Dog Thoughts

You see, my FUR keeps me warm. Your sweaters only serve to insult me.


When I say "woof," I mean "I hate you."


If the choice is between prison and playing dress up with you, I choose prison.


As if it wasn't hard enough being called a anorexic all the time; now you dress me up as an old drunken hooker.


If you think I won't eat you when you die, you're dead wrong.


Though I have provided all the evidence in the world, perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly: I am a dog. I am NOT a CHILD.


As you must be mentally off, I'll cut you some slack.


If you wanted a bunny, why didn't you just buy one?


Please remind me why I'm supposed to love you.


I give you everything I have to give and you still wish I was a Dalmatian...


I wish your husband took me with him when he left.


If I had hands I'd strangle you.


What is wrong with you. Seriously. Did you not get enough love as a child? Is your world so completely devoid of meaning that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking? I hope the house gets burgled tonight.


Remember this moment when I pee on your Persian rug tonight.


What am I wearing? Am I a picnic table? A waitress?


Could someone out there please have my owner put to sleep?


Very funny. You come up with that yourself?


Look, I'm barely a dog. I have enough identity issues without you dressing me up as a cheetah.


Dang it. How am I going to get a girl when I look like I'm being strangled by a cartoon cat?


You are ruining what self-esteem I have left.


And I thought the bunny suit was bad... What am I now? A Dogglebee? Please stop. Please.


You're going to embalm me when I'm dead, aren't you?

*Thanks, Nonsensical Flounderings