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Friday, November 30, 2012

Love Letter- H-O-T!


I shall seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake, and sweat until you moan and groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I finish with you and you will be weak for days.


All my love,



(Scroll down)












The Flu


Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot.

Up and coming artist (who happens to be gay)


I am gay and Muslim


Apologies in advance--


A man using Apple Maps walks into a bar.
Or maybe a hotel. Or possibly a church.

HYUK!

A spider crawled onto my keyboard this morning.
It’s okay though, I’ve got it under Ctrl

HYUK!

People think I’m weird for swallowing an abacus.
They forget that it’s what on the inside that counts.

HYUK!

A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.
His father says, “Okay, but that’s the 730th one you’ve had tonight…”
The little boy replies, “I know, but my room’s still on fire.”

HYUK!

*Thanks, Gary


Thursday, November 29, 2012

THE LONELY OLD LADY AND THE FROG


Frog Prince An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered , "I'M LONELY TOO, BUY ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY."

The old lady figured--WHAT THE HECK, she hadn't found anything else.

She bought the frog and put him in the car.

Driving down the road the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY."

So the old lady figured WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous sexy young handsome prince.

THE PRINCE THEN KISSED THE OLD LADY BACK....... AND GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS....







OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON......



SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND.

She's old.....NOT DEAD

Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners

Haeeya!


Banta's son: Dad there is some one at the door to collect donations for a swimming pool.

Banta: Give him a glass of water.

HYUK!

A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there."

HYUK!

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her tomarry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies.

'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

HYUK!

A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife – nothing but arguing and friction – so he decided to consult a marriage counselor. After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, “I suggest that you run five miles each day for a week. Then please call me back.”

A week later the counselor received a call from the husband, “
Well, asked the counselor, how are things going with you and your wife?

How should I know?” said the husband.. I am thirty-five miles away.

HYUK!

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”

Yes, your honor.”

And why was that?” “

Because my wife wanted a dress.”

The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”

Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”



clapping

NEWS: 'Kill the Gays' Bill Still Contains Death Penalty


Despite earlier reports that Uganda's 'Kill the Gays' bill did not include the possibility of the death penalty for those convicted of 'aggravated homosexuality', US officials say the clause remains.

The bill was said to have been amended by the Legal & Parliamentary Affairs Committee, but the US State Department has confirmed that the committee does not have the power to amend the legislation before it reaches the parliament floor.

More at About.com Gay Life

IKEA OPENING DAY AERIALS


In Winnipeg MB



Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Passing Wind


A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....

Truly Scary - Amazing mind reader reveals his 'gift'


World AIDS Day


World AIDS Day
Click above for more information

Simple Truths


SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2


When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.

No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money can not buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole’s name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.


THERE YOU HAVE IT...and remember, life is good.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Health Warning



Hmmmm



BAD DAY AT THE OFFICE (COMPILATION REMIX)



Original thinker...


This student is a Genius! He got all the answers right and yet he scored 0% !

THE STUDENT OBTAINED 0% ON THIS EXAM.............

I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
** his last battle*

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
** at the bottom of the page*

Q3. River Ganges flows in which state?
** liquid*

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
** marriage*

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
** exams*

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
** Lunch & dinner*

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
**The other half*

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
** It will simply become wet*

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
**No problem, he sleeps at night.*

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
**You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..*

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
**Very large hands*

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
** No time at all, the wall is already built.*

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
**Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack**

Monday, November 26, 2012

Thinking about a new floor covering?



Now that they decided to do away with pennies... what's next??


I like how this turned out:

Copper Pennies + Clear Resin = Beautiful Floor

penny floor

penny floor


If you want to try this: Save this picture and go to your local Big Box Home Improvement store and ask them what type of Clear Resin would work the best and what kind of under-lament would be needed. In this picture they had a concrete floor to work with. Yes, it would be cheaper than the average floor, if you did the work yourself. The price, including the cost of the pennies would probably range from $2.50 to $3.50 a square foot.

*Short Observations*


I dialed a number and got the following recording:



"I am not available right now, but

Thank you for caring enough to call.

I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the

Beep. If I do not return your call,

You are one of the changes."
 

HYUK!
 
Aspire to inspire before you expire.

 



HYUK!

( I LOVE THIS ONE! )

My wife and I had words,

But I didn't get to use mine.


Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.





HYUK!

The irony of life is that, by the time

You're old enough to know your way around,

You're not going anywhere.







HYUK!

God made man before woman so as to give him time

To think of an answer for her first question.





HYUK!

I was always taught to respect my elders,

But it keeps getting harder to find one.




HYUK!

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"


 



HYUK!

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

And Panic is when both are pregnant.


 




HYUK!

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?



Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted,

Dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.


 



HYUK!

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident
 and confidential?"



Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.

Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."




HYUK!

One observer's take on Washington State 's new laws....


gay marriage and marijuana - legal in Washington State

It all makes sense now...

Washington State legalized both gay marriage and marijuana on the same day; It makes perfect Biblical sense !  

Leviticus 20:13 says, "A man who lays with another man should be stoned.

"I guess our interpretation has been wrong all these years....

Bullying - a neat approach to the issue


Novel approach to bullying
A unique approach, this teacher has

Sunday, November 25, 2012

New Dildo Discovered!


Click here.


heehee

The Bell


For my christian readers....



THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am united with the Lord(1 Cor. 6:17)
I am bought with a price(1 Cor. 6:19-20)
I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)
I am a personal witness of Christ (Acts 1:8)
I am the salt &light of the earth (Matt.5:13-14)
I am a member of the body of Christ(1 Cor 12:27)
I am free forever from condemnation (Rom.8: 1-2)
I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant (Phil.3:20)
I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31-34)
I am a minister of reconciliation for God(2 Cor.5:17-21)
I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)
I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)
I cannot be separated from the love of God(Rom.8:35-39)
I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)
I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)
I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)
I am God's co-worker
(1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1).
I am God's workmanship(Eph. 2:10)
I am confident that the good works
God has begun in me will be perfected
(Phil. 1: 5)I have been redeemed and
forgiven (Col. 1:14). I have been
adopted as God's child(Eph 1:5)
I belong to God Do you know
who you are!?

In two days tomorrow will be yesterday


Today is no special day and I have no particular reason for posting this... I have no news to tell you.... nor any problems to discuss with you.... or gossip to tell you... It's only one of those happy moments... when I thought of life... and I would like to share these thoughts with you...


MANY SMILES BEGIN BECAUSE OF ANOTHER SMILE... Keep scrolling, and if you don't smile, then I believe you must be dead!!!

Baby

Always have good self esteem...

Baby

Take care of your friends, especially those dearest to you...

baby


Take care of your body...

baby

But most of all find time to relax...

baby

Big Hug Hug from The Wizard of 'OZ'...

Froggy

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.


Oh yeah.. and Christmas is COMING!!!!!
Santa Mickey

Toothpick Horse Mural


Toothpick Horse Mural - Click here for detailed photo

Click on the image to display detailed image. You may have to zoom in when it loads in the new window.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Interesting Facts That Are Useless
































 
 
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." 
-- Oscar Wilde

*Thanks, Gary