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Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Truck Got Stuck

Truck Got Stuck
The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut,
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
With some difficulty

Stuck Truck

Well more rain than we'd seen for a thousand years
Caused financial joys and biblical fears
It caused some smiles it caused some tears
But more to the point of our story
For The first time in the collective memory,
That old brown prairie that had been so dry for so long was very muddy
Boggy and sticky

We'd pull one truck out and get another stuck in
And motors would roar and tires would spin
We'd sink right down, down to the diff,
and we'd all take turns and do it again
Till no one could move, we'd call one more friend,
Come on out here, we need you, bring your truck

Stuck Truck

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
And the Dodge

They got me stuck in the mud, so they couldn't rehearse
And Chavase too has missed his work
Richie, he now fears the worst, he stood up his ex wife she called him a jerk
Course Holman didn't have nothing better do to, 'cept ranch.

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford

Well it was truck after truck, we all got stuck
'cept the big old four by hutterite truck
We all thought 'lord are we in luck!
But he wouldn't come anywhere near us,
Mighty neighborly, mighty neighborly.

Stuck Truck

So we used a lot of our backs, a little of our brains
We jacked up the jacks, and snugged up the chains,
We all did our very best to refrain from shovelin.
We put what timber we had, underneath the wheels
And we was all out of sand, but managed to steal
Two sacks of the best modern canola seed you ever did see,
That 'oughta give us some traction

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford

We spilled genetically modified canola seed
That was genetically modified for controlling the weeds
And for big old yields and margarine oil, raised hell all over
that native prairie soil
Agriculture Canada is definitely gonna be looking for us

Performed by Corb Lund

Grandma's Hands

Grandma's Hands

Grandma is some Seventy Seven plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was ok.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was ok.

She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, she said in a clear strong voice.

I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were ok.

Have you ever looked at your hands, she asked. I mean really looked at your hands?

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands, as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.

They dried the tears of my children and caressed the love of my life. They held my young husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.

They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were firm yet gentle when I held my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band, they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They replied to the letters written home and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse and watched as my daughter walked down the aisle.

Yet, they were strong and sure when I grabbed my child and jerked her away from danger when a car was going too fast, and they clasped my children lovingly for stitches, broken bones, and measles. They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body, and those of my family. From the day a new baby was born, to the day I washed my first love's body and prepared him for his final viewing.

They have been sticky, wet, bent, broken, dried, and raw.

To this day when not much of anything else of me works real well, these hands hold me up, lay me down, and continue to fold in prayer. These hands are the mark of where I've been and the richness of my life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when He leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ - God Bless Grandma.

The Love Doctor

The Love DoctorHe Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not

Pulling the petals off a flower always seemed a dubious yet slightly whimsical way to determine if he truly loved the one he was with. I've taken the idea and expanded on it a bit. See how many of which petals below apply to your situation to determine his TRUE feelings! It may be an eye-opener.

He loves me ... He is interested in my life

He wants to know how things are going at work, he encourages me to take the promotion even though it means longer hours and less time with him for a while. He always asks about my pets. He keeps up with my class schedule.

He makes tentative dates ... He loves me not

He makes open ended plans and then changes or cancels them if he gets a last minute invite from one of his buddies.

He loves me ... He shares my favorite pastimes

He attends various functions with me happily, even if he hates hates it, because it's something I want to do.

When I'm sick, he vanishes ... He loves me not

The fact that I'VE spent Saturday afternoon taking his dog to the vet because HE'S down with something escapes him. When we talk about fair play, he's talking about stuff I hate.

He loves me ... He calls me frequently

Sometimes it's to check on me. Sometimes it's to chat about our work, our friends, our lives, or world events. Sometimes it's just to say "Hi. I miss you." But he always calls to let me know he's thinking of me.

He ignores the future ... He loves me not

He never mentions the future beyond our next date. And when I mention a future together, he usually begins to stutter. Could it be that I don't figure in his plans for the future?!

He loves me ... He brags about me to his family & friends

His family and friends are always mentioning something wonderful he had to say about me, my job, my accomplishments, my talents, my friendship.

He says he wants me all for himself ... He loves me not

He's keeping our relationship a secret. He didn't take me to the company Christmas party. We don't spend any time with his friends. I haven't even met his family (and I suspect they don't even know I exist).

He loves me ... He tries to be nice to my family & friends

He may not like them one bit but he is willing to be nice to my family and friends simply because he wants to keep the peace and, of course, he wants to please me. (He really is a doll!!)

Life with him is a roller coaster ... He loves me not

I never know whether he'll surprise me at my door with pink champagne and white roses or cancel a date at the last minute for no good reason.

He loves me ... He never stops romancing me

His schedule is really busy but he always makes time for "us". If I had a hard week, he will cancel his plans and spend the time giving me a relaxing evening and a long backrub. He occasionally gives me a present or card to remind me that I'm special to him.

He's still putting notches in his headboard ... He loves me not

He wants to continue sowing his wild oats. What am I doing with this jerk? Am I completely stupid?!

He loves me ... He says so, in so many ways

His every thought and action says how much he loves me, but best of all, he tells me often just so there is no doubt!

The Love Doctor

The Love DoctorDear Love Doctor,

Help! My boyfriend has suddenly decided that he wants to change sex. I like men. I won’t be attracted to him. He has already begun to wear women's clothes and I don't know what to make of it all.

How do I manage this one. He says that he’s thought about it carefully and knows that he can rely on me to support him – but he can’t. I'm just not into women.

Signed,

In2Men


Dear In2,

If he says he’s thought about it carefully then you have to take his word for this. You need to be truthful though and tell him that this will cause problems both for you personally and the two of you as a couple.

There are all sorts of reasons why people consider gender-reassignment, almost all of them valid.

If your boyfriend were born a woman in a male body then you need to support his understanding of this even if you can't continue a romantic affair.

The bond you have as two people is surely stronger than the sexual bond alone. If it isn't your relationship was doomed anyway.

If he has not already started a counseling program encourage him to do so. There are a great many excellent therapists who are gay positive and a number who have had extensive experience in working with the transgendered.

It may well help the two of you to go along together.

And, remember even if you lose a lover, you need not lose a friend.

The Love Doctor

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Seems legit

Highway to Hell/Stairway to Heaven

Miles o' smiles...

LOL

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The Great Wisdom of Kids......

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!" The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."


A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"


My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we like?" "You're both old," he said.


When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four"


A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife,"


Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his friend about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"


A second grader came home from school and said to her mother "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add "es". (Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one???)


"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. Sure," said the young boy confidently."It means carrying a child."


A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"


A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close...."They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

The Black Cat Maukie

If you tease her with the mouse pointer on her chest or stomach she will purr, and to get her to meeow, rub her forehead with the pointer.

If you make a slow circle around her body, (counterclockwise) not only will her head/eyes follow your pointer, but toward the top, her paw will go up, and when in front of her paws at the bottom, her foot comes out like she wants to play with your mouse pointer.

(Don't hold the mouse down, just move it)


Click here.

Monday, June 27, 2016

HEE-HAWS!


At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner? The child said, “No ma'am, my moms a good cook!”

A big group of hunters were in the middle of the jungle and decided to split into smaller groups. Four fools decided to form one of the smaller groups and started walking. After a while, one of them realized they were quite far away from the main group, and that they couldn't possibly find the way back. One of the other fools says to the other three: "I've heard that whenever you can't find your group, what you have to do is to shoot three times to the air and wait for someone to find you" They shoot three times to the air, wait a while, but nothing happens. So they shoot three more times to the air but, again, no one comes to help them. After trying three shots more the fool says: "I hope this time someone can find us... that was my last arrow"
A rabbit walked into a restaurant with a lion. The waiter seats them and asks the rabbit, "What will you have?" The rabbit says bring me a half a head of lettuce. The waiter looks at the lion and says; and what will he have? The rabbit says "The lion?" he's not eating". The waiter says "why? Isn’t he hungry?" Then the rabbit says "if he was hungry do you think I'd be here?"
The old man approached a young stranger in the post office and asked, "Sir, would you address this postcard for me?" The man gladly did so, and then offered to write a short note for the old fellow. Finally the stranger asked, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?" The old man thought a moment and said, "Yes, at the end could you add, Please excuse the sloppy handwriting."
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Mom saw the opportunity for a moral lesson and said; "If Jesus was sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait. "Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance at being Jesus!"
A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to read and write?" The administrator said, "Yes we can"! Just fill out this form."
A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not? In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.” The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked. “They’re people just like you – your equals.” “Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!” says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

Saskatchewan Seafood Dinner


A Lesson in Witchcraft

Click below to go!

Does This symbol scare you? It shouldn't....
Click here to find out why.

The Glass Bridge - China

Sunday, June 26, 2016

From the Emerald City

From The Emerald City

'OZ' and Secure web (https)

Blogger has created a secure url for 'OZ' - The 'Other Side of the Rainbow. So you are going to a more secure location to get your daily dose of 'OZ'. However, I have what's called mixed content. I am asking for a favour. Can you please comment or fill out the contact The Wizard form and let me know if you are having lots of issues reading 'OZ' or loading pages?

Thanks so much!

--The Wizard

Bizarre and Astonishing

Our planet Earth is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures without the need for resorting to fiction. Some are rare, some are on the verge of extinction. Here are 24 of the most peculiar creatures known to mankind. Note: Names are UNDER the pictures:
ALPACA

ANGORA RABBIT

Axolotl

Aye-aye

Blobfish

Dumbo Octopus

Emperor Tamarin

Frill-necked Lizard

Hagfish


Komondor Dog

Narwhal

Pink Fairy Armadillo

Proboscis Monkey


Pygmy Marmoset

Red Panda


Shoebill

Sloth

Star-nosed Mole

Sucker-footed Bat

Sun Bear

Tapir

Tarsier

White-faced Saki Monkey

Yeti Crab