5 Things You Need To Survive The Impending Alien Invasion

By Mack Rawden

The alien plot to end the world by abducting humans on a massive scale will be revealed this Friday, when Skyline arrives in theaters. If I've learned anything from effects-driven event films, it's if the aliens ever do come, the people of Earth will assemble a special elite force of asskickers, scientists and one hot chick to fend off the invaders. There's a good chance they'll succeed, but if they don't, if they fall pray to those mutated owls or future tigers or amorphous green blobs, movies have taught me people will die and/ or be enslaved. Not all of us, just a rough percentage of the population I'll describe as falling somewhere between a lot and most. That's why you need to prepare for this massacre in advance. Wake up every morning with your alien-fighting face on. Tomorrow might be the day Earth needs you to become a champion. Some of you, at least.


If you're a slutty white female, a muscular black man, a smarmy lawyer... --more--