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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Angel on Highway 109


A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about
"And blood was everywhere,"
"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"
For death was in the air.

"A mother, trapped inside her car,"
Was heard above the noise;
Her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

She fought to loose her pinned hands;
"She struggled to get free,"
But mangled metal held her fast
In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused
"On where the back seat once had been,"
But all she saw was broken glass and
Two children's seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
"She did not hear them cry, "
"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "
"Oh, God, don't let them die! "

Then firemen came and cut her loose, "
"But when they searched the back, "
"They found therein no little boys, "
But the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad
"And was traveling alone, "
"But when they turned to question her, "
They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild
And screaming above the noise
In beseeching supplication,
"Please help me find my boys!

They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
Their jeans are blue to match."
"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car,
And they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there
And gave them each a cone, "
Then told them both to wait for Mom
To come and take them home.

"I've searched the area high and low, "
But I can't find their dad.
"He must have fled the scene
I guess, and that is very bad."

The mother hugged the twins and said,
While wiping at a tear,
"He could not flee the scene, you see, "
"For he's been dead a year."

"The cop just looked confused and asked, "
"Now, how can that be true? "
"The boys said, ""Mommy, Daddy came
And left a kiss for you.

He told us not to worry
And that you would be all right, "
And then he put us in this car with
The pretty, flashing light.

We wanted him to stay with us,
Because we miss him so,
But Mommy, he just hugged us tight
And said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand
And told us not to fuss,"
And he said to tell you, Mommy,
"He's watching over us."

The mother knew without a doubt
That what they spoke was true,
For she recalled their dad's last words,
"I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain
The twisted, mangled car,
And how the three of them escaped
Without a single scar.

But on the cop's report was scribed,
In print so very fine,
"An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109."

Non-living things have gender


You may not know this, but many non-living things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.


3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.


4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.


5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Have a nice day


ABOUT DRINKING WATER


The following will probably amaze and startle you...

One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.

Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or

Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

(No kidding, all of the above is true...)

Of course, too much water may have strange side effects (see picture below) ...














What happens when you drrink alot of water


We add colour to a drab world!


Rainbow sheep - We add colour to a drab world!

Friday, March 30, 2012

WWF Earth Hour Anthem - - "When the lights go down" by Andrew Huang




when the lights go down
i want to be here with you
and the million candles that we light
when the lights go down
i want to dream something new
and let the stars come out tonight

we can feel the change around us
my bit is part of making a difference
so whenever you stop in silence
hear your heart at rest
beautiful, picturesque land
care and respect go hand in hand
it's time that we take a stand here
knowing we're sweetly blessed

to treat the earth kind is our message
and we will never forget this
when every day we're left breathless
by the glow of the sun
the future is ours to own now
with every voice raised up so loud
with every hand in and lights out
it's time to unite as one

together we are stronger x4

Earth Hour 60 - click here

Food etiquette


Try this quiz...

The Wizard scored 8/11. Click here to try

Click above to beat the Wiz.

Record your score in the comments!

WOW!!


Painted Floor
Painted Floor

Ukrainian Math


A Ukranian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Ukranian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Ukranian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.

Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Ukranian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Ukranian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Ukranian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

(You're going to love this one!!!)

The Ukranian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when do I start?"


The Complete 14 Batman Window Cameos



Thursday, March 29, 2012

"A penny for your thoughts..."


The price of that wish just got more expensive...

Canadian Penny Killed In Canada Budget 2012

Canadian Penny - flicker images
OTTAWA (Canadian Press) -- There may still be pennies from heaven, but they won't be coming from the mint much longer.

The humble one-cent piece is set to disappear from Canadian pockets, a victim of inflation.

Thursday's federal budget said the Royal Canadian Mint will strike the last of the little coins this fall.

The budget says the cost of minting a penny has risen to 1.6 cents or $11 million a year. Its purchasing power has fallen to a 20th of its original value.

"Some Canadians consider the penny more of a nuisance than a useful coin," the budget documents said.



"A penny for your thoughts" origin

Smart little Newfie


A little boy in Newfoundland, wanted $100.00 for something very special. He prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, Canada, they decided to send it to the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy in Newfoundland.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Ottawa, and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.


*Thanks, Dwight

Psychiatrists v Bartenders


Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone hiding under my bed at night. So I went to a psychiatrist and told him. . . "I've got a problem, every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared shitless!! Do you think I'm going crazy??"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..."

"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty bucks a visit," replied the shrink.

"Wow, that's expensive, I'll sleep on it," I said.
Six months later, we meet on the street. "Why didn't you ever come back to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is a hellava lot of money!! A bartender cured me for $20. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new truck!!"
"Is that so?" And with quite a bit of attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the f**king bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"


FORGET THOSE LEARNED DOCTORS...

GO HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER.


*Thanks, DW

Earth Hour™ 2012



At 8:30 p.m. on March 28, the world will turn off its lights for just one hour – Earth Hour – to show it is possible to take action on climate change. Switching off your lights is just one simple action that you can take to help make a difference and it sends a powerful message that we care about our planet.




Why Participate:
Climate change is the biggest environmental threat to our planet and the number one concern for Canadians. We are already seeing its impact. Participating in Earth Hour is a simple way to show that you want to be a part of the solution and sends a powerful message to others that, together, we can make a difference.

Globally, we are also up against a deadline to stop dangerous climate change. In 2012, Canada withdrew from the Kyoto Accord, the most significant international agreement to control greenhouse gas emissions. Scientists are showing that climate change is happening even faster than we thought. These global negotiations represent one of the last opportunities for responsible governments to put the brakes on spiraling temperature increases and protect the Earth’s weather systems, ecosystems, communities and our collective livelihood from irreversible harm.

Climate change is a global problem that requires global cooperation. Our nations’ leaders must work together to achieve a fair, effective, science-based treaty. We must dramatically cut global greenhouse gas emissions by 25-40% by 2020 and by at least 80% by 2050 compared to 1990 levels. This is the ‘hour of truth’ for the planet. By participating in Earth Hour, you are demonstrating to the world’s leaders that you want to see them take immediate action to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.


What you can do:
1. Sign-up for Earth Hour at www.earthhour.wwf.ca and turn off your lights on March 28 at 8:30 p.m. for one hour

2. Promote Earth Hour to your friends, family, and colleagues

3. Make every hour Earth Hour - Consider what else can be done within your home and workplace to drive change in behaviour and practices to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

For more information on how to participate, or who is participating, visit the Canada page on:
www.earthhour.wwf.ca.

There are also useful tools to help you promote Earth Hour including posters, FAQ’s, logos and more.

Thanks for your support!

WWF-Canada



Earth Hour 2009

Bluegrass legend Earl Scruggs dies at age 88


By CHRIS TALBOTT

Bluegrass legend Earl Scruggs dies at age 88NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - Bluegrass legend and banjo pioneer Earl Scruggs, who teamed up and helped profoundly change country music with Bill Monroe and later with guitarist Lester Flatt, has died. He was 88.

Scruggs' son Gary said his father passed away Wednesday morning at a Nashville, Tenn., hospital. Gary Scruggs said his father died of natural causes.

The elder Scruggs was an innovator who pioneered modern banjo sound. His use of three fingers rather than the clawhammer style elevated the banjo from a part of the rhythm section - or a comedian's prop - to a lead instrument.

His string-bending and lead runs became known worldwide as "the Scruggs picking style." It was perhaps most prominently displayed on the iconic theme from "The Beverly Hillbillies."

Gary Scruggs says funeral plans are incomplete.



How many can you guess?


How many can you guess?

If you need help, click on the Wizard at the top right of 'OZ' I will illuminate you.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Wizard needs your opinion

'OZ's daily traffic is down. I would like to know what parts of 'OZ you like, what parts you don't and what you want to see here. Perhaps 'OZ' is simply becoming a nothing special in the face of a crowd of websites. I hope not. Please take a moment to do the poll below and also add your 2 cents in the comments. I will look seriously at the answers and strive to make 'OZ' more relevant to your busy on-line day.





CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS. HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS ......................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

The Luck of The Wood


This post is about a good friend of mine. His name is Cliff Woodworth, tho' I always call him Woody. He is sometimes told he has a special gift for bring good fortune to others, and himself, It's called: "The Luck of The Wood". He and his wife Cathy, live in Colorado Springs CO. That is where that big NORAD station is in the mountain. He kidded me about the Will Rogers monument up on the mountain, as I confused him with Roy Rogers, hehe... (Did you know that 'America The Beautiful' was written at the top of Pike's Peak? And that the writer was Katharine Lee Bates?

Pike's Peak

Anyway, Woody has a band. It's called "CD Woods", and he plays guitar and does vocal. He is very good, and the last time I was in The Springs, he gave me a copy of his disc, "Over Again". It has some of the best country that I have ever heard. He sings without effort and truly believes and practices what he says... '"Over Again" represents a philosophy I follow. The idea of accepting life's challenges is all part of each day's life experience and I can't wait to start it all over again."' The following, I snarfed from his website, Gypsyheart.com/CDWoods.htm:

Woody

"CD Woods has been in the music industry for over 25 years. His performances have led him all over the United States and Canada singing songs of true-to-life experiences. Join in on the fun and humor of this singer/songwriter as he sings hits off of his CD debut of "Over Again". Enjoy the well crafted lyrics and velvet voice of this family style performer." I value his friendship and I still remember that GREAT CANADA DAY party we hosted at my house in the country. The instructions were the usual, BYOB, BYOLC (Lawn Chair), and one not typical, BYOF (Bring Your Own Fireworks)... Well! Cathy and Woody brought some of the best American Fireworks, that I have ever seen! A truly memorable July 1. I still smirk when I remember seeing Woody proudly wearing his Canada pin (My mother in law gave him it), and waving a small Canadian Flag around!

Woody
Buy his CDs! You won't be disappointed! Oh, and Tell him The Wizard Of 'OZ' sent ya! AcoustifcBylines.com


KEEPING MEN ON TARGET


A talking toilet that warns men about missing their target has become a hot seller in Germany. Toilet Women fed up with men with a poor aim are reportedly particularly keen to buy the new gadget, according to the Herald Sun newspaper. It is placed under the toilet rim and, if the seat is lifted, declares in a stern female tone: "What are you up to then? Put the seat back down right away. You are definitely not to pee standing up ... you will make a right mess." The talking toilet is set to be sold across Europe.


The Old Couple


The two old boys were rocking back and forth on the front porch of the Happy Trails Gay Senior home. They had been together for more than 50 years, and now they enjoying their golden years at the retirement centre. Slowly they rocked, in rhythm as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace. Suddenly Bruce stopped, grabbed his cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit Mort across the shins. Poor old Mort's eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?" "That's fer fifty years of bad sex," Bruce said. Mort just nodded his head, saying nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly Mort stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit Bruce across the shins. As soon as Bruce's eyes quit watering and he could speak he asked, "What was that fer?" "That," said Mort, as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the difference."


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Wise Words


Be Wise

Be Wise!Endles Possibilities

“We have enough people who tell it like it is; now we could use a few who can tell it like it can be.”

- Robert Orben -

Be Wise!Live for today

Live today, for today only, as you cannot change yesterday or begin to understand tomorrow.

Be Wise!Antioxidant rich spice

Another herb that is antioxidant-rich is rosemary. According to research, rosemary contains powerful antioxidants that may help to inhibit free radical damage to cells. Rosemary was been revealed to have even greater health benefits than paprika. Using rosemary to season fish, vegetables, egg-white omelets, and salads will give your system an antioxidant boost.


Be Wise!Living


When you conquer your fear of death, you will conquer your fear of living.

Be Wise!Winning isn't everything

If you don't place first, remember its the second mouse that gets the cheese!

Be Wise!What is stress?

Stress is to refuse to accept a circumstance in your life for which you have no control, stress is measure by the amount of energy that you invest resisting those circumstances. Stress is to waste energy attempting with your thoughts and feelings to change a person, an event or a circumstance surrounding you. The trick to avoid stress is to realize that no amount of effort can ever change the circumstances while they are happening to you, no matter how bad, do not oppose the moment instead, accept and feel what is occurring.


CHECK OUT THESE TIRES !

SEE THROUGH TIRES
Radical new tire design by Michelin. The next generation of tires. They had a pair at the Philadelphia car show.

Radical new tire design by Michelin

These tires are made in South Carolina, USA.

Yes, those are 'spoke' like connections to the inner part of the tire from the outside tread 'wrap!' The next picture shows how odd it looks in motion.....


Radical new tire design by Michelin

Makes you wonder how the ride feels doesn't it?

These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.
The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these.

Radical new tire design by Michelin
Just think of the impact on existing technology:
A. no more air valves...
B. no more air compressors at gas stations...
C. no more repair kits...
D. no more flats...
These are actual pictures taken in the South Carolina plant of Michelin.

Michelin Un-Tires


A bird in the band is worth two in the bush


A small bird lands on Josh's guitar at the Doyle Lawson Bluegrass Festival while he's singing. Watch his reaction as he keeps his cool and finishes the song.


*Thanks, Dwight

Impossible stairs in Lego



Monday, March 26, 2012

Making Sense Of English

Nothin here
Lets face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

I second that!


Homophobia sucks! (and not in that good way!)

Korea's Yomi Kim Hunter. Voted most beautiful.


Rumors that the person pictured below is Yomi Kim Hunter and is a man. This is not true. She is not Korean. She is a female Chinese actor named Fan Bing-Bing. Please see comments.

Korea`s Yomi Kim Hunter
Korea`s Yomi Kim Hunter
Korea`s Yomi Kim Hunter
Korea`s Yomi Kim Hunter
Korea`s Yomi Kim Hunter
Korea`s Yomi Kim Hunter



YOMI KIM WAS VOTED THE PRETTIEST MAN IN ASIA.


YES, SHE IS A MAN !


*Thanks, Dwight

This could happen to your kids!


Kids into farming

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Saskatchewan Weather


Saskatchewan Weather

Meth Dangers


Dealing with Teenage Methamphetamine Use

Crystal Meth


Identifying and dealing with teenage drug use is a frightening prospect for any parent. But we live in a world where teens have so many opportunities for losing their way. They have the time and money for vices and less supervision at home. And drugs today are even more powerful and addictive than ever.

Methamphetamine (known on the street as "speed," "meth," "crank," "crystal-meth") is a central nervous system stimulant that is among the most dangerous drugs available. Like cocaine, it is a powerful "upper" that produces alertness and feelings of elation, along with a variety of adverse reactions. Methamphetamine is sometimes called the "poor man’s cocaine," because it costs nearly the same as cocaine with much longer lasting effects.


Crystal Meth User


Methamphetamine can be swallowed, smoked, snorted, or injected. Under the influence of the drug, users often become agitated and "wired." Their behaviour becomes unpredictable: friendly and calm one moment, angry and terrified the next. Once users become too tired to continue using or run out of meth, they will begin to "crash." Initially, the crash is marked by agitated depression, which soon gives way to lethargy, followed by a long deep sleep. Once the user awakens, the depression returns and may last for days. This is the time when the potential for suicide is high.


Crystal Meth and Safe Sex


With prolonged high-dose use or long binges, stimulant psychosis may develop. User may feel intensely paranoid, hear voices, and experience bizarre delusions (such as thinking that people are talking about and/or following them). Methamphetamine-induced panic and psychosis can be extremely dangerous and may result in incidents of extreme violence.

Dangers and consequences of meth use include:


  • sleeplessness
  • nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
  • skin ulceration and infection, the result of picking at imaginary bugs
  • paranoia, anxiety, irritability
  • depression
  • increased blood pressure due to the constriction of blood vessels (may produce headaches, chest pain, or irregular heartbeat and lead to stroke or heart attack)
  • seizures
  • permanent brain cell damage
  • for intravenous (IV) users: AIDS, hepatitis, infections and sores at the injection site, and infection of the heart lining and valves (endocarditis)


Body by Crystal Meth


If you are a parent concerned that your teenager may be using meth, there are symptoms you should look for. You may notice a striking degeneration of your child's attitude, school attendance and marks, dress, personal hygiene, complexion and skin condition, along with increased mood swings, weight loss, and irregular sleeping patterns such as long waking and sleeping periods (days). A change of friends, secrecy, missing monies and valuables, dropping out of extra curriculum activities, and verbal aggression and/or the threat of physical aggression are also warning signs.

If you suspect your child of drug use, contact a professional or counselor to help guide you through the process of acknowledging, confronting, and dealing with this problem. Professionals, non-profits, and faith-based organizations are available throughout Saskatchewan to help you and your family through this difficult time.

Teen Challenge Saskatchewan
Phone: 306-664-4673


Will


I think this is the best living will form that I've seen, it's easy to understand, and it makes perfect sense as well.

WILL

To Whom it may concern:


I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Bloody Mary,
______a Margarita
______a Scotch and soda
______a Martini
______a Vodka and Tonic
______a Steak
______Lobster or crab legs
______The remote control,
_____ Chocolate
______Sex

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.


Signed: ____________________________________

Spacing is important!


Penis broken. Please use finger! Thanks!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Lessons from an Oyster


Oyster

"There once was an oyster
Whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand
Had got into his shell.
Oyster
It was only a grain,
but it gave him great pain.
For oysters have feelings
Although they're so plain.
Oyster
Now, did he berate
the harsh workings of fate
That had brought him
To such a deplorable state?
Oyster
Did he curse at the government,
Cry for election,
And claim that the sea should
Have given him protection?
Oyster
'No,' he said to himself
As he lay on a shell,
Since I cannot remove it,
I shall try to improve it.
Oyster
Now the years have rolled around,
As the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate
Destiny ­ stew.
Oyster
And the small grain of sand
That had bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl
All richly aglow.
Oyster
Now the tale has a moral,
for isn't it grand
What an oyster can do
With a morsel of sand?
Oyster
What couldn't we do
If we'd only begin
With some of the things
That get under our skin.
These things I command you, that ye may
LOVE one another...
Owe no man anything, save to LOVE one another

...God