Simon says

By Chloe Tse

Top 10 things we’ve learned from Simon Cowell


Snarky, sarcastic and serious, Simon Cowell has been the voice of American Idol since the show debuted in 2002. Having spent the past seven seasons searching for stars, he’s rejected countless hopeless wannabes and taught us all a lot about life in the music industry in the process.

The show is more than just about winning and losing – it’s about what we’ve learned from Simon.

1. The truth hurts
Simon says: "Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf."

Notorious for his way with words, you can count on him to be the one to speak the cold, raw truth. He delivers honesty straight-up, paying no attention to the dreams and hearts he crushes along the way. But, as Mom said, “honesty is the best policy” – and Simon backs her up: "All we're doing is telling people who don't have a chance in hell that they don't have a chance in hell."

2. Talent is subjective
Simon says: “I met someone the other night who's 28 years old, and he hasn't worked a day since he left college because he's pursuing a dream he'll never, ever realize: He thinks he's a great singer. Actually, he's crap.”

Contrary to what your daddy said to you when you were little, real talent is hard to come by – and whatever you’re good at, someone is better at it. Simon has helped make this clear to everyone lacking great talent who has auditioned to be on the show.

3. Humour is where the heart isn’t
Simon says: "That was a terrible impersonation of Elvis Presley. The dancing was hideous. It was just karaoke with a capital K."

It’s always funny when it’s being said to someone else – which is why it’s hilarious when Simon sends potentials packing without a trace of sensitivity in mind. It’s not personal, it’s humour.

4. High praise is hard to receive
Simon says: "You're like every dad who's ever got drunk at a wedding [and] got on stage and sang. The difference is, you can sing."

He recognizes talent when he hears it, generally sending his praise in the form of some backhanded compliment like when he said the above quote to eventual Idol winner, Taylor Hicks. It's rare to get one of these out of him, but when singers do it's a positive and solid reflection of their skills.

5. Appearance matters
Simon says: "Oh gosh, where do I start? I mean I'm not being rude but you look like the Incredible Hulk's wife."

An Idol is a package deal, and just like a regular job interview, appearance counts and first impressions make all the difference. Simon has also offered suggestions: ”Shave off your beard and wear a dress. You would be a great female impersonator.” Who says he’s heartless?

6. The natural selection process
Simon says: “If I said to most of the people who auditioned, 'Good job, awesome, well done,' it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. It's quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless.”

Not everyone is special and Simon has shown us that.

7. Being politically correct is overrated
Simon says: “I think you have to judge everything based on your personal taste. And if that means being critical, so be it. I hate political correctness. I absolutely loathe it.”

Being politically incorrect contributes to Simon’s charm but really it just perpetuates his funny. He makes his judgments based on his personal criteria, sparing no restraint when it comes to sensitive subjects like weight, style and even background.

8. Competition is about winning and losing
Simon says: “The object of this competition is not to be mean to the losers but to find a winner. The process makes you mean because you get frustrated.”

There’s bad, there’s worse, but there’s still some good – and Simon shows us the purpose of this competition is to find the best and select them as the winner. He’s clear about his objective and discards thousands of losers along the way.

9. Most times he’s right
Simon says: “Work hard, be patient, and be a sponge while learning your business. Learn how to take criticism. Follow your gut instincts and don't compromise.”

He’s capable of providing excellent insight in the industry and every few seasons, he offers some form of motivational speech to decent contestants. He’s harsh when he has to be, kind when absolutely needs to be and most times, he’s right.

10. Occasionally, he’s wrong
Simon says: "I was once offered money to judge somebody in bed, a couple. And I stupidly turned it down. It was about 100 grand, and I should have taken the money, because it would be a much more interesting story."

Everybody makes bad judgment calls. Too bad there’s no turning back time, Simon.

*TV Guide.ca