Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well, you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, Tequila, Guinness, Wine Coolers, Diet Tab and Fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow...that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want, Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow.
Satan: What about drugs?!?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love Drugs! You don't mean...
Satan: Too right! Thursday is Drug Day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of Crack, or Smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can have all the drugs you want. You're dead, who cares!
Guy: WOW! I never realised Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Satan: Oooooh (grimaces). You're gonna hate Fridays