Jest Jokes...

Why was the glowworm unhappy?

Because her children were not very bright!



Harry Dunn lived with his mother in Ireland and was always bugging her to let him go the U.S.A. Finally she said he could go if he promised to write her every week to let her know how he was doing, He said he would , so off he went down to the docks.

Well she received letters each week telling her how he arrived in New York, how he had found an apartment, found a job, and had met Betty the girl in the office. He said he was so happy and that he and Betty were getting married. They had moved to Connecticut in a lovely little white house, and Betty was pregnant. Then the letters stopped.....

She was so worried she didn’t know what to do. She heard that one of the local lads was going over and she made her way to the pier. She found him and asked him if he knew her son Harry Dunn, he said he did not. She told him what had happened and asks him to look up Harry and tell him to write. He promised her he would at any cost.

Upon arriving in N.Y. he hailed a taxi, and told the cabby to take him to Connecticut (not realizing how big the USA was.) The cabby said that is quite a ways from here and quite costly. No problem I have to deliver a message for an old lady in Ireland. “Do you know Harry Dunn? He asked the cabby. “No I don’t think so” the cabby replied. The lad told the cabby that he lived in a little white house in Connecticut. So the cabby said when we get over the line I will pull into a station and you can ask the attendant if he knows you friend Harry Dunn.

So when they crossed over into Connecticut the cabby pulled into a little country service station. The boy jumped out as the attendant was coming to the car. The boy asked the attendant if he knew Harry Dunn and he said no. Where is the little white house? The attendant pointed and said right behind the station down that path, so the boy trotted down the path to the little white house (Privy-john)

He jerked the door open and there stood a man zipping up his pants “Are you Dunn?” asked the lad. Yes I’m done replied the man. “I have a message for you.”

‘What is the message” asked the man. “Write to your mother, she is worried sick over you.”



A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!” Fifty people swindled! Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey kid, this is an old paper, where’s the story about the big swindle?” The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!”



There once was an old man who was about to die. He told his wife to put a bag of money in the attic "When I die I'll get it on my way up." chuckled the old man. Well when the old man died the wife went up to the attic and found that the bag of money was still there. "I knew I should have put that money in the cellar!" said the old woman.



Reasons why it's great to be a guy

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. You know stuff about tanks.

3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

4. Monday Night Football.

5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

6. You can open all your own jars.

7. Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight.

8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

9. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.

10. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

11. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

12. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

13. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

14. Your last name stays put.

15. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

16. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

17. You can kill your own food.

18. The garage is all yours.

19. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

20. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

21. You never have to clean the toilet.

22. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

23. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

25. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

26. The National College Cheerleading Championship

27. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.

28. You don't have to shave below your neck.

29. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

30. Everything on your face stays its original color.

31. Chocolate is just another snack.

32. You can be president.

33. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

34. Flowers fix everything.

35. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

36. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

37. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

38. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

39. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

40. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

41. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

42. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

43. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

44. You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

45. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking: He must be mad at me.

46. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.

47. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

48. One mood, all the time.

49. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

50. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

51. Same work....more pay.

52. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

53. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

54. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.

55. You don't mooch off others' desserts.

56. The remote is yours and yours alone.

57. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

58. ESPN's sports center.

59. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

60. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

61. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

62. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.

63. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

64. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.

65. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.

66. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

67. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

68. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

69. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"

70. Baywatch

71. There is always a game on somewhere.