+10° C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Winnipeggers sunbathe.
+5° C = Italian cars won't start. Winnipeggers drive with the windows down.
0° C = Distilled water freezes. Winnipeg's water gets thicker.
-5° C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Manitobans throw on a T-shirt.
-15° C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Manitobans go swimming.
-20° C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Manitobans have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
-25° C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Manitobans lick flagpoles.
-30° C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Manitobans throw on a light jacket.
-40° C = Hamilton disintegrates. Manitobans rent some videos.
-50° C = Mt. St. Helen's freezes. Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes Winnipeg until it gets cold enough.
-60° C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Manitoba Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door-to-door.
-80° C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Winnipeggers pull down their earflaps.
-100° C = Ethyl alcohol freezes. Manitobans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-200° C = Microbial life survives on dairy products. Manitoba cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-300° C = ALL atomic motion stops. Manitobans start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
-400° C = Hell freezes over. The Saskatchewan Roughriders win the Grey Cup again.