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Saturday, May 31, 2014

Did God Create Everything?


This is a really great answer to a question you may be asked or have asked. Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?" A student bravely replied "Yes He did". "God created everything?" the professor asked. "Yessir, He certainly did." the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil.

And since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?" "Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of a question is this?

Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body, or object, is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body, or matter, have or transmit energy.

Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?" The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct?

Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said, we see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

Albert Einstein
The young man's name was Albert Einstein.

Hand-Eye Coordination Test


This one will drive you nuts!!

The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal.

It’s been said that it's for fighter pilots preliminary training. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.

Give it a try!!

Texts that make you say, wtf?


Texts that make you say, wtf?

Texts that make you say, wtf?

Texts that make you say, wtf?

Texts that make you say, wtf?

Texts that make you say, wtf?

Texts that make you say, wtf?

This 16-Year-Old Killed His Parents Because They Took His iPod Away



BY J. DUAINE HAHN, ComplexTech

Vincent Parker

Virginia honor roll student Vincent Parker brutally killed his parents last December. The reason? "I just remember getting mad," he admits. "It's all from my dad. All this stuff like my dad taking away my iPod and stuff."

Just this week the 16-year-old pleaded guilty to two counts of murder, and will be sentenced in September. Police say that Parker left school early the day he would kill his parents, and first attacked his mother, before waiting for his father to come home.

From WKTR:
Vincent Parker attacked his mother Carol as she emerged from an upstairs bathroom in their Bland Street home. He admitted to police he doused his mother with pepper spray, stabbed her in the eye, and then beat her in the face and head with a baseball bat and a crowbar "until she stopped breathing." A medical examiner identified 25 separate smashes and stabs to Carol Parker's neck, face and head.

When Vincent's father Wayne Parker came home, Vincent struck him with a crowbar and stabbed him several times. Wayne Parker lived long enough to tell police what happened.
In all, authorities found a crowbar, bat, and five knives at the house.

Friday, May 30, 2014

G-A-K!!!!


GAK - Elmer’s Glue Borax Recipe

Is it a solid? Is it a liquid? Just what is this slimy, stringy, rubbery stuff? This variation on slime will probably remind you of a similar substance found in many toy stores. This is the most popular version of "slime" among teachers because it's so easy to make and serves as a great visual tool for introducing students to the properties of polymers. 

Materials

· Elmers Glue (8 oz bottle of Elmers Glue-All)

· Borax (a powdered soap found in the grocery store)

· Large mixing bowl

· Plastic cup (8 oz size works well)

· Spoon

· Measuring cup

· Food coloring (the spice of life)

· Water

· Paper towel (hey, youve got to clean up!)

· Zipper-lock bag (dont you want to keep it when youre done?)

· Water







EXPERIMENT

Here’s the easiest way to make a big batch Elmer’s Slime. The measurements do not have to be exact but it’s a good idea to start with the proportions below for the first batch. Just vary the quantities of each ingredient to get a new and interesting batch of goo.

1. This recipe is based on using a brand new 8 ounce bottle of Elmer’s Glue. Empty the entire bottle of glue into a mixing bowl. Fill the empty bottle with warm water and shake (okay, put the lid on first and then shake). Pour the glue-water mixture into the mixing bowl and use the spoon to mix well.

2. Go ahead… add a drop or two of food coloring.

3. Measure 1/2 cup of warm water into the plastic cup and add a teaspoon of Borax powder to the water. Stir the solution – don’t worry if all of the powder dissolves. This Borax solution is the secret linking agent that causes the Elmer’s Glue molecules to turn into slime.

4. While stirring the glue in the mixing bowl, slowly add a little of the Borax solution. Immediately you’ll feel the long strands of molecules starting to connect. It’s time to abandon the spoon and use your hands to do the serious mixing. Keep adding the Borax solution to the glue mixture (don’t stop mixing) until you get a perfect batch of Elmer’s slime. You might like your slime more stringy while others like firm slime. Hey, you’re the head slime mixologist – do it your way!

5. When you’re finished playing with your Elmer’s slime, seal it up in a zipper-lock bag for safe keeping.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

The mixture of Elmer’s Glue with Borax and water produces a putty-like material called a polymer. In simplest terms, a polymer is a long chain of molecules. You can use the example of cooking spaghetti to better understand why this polymer behaves in the way it does. When a pile of freshly cooked spaghetti comes out of the hot water and into the bowl, the strands flow like a liquid from the pan to the bowl. This is because the spaghetti strands are slippery and slide over one another. After awhile, the water drains off of the pasta and the strands start to stick together. The spaghetti takes on a rubbery texture. Wait a little while longer for all of the water to evaporate and the pile of spaghetti turns into a solid mass -- drop it on the floor and watch it bounce.

Many natural and synthetic polymers behave in a similar manner. Polymers are made out of long strands of molecules like spaghetti. If the long molecules slide past each other easily, then the substance acts like a liquid because the molecules flow. If the molecules stick together at a few places along the strand, then the substance behaves like a rubbery solid called an elastomer. Borax is the compound that is responsible for hooking the glue’s molecules together to form the putty-like material. There are several different methods for making this putty-like material. Some recipes call for liquid starch instead of Borax soap. Either way, when you make this homemade Silly Putty you are learning about some of the properties of polymers.

Elmer's Slime is very easy to make, but it's not exactly what you'll find at the toy store. So, what's the "real" slime secret? It's an ingredient called polyvinyl alcohol (PVA). The cross-linking agent is still Borax, but the resulting slime is longer lasting, more transparent... it's the real deal.

http://www.stevespanglerscience.com/lab/experiments/glue-borax-gak

10 Incredibly Bizarre Sexual Practices


Jamie Frater,From ListVerse

[WARNING: contains adult material which is not safe for work.] Sex has been called many things: Immoral, a gift from God, illegal, natural, fun, exciting, and a bonding experience. It has even been called strange. These 10 acts, however, are MORE than strange: They’re bizarre! So now, I present to you, the 10 most bizarre sex practices. This list contains really unnerving text, and some swearing! The only way this could EVER be work-safe, is if you work at a side-show in a circus!

The items on this list are in no particular order.

#10 Agalmatophilia
statues

Agalmatophilia is a paraphilia concerned with the sexual attraction to a statue, doll, mannequin or other similar figurative object. The attraction may include the desire for actual sexual contact with the objects, a fantasy of having sexual (or non-sexual) encounters with the animate or inanimate instances of the preferred objects, the act of watching encounters between the objects themselves, or sexual pleasure gained from thoughts of being transformed or transforming another into the preferred object. Agalmatophilia may also encompass Pygmalionism which describes a state of love for an object of one’s own creation.

--The other 9--

From The "Wilde" One...


Oscar Wilde
My favourite picture of Oscar Wilde -- so sexy!

Oscar Wilde
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
--Oscar Wilde

A man is very apt to complain of the ingratitude of those who have risen far above him.
--Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
--Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
--Oscar Wilde

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
--Oscar Wilde

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
--Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
--Oscar Wilde

At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets.
--Oscar Wilde

Biography lends to death a new terror.
--Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
--Oscar Wilde

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.
--Oscar Wilde

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
--Oscar Wilde

Genius is born--not paid.
--Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde
I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.
--Oscar Wilde

I am not young enough to know everything.
--Oscar Wilde

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
--Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde
I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.
--Oscar Wilde

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
--Oscar Wilde

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
--Oscar Wilde

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
--Oscar Wilde

Weird but funny...



I got ma eyes on ya
I see now why you're seeing double!
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he hasn't cried yet.
Two hyenas walking along a path. a lion jumps onto the second one and sets about it. First hyena does a runner. Later the second one catches up with first and says "I thought you would have helped me"
First replies "I thought you where winning the way you where laughing"

A man walks into a bar........ouch


A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.
The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, "Mom am I a real polar bear?" "Of course you are." His mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father. "Dad, am I a real polar bear?" "Yes, you are a real polar bear." A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?" "Yes" said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are all my relatives real polar bears?" "Yes, they are all real polar bears." Said his parents. "Why do you ask?" replied his mother. "Because," said the young polar bear, "I'm fucking freezing!

and finally...

Mr. Bradley and his wife have moved to a new apartment in a new building on the 11th floor. The building wasn't yet completed since the elevator wasn't yet installed. So they had to take up the furniture through the emergency stairway. With difficulties and sweat, and by the end of the day, they managed to complete the task. Mrs. Bradley wanted to do laundry so she asked Mr. Bradley to be a good boy and go down to Mr. Peabody's new store and buy her soap detergent. Mr. Bradley went down the stairway from the 11th. floor and entered Mr. Peabody's new store.

Mr. Bradley : "Hello Mr. Peabody. I would like some soap detergent for my wife."

Mr. Peabody : "What brand name is your washer machine?"

Mr. Bradley : "Why??.. I don't know ... Why? "

Mr. Peabody : " I can't sell you soap detergent unless you told me the make of your washer machine. I have a store to run and I care about its reputation Mr. Bradley.

Mr. Peabody continued to refuse to sell Mr. Bradley soap detergent unless he told him the make of his washer machine.

So Mr. Bradley became very angry and had to leave and go all the way back up the stairway to get what Mr. Peabody wanted. When he found out the brand of his washer machine, he went back all the way down and told Mr. Peabody the his washer machine's make was (GENERAL ELECTRIC).

Mr. Peabody : " What's the voltage. Is it 110 or 220 volts?"
Mr. Bradley : " I don't know and I don't care! ... Just sell me the stupid detergent!!!!..."

Mr. Peabody : " I can't.. I just can't risk the reputation of my new store. You have told tell me the voltage of your washer machine."

So angrily... Mr. Bradley had to go all the way back up to find out the voltage. As he was going down the stairway, sweating like a dog, he met one of his neighbors, Sam. Sam was naked waist down, and very angry, carrying a toilet seat and going down the stairs also sweating like a dog.

Mr. Bradley : " SAM.... what in the world is going on? why are you naked waist down and carrying a toilet seat?"

Sam : " Leave me alone Mr. Bradley... I'm very angry right now and don't feel like answering." Mr. Bradley kept insisting on Sam to tell him, but Sam kept quite and was getting angrier until they both entered Mr. Peabody's store.

Sam quickly went in, very angry and stood in the middle of the store and yelled as loud as he could saying : " Well Mr. Peabody.... Here's my toilet seat and also here's my ass... NOW.... WOULD YOU PLEASE SELL ME MY TOILET PAPER??"

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Popular Brand Slogans As Condom Wrappers


Josh Fjelstad,
BuzzFeed Creative Lead (This is a personal, non-sponsored post by a member of BuzzFeed's ad content team.)

The New Condoms Tumblr takes financially well-endowed companies’ slogans and creates the condom wrappers that would better represent them. This is certainly the classiest implementation of childish sexual innuendos out there, not to mention some great-looking packaging.

Pokemon Condom Click here for the rest
Click above to see the rest

The Top 20 Most Bizarre Experiments Of All Time



#11: Monkey-Head Transplant

When Vladimir Demikhov unveiled his two-headed dogs in 1954, it inspired a strange kind of surgical arms race (or rather, head race) between the two superpowers. Eager to prove that its surgeons were actually the best in the world, the American government began funding the work of Robert White, who then embarked on a series of experimental surgeries, performed at his brain research center in Cleveland, Ohio, resulting in the world's first successful monkey-head transplant.

Monkey Head Transplant


The head transplant occurred on March 14, 1970. It took White and his assistants hours to perform the carefully choreographed operation, separating a monkey's head from its body and reattaching it to a new body. When the monkey woke and found that its body had been switched for a new one, it angrily tracked White with its eyes and snapped at him with its teeth. The monkey survived a day and a half before succumbing to complications from the surgery. As bad as it was for the monkey, it could have been worse. White noted that, from a surgical point of view, it would have been easier to put the monkey's head on backwards.

White thought he should have been treated like a hero, but instead the public was appalled by what he had done. Nevertheless, White soldiered on, campaigning to raise support for a human head transplant. He toured with Craig Vetovitz, a near-quadriplegic, who volunteered to be the first to undergo the procedure. The public is still a long way from accepting the idea of human head transplants, but if White has his way, one day it will happen.

--more at stumbleupon--

Google is to start building its own self-driving cars


By Jack Stewart
BBC World Service Radio, Los Angeles

Google is to start building its own self-driving cars, rather than modifying vehicles built by other manufacturers.


Video is from Wall Street Journal

The car will have a stop-go button but no controls, steering wheel or pedals.

Pictures of the Google vehicle show it looks like a city car with a "friendly" face, designed to make it seem non-threatening and help people accept self-driving technology.

Co-founder Sergey Brin revealed the plans at a conference in California.

"We're really excited about this vehicle - it's something that will allow us to really push the capabilities of self driving technology, and understand the limitations," said Chris Urmson, director of the company's self-driving project.

He added that the cars had the ability to "improve people's lives by transforming mobility".

But some researchers working in this field are investigating potential downsides to driverless car technology.

They believe they could make traffic and urban sprawl worse, as people accept longer commutes as they do not have to drive themselves.

--more at bbc.com

Bohemian Gravity - A Capella Science


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

New Home Of The Saskatchewan Roughriders Revealed


A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!


This lady who lives just on the outskirts of Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada has a friendly Bull Moose who has become her friend. The pictures were taken at her home last week. Also She took a picture of a Buck (male deer] in her back yard by the apple trees in the morning at her house.

For anyone who thinks living in a big Dirty city is the best..

"THINK AGAIN SHE SAYS".

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

A Moose on the loose ...in the hoose!!

The Closet


A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My Dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."


A few days later, the Dad says to the boy! , "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like that ... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again, your in my Closet now!

Monty Python - The Funniest Joke In The World


Maya Angelou, Famed Poet and Author, Dead at 86


by By Jordan Zakarin, The Wrap

Maya Angelou, a towering icon of literature and the civil rights movement, has died at the age of 86.

Maya Angelou was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Barack Obama in 2011

The poet was found in her Winston Salem home early Wednesday.

Best known for her memoir “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” which was published in 1969 Angelou ultimately wrote six autobiographies and many books of poetry, giving her a total of 30 books published. Angelou worked on civil rights issues with leaders ranging from Martin Luther King, Jr. and John F. Kennedy to Barack Obama; and even became the first African-American woman to write a produced screenplay, “Georgia, Georgia” in 1972.

Born in Missouri and raised in rural Arkansas, she first left home to study dance in San Francisco. By age 16, she was the city's first woman street car conductor, beginning a lifetime of trailblazing. Angelou read the poem “On the Pulse of Morning” at the 1993 inauguration of President Bill Clinton, and was in 2011 was honored by Barack Obama with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Angelou's family issued a statement Wednesday morning on Facebook:

Dr. Maya Angelou passed quietly in her home before 8:00 a.m. EST. Her family is extremely grateful that her ascension was not belabored by a loss of acuity or comprehension. She lived a life as a teacher, activist, artist and human being. She was a warrior for equality, tolerance and peace. The family is extremely appreciative of the time we had with her and we know that she is looking down upon us with love.

The post Maya Angelou, Famed Poet and Author, Dead at 86 appeared first on TheWrap

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Classes for men


WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Feb. 16, 2006.

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

FREE BOOK!
FREE BOOK!

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.


Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Get your Starfleet Academy Diploma!


It's the perfect gift for the Star Trek fan amongst your friends or family -- or for yourself. It's a personalized Starfleet Academy Diploma which states that you, your friend or family member -- you put in the appropriate name when ordering -- has graduated from Starfleet Academy in San Francisco, Earth, and has been inducted as an Officer with Distinction. It's signed by Captain Hikaru Sulu, Commandant, Starfleet Academy, and Captain Richard Hahn, Superintendent, Starfleet Academy.


Available now from CafePress.com, all prints are custom manufactured using archival inks and acid-free paper. The prints are then matted and framed in a stylish black frame with a plexiglass cover; frames include complete backing. When framed, the product measures 19" x 15." The Personalized/Framed Starfleet Academy Diploma costs $35.00 (at time of this post. The Wizard of 'OZ' doesn't control the pricing). Visit CafePress.com to order.

Levi's 501 commercial with Nick Kamen (The boxers one!)


E - m a i l s f r o m a n a s s h o l e


Real People Being Stupid

Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125. 484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY - NO EMAILS. 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

Hey,

That fish tank is beautiful. I must have it! Is it still for sale?

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

CALL THE NUMBER

From Me to Felix *********:

What number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called that number and nobody answered.

From Felix ********* to Me:

i never heard it ring. call again and leave a message if no answer.

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called again. Nobody picked up so I went to leave you a message, but it said your voicemail was full.

From Felix ********* to Me:

my voicemail isnt full the phone never rang. are you calling the right number? 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called the number again and I got a fax machine noise. Is there a trick to dialing your number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what trick??? its a phone number you just dial it!

From Me to Felix *********:

Are you sure you didn't give me the number to a fax machine? Would you rather communicate through fax? That would actually be easier for me.

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO!

From Me to Felix *********:

I wasn't sure what to do, so I sent you a fax. Did you get it?

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT SEND ME A FAX

From Felix ********* to Me:

STOP SENDING ME FAXES

-more-

Monday, May 26, 2014

Passing Wind


A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....

Silent but deadly

Let me Google that for you.


1. The “Queen of Nuts” is tough to crack. How much pressure per square inch does it take to break her shell?


I don't know. Google it.

One way to find the answer:

Go to Google and search [Queen of Nuts] to get ____________ nuts. Search [crack ___________ nut] to learn that it takes ___ pounds of pressure per square inch to crack them.

2. Which bank are you visiting if you’re inside a structure that’s “construite avec 2,5 millions de rivets”?

I don't know. Google it.

One way to find the answer:

Use the Google Translate tool to learn that “construite avec 2,5 millions de rivets” is French for “built with 2.5 million rivets.” Search [2.5 million rivets] in the Google search bar to get the Eiffel Tower. Read to learn that the Eiffel Tower is in the area of Paris known as the _____ Bank.


3. One of the most famous photos of the 20th century was taken at a memorial service for victims of La Coubre. On the original print, what’s stamped in the lower left corner?

I don't know. Google it.

Searching [victims of La Coubre] in the Google search bar yields Guerrillero Heroico, the iconic photo of Che Guevara taken at a memorial service for La Coubre victims. Search in Google Images for [Guerrillero Heroico original print] to see the photo, which is stamped “_____________________.”


40 Ways Kids Literally Ruin Everything Good In This World


Anna Luisa Suarez

Kids are the future of our species and they will care for us in our old age. And although we'll love them unconditionally, they are terrorizing EVERYTHING.

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