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Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Laws of Ultmate Reality

book Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

book Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

book Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

book Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

book Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

book Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

book Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

book Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

book Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

book Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

book Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

book The Tim Horton's Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

book Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

book Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

book Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

book Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

book Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

book Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

book Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

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