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Sunday, October 30, 2016

Hallowe'en Humour

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

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Q: What did the really ugly man do for a living?
A: He posed for Halloween masks!

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Q: What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?
A: Lots a candy!

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A few days after Halloween, Sally came home with a bad report card. Her mother asked why her grades were so low.
Sally answered, "Because everything is marked down after holidays!"

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Q: What do ghosts eat for breakfast on Halloween?
A: Shrouded Wheat. Ghost Toasties. Scream of Wheat. Terr-fried eggs. Rice Creepies.

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body home?

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Peter: Do you like the vampire?
Jack: Yes, it was love at first bite!

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Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.

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David: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Joseph: I don’t know.
David: The Boogie Man!

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Q: How do monsters tell their future?
A: They read their horrorscope.

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Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”

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The young ghost went trick or treating.
A nighbor asked her, "Who are your parents?"
"Deady and Mummy," she answered.

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Martin: What is a ghost’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: What?
Martin: Boo and Gold.
Martin: What is a witch’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: I give up.
Martin: Brew and Gold.
Martin: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Bryan: What?
Martin: Pack meetings, of course!

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Q: What do you call the ratio of a jack-o-lantern’s circumference to it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin π.

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Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it's Halloween...

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Q: What did the daddy ghost say to his son?
A: Don't spook until spooken to!

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Advice to a witch on a broomstick: "Don't fly off the handle!"

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bea.
Bea who?
Bea-ware, tonight is Halloween!

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On the morning of Halloween, the teacher told the class, "We'll have only half a day of school this morning."
The children cheered.
Then she said, "And we'll have the second half this afternoon."
This time the children moaned!

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