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Monday, July 16, 2018

Best Quotes by Sheldon Cooper - The Big Bang Theory

From Quora.com
Penny: So how’s Amy?
Sheldon: Amy’s changed. I might have to let her go.
Penny: Oh, no. Why?
Sheldon: I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me. But recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges. Like you.
Penny: Just going to skip over that insult.
Sheldon: What insult?
Penny: Yeah. That’s why I’m going to skip over it. Are you saying that Amy is, oh, what’s the
scientific word?
Sheldon: Forget science. She’s horny.
Penny: Oh! Okay. Wow.
Sheldon: It’s simple biology. There’s nothing I can do about it.
Penny: Are you sure?
Sheldon: What are you suggesting?
Penny: I’m suggesting there might be something you could do about Amy’s urges?
Sheldon: It’s illegal to spay a human being.
Penny: Yeah. That’s not what I had in mind.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh! You mean something I could do.
Penny: Exactly.
Sheldon: Well, I was hoping to avoid this. But I might as well get it over with. Thank you, Penny. I’ll let you know what happens.
Penny: Oh, Amy, you lucky girl.
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
Zack: Is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
Penny: Okay, I have a question.
Sheldon: Yes, Penny.
Penny: You don’t even like people touching you. How are you going to have sex?
Sheldon: Why on Earth would we have sex?
Penny: Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you? You know, when your private parts started growing?
Sheldon: I’m quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.
Leonard: You'll never guess what just happened.
Sheldon: You went out in the hallway, stumbled into an inter-dimensional portal, which brought you 5,000 years into the future, where you took advantage of the advanced technology to build a time machine, and now you're back, to bring us all with you to the year 7010, where we are transported to work at the think-a-torium by telepathically controlled flying dolphins?
Leonard: No. Penny kissed me.
Sheldon: Who would ever guess that?
Sheldon: Stop it both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit, George! I told you if you didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes you a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and you are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell you what is making Sheldon cry, that I let you name him SHELDON!
Sheldon: You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life...
Sheldon: Wheeeeeatonnnn!

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