Saturday, April 21, 2012

Normisms


NORM! What's doing, Norm?
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."


What's up, Norm?
"My nipples. It's freezing out there."


What's shaking, Norm?
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."


What's new, Norm?
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."


What'd you like, Normie?
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."


What'll you have, Normie?
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
Looks like beer, Norm.
"Call me Mister Lucky."


Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?
"Like a baby treats a diaper


What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
"The Bobbsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."


Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
I'm sorry to hear that.
"No, I mean pour."

How's life treating you, Norm?
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."


"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."

What's going down, Normie?
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."


Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."


How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."


What's the story, Norm?
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
For a beer?
"No, for stupid questions."


What's the story, Norm?
"Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it."


What's new, Norm?
"Most of my wife."


Beer, Norm?
"Naah, I'd probably just drink it."


What's doing, Norm?
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."


Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."


How about a beer, Norm?
"Hey I'm high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life."


How's a beer sound, Norm?
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."


Beer, Normie?
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young."


Norm comes in with an attractive woman. Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
"With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."


What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
"Going down?"


What'll it be, Normie?
"Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."


What do you say, Norm?
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer."


[coming in from the rain] "Evening, everybody."
Norm!
Still pouring, Norm?
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."


Whaddya say, Norm?
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes."


[Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama] Off-screen crowd: Norm!
Sam: How the hell do they know him here?
Cliff: He's got a life, you know.


What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer."


How's life, Mr. Peterson?
"Oh, I'm waiting for the movie."


What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
"Elope with my wife."


How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
"Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp."


What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
"The question, Woody, why is it happening to me?"


How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
"Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better."


Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
"See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers."


Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.
"And I need a beer to wash him down."


Hey, Mr. Peterson, how's life?
"Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end."


What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
"Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson. A beer, Woody."


How's life treating you?
"It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't."


Beer, Norm?
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."


What do you know there, Norm?
"How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?"


Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
"Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead."


How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
"Pretty nervous if I was in the room."


Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
"The warranty on my liver."


What can I do for you, Norm?
"Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam."


What's going on, Normie?
"My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver."


How about a beer, Norm?
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"


What's shaking Mr. Peterson?
"What isn't?"


How's it going, Norm?
"Cut the small talk and get me a beer."


What can I do for you Norm?
"Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer so how about a first one?"


How's life Norm?
" Ask a man whose got one."


What'll you have, Norm?
"Fame, fortune, and fast women."
How 'bout a beer?
"Even better."


How's the world treating you, Norm?
"Like I just ran over its dog."

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