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***Disclaimer: The Wizard of 'OZ' makes no money at all from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. 'OZ' is 100 % ad-free***

Friday, June 27, 2008

From The Emerald City

The Emerald City


The Wizard is going to confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards...

Regular posting will resume on Tuesday!
Have a Happy Canada Day, eh? Meanwhile, Check the archives. I bet there is a lot that you haven't read yet....

Yours,

--The Wizard

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Dog honoured for alerting family to abandoned baby

Infant left on family's doorstep in nearly -30 C weather in 2007

By Wendy Gillis of The StarPhoenix


Peeka

(Saskatoon, SK, Canada) The unusual behaviour of his family dog Peeka first tipped Ed Anderson off that something strange was happening outside his door on a freezing winter day on Feb. 3, 2007.

But Peeka wasn't just acting up - she helped save the life of a newborn infant girl, leading to Peeka's induction Monday into the Purina Animal Hall of Fame as a Canadian animal heroine.

When the six-year-old Lhasa Apso would not stop her persistent barking and scratching, Anderson looked out his back window, but could not see anything unusual. He called to his daughter Mariel to quiet the dog. After she continued to make noise, Anderson knew Peeka was trying to tell him something.

"She usually alerts us when someone is walking down the street by barking and scratching at the door, but this time she was very persistent," he said.

Anderson opened the back door to his Lawson Heights home to find "a very big surprise" - a newborn infant, bundled in a towel and sleeping bag, lying on the back porch.

The baby was found, at around 10 AM. when "the temperature had dropped to -29 C, or -39 with the wind-chill. Anderson's wife, Lee, is a registered nurse at St. Paul's Hospital and was able to tell the infant was only hours old and I rushed her inside the house.

She was still breathing and had a pulse, but the infant was extremely red and wrinkled and was suffering from hypothermia.

Only hours before she ha given birth, in her home by her self. The post-secondary student had no family in the city and had kept her pregnancy a secret. Saskatoon police did not pursue criminal charges against the woman, and instead ordered her to get education and counselling.

Since the woman did not ring the doorbell and the family did not hear a car pull up to the house, Anderson gives full credit to Peeka for finding the baby before it was too late.

"We had plans that morning and we would have been heading out the door, but if it hadn't been for the dog it would have been a lot later," he says.

Peeka, which means "little one" in Norwegian, was nominated for the award by a family friend without the knowledge of the Andersons. She was one of five dogs in Canada to receive the hall of fame award, now in its 40th year. Anderson, who flew to Toronto to accept the award, was filled with pride following the ceremony.

"She really is such a lovable pet," he said.

Remember The Gremlin?

Click here

Reminisce! Click above.

Golden Ray photos of amazing mass migration


By Nick Allen, Telegraph.co.uk

Ray Migration

Looking like giant leaves floating in the sea thousands of Golden Rays are seen here gathering off the coast of Mexico.

The spectacular scene was captured as the magnificent creatures made one of their biannual mass migrations to more agreeable waters.

Gliding silently beneath the waves they turned vast areas of blue water to gold off the northern tip of the Yucatan Peninsula.

Sandra Critelli, an amateur photographer, stumbled across the phenomenon while looking for whale sharks.

--more--
*Telegraph.co.uk


*Thanks, Calvin

A Saskatchewan Taste Treat!


We grow 'em BIG here in Saskabush!


Chocolate Covered Grasshoppers (Crickets, actually)

Ingredients:
baker's chocolate
candied crickets

Directions:
Melt baker's chocolate in double boiler.
Fill molds halfway with chocolate, add crickets, fill rest of the way.

A tasty surprise in every one!


Avant Web Browser - "The Fastest Web Browser on Earth!"

For those of you that think Internet Explorer is too fat of a program (like The Wizard does...), Try the Avant Browser. It is based on IE but runs much faster - is skinable and packs a whole lot of configurations! You have so much to play with - it will keep you busy for hours! But even if you aren't an ├╝ber-geek like The Wizard, even in it's default mode it is far superior to IE and a better alternative than Firefox.

Check it out at www.avantbrowser.com.




Click on the above image for a larger view

Are You Up To Snuff?



Take the Moral Sense test. Click here.

Warning - English Joke!


UK-US Translation Guide:
"Aussie" = Australian
"Shag" = To have sex with


An Aussie was marooned on a desert island. His only companions were a male dog and a female koala. The dog and koala hit it off, and for a year the Aussie could only sit and watch while the dog humped the koala senseless.

"Lucky bastard!" thought the Aussie, "I could do with a good shag myself. "

One day a beautiful naked blonde was washed up on the beach.

"Hi. I'll do anything you want me to," she said to the Aussie.

"Great!!! At last, after all this time!!! Take the dog for a walk, love, while I shag this koala."

*Sick and Twisted Jokes


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Wizard's Magic Mirror


Guffaws, applause, hooplas boos. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic mirror, give me pause.
Do all my friends have fun reading 'OZ'?"


The Wizard's Magic Mirror

I see: Bill, Erwin, Calvin, Bran, Brian, Vince, Barb, Susan, Ann-Marie, Shawn, JIm, Cynthia, Judy, Chaz, Robert, (My Dad!), Jack, Daryn, Connie, Bob, Kelly, Ben, Cathy, Woody, Carl, Kerri, Pam, Barb K, Dale, Crystal, David, David C, Dwight, Lon, Jordan, Ken, SalTCBug, Tali, Vilija, Wanda, Jackie...

If you don't see your name here, don't fret! Perhaps I shall see you the next time I bring out my mirror!

Yours,

The Wizard.


Hottie 'O The Day


Hottie of teh day

Only great minds can read this**


This is weird, but interesting!


If yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psot, fwrorad it!

**Not True! Eveyone should be able to read it!

*Thanks, Vil

Burger King 911 Emergency!


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON NO NOISY KISSING, PLEASE!
"I and love don’t kiss me noisy love don’t kiss me only you don’t kiss me lost my love"


--lyrics from the song “Kissin’ Noise” by top Japanese pop band Glay




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON CROCODILE PRIESTESSES IN LOVE, OH SO TYPICAL
"Jungle Kiss!! When she looked into his eyes, felt his arms around her—she was no longer Tura, mysterious white goddess of the jungle tribes—she was no longer the frozen-hearted high priestess under whose hypnotic spell the worshippers of the great crocodile god meekly bowed—she was a girl in love!

SEE the ravening charge of the hundred sacred CROCODILES!"


--ad for the movie Her Jungle Love (1938)




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON UNIVERSITY PRESIDENTS, FUDDLED
"We certainly cannot consider Einstein as one who shines as a scientific discoverer in the domain of Physics, but rather as one who in a fuddled sort of way is trying to find some meaning for mathematical formulas which he himself does not believe too strongly, but which he is hoping against hope somehow to establish."


--president of Duquesne University (1931–39) Fr. J. J. Callahan




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON WEDDINGS, OUT OF CONTROL
"Nick Faldo has created a Roman love pavilion for his forthcoming nuptials. He has incorporated a recessed ledge so that the happy couple can mount upon it during the ceremony."


--Radio 2 (UK)




Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON THANKS FOR MAKING THINGS SO CLEAR, DON!
"The Sunday edition of the Boston Globe comes out on Sunday, and Sunday is tomorrow."


--announcer Don Orsillo, during a Red Sox game


The most complex, "mind-boggling" crop circle ever to be seen in Britain


The most complex, "mind-boggling" crop circle ever to be seen in Britain has been discovered in a barley field in Wiltshire.

Apex Photos: The circle is a coded representation of pi to the 10th significant figure.
The circle is a coded representation of pi to the 10th significant figure.

The formation, measuring 150ft in diameter, is apparently a coded image representing the first 10 digits, 3.141592654, of pi.

It is has appeared in a field near Barbury Castle, an iron-age hill fort above Wroughton, Wilts, and has been described by astrophysicists as "mind-boggling".

Michael Reed, an astrophysicist, said: "The tenth digit has even been correctly rounded up. The little dot near the centre is the decimal point.

"The code is based on 10 angular segments with the radial jumps being the indicator of each segment.

"Starting at the centre and counting the number of one-tenth segments in each section contained by the change in radius clearly shows the values of the first 10 digits in the value of pi."

Lucy Pringle, a researcher of crop formations, said: "This is an astounding development - it is a seminal event."

Mathematics codes and geometric patterns have long been an important factor in crop circle formations. One of the best known formations showed the image of a highly complex set of shapes known as The Julia Set, 12 years ago.


*The Telegraph
**Thanks, Erwin

Toilet Cleaning Instructions

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, trust me, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Wet Cat

Sincerely,
The Dog

Lauging Pup

*Thanks, Vil

Saskatoon Pride Parade 2008


they took the 2008 parade down, here's last years

Saskatoon Pride Parade 2007

Monday, June 23, 2008

Comedian George Carlin dies in Los Angeles at 71


AP Photo: In this undated photo originally released by HBO shows George Carlin in a promotional photo... LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.

Carlin, who had a history of heart problems, died at St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.

Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine about seven dirty words you could not say on television. A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of his "Filthy Words - Warning- The Heavy Seven are in this You Tube Video" routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.



*(Reporting by Dean Goodman; Editing by Patricia Zengerle)

"NEW" Politically Correct Terms


Politically Correct


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is, "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED".

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."


New Stealth Fighter!


New Stealth Fighter!

The Gay Witch!


The Gay WitchModern day religion has shunned both gay and lesbian followers, while Witchcraft, Wicca, still embraces both gay men and lesbian women. My feeling is that the leaders of certain religious sects that follow the path of Christ, greatly underestimates the value of our community, and mistakenly underestimates our worth in this world that we live in.

I have never bought into the belief that men nor women were created in the image of God, the Godhead is a concept that without us wouldn't even exist, for God to exist he or she must have followers, they must have believers, the Godhead is like everything else in this world, it is pure energy and for that energy to continue to grow it must be fed!

The politics that surround religion can be traced back to the beginning of time, but who is to say really when time first began, time is a magical concept that no one really understands, and yet there has been millions of dollars spent by modern day scientists trying to harness its power!

Throughout the ages homosexuality has been present and in just about any era traces can be found amongst the most famous and powerful of men and women. My belief is that the world is dynamically made up of a diverse group of people who have lessons to learn in both the masculine and feminine shell (body) and as we progress our spirits crossover prematurely and still have lessons to learn from it's past incarnation and so, when reborn, it still attempts to act out the lessons from it's most recent life, and although it may have chosen a masculine body for its current life, it may result in a feminine spirit trapped in a masculine body which proceeds to act out the lessons that it should have learned in its previous life, and in its previous body, therefore resulting in some very stylish and well dressed men! (lol)

When the spirit makes a decision on the soul level it is not a rational decision, the process used to derive at that decision is entirely different from the one that you and I use in the physical realm to make our day-to-day decisions and choices about how we are to proceed.

Homosexuality is not a mistake, it is a lesson to be learned by all whose path it crosses, it is not a choice and even if it were, chances are that we, Gay Men and Lesbian Women as a whole would not choose a life that is destined to be filled with such strife! Why would anyone choose to be this different? Why would anyone choose a life where you are consider a freak, a modern day leopard? I cannot speak for my gay and lesbian counterparts, I can only speak for myself, and I can say this with the utmost honesty, if I were given a conscious choice, if I could decide to be straight or gay, there would be no debate or question in my mind, I would choose to be gay! I would choose to be labeled a freak and I would gladly welcome a life filled with strife, why?

--more--


*MaleWitch.com

The Pharmacist Joke


RxA LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it ?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses !"


Saturday, June 21, 2008

Litha - The Summer Solstice


Litha
Litha

Litha- (leetha) Also named Midsummer of Summer Solstice, this is a Sabbat strictly for the sun. On June 21 or 22, witches acknowledge the God's light and warmth on the day when he shines the highest, brightest and longest. This is a time to rejoice in the full flood of the years abundance.


The Journey

Litha - The Summer Solstice

The well of worlds that swallows all whole,
The progression of seasons that circle my soul,
The wind and water, fire and sand,
On Earth's ebb and flow I travel the land,
On the wings of a Gull or thunder and light,
My goal is far out, but still within sight,
Though my heart filled with sorrow my vision is clear,
Although my body has faltered there is no fear,
As a whirlwind of fire sweeps the darkness away,
I cannot follow it is here I must stay,
Until I am one and all is complete,
As the Goddess protects me, I won't know defeat.

By: Aries


An explanation of Pagan Summer Solstice can be found here.


Friday, June 20, 2008

From The Emerald City


The Emerald City



The Wizard is going to confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with my brother wizards...

Regular posting will resume on Monday! Meanwhile, Check the archives. I bet there is a lot that you haven't read yet....

Yours,

--The Wizard


The ZUNE 2nd Generation - Doom for the iPod?


Microsoft Zune 8GB Flash Player
Move over iPod! There's a "ZUNE" CONTENDER in town!


After picking up my new Microsoft Zune 8GB Flash portable device*, I have a few things to say about it. The main pad is a cinch to use, a swipe of your finger to the right advances to the next song, video or whatever mode you are in. There are dedicated buttons for play/pause and back.

1. It's Sleek, light-weight, and classy. (like an iPod)
2. Does podcasts (like an iPod)
3. Plays .wma as well as .mp3 files, as well as .wmv (Not like an iPod)
4. It's got a cool Social function that detects and allows you to connect with another Zune and transfer entire songs from that Zune to yours and Vice - Versa - wirelessly! (Not like an iPod)
5. Available in Black, Red and Pink (I don't think like an iPod)
6. Oh and did I mention it's way cool?


Specifications:

-Released 13 Jun/08. Boasting a wafer-thin profile, 8GB of storage, intuitive touch controls and a host of totally unique features, the Zune is taking Canada by storm. With new and amazing features like Wireless Sync, Zune-to-Zune sharing, and more, there’s nothing else out there like it.

Audio Support For Mac: No
Audio Support For Windows: WMA, MP3, CBR, VBR, AAC
Battery Life: Up To 24 Hours Audio/ 4 Hours Video
Charge Time: 2 Hours (90%), 3 Hours (Full)
Display: 1.8" Colour
Included Accessories: Headphones, Sync Cable, 3x Foam Earpiece
Ports: Zune Sync, Headphone Jack
Product Warranty: 1 Year Limited Parts & Labour
Size: 41.4(W) x 91.5(H) x 8.5(D) mm
Skip Protection: Yes
Storage: 8GB
Weight: 47 g
Windows Requirements And Software: Windows XP/Vista With Zune Marketplace

Price: Futureshop CDN$ 189


So far - it seems superior to an iPod - and though it requires the Zune software to be on your PC, (same as iTunes, but sleeker again!), as soon as you plug it into an open USB port it charges and syncs with your PC. I loaded 2500 songs and about the same number of pictures and a couple of movies. That went fairly quick, but future sycs will be even faster.

And sorry iTune users, the Microsoft Zune will not play music purchased thru iTunes, but it will play music from sources, say, that are not technically approved. It also plays DRM protected music.

*Also available as a 4GB Flash (CDN$139), and an 80GB Hard Disk (CDN$249)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

6th Human Foot washes up just off Vancover Island


It's a hoax: sixth foot not human

The British Columbia Coroner's Service says a prankster is responsible for what was first believed to be a sixth human foot that washed ashore off the province's coast.

The coroner's service said it was actually an animal paw that was inserted into a shoe. It was discovered yesterday when a woman spotted some bones protruding from a size 10 black Adidas running shoe. The coroner's service today called the hoax reprehensible.

Five feet have been found in the Vancouver area since last August, including four right feet and a left foot. Authorities say they haven't reached any conclusions about the origin of the feet.


5th right foot adds to B.C. mystery
2nd foot this week, and 6th in total, found off west coast


Doug Ward and David Wylie, Canwest News Service
Published: Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Lots of FeetVANCOUVER - The grisly saga of human feet washing ashore on the coastlines of British Columbia became even more macabre Wednesday with the discovery of a sixth human foot on a beach in Campbell River, B.C.

The sighting of a right foot encased in a size 10 men's black Adidas running shoe on a sand spit on the eastern side of Vancouver Island provides more dread to the growing mystery of who these feet belong to, and how many more are out there, waiting to be found.

It's the second foot found in three days, and the sixth in less than a year.

The latest body part in a series of gruesome discoveries, which is capturing interest around the world, washed ashore on beach near the Thunderbird RV Park and Campground. The foot was discovered in the morning by a Campbell River woman who had been looking for rocks for a crafts project.

The unidentified woman had heard of the other human feet and rushed up to tell Sandra Malone, owner of the RV Park, to call the police.

Malone, who had also heard of the cases of the disarticulated feet, raced down to look at the latest finding.

"People are all talking about this. You wonder if it's a serial killer thing or what's going on," said Malone. "They're washing up all over the place."

Malone said she saw a right foot inside a black Adidas running shoe, which was sitting above the high-tide line about a metre from the grass.

"The woman who found it thought it was just a shoe until she saw the bones sticking out," said Malone.

B.C. RCMP Const. Annie Linteau said the latest foot and the shoe have been sent to the B.C. Coroners Service for analysis by a forensic pathologist will attempt to determine the source of the foot and if it is related to the other feet. A DNA analysis will also be conducted.

Until the forensic analysis is completed, there will be no comment by the police on whether the foot had been severed or belonged to a victim of foul play, added Linteau.

--more--
Canwest News Service
**Feet in picture are NOT the ones that washed up on shore... those ones were in sneakers, detached from the body. Couldn't find a pic of the real ones.. not that you'd REALLY want to see them!


Prairie Pride



Click on the Saskatoon Diversity Network logo to take a queer look at 'ToonTown.

©Saskatoon Diversity Network

Hottie of the day


Hottie of the day

Basic System Maintenance


One of the most common questions The Wizard has been asked has been, “Why is my computer so slow?” This has been followed closely by, “What can I do to speed up my computer?”

The answer can be as varied as the number of computers with the problem. The solutions can range from some simple maintenance to hardware repair/upgrades or even a combination. Here are some common things you can do to improve system performance.

  • Run a thorough scan disk.

    Errors in the files on your hard drive can reduce performance as can a hard drive that is developing physical errors. Scan disk will repair many of the file errors on your hard drive. Running the thorough scan disk will also check the hard drive for physical errors. Remember, depending on the size of your hard drive this can take a lot of time and you cannot do anything else at the same time. The best time to run scan disk is when you do not need to use the computer.

    Maintenance is next to Godliness...

  • Delete temporary files from your hard drive.

    Temporary files are usually the files left over after installing a program and can be safely deleted.


    Maintenance is next to Godliness...

  • Clean your internet browser cache.

    Cache files are those left over from your browsing experience. They mostly consist of images that your browser had to download in order to display on a web page you are viewing. (These are those pictures that you don't want your significant other to find =)

    Maintenance is next to Godliness...

  • Defrag the files on your hard drive.

    Defrag arranges the files on your hard drive so that they can be accessed more efficiently. This has two advantages. One, your system operates more efficiently. Two, your hard drive will last longer because it will not have to work as hard to access files.

    Maintenance is next to Godliness...

  • Perform a virus scan.

    Many viruses use so much of your system’s resources that they will greatly degrade performance. Some will even crash your system completely. Make sure your virus definitions are up to date and run a complete virus scan of your system. This should be done weekly.

    Maintenance is next to Godliness...

  • Check your system for spyware/adware.

    Many websites install spyware/adware on your system without your knowledge. These can be as simple as cookies that track where you surf to actual programs that give others access to your computer. There are many utility programs that you can download to scan for these files.

    Maintenance is next to Godliness...

  • Clean the dust out of your computer.

    It seems too simple but just having a dirty computer can slow it down. If there is an excessive buildup of dust inside your computer, it will cause a heat buildup. This heat buildup will degrade performance as well accelerate wear and tear on the parts inside your computer which can lead to the premature failure of a critical part. Remember to unplug your computer before opening the case. Also, remember to NOT bump any of the internal parts with the vacuum to prevent damage.

    These steps are something that we can all try if our system is running slow. If these do not get the performance of your system back to where you think it should be then a few more things can be tried. Many utility programs will perform deep checks on your system’s registry as well as look for missing shortcuts and even missing Windows files.

    Another possibility is that there are too many programs starting when you turn on your computer. In Windows 98SE or XP (both home and pro) this is easy to check using the msconfig utility. From the ‘run’ command type ‘msconfig’ and hit the enter key. This will bring up the Windows Configuration Utility where you can check what is starting with Windows and it gives you the option of turning off the auto startup of many programs. In other versions of Windows (95, NT, 2000) it would be best to have someone with a good working knowledge of the Windows Registry service your computer.

    If all this fails then you may need to reformat your hard drive or upgrade hardware. Remember too that you always have the option of taking your system in to a qualified service technician. Sometimes spending a little extra money will save you hours and hours of headaches or worse yet, the loss of data.


  • The Power of Television


    Two boys walk into the local London Drugs and one of them brings some tampons to the check-out.

    The clerk asks, "Do you know what these are for?

    The boy answers, "Not really."

    The clerk responds, "How old are you?"

    The boy with the tampons said, "I'm eight, but they aren't for me they're for my 4 year old brother."

    The clerk asks, "Why would your brother need these tampons?"

    The eight year old replies, "He said that he saw a commercial on TV and that if he uses these, he will be able to swim and ride a bike."



    YUK YUK YUK

    RED SKELTON ON MARRIAGE


    Red Skelton1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

    3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for ourm anniversary.

    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" She said. So I suggested the kitchen.

    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there is water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

    8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

    10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

    12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

    14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!


    Wednesday, June 18, 2008

    ONE BIG DUDE


    A little guy goes into a elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.

    The small guy faints away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, gently slapping his face and shaking him, "Are you alright?"

    In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say?"

    The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions almost everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown."

    The little guy then said "thank God, I thought you said turn around". Heehee!

    Popcorn and Cell Phones!



    And you think this is god for your brain?

    *Thanks, Barb!

    URGENT! MEDICAL ALERT!


    Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

    It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names "cocktails," "highballs," and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of...yep, you guessed it:

    Mount N Do

    "MOUNT & DO."


    Inner Peace


    Haha!

    I'm passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me... and at this time of year we all could use a little... calm! By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace...

    The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished... and before coming to work this morning I finished off a bottle of whiskey, a half case of beer, the Bailey's, my Tylenol 3's, some cigarettes and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin' good I feel! You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.


    I.Q. Test


    Now don't cheat. After you do the test... THEN click for the answers.

    Bonus points if you don't use a pen on yer screen!


    Click here for the answers.

    100 Bonus points if you did not use a pen to write the answers on your monitor screen!


    Cool Site 'O The Day


    Actual Government Sketch
    "Where did your remote go? That's right - I got it!

    And I saw your wife naked, too!!!"


    Click here.


    Tuesday, June 17, 2008

    From The Saskatoon StarPhoenix


    Quit making big deal
    The StarPhoenix
    Published: Tuesday, June 17, 2008

    K, we get it. They are gay, but do they need a week to celebrate it? When is Straight Pride Week, by the way?

    I'm not homophobic. I just think if gay people want acceptance, quit shoving it down our throats. This world we live in is getting absolutely stupid, already.

    (Name withheld)


    Dear (Name withheld),

    You obviously do not understand WHY we celebrate PRIDE week and WHY we march in a parade. We do this because we can -- there are those in other countries that still cannot even be "caught" being themselves, that is being Gay or Lesbian. In some countries, we are executed just for being born that way...

    As far as a Straight Pride week - all you have to do is organize one, so... get off your ass and do something that makes a difference in the world rather than complaining about "shoving it down our throats".

    Yours sincerely,

    The Wizard


    PRIDE

    Getting rid of mosquitoes


    Summer is here and with it - those pesky critters.

    Mosquito The best way of getting rid of mosquitoes is Listerine, the original medicinal type. The Dollar Store-type works, too. I heard that there was someone at a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone.

    A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes.

    And voila! That worked as well. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, Don't leave home without it...


    Help Preserve "Fair Use Copying*"


    If you think this is a worthwhile list, then I will strive to keep it current.

    In NO WAY am I SUGGESTING or ENDORSING that you CIRCUMVENT or attempt to UNLOCK any DRM enabled CD.

    I believe that if you buy a music CD then you should be able to copy it to your PC or portable devices for playback for your own PERSONAL use. What do you think? Make a comment!

    Click here for the list
    Click above to find the artist/titles that are copy protected.

    *Canada May Lose Copyright Fair-Use Rights
    Posted by kdawson on Sun Jan 14, 2007 03:47 PM
    from the rights-eh? dept. DotNM writes with an article from the CBC reporting that the Canadian government is considering removing fair-use rights from Canada's copyright law. From the article: "Exacerbating the situation is intense pressure from the United States, where Canada is considered a rogue when it comes to copyright and intellectual property. It still hasn't ratified a 1997 World Intellectual Property Organization copyright treaty... Two of the most controversial issues are [DRM] and the closely related technological protection measures."


    Quick Takes


    THE NERVE:

    Did you know that in the human body is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

    It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

    If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

    THE DIFFERENCE:

    What is the difference between a sewing machine and a lady jogging?

    A sewing machine only has one bobbin.


    Is Your Computer Safe?


    Check the security of your computer and run a free Virus Scan at Syamantec, (makers of Norton AntiVirus).

    Click here to test your security!


    Gay kids need YOUR support


    From the TV series 'queer as folk' on Showcase, Debbie Novotny, (Michael's mom), shows her support for her gay son and his friends. She is a wee bit 'off the wall' and 'way OUT there'! She is not scared by sterotypes and loves Michael and his friends unconditionally. I am not suggesting that every mom, (certainly not my own! ), should feel the need to be so LOUD and PROUD, but I think that your child needs the support of everyone that holds them close. As long as you support your gay kid in your own way. This may mean just listening and accepting your kids for who they are... after all, sexual orientation is but a part of their identity. (Maybe even tune into an episode of 'queer as folk' and get a look-see into some of what your kid may be going through...(be aware that sometimes the show is graphic, it is rated 18+)...

    My mother has been supportive of me and attended PFLAG meetings until she could better understand what her son was going through and what I struggled with my whole life. (Thanks, Mom! =)...

    To read a bit on Sharon Gless, (Novotny), a lesbian herself, Click on the Rainbow Flag.

    Click here to read about Sharon and Debbie.


    "Berle-sque"


    Uncle Milty

    "If opportunity does not knock, build a door"
    - Milton Berle -


    The Unstoppable Virus


    The Unstoppable Virus

    I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Microsoft, Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.

    It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1975.

    Symptoms:

    The Unstoppable Virus1. Causes you to send the same email twice.

    2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!

    The Unstoppable Virus3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

    4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

    The Unstoppable Virus5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

    6. Causes you to hit 'SEND' before you've finished.

    The Unstoppable Virus7. Causes you to hit 'DELETE' instead of 'SEND.'

    8. Causes you to hit 'SEND' when you should 'DELETE.'

    The Unstoppable Virus

    IT IS CALLED THE 'C-NILE VIRUS.'