hickory daiquiri, doc" would create a pun of the line from the nursery rhyme "Hickory dickory dock." The hickory tree's wood is so strong and hard that it is frequently used for handles in tools, various carts, spokes in wheels, drumsticks, skis, and golf clubs. It was formerly used for baseball bats but has since been replaced by ash. Andrew Jackson was given the nickname "Old Hickory" because of his often perceived harsh and unbending personality. Interestingly, the hickory nut is not truly a botanical nut but rather a drupe, much like the fruit of a peach tree. The nuts of some species of hickory trees are tasty; however, many are rather bitter and serve better as an ingredient to various foods marketed for animals.

6. Correct Answer: gnus
The man with the camera appears to be waiting for the evening "gnus" or "news." The gnu is also known as the wildebeest, and there are two main varieties: the blue wildebeest (or the brindled gnu) and the black wildebeest (or the white-tailed gnu). Gnus are quite noisy creatures, apparently. They are known to make a variety of sounds, including moans and explosive snorts. They also make a groaning sound to indicate to other members of the herd that danger is nearby, at which the herd reacts by stampeding.

7. Correct Answer: Descartes
Putting "Descartes" before the horse is a pun on the expression "putting 'the cart' before the horse." Rene Descartes lived from 1596 to 1660 and is sometimes referred to as the father of modern philosophy. Not only were his mathematical theories essential to the eventual discovery of calculus, but his radical thinking caused him to become one of the primary influences during the scientific revolution. He refused to accept any previous teachings or the data gathered by his own physical senses as unquestionable and infallible. Of course, he is very widely known for the statement he believed must be used as the foundation or beginning of all other knowledge: "Cogito ergo sum" or "I think; therefore, I am." His works were at one point banned by the Catholic Church.

8. Correct Answer: Monet, Degas, Van Gogh
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh" or "I had no money to buy the gas to make the van go." Oscar Claude Monet, the French Impressionist painter, lived from 1840 to 1926. He is most famous for his "Water Lilies" paintings, and the term "Impressionism" is usually attributed to the title of his painting "Impression, Sunrise". Hilaire-Germain-Edgar De Gas was also a French Impressionist who lived from 1834 to 1917. Some of his most well-known works include "The Bellelli Family", "Woman with Chrysanthemums", and "Chanteuse de Café"; however, he is most associated with images of dancers as over half his paintings were on this subject. Vincent Willem van Gogh was a post-impressionist painter of Dutch origin but often associated with France. He lived from 1853 to 1890. He suffered frequently from mental illness and died from a gunshot wound, believed to have been self-inflicted though no gun was ever discovered. His most famous works include "Starry Night" and "Sunflowers" as well as many self portraits. The Impressionist painters are often credited with having saved painting as a form of artistic expression because the newly invented camera produced more accurate renderings of the visual world than any artist's hand might.

9. Correct Answer: Mennonite
The woman liked two "Mennonite" or two "men a night." Mennonites are named for their founder Menno Simons, who was a converted Anabaptist, someone who believed in being baptized again as an adult because he or she rejected baptism of infants and very young children because they were too young to make a voluntary decision to follow Christ. The Mennonite faith grew in popularity in The Netherlands during the sixteenth century, spread to Switzerland and Germany, and then to the United States and Russia. Of course, their churches can be found all over the world. Central to the Mennonite faith is a dedication to pacifism, simplicity, community service, and outreach of aid to those in need around the world. The Amish are a sect that eventually separated from the Mennonites because they believed that the followers of Christ should avoid interaction as much as possible with the majority of people in society so that they can remain focused on living a more spiritual life.

10. Correct Answer: Oliver Twist
"Oliver Twist" or "Olive or twist?" refers to two popular options for garnishing a martini: with an olive or with a twist of lemon. "Oliver Twist, or, The Parish Boy's Progress" was published as a serial in monthly installments from February 1837 until April 1839 and was published as a novel in 1838 under Dickens' pseudonym Boz. The central character, Oliver Twist, is an orphan who moves from a workhouse to employment with an undertaker to eventually roaming the streets of London with a group of orphaned children surviving as pickpockets. Their trainer is a man named Fagin, the Jewish character criticized for contributing to the continuance of negative stereotyping. The novel's inspiration more than likely came from two sources: a popular story about an orphan named Robert Blincoe who told of his misery as a child cotton mill worker and Dickens' own experiences as a child laborer working ten-hour days at Warren's Blacking Warehouse.