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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Spot The Difference!

Can you spot the difference?
Can you spot the difference?
There is no difference, 2 identical dolphins.
If you see something else better call a psychiatrist...

10 Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative;
he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services;
he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services;
he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing;
even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer;
he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration;
he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing;
although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist;
all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist;
all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector;
all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"

"Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

101 Amazing Facts

In Japan, letting a sumo wrestler make your baby cry is considered good luck.


Click on the image for more at MentalFloss.com

Adult fairy tale

Once upon a time there lived a King.

The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;
Metal,
Wood,
Stone,
Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the Princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the Prince's pants?
















M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking??


I WORRY ABOUT YOU SOMETIMES!!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Morality Test

The Morality Test. Click here.

Click above

Aussie Life

Basic Guide to Aussie Life

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.

2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.

3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.

4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media millionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.

5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.

6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.

7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.

8. All our best heroes are losers.

9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.

10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.

11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.

12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".

13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.

14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.

15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.

16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.

17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.

18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.

19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).

20. If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.

21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.

22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.

23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.

24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.

25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.

26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.

27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.

28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile".

29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is a darn sight worse than the flies.

30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber"** to anyone ... EVER!


PS: I personally regret the demise of that great little aussie word, and would like to advocate its revival


**cob·ber Pronunciation (kbr)
n. Australian
A pal; a buddy.
[Possibly from dialectal cob, to take a liking to.]

ISAAC ASIMOV'S SUPER QUIZ


Take this Isaac Asimov's Super Quiz to a Ph.D. Score 1 point for each correct answer on the Freshman Level, 2 points on the Graduate Level and 3 points on the Ph.D. Level.

Subject: INTERNATIONAL PROVERBS

Can you guess the last word of the proverb? (e.g., English: The darkest hour is that before the ------. Answer: Dawn.)

FRESHMAN LEVEL

1. Spanish: Flattery makes friends, and truth makes ------.

2. Dutch: You can't hatch chickens from fried ------.

3. Chinese: A rumor goes in one ear and out many ------.

GRADUATE LEVEL

4. Yiddish: Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same ------.

5. Danish: He who leaps high must take a long ------.

6. Persian: The wise man sits on the hole in his ------.

PH.D. LEVEL

7. German: He who has once burnt his mouth always blows his ------.

8. Russian: There is plenty of sound in an empty ------.

9. Bulgarian: A tree falls the way it ------.

ANSWERS: 1. Enemies. 2. Eggs. 3. Mouths. 4. Oven. 5. Run. 6. Carpet. 7. Soup. 8. Barrel. 9. Leans.

SCORING:

18 points -- congratulations, doctor; 15 to 17 points -- honors graduate; 10 to 14 points -- you're plenty smart, but no grind; 4 to 9 points -- you really should hit the books harder; 1 point to 3 points -- enroll in remedial courses immediately; 0 points -- who reads the questions to you?


*The Wizard scored 4. Put your scores in the 'Comments"

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

the 10-Megabyte Computer System

the 10-Megabyte Computer System
Memories...

10 Leading Causes of Death by Age Group, United States - 2008


10 Leading Causes of Death by Age Group, United States - 2008
Click for a bigger picture

WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12 !!!

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these?

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and Asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO For Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, He replied. "Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March......."

Monday, July 28, 2014

Time Gets Better With Age

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Furby Autopsy

The Wizard just purchased a previously enjoyed Furby at the bargain price of $4.99. (Sells for $30 on eBay). Name of Toh-Lu. Got interested in how they work. This site is great! The Easter eggs are fun! I got Toh-Lu to hum "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"!!!

Furby Easter Eggs:

1. Feed 3 times (waiting to finish talking each time)
Then pat his back
He will then burp 8 times

2. Another easter egg: Clap 3 times (so he hears and waiting to finish talking each time)
Then pat his back. he will then sing twinkle twinkle little star

3. Another easter egg: To find out your furbys name tickle 3 times
Then pat his back and he will tell you his name (it might not work the first time)

4. Another easter egg:Cover his eyes three times (waiting for him to respond each time)
Then pat his back. he will then say cocka-doodle do (x2) me love you

The Furby Autopsy
Click above

Helping hand!

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

YOU'RE GONNA' LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Fred Dingaling

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. So he asks the man his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."

"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."

"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."

"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

THE BULL, THE TELEGRAM, AND THE BLONDE...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they needed to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving to purchase a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big, so she'll read it very slowly, com-for-da-bul."

Happiness Is A Voyage

Powerpont Presentation - click here

A Powerpoint Presentation.
Click above

Saturday, July 26, 2014

SEX




"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
--Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
--Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
--Joan Rivers

" Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." --Steve Martin

" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
--Elmo Phillips

" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
--George Burns

How To Turn a Straight Guy Gay

If only we could simply close our eyes and will gayness upon any person that suits our fancy... Better yet, we could make them gay and then force them to like no one but us.

Well, this fantasy may not be too far off for those gay men that wonder if it's possible to turn a straight guy gay. I say there's an easier and more natural way to take charge of your gay love life than turning a straight guy gay... read more at gaylife.about.com

For how long do I have to aim a laser at the moon to see a dot?

By Robert Frost, engineer/instructor at NASA, Quora.com

There are two possible questions here. The first is simply how long would it take for a laser to travel to the moon and back.



The moon is around 384,000 km away. The speed of light is 299,792,458 m/s. The journey is round trip, so:




However, if the question really is about seeing the dot - you won't. Ever.

Beams of light diverge. Take a flashlight (torch) for example. Why is it that if you are 20 meters from a wall the light will illuminate it, but if you are 40 meters from that wall, the light won't illuminate it?

What's happening here? Is something stopping the light from traveling that distance? No, the light is traveling unimpeded, 40 meters is nothing for a photon. But the beam of light gets larger and larger with distance. So, the extremely dense cross section of photons at the lens of the flashlight is very bright, but as the beam gets wider, those photons are distributed over greater area. The light density gets less and the beam gets dimmer.




Very expensive lasers are designed to minimize this beam spreading, called divergence - but they can't stop it. And we do reflect lasers off the moon. Well, more accurately, we reflect lasers off mirrors that the Apollo astronauts left on the moon.



Although the moon looks bright to us, that's just because the sun is radiating it with so much light. The moon is gray like charcoal. It only reflects about 7% of the visible light that hits it. So, even the best lasers combined with the best telescopes aren't going to be effective at reflecting visible light off of the surface. But those mirrors are highly reflective.

Even so, very few of the photons from the lasers aimed at those mirrors actually make it back to the telescope. There is a project called APOLLO (Apache Point Observatory Lunar Laser-ranging Operation) that fires laser pulses at those mirrors and measures the returned signal to calculate extremely precisely the distance to the moon. They use a powerful laser and yet only 1.7 in 1E17 of the photons from their laser are sensed upon return.

That's 1.7 in 100,000,000,000,000,000 photons. With their system, that means the returning signal consists of 5-10 photons. A giant 3.5 meter telescope can only detect 5-10 photons. Your eye isn't going to have such luck.

Here's a picture of APOLLO shining its laser on the moon.


Advice about teens

Teenagers. http://literasura.blogspot.com/2011/08/which-traits-commonly-associated-with.html

by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON, WhatWillMatter.com

Here are three suggestions for the parents of young teens, all learned through my own mistakes:

First, remember, with emerging demands for independence, worries about peer acceptance, pressures of school and extra-curricular activities and a continuous search for self-identity, adolescents are on a physical and emotional roller coaster. Like every generation before them (including yours), young teens are often arrogant and over-confident about their knowledge and your ignorance, and deeply insecure about most other things. They will make mistakes, behave badly and be thoroughly self-absorbed. Though they want you to be less involved in their lives, they actually need you more. And despite continuous battles, if you’re open, you will experience glorious moments both of you will cherish all your lives.

Second, be firm but choose your battles carefully. Don’t back down when you are dealing with an important principle but don’t make every issue a hill you’re willing to die on. Be willing to lose occasionally and evean give in graciously.

Third, don’t belittle or underestimate the importance of their feelings. It may seem like they are over-reacting, but teens feel emotions like embarrassment, loneliness, insecurity, frustration and love truly and intensely. It’s horribly disrespectful to minimize or discount these feelings with useless advice like, “you’ll get over it,” or “everyone feels that way.” Nor is it helpful to dismiss or invalidate an emotion by saying, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”

Teens can be hard to love, but be patient. Soon they will be the parents of your grandchildren.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Friday, July 25, 2014

"That awkward moment when you realize it's Lord Voldemort."



Ralph Fiennes
Hottie

Lord Voldemort
Naughty

Yikes!

Yikes! Squirrel get caught in a mask

I didn't say that!

Didn't actually say I didn't say that...


No, Humphrey Bogart did not say "Play it again, Sam", Nor Clint Eastwood say "Do you feel lucky, punk?", anyone in Star Trek say "Beam me up, Scotty", Tarzan say "Me Tarzan, you Jane", Sherlock Holmes say "Elementary, my dear Watson", Julius Caesar say "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears" or Geoffrey Chaucer say: "Show me the colorectomy of your aunt Bob".

Gumby and Pokey - Original sound

Thursday, July 24, 2014

MHO... IF "GOD" EXISTS


"GOD" ALLOWS EVIL
"GOD" IS POWERLESS
"GOD" IS A SADIST
"GOD" IS BLIND
"GOD" IS UNFEELING


HE/SHE IS NOT MY "GOD"

MY GODDESS AND GOD KNOW THE LIMITS OF THEIR POWER...

THEY CANNOT HELP, NOR DO I EXPECT THAT FROM THEM.

MY GODDESS/GOD HAVE NEVER PROMISED THAT WHICH THEY CANNOT DELIVER.

MY GODDESS/GOD HAVE NOT LIED TO ME.


I WAS TAUGHT THE 'OTHER' "GOD" IS GOOD.
HE/SHE IS NOT...
CANNOT
DOES NOT
EXIST...

PFFT!

Camilla Queen

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*If you would like the mp3, email me by clicking on the bear in the top left corner and I will send it to you.

4 Good Riddles...

Riddle

Number 1: Three men walked into a bar the fourth one ducked, why?

Number 2: the knight tried to kill the queen why didn’t the queen die?

Number 3: what starts with “p” ends with “e” and has a million letters in it?

Number 4: Spell blind pig in 2 letters






Number 1 answer: Because he didn't want to get hit by the bar

Number 2 answer: It was a game of chess

Number 3 answer : Post office!

Number 4 answer: Pg a pig without an "I" get it know guys?

The World's Seven Best Limericks

There was a young lady named Bright

Whose speed was much faster than light.

She went out one day

In a relative way

And came back on the previous night.

HYUK!

There was a young fellow of Crete

Who was so exceedingly neat,

When he got out of bed

He stood on his head

To make sure of not soiling his feet.

HYUK!

There was a young lady of Niger

Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.

They returned from the ride

With the lady inside

And the smile on the face of the tiger.

HYUK!

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

That they quarreled, I'm told,

‘Bout that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

HYUK!

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were imprisoned so what could they do?

Said the fly, “Let us flee,”

Said the flea, “Let us fly,”

So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

HYUK!

A certain young man named Bill Beebee

Was in love with a lady named Phoebe

“But,” he said, “we must see

What the clerical fee be

Before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee.”

HYUK!

There once was a maid from Japan

Whose limericks never would scan.

When they questioned her why,

She replied, “Because I

Like to squeeze as many syllables into the concluding line of the limerick as I possibly can.”

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

That's My Boy!

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking ! up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class. "

His father sends the money.

The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy"

The Art of Man Knowledge



Click above for more knowledge - ladies, knowledge is power!

CNC Lathe - Turning a Chess Rook and The 11 More Most Strangely Satisfying Videos on the Internet



Click here fort more at Cracked.com

Well… f*ck

Well... f*ck

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

A Final Confession

by Kakera


shadows
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
It's been twenty years since my last confession.

Since then, I've been stuck in the borderlands
between dreams and reality, fighting,
hoping to forever lose my face.

For the past five years,
I've painted myself as a demon -
a herald of heartbreak -
so that this sinful I could continue to carry
the crosses of every heart I left behind.

Every train wreck of a soul I created,
unintentionally, just by existing:
My twisted insides kicking and screaming.

I've transcended the purpose of safety-nets,
wishing to reach catharsis by self-reflection.

I built my holy land out of solitude,
with my loneliness gaping wide,
but there's no place far away enough
away from everyone else
for me to not to break what I try to cherish;

It worked for a while though, being a demon,
collecting fragments of every heart I broke

But it's not who I am - It's who I needed to be
to allow the victims of my cruel love
some peace and closure, a letting go:

In hindsight, no imagination could've devised
an idea clever enough to prevent my shadows
from consuming everything around them,

unless it meant me carrying crosses heavy enough
for them to usher me down into the soil.

But it's not who I am - It's who I wanted to never become:
being unclean is easier, it helps with the guilt after all,
but at some point there'll always be a breaking point -
and the sinful crosses my shoulders achingly continue to carry
are too much to bear.

I won't allow it any longer.
It'd be a sin in and of itself to continue farther,
because I've become a self-fulfilling prophecy -

Instead, maybe it's time to just let go of the past:
forgive myself, after these formative years?

If so, then my final confession is not that,
but rather a formal request:
Bear witness to my rebirth.

Because the real catharsis did arrive,
a long time ago, even though I pretended otherwise.

So witness the shape my butterfly will take
after I leave this cocoon of rainbows,
and pray that my wings will have colour,
that I will know beauty this time -

Pray that I won't have to become a demon
this time.

Pray that this is the last time I'll ever need
a metamorphosis;
a reincarnation -
transformation.

Pray that this time the rainbow cocoon
will give my love
some colour.


colourful love

Monday, July 21, 2014

The 50 Least Likely Things You'll Hear at a Wal-Mart.

1) "Thank you."
2) "We can actually move in the Receiving bay."
3) "May I help you?"
4) "I love my job."
5) "Yes, the manager's here, hard at work."
6) "Wow. I got paid more than I thought I would."
7) "The customer is always right, so here's your refund."
8) "Take five."
9) "I'm worried about the store manager- I'm afraid that he's working himself to death."
10) "Try the snack bar. They have the best food you've ever had."
11) "Why would I want to leave here for a better paying job?"
12) "These valuable career skills will get me far in life."
13) "Well done."
14) "The manager will be in any minute. I can hardly wait."
15) "The bathroom is so clean, I think I'll eat my lunch there."
16) "There's no one named Bubba or Earline that works here."
17) "Hello, I'm the manager. How may I resolve your problem?"
18) "Let me get that for you."
19) "We're almost out of Bibles and Star Wars merchandise."
20) "Why are you so happy?"
21) "I'm bringing my little girl with me tomorrow for 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' and she's so excited!"
22) "My kid said yesterday that when he grows up, he wants to work here, too."
23) "Who was that nice young associate who'd helped me?"
24) "After I aced my aptitude tests, the counselor said that I'd be best suited for either rocket science, neurology, or working at a Wal-Mart. Obviously, I made the right choice."
25) "I've never been sexually harassed or have had sex with any member of store management."
26) "I'm going to Europe this summer for my vacation."
27) "Don't these little blue vests look adorable?"
28) "I talked my friend into leaving his six figure a year job to work here."
29) "…and when I told the loan officer that I worked for Wal-Mart, he immediately wrote out the check right there in the bank."
30) "This store has been here a year already and not one customer has brought a personal injury suit against us."
31) "We have too many cashiers on duty."
32) "Yes, I can fix that problem."
33) "I always thought that I had to work until I was 65, but thanks to Wal-Mart, I can put in for early retirement."
34) "…and the manager listened with rapt attention to every word I said."
35) "Thank God I rejected Microsoft's and IBM's offers to come in on the ground floor and went to work for Wal-Mart, instead."
36) "I can see myself here twenty years from now."
37) "I can see myself here a year from now."
38) "What I love about being a/an (insert any job title) is the variety and challenge."
39) "God, that last CBL was murder!"
40) "At our last high school reunion, my wife rubbed it everyone's faces that I work for Wal-Mart."
41) "So I stood up and said, 'I don't care how much money you offer me, Mr. Gates; Wal-Mart can beat your offer.'"
42) "…and after my surgery, the manager told me not to come in until I could walk."
43) "Everything they say in the Wal-Mart commercials is true."
44) "Where do you people come by this high quality help?"
45) "My kid never tells his friends that I work here; He hates to brag."
46) "Whenever I feel blue, I just remind myself that I work at Wal-Mart."
47) "Isn't Wal-Mart culture and haute culture kind of the same thing?"
48) "It's amazing, isn't it, how Wal-Mart can do so well and still co-exist with a thriving downtown?"
49) "…so, based on your excellent performance review, I'm raising your rate of pay so that it actually exceeds the cost of living."
50) "What do you know! They actually are as friendly, attractive and relatively sane as in the commercials!

The Ethics of Gay Rights and Same-Sex Marriage

Equal Marriage
by Michael Josephson, CharaterCounts (WhatWillMatter.com)

(This is one of those commentaries that evokes passionate response and, sadly, a few people will disagree so strongly that they decide to cut me out of their lives by cancelling their newsletter subscription or putting me on the “block sender” list. I realize the issue of same-sex marriage is only one aspect of the much broader issue of how we look at and treat gay men and women, but I think it is a very important issue of morality as well as civil rights.)

I have a strong personal opinion on the issue of gay rights and the legalization of same-sex marriage.

If you’re a regular listener you may think you can predict my views based on your impression of me as either a conservative or liberal. Probably half of you will be wrong.

As a missionary of ethics and virtue with the hope of inspiring and encouraging everyone’s moral ambitions and instincts, I covet every mind and conscience I can reach, so it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Thus, I rarely comment on religious or politically controversial issues when it’s likely that my remarks will antagonize those who disagree with me.

Still, some issues involving deeply held political or religious convictions have such profound implications on my ethical principles that calculated silence to maintain popularity would be a form of cowardice. After all, my own definition of character is the willingness to do what you think is right even when it costs more than you want to pay.

With that preface, I boldly and unequivocally support the legal rights and full extension of not merely tolerance but true acceptance of and support for every son and daughter, brother and sister, friend and colleague, and complete stranger who loves and is committed to someone of the same gender.

I understand and respect the sincerity of those whose religious views lead them to a different conclusion, but I have the privilege of knowing, admiring and loving a number of extraordinarily kind, talented and highly ethical gay men and lesbian women, and I am distressed that they must bear insults, prejudice, condemnation, and legal discrimination. It’s more than an issue of civil rights; it’s a matter of respect and caring; it’s a matter of human compassion.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.