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Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My Buddy, George W
Bob Barker and friends
Bush a year after... He bangs!
Just what W needed!
Klan fan! (REMEMBER, THIS IS SATIRE....)
Ok, so, maybe he will marry someone more male in appearance?
And on the 8th day...
--Wizard's Note: If you don't like these or they offend you, make a comment! Who knows, I may even listen!
A lady found the fawn under her step (they think the doe might have been hit by a car) ....her Ridge Back dog is helping look after it.
The family named the fawn Bella. Once she has regained her strength (she was not in good shape when the family found her) they are going to send her to some friends who (in the past) raised two orphan deer and released them to the wild.
Right now she is being bottle fed. Their dog (Hogan) has basically taken over. The fawn even shares his bed.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Just got this in - surprising for this time of year to have a tiger shark so close inshore....
*Thanks, Bright Eyes!
12. Life is sexually transmitted.
11. Good Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
09. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
08. Managers are like slinkies........ Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs!.
07. Health nuts are really going to feel pretty stupid someday! Lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
06. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
05. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
04. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
03. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
02. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first !.
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2010:
May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
Happy New Year from
The One & Only Traffic Jam Philosopher !
The Wizard just bought a Zune HD Platinum. This is a really cool device! Thought I would share a review on how it stacks up against the iPod touch:
From PCMag.com, by Tim Gideon and Wendy Sheehan Donnell
Apple or Microsoft? The battle moves to your pocket with two new top-notch, touch-screen media players. Which one is right for you?
Microsoft's long-awaited Zune HD is finally here, and just in time to do battle with the latest iPod touch. The big question: Which touch-screen portable media player reigns supreme?
It's a close race, but technically, today, the touch has the edge, given its broad versatility: More than 75,000 easily downloadable apps can transform Apple's player into a full-fledged mini-computer. The Zune Marketplace, on the other hand, only offers a handful of add-on programs right now, but that's likely to change. Apart from the apps, the latest Zune is a smartly designed, well-executed device that keeps a sharp focus on music, video, and the Web. And it's the best non-Apple PMP you'll find. (After all, iPods aren't for everyone.)
So which of these pocket-size media powerhouses is right for you? Check out our full reviews of the iPod touch and the Zune HD (linked below) for the in-depth scoop on everything these devices can do. If you just want a quick, side-by-side rundown of the major features, take a look at our comparison chart. And check out our hands-on, head-to-head video to see the iPod touch and the Zune HD in action.
Compare the Zune HD and iPod touch features side by side.
I read the review and for the most part it is spot on. The zune software is just ok in my books, but it is easy to use and is functional. I have an 8 GB older Zune and I had decided that since that version of the software was already on my PC (running Windows 7), that I would see what would happen. Exactly as I had anticipated, Windows 7 identified the Zune and installed the basic driver. The Zune software loaded and was ready to update to the new version. I updated and that went quite well and easy. It came up with the usual configurations, ie. where I want the monitored folders etc. The cool thing was that I now have 2 Zunes connectable to my Zune software and the software identifies them both properly. I have different settings for both the Zune 8GB and the Zune HD 32. Picture quality is awesome, oled better than lcd, and touch screen is quick and responsive. My virtual keyboard works horizontally as do the pictures and videos. I had an argument with a co-worker and they said that their iPod Touch was significantly better. Hmmm. I am no Apple hater (I own a MAC), but my Zune HD is a really good device and does exactly what I want it to… subjectively speaking… I use it for music, family videos, and family pictures —> the Zune HD 32 is way up to the task! And good looks don’t hurt either! The Zune HD is NOT an iPod. It was NOT meant to be one!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when hey read this; those who didn't will be in disbelief.
1.. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2.. You know what 4-H means.
3.. You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted. (See #6.)
4.. You used to 'drag' Main.
5.. You said the 'F' word and your parents knew within the hour. (Are you kidding - we never said it!)
6.. You scheduled parties around the schedules of different police officers,because you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.
7.. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents anyhow.)
8.. When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes you still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
9.. You knew in which section of the ditch you would find the beer your buyer dropped off.
10.. It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
11.. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
12.. You didn't give directions by street names but rather by references. Turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks to Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field.
13.. You couldn't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
14.. Your car stayed filthy because of the dirt roads.
15.. The town next to you was considered 'trashy' or 'snooty,' but was actually just like your town.
16.. You referred to anyone with a house newer then 1965 as the 'rich people'
17.. The people in the 'big city' dressed funny, and then you picked up the trend 2 years later.
18.. Anyone you wanted could be found at the local gas station or the town bar or the restaurant.
19.. You saw at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town or one of your friends driving a grain truck to school occasionally.
20.. The gym teacher suggested you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
21.. Directions were given using THE stop sign as a reference.
22.. When you decided to walk somewhere for exercise, 5 people would pull over and ask if you wanted a ride.
23.. Your teachers called you by your older siblings' names.
24.. Your teachers remembered when they taught your parents.
25.. You could charge at any local store or write checks without any ID.
26.. The closest McDonalds was 45 miles away (or more).
27.. The closest mall was over an hour away.
28.. It was normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.
29.. You've pee'd in a wheat field.
30.. Most people went by a nickname.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time. On a hill. In the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
"(None of that Sissy Crap)
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good
But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever you're choking on.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.
Send this post to 10 of your closest friends, Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
The most interesting and unexpected facts can emerge from the daily news stories and the Magazine documents some of them in its weekly feature, 10 things we didn't know last week. To kick off 2010, here's an almanac of the best from the past year.
Click here to read at BBC Magazine.
*Thank for the link Erwin
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that… You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Do I know her?'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.' Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh!!
Friday, January 08, 2010
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to Little People.
Is Windows A Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down
the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -
okay, Windows does that too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along
with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows
does that, too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their
system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new
hardware. Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.
by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934
Martha's Way - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine's Way - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
Martha's Way - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine's Way - Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine's Way - Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's Way - If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
Maxine's Way - If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
Martha's Way - Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine's Way - Celery? Never heard of it!
Martha's Way - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine's Way - The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
Martha's Way - Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine's Way - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
Martha's Way - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine's Way - Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
Martha's Way - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine's Way - Leftover wine???? HELL-LLOOO!!!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
CNN Alerts: GLBT
A bill that would have legalized same-sex marriage in New Jersey was defeated in the state Senate Thursday by a vote 14-20.
Read the full story here.
Sent from my CrackBerry® wireless device