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Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy Christmas (War is Over)


Children

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The war is so long
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones



Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun
Hands around the world

Happy New Year!


New Year's Dinner
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
HYUK!

Attainable New Year's Resolutions
This year, I resolve to...

- Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

- Stop exercising. Waste of time.

- Read less. Makes you think.

- Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

- Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.

- Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

- Not have eight children at once.

- Get in a whole NEW rut!

- Start being superstitious.

- Personal goal: bring back disco.

- Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

- Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

- Not eat cloned meat.

- Create loose ends.

- Get more toys.

- Get further in debt.

- Not believe politicians.

- Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

- Stay off the International Space Station.

- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.

- Associate with even worse business clients.

- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

- Wait around for opportunity.

- Focus on the faults of others.

- Mope about my faults.

- Never make New Year's resolutions again.

HYUK!


This Squeaky Wheel And I Are Pulling An All-Nighter


by a Hamster

Hamster
Okay, okay, no more screwing around. Let's get serious here. I've been putting off running on this squeaky, plastic wheel all day long, and now it's—Christ, is that clock right? Is it 10:30 already? Man oh man, it is way later than I thought. Looks like I got myself a long, long night of spinning a noisy wheel around in a circle here.

All right, squeaky wheel. From now till dawn, it's you and me, buddy. We've gotta burn some midnight oil.

I'd love to just pass out right here in this pile of wood shavings, but this bad boy ain't going to spin itself, you know what I'm saying? Do I wish I'd gotten a head start on the wheel- running this morning instead of making a nest out of hair and paper scraps and curling up inside of it for five hours? Sure, of course. But hey, what's the use of worrying about "what if" when there's work to be done? Hell, I spin better at night anyway.

--more from The Onion--


The Power of The SuperUser


Sudo Sandwich

Thursday, December 30, 2010

The stud...


Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count' St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down, There's no way we can keep track of what you are doing."

"In that case" says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests."

"Will you have any trouble locating them?" he asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter, "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asks the Lord

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Manitoba "


*Thanks, Robert

A couple of days late...


This is a fun one for the kids..... big kids too, click on each deer. Have fun clicking them 'on' and 'off'...

Click below to play!



*Thanks, Dwight

Top 10 Gay New Year's Resolutions


Happy New Year
Start the New Year with a promise or resolution that will guarantee a better 2011. Here are the top New Year's resolutions for gay men.

Click here.


I went to a party


I went to a party,

And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.



I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.



I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.



I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming,
Mom Something I expected least.



Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.



My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.



I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.



So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.



Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Mommy 's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom



I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.



I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"



So I love you and good-bye.



Click here to go to the MADD Homepage

Click above to go to the MADD homepage


Have a Safe and Happy New Year!
Have a Safe and Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Tablecloth


The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn , arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve.

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc, and on December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished.

On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high.

The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity, so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross embroidered right in the center. It was just the right size to cover the hole in the front wall. He bought it and headed back to the church.

By this time it had started to snow. An older woman running from the opposite direction was trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor invited her to wait in the warm church for the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and it covered up the entire problem area. Then he noticed the woman walking down the center aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor, "she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"

The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria. The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth". The woman explained that before the war she and her husband were well-to-do people in Austria.

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave. Her husband was going to follow her the next week. He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her husband or her home again.

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth; but she made the pastor keep it for the church. The pastor insisted on driving her home. That was the least he could do. She lived on the other side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the spirit were great. At the end of the service, the pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he wasn't leaving.

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on the front wall because it was identical to one that his wife had made years ago when they lived in Austria before the war and how could there be two tablecloths so much alike?

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and put in a prison. He never saw his wife or his home again all the 35 years between.

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten Island and to the same house where the pastor had taken the woman three days earlier.

He helped the man climb the three flights of stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on the door and he saw the greatest Christmas reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid who says God does work in mysterious ways.


*Thanks, Robert

5 OLD LADIES


5 old ladies

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back....wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ....the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189."

*Thanks, Glen

5 (Virtual) Museums Without Leaving Home


* Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History

* European Virtual Museum

* Louvre

* Vatican Museums

* Toyota Automobile Museum

Click here to visit!


*Thanks, Gary

Miss Airport 2011 Calendar


January
Miss Airport 2011
February
Miss Airport 2011
March
Miss Airport 2011
April
Miss Airport 2011
May
Miss Airport 2011
June
Miss Airport 2011
July
Miss Airport 2011
August
Miss Airport 2011
September
Miss Airport 2011
October
Miss Airport 2011
November
Miss Airport 2011
December
Miss Airport 2011

*Thanks, Bright Eyes

Friday, December 24, 2010

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS


Santa, and his reindeer

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

*by Clement Clarke Moore
or Henry Livingston

Merry Christmas


from The Wizard of 'OZ'

O Christmas Tree

Santa Claus

Merry Christmas

(posted early as I will be away for a while. Hope you all have a great Christmas, and I will see you back in a week or so...)


The Night Before Christmas


Soldiers sleeping on the floor
T'was the night before Christmas, He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house, Made of plaster and stone.

I had come down the chimney, With presents to give,
And to see just who, In this home did live.

I looked all about, A strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents, Not even a tree.

No stocking by the mantle, Just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures, Of far distant lands.

With medals and badges, Awards of all kinds,
A sober thought, Came through my mind.

For this house was different, It was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier, Once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping, Silent, alone,
Curled up on the floor, In this one bedroom home.

The face was so gentle, The room in such disorder,
Not how I pictured, A Canadian soldier.

Was this the hero,Of whom I'd just read?,
Curled up on a poncho, The floor for a bed?

I realized the families, That I saw this night,
Owed their lives to these soldiers, Who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world, The children would play,
And grownups would celebrate, A bright Christmas Day.

They all enjoyed freedom, Each month of the year,
Because of the soldiers, Like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder, How many lay alone,
On a cold Christmas Eve, In a land far from home.

The very thought brought A tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees, And started to cry.

The soldier awakened, And I heard a rough voice,
'Santa, don't cry. This life is my choice.

I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
My life is my God, My country, my corps.'

The soldier rolled over, And drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, So silent and still,
And we both shivered, From the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave, On that cold, dark night,
This guardian of honor, So willing to fight.

Then the soldier rolled over, With a voice, soft and pure,
Whispered, 'Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day, all is secure.'

One look at my watch, And I knew he was right,
'Merry Christmas my friend, And to all a good night.'


This poem was written by a peace keeping soldier stationed overseas. The following is his request, I think it is reasonable.


PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of forwarding this post to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our Canadian service men and women for our being able to celebrate these Festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make People stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.


Santa paid a visit to Afganistan


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

THE BIG RED STORE


Christmas is coming, Retail 's doing okay
For I joined the horde of shoppers
In the big, red store today
As I grabbed a trolley and sped off down the aisle
The blow up Christmas reindeer couldn't make me smile
'DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY'
I had a sinful wish
'I'd really like to punch that singing rubber fish!'

'Dad I want a Pokemon, like all the kids at school'
Having lots of plastic cards
Makes him look so cool
'Mum I want a Barbie house, it simply isn't fair'
'Santa didn't bring that much to our house last year'

Oh, the sights and sounds of Christmas
You'll experience at the store
But it's all artificial, nothings real any more

The Christmas tree is PVC, it's made in Singapore
There's even a matching plastic wreath
To hang on your front door

Nowhere was a manger scene on prominent display
To remind us of the meaning of this very special day
There were lots of jolly santas stacked high on every row
The loudspeaker bellowed
'ONLY 10 DAYS TO GO!'

The enticement to spend and spend some more
'Don't have money?'
'That's what credit is for!'
People in debt and suffering stress
Was it really Christmas that caused their distress?

Christmas traditions are now used as a ploy
To get you to buy the latest toy

St Nicholas was a saint with a heart for the poor
People don't talk about him any more
He's now known as 'Santa'
He's been hijacked to sell
On the books at Apple
And loved by Mattel
Down at Harvey Norman he can really draw a crowd
He's good at selling Christmas spirit
Does Liquor King proud

A plastic man- made Christmas
Commercial through and through
But have you ever thought what Christmas means to you?

To me, it means a Saviour sent from God above
Into a dying, desperate world to show them of His Love
Hope, Joy and Peace can be ours to receive
All He asks is that we truly believe

And I believe in Jesus, the Son of God Most High
I think of how He's blessed me
As Christmas time draws nigh
Each Christmas, my gratitude to God I express...
By using my gifts and talents to bless

Opening my home, I fulfill my desire
To reach out to others and hopefully inspire!
So celebrate Christmas and show that you care
About this special time of the year

Take your children to choose a tree
Bake festive goodies for afternoon tea
Decorate your home - now here's my advice
Lose the tinsel, it isn't that nice!
The best decorations I'm sure you'll agree
Are those made by nature - what's more, they're free!

So if your home is looking stark
Collect some pine cones from your local park
And if you're feeling really bold
You could even spray them gold!

Resist the urge to buy gifts to impress
Instead look for ways in which you can bless
You family and friends, the people you meet
The elderly neighbours who live on your street

You could give them something - perhaps made by you
Something you baked, crafted or grew

Would you open your home on Christmas day?
Invite someone on their own to stay
To be part of your family and share your meal
These kind of gestures make Christmas real

In spreading goodwill, we can all play a part
For the actions of people reveal their true heart

But in the big, red store, the queue's to the door
Where they fought over Teletubbies, it was shown on TV
On the six o'clock news for the nation to see

But we can choose a better way and redeem Christmas Day
By rejecting the hype and pressure to spend
What kind of message could we send?
For the stores don't own Christmas
It's ours to enjoy!
And to remember the birth of a baby boy
Named JESUS and He's still the REASON why we celebrate the SEASON!




Penned in December 2000
by Ann at eightacresofeden and christmasateden

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Happy Yule!


Yule Log - Happy Re-Birth!


I hear the wind howling
The ice has entered my soul
The cold seems endless
The darkness black as coal.


Yet a spark of something
Shines bright through the night
Could it be the dawning
Of approaching light?


For it’s always coldest
In the hours before dawn
Darkness is its deepest,
Facing fears we’ve drawn


How can loneliness dwell
With loved ones nearby?
Why the tiny doubts
Filling me with their cries?


So I turn my face away
Forget the winter’s chill
Celebrate Sun’s return
As my spirit thrills.

by Elspeth Sapphire



May the Blessings of the ONE be with you at this special time of year. The Wizard is going to confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards...

Posting will be irregular for the next while...Keep checking daily .. if there are no new posts that day, check the archives. I bet there is a lot that you haven't read yet.... Thanks again to my loyal readers who are part in parcel in keeping me posting to "The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow" You know who you are!

Take care,

--The Wizard

Yule Log Recipe


Yule Log 2/3 cup all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
5 eggs
3/4 cup white sugar
2 (1oz) squares unsweetened chocolate
2 tablespoons water
2 tablespoons coffee-flavored liqueur
2 tablespoons white sugar
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
confectioner's sugar for dusting

4 (10z) squares semisweet baking chocolate
1 (8oz) package cream cheese, softened
3 cups confectioners sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon coffee flavored liqueur

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly spray a 10 x 15 inch jellyroll pan and line with parchment paper. Sift flour with baking powder and salt and set aside.

2. In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs on high for several minutes until they are very pale and fluffy. Gradually add in the sugar, beating 1 to 2 minutes more or until very thick. Gently, but thoroughly, fold in the flour mixture.

3. Melt the chocolate in a small saucepan over low heat. In a small bowl, combine the 2 tablespoons of water with the 2 tablespoons coffee liqueur and the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar and the baking soda, then gradually stir into the melted chocolate until smooth. Quickly, but thoroughly, fold chocolate mixture into batter.

4. Pour batter into prepared 10x15 inch pan. Bake at 350 for 18 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. Lightly sift an even layer of confectioners sugar over a cloth napkin or tea towel (do not use Terry Cloth). Flip the cake out of its pan onto the prepared cloth as soon as it comes from the oven. Carefully peel away parchment paper. Lightly dust top of cake with confectioner's sugar, then trim away crispy edges. Starting with one of the short sides of the cake, immediately roll the cake up in the cloth, jellyroll style, and cool thoroughly on a rack.

5. For the filling and frosting: in a small saucepan over low heat, melt the chocolate. Remove from heat and let cool to lukewarm. In a medium bowl, beat the cream cheese with the confectioners sugar until smooth, and then blend in the vanilla extract and coffee liqueur. Blend in the melted chocolate. Unroll the cake and spread about 1/3 of the filling evenly over the surface. Roll the cake back up.

6. Arrange cake roll on serving tray, then first generously, swiping with an icing spatula to form the long 'bark line' design. Swipe ends of cake in a circular motion to simulate the tree-rings of a cut log.

Decorate log as desired with holly leaves and berries, mushrooms and snow.


Elf Yourself!


Elf Yourself - Click Here

Click Above.

Yes, That is The Wizard....

Grandma's Hands


Grandma's Hands

Grandma is some Seventy Seven plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was ok.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was ok.

She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, she said in a clear strong voice.

I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were ok.

Have you ever looked at your hands, she asked. I mean really looked at your hands?
I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands, as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled, shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.

They dried the tears of my children and caressed the love of my life. They held my young husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.

They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were firm yet gentle when I held my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band, they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They replied to the letters written home and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse and watched as my daughter walked down the aisle.

Yet, they were strong and sure when I grabbed my child and jerked her away from danger when a car was going too fast, and they clasped my children lovingly for stitches, broken bones, and measles. They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in anger when I didn't understand. They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body, and those of my family. From the day a new baby was born, to the day I washed my first love's body and prepared him for his final viewing.

They have been sticky, wet, bent, broken, dried, and raw.

To this day when not much of anything else of me works real well, these hands hold me up, lay me down, and continue to fold in prayer. These hands are the mark of where I've been and the richness of my life.

But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when He leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ - God Bless Grandma.


A Prairie Tale


Truck Got Stuck

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut,
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
With some difficulty

Stuck Truck
Well more rain than we'd seen for a thousand years
Caused financial joys and biblical fears
It caused some smiles it caused some tears
But more to the point of our story
For The first time in the collective memory,
That old brown prairie that had been so dry for so long was very muddy
Boggy and sticky
We'd pull one truck out and get another stuck in
And motors would roar and tires would spin
We'd sink right down, down to the diff,
and we'd all take turns and do it again
Till no one could move, we'd call one more friend,
Come on out here, we need you, bring your truck

Stuck Truck
The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford
And the Dodge

They got me stuck in the mud, so they couldn't rehearse
And Chavase too has missed his work
Richie, he now fears the worst, he stood up his ex wife she called him a jerk
Course Holman didn't have nothing better do to, 'cept ranch.

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford

Well it was truck after truck, we all got stuck
'cept the big old four by hutterite truck
We all thought 'lord are we in luck!
But he wouldn't come anywhere near us,
Mighty neighborly, mighty neighborly.

Stuck Truck
So we used a lot of our backs, a little of our brains
We jacked up the jacks, and snugged up the chains,
We all did our very best to refrain from shovelin.
We put what timber we had, underneath the wheels
And we was all out of sand, but managed to steal
Two sacks of the best modern canola seed you ever did see,
That 'oughta give us some traction

The Chev got stuck and the Ford got stuck
got the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up
But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut
Which eventually pulled out the Ford

We spilled genetically modified canola seed
That was genetically modified for controlling the weeds
And for big old yields and margarine oil, raised hell all over
that native prairie soil
Agriculture Canada is definitely gonna be looking for us

Performed by Corb Lund

Monday, December 20, 2010

Wise Words


Be Wise

Be Wise!Our strength

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but we are more beautiful, more powerful, unlimited than what we can possibly imagine

- Marianne Williamson -


Be Wise!Toe Nail Fungi

If you have a case of toe nail fungi do not worry you are not alone, and it is not a case of poor hygiene. To get rid of it, it takes a 2 month process.

In a pan big enough to bathe both feet, mix 4 cups full of bleach and 4 cups of hot water and soak your feet for 10 minutes twice a day. At the end of the 2 months you may want to check with your physician just to make sure there is no more fungi. If you are a woman (or maybe a free-thinking man!) remove nail polish for the length of the treatment.

Be Wise!Why the heat index matters

Created by the National Weather Service, the heat index (HI) tells you how hot it really feels when humidity is added to air temperature. When the HI is between 105° F and 130° F, heatstroke is possible with continued exposure or physical activity, if the HI is 130° F or higher, the heatstroke is highly likely with continued exposure.

Reduce your risk of heat-related illness by exercising outdoors during cooler times of the day when possible. If you must exercise in hot and humid weather, start with short, 10-15 minute bouts of low to moderate-intensity physical activity and gradually increase your time and intensity over to 10 to 14 days. This gives your body time to adapt to exercising in a hot and humid environment. Get plenty of rest, food and fluids before you exercise, stay hydrated during and after your workout, and take frequent breaks.

-Mayo Clinic-

Be Wise!Statins and Grapefruit juice

Do you take a statin drug?

If you do, say no to grapefruit. Grapefruit juice interferes with your body’s process for breaking down statins and certain other drugs. This can lead to a dangerous build up of the drug in your body. The effect of grapefruit juice on drugs tends to be long-lasting. So, avoiding grapefruit juice only at the time of taking your drug will not prevent an interaction. Grapefruit juice can affect the blood concentration of drugs for more than 24 hours after the grapefruit juice is consumed!

-CareWise News-



Be Wise!Give it up

Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody's watching, and love like you've never been hurt.

Be Wise!STEPS TO LIFE

WATCH WHAT YOU THINK,

IT BECOMES WHAT YOU SAY.

WATCH WHAT YOU SAY,

IT BECOMES WHAT YOU DO.

WATCH WHAT YOU DO,

IT BECOMES YOUR CHARACTER.

WATCH YOUR CHARACTER,

IT DETERMINES WHAT YOUR FUTURE WILL BE LIKE...

Be Wise!I knew

They say that you never know what you have until you lose it. This is not true, you know what you have; losing it is what makes you appreciate it.


Giggles, Gaffaws and Groaners...



Haeeya!

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Yes, we do!”

“Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”



The man applied for a job with a chain food store. “What is your experience with groceries?” asked the interviewer. “Well,” said the applicant. “I’m eating them all the time.”



Visiting a genealogist, a man asked how much it would cost to have his family tree traced. “It could cost thousands of dollars,” said the woman. “I see. Well, isn’t there an easier way? A less expensive way?” “Sure,” she replied. “Run for president.”



A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

HYUK!

Peter says. Doctor, I see double!

Sit on the chair please the doctor says.

Which one? Peter replied.



A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeƱo peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-la-pen-o", not "ho-lo-peen-yo".

The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."

The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please." The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers."

HYUK!

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward -- NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"


Yay!!