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Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Men's Rules

Homer Simpson

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules  from the male side.

These are our rules, (we had a meeting):

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Star 1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that

Star 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Star 1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

Star 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Star 1. Crying is blackmail.

Star 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
-- Subtle hints do not work!
-- Strong hints do not work!
-- Obvious hints do not work!

Star 1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

Star 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

Star 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

Star 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

Star 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

Star 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

Star 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

Star 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

Star 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

Star 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Star 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Star 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

Star 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

Star 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

Star 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:

-- Sex,
-- Sport, or
-- Cars

Star 1. You have enough clothes

Star 1. You have too many shoes

Star 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Star 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this post on to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this post on to as many women as you can - to give them an education.

Or tell them that they can just marry a gay guy. HYK!

So Dark The Con Of Man
So Dark The Con Of Man

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