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Sunday, March 08, 2009

Gates fires God. Jesus too.


Lord .. I've got some bad news
"Lord .. I've got some bad news"

(Redmond, WA) God was let go today in a move that analysts say is sure to send ripples throughout not only the software industry but the very Cosmos itself. Blaming rising costs and falling profits Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates reluctantly gave the Heavenly Father his "walking papers".

Gates explained...
"Although we never actually SAW the Lord we all knew He was there. God did an excellent job during His tenure with us. He in fact invented Windows XP. He's mighty proud of that one. Hopefully He'll find work soon. I hear Apple is hiring."

Christian groups worldwide are protesting the firing. Reverend Jessie Jackson on Meet the Press openly expressed his outrage and indignation by biting the head off a live chicken. Gates, when asked if Jesus worked for Microsoft too replied, "Not anymore. I'm sorry for all the hardworking employees that we had to let go but with weekly profits barely reaching the billion dollar mark we had to do something. Gold plated drinking fountains don't come cheaply these days."

Apple CEO Steve Jobs told reporters that while his company did not need a Cosmic Deity at the present time that he would take God's resume and let the Heavenly Father know if “something came up".

Reverend Jerry Falwell is asking worshipers this Sunday to "put a little something extra" in the collection plates ... "for the Lord".

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