Thursday, February 28, 2013
She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in- law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in- law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left.
When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home.
He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress." she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
He never heard the gunshot.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
An elderly man really took care of his body.
He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day.
One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis.
So he decided to do something about that.
He went to the beach, undressed completely and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.
A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along.
Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand,
the lady with the cane began to move the penis
around with her cane.
Remarking to the other little old lady, she said:
"There really is no justice in the world."
The other little old lady asked:
"What do you mean by that?"
The first little old lady replied:
"Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it."
"When I was 30, I enjoyed it."
"When I was 40, I asked for it."
"When I was 50, I paid for it."
"When I was 60, I prayed for it."
"When I was 70, I forgot about it."
"Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat."
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I was confused when I heard the word 'service' used in relation with these agencies.
Provincial, City, County & Public 'Service'
This is not what I thought 'service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.
Now you are as enlightened as I am.
February 15, 2013
MIKE TAYLOR DEBUTS NEW VIDEO
Philly-born, L.A.-based artist Mike Taylor returns with a new video for his song
The “Dwntwn Kds” video premiered this week on ARTISTdirect, and the song – produced and co-written by Bleu – is available now on iTunes.
“Dwntwn Kds” Track
Singer, songwriter, producer, rapper and director Mike Taylor was born in Philadelphia to a jazz musician father who raised him immersed in music and culture. This led Mike to experiment with rock, jazz, hip-hop and R&B groups, a theater dance group, as well as DJ'ing which he still does today in both his hometown and Los Angeles. As a solo artist he’s combined elements of his previous endeavors creating a vibrant sound that falls somewhere in between The Roots, Peter Gabriel, Prince and Paul Simon. His songs and videos for "Otis" and "Perfect" have been steadily gaining him national recognition and grabbed the attention of MTV who tagged him as “One To Watch.”
Mike is currently working on more new music for his forthcoming debut album. He performed live at On The Rox in L.A. on Feburary 22nd and will soon announce a wide slate of live shows and DJ appearances.
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Monday, February 25, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
FANCY THAT -- NOBODY THOUGHT TO DIG AROUND THEM BEFORE NOW!
Who knew? The Stone Statues in Easter Island have bodies!
This is absolutely incredible. Here we've been thinking for all these years that they were just heads. They are going to be absolutely huge when they are completely excavated. It all just adds to the mystery of these amazing sculptures. Maybe now they can get more information about them seeing as they have writings on them.
Starring smart-aleck comedian Roseanne Barr, the 1989–97 series was lauded as a realistic portrayal of an average, working-class family. Then in the show’s ninth season, the Conner family wins a $100 million lottery jackpot. Plot lines about the pitfalls of lower-middle-class life were replaced by the travails of living the good life. And things became increasingly surreal: In one episode, Roseanne fights terrorists on a train; in another, she encounters satanists. The series finale culminated in a bizarre monologue in which Roseanne’s character reveals that the entire final season didn’t really happen—it was the basis of a book she was writing to cope with the death of her husband, Dan (John Goodman). In the time line of the show, there had been no lottery and no terrorists, and Dan had died at the end of the second-to-last season.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
But after Rusi hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Rusi lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Rusi, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! -- there sat Rusi! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Rusi, what in the world happened to you?'
Rusi replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well' Rusi said, 'you know Cindy, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I some-times go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, I remember her. What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty.'
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
A Lawyer's Ethical Dilemma
Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.
She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"
Crazy Laws - Ohio
Owners of tigers must notify authorities within one hour if the tiger escapes.
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
In Bexley OH, ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
In Cleveland OH, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!
In Cleveland OH, Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
In Columbus OH, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
In Ironton OH, cross-dressing is against the law.
In Lima OH, any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold.
In Marion OH, you cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
In North Canton OH, it is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.
In McDonald OH, your goose may not paraded down Main Street.
In Oxford OH, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
In Paulding OH, a policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.
In Toledo OH, throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
It looks as though our East European friends found some new ways to break into cars.
Now that it has made the internet, we can look for some enterprising thieves to try it here.
Still leaving valuables in your car?
What will they think of next???
NO NEED TO BUST GLASS AND PRY DOORS OR TRUNKS – NEVER, EVER, LOCK YOUR PURSE IN THE TRUNK!!
You probably won't, after you see this.
Here are 2 EASY ways they are getting into your car, so think twice about leaving anything of value in your car.
To all of you who think your car is safe when locked, watch this handy-dandy short demonstration video!!!
Not even your trunk is safe!
They think up the easiest ways to get into a car...
Unbelievable! And now that this is on the net, can you just imagine how many will be doing this and getting by with it.