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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Catholics say "Too Much Sugar!" - No to Maoam Candy Porn


Fruity sweet wrappers spark complaint

A Catholic college has complained about new Haribo sweet wrappers which it claims portray fruit in sexual positions.

Maoam Candy Porn "We are shocked at the shameless presentation of sexual practices on the wrapping, which includes not only sexual intercourse but also fellatio and cunnilingus," wrote the St Blasien Jesuit College near Bonn.

The letter, complaining about the new packaging of Haribo's Moaom fruit chews, added: "It's irresponsible, to expose children to such pornographic representations."


The sweets wrapped in bright yellow, red and green colours show lemons, limes, strawberries, cherries and oranges playfully romping with each other.

But the college sees it differently. They were especially opposed to the lemon flavoured chews, which "undoubtedly show a green figure having sex with a lemon.

"The lemon, which from the drawing looks female, is obviously enjoying it with the greatest of pleasure."

Haribo bosses admit the new packaging is "very racy", but said in tests no complaints had been raised.

Spokesman Marco Alfter said: "The new wrapping is certainly fruitier than the old. But we have not had any other complaints. In fact until now the feedback has all been positive."


Quotable Quotes


My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
~Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness ... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires........but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was'shut up'.
~Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Billy Crystal


Self-Explanatory


Save Paper

The Check-Up

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied, "the sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she put it.

That is a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right.. I will fix it up right away." And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?" "Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull; all the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

Now, doesn't THAT make more sense than that story about the rib?


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Children....put a smile on our face and in our heart....lots of smiles to you!!


SOMETIMES YOU WANNA KILL 'EM AND SOMETIMES THEY LOOK LIKE ANGELS........

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

KIDS!

*Thanks, Andy!

"FRIENDS" VS. "SASKATCHEWAN" FRIENDS


FRIENDS: Never ask for food.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Always bring the food and lots of it.



FRIENDS: Will say "hello".



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. More than one.



FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad, and often.



FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Cry with you. And for you.



FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together. Then do the dishes before leaving.



FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from You. And most of the time knows you better than you do yourself.



FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you. Then walk beside you in the front of the crowd.



FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!" If you are not home they will wait.



FRIENDS: Are for a while.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Are for life. And then some.



FRIENDS: Might ignore this.



SASKATCHEWAN FRIENDS: Will forward this post to all their SASKATCHEWAN Friends!


*Thanks, Daryn

Birth control


There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's' office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away. There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well, the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, "the rhythm method."

"That will work," said the counselor, "if you keep a good record."

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. "I plan on using birth control pills," she said. Again he said, "Yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them."

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, "The pail and saucer method." After a short delay, he told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow-up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well, the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong. She replied, "I used the rhythm method, but somehow got my notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby."

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, "The birth control pill. But we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby."

He turns to the farm gal. "I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you?"

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit

Taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him."


*Thanks, Andy

Quickies:


Q: Why do doctors and nurses really wear masks during an operation?
A: If somebody f----s up, nobody will know who it was.


Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.


Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at the nursing home.


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.


Drum Roll

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a taxi I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Veronique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the heck, I'll give her a call.

"Hello? can I help you" the woman says. Wow! She sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all lone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9 first."


Drum Roll

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage Bags with her, one in each hand.

There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag...

"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!

So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."


*Thanks, Andy

~ Joe & Moe ~


Joe and Moe went outside to take a leak and Joe confessed,

"I wish I had one like my cousin Junior. He needs four fingers to hold his."

Joe looked over and pointed out, "But you're holding yours with four fingers."

"I know," said Joe with a sigh, "but I'm peeing on three of them."

HYUK!


*Thanks, Andy

Sunday, May 27, 2007

The Force


Jedi Knight

Sometimes when I am sitting in my car at a stoplight, I imagine myself as a Jedi Knight.



I close my eyes and concentrate on the Force.



Sometimes, I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works.



The light turns green, doesn’t it?


Earth Magnetic Field Reversal


Possible energy ramifications of diminishing magnetic field. How long will it linger at zero before reversing?

Toilet Flush
Toilet Flushing


Seeing the powerful earthquakes such as the December 26th, 2004 event that triggered the tsunami disaster, people are looking for possible causes for the apparent instability of earth's crust. "End-times" alarmists and backyard researchers believe that the predicted imminent reversal of the earth's magnetic field may be a significant clue to these eschatological-scale events.

Scientists have been observing changes in the direction of earth's magnetic field which took place recently as well as in the distant past. NASA’s website features a map showing the gradual northward migration of the north magnetic pole in the past century and a half. Since more than double the time interval has elapsed since the last reversal, compared to the time lapse between the previous two pole reversals, some believe we may be overdue for the next north-south flip. However, though the interval between reversals of the Earth’s magnetic field can be as short as 5,000 years, it can also be as long as 50 million years. There does not seem to be any logic or rule governing the planet’s behavior.

It is not only the direction but also the strength of this magnetic field that is a concern. In the time of dinosaurs, at an estimated 2.5 gauss, it was eighty percent stronger than it is now. This may have been one of the reasons such gigantic life forms thrived. It is now accepted that a catastrophic event ended the reign of giant reptiles. However, they did not re-evolve to equivalent dimensions. And the disappearance of mammalian “mega-fauna” in more recent times is still considered to be a mystery. The mastodons and mammoths would have towered over modern elephants. Why are there so few large terrestrial animals today?

What happens when you flush the toilet?

The world explodes


The smaller average size of modern animals may be due to the gradual decline of Earth's "steady state" (as opposed to “pulsed”) magnetism. Thousands of years ago the Chinese, with their astute discovery of bio-electrical energy flows known as “meridians”, learned that magnetism promotes vigor in biological life. They used magnetic rocks in medical treatment. In the past century there has been a further decline of earth's magnetic field by another five percent down to only 0.5 gauss. This has led Dr. Dean Bonlie to identify a "magnetic deficiency syndrome" resulting from the biological stress caused by the weakening of this "energy base" for life.

The weakening of earth’s magnetism is one of the factors believed to be predictive of a pole reversal. That magnetic field reversals have occurred in the past is confirmed in the geological record. What is unclear is how precisely the transition occurs, and what happens to life forms extant at the time of this pole flip.

Does the magnetic field drop to zero gauss? Dire predictions follow upon the heels of this theory. Electronic devices would all be at risk: there may be damage to, or complete loss of, all near-earth-orbiting satellites and possibly the space station itself. Effects on life forms could range from migrating birds losing their sense of direction to immune system decline and even widespread die-off from radiation-induced cancers.

Losing its protective magnetic envelope, the atmosphere would expand and become thinner, possibly leading to altitude sickness near sea level. No longer filtered out, deadly cosmic rays would kill most if, not all, living creatures on the surface. Only those living in deep caves would be safe. This scenario has prompted some to build underground bunkers in hopes of surviving.

QuoteTHE NOAH PLAN
A million years have come and gone.
The Earth is shifting towards the sun.
Synthetic atmosphere is lost,
And forces the computers off.
Communications are confused.
The tides reverse and start a chain reaction...

The seismograph prints out
incredible results.
It says we're losing all control.
We're losing all control.

The scientists around the world
decipher everything they're told,
but they don't really know.
They don't really know.

Instead of systematic,
the news becomes erratic.
No one can agree.
No one can agree.

The world is getting frantic
as people start a panic,
What does all this mean?

The sun is moving closer
and the atmosphere gets hotter
as the system overloads.
System overloads.

Fighting these adverse condition,
loading for the expedition,
Everyone must go.
Everyone must go.

The fools that think the worst is over
they won't live to be much older.
Why do they remain?
Why do they remain?

Everything is ready.
Everyone that's coming
has been safely brought on board...

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

Magnetic fields surrounding us,
and pounding is increasing
as the ship is taking off.
Ship is taking off.

The electronic shields
protect us from the heat.
We're slowly breaking loose.
We're slowly breaking loose.

The ship is lifting higher,
the Earth is growing smaller
as we leave the atmosphere.
Leave the atmosphere.

We watch the Earth get closer,
getting closer, getting closer
as it drifts into the sun...

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.

The time has come
to leave again.
Activate the Noah Plan.
Returning to
the universe.
Give out the word:
Abandon Earth.Quote

--Peter Schilling - Error in the System


Countering this frightening vision, NASA predicts that, rather than declining to zero gauss, the magnetic field would become disordered. Thus we might for short time have more than one north and south pole on the planet. This official scientific stance says that the magnetosphere which shields us from cosmic radiation would not entirely disappear either. Thus, while communications would be erratic and perhaps at times completely inactivated, humans would find ways to survive. However, there are dissenters in the ranks, pointing to the vast South Atlantic magnetic anomaly and radiation damage to satellites over that region attributed to weakening of the protective magnetosphere.

The disorderly-flip theory is supported by evidence from geology that in past reversals the decline was not total. Lava flows that solidified at Steen's Mountain during a lengthy reversal process show that the magnetic poles wandered across the equator three times. Though strength of the field was reduced to about 20% of maximum, there is no record that it fell to zero gauss during that transitional period.

The theory that activity in the turbulent molten outer iron core of the planet generates its magnetic field currently dominates scientific thinking. Stormy activity deep in the earth's outer core, believed to be filled with roiling convection flows of molten iron, is understood to generate the planet’s magnetic field. Such violent seething could affect the mantle as well, possibly disturbing the earth's crust and causing the quakes.

However, there is an alternate theory of how the magnetic field is generated. In his article, "Origin of the Earth's Magnetic Field", Ernest McFarlane outlines gaps in the molten-iron convection theory. He proposes a system of electronic cells in a crystalline metal core with hot spots of heavy metals releasing alpha and beta particles. Due to the high heat the alpha particles are unable to combine with the free electrons. "Consequently an electron current flow is produced and conditions are set up for the generation of current loops throughout the inner and outer core. ... magnetic fields are produced as a consequence, in accordance with the right hand rule of electromagnetic theory."

Which theory is right? We may find out from experience sooner than we can come to amicable agreement, given the conflicting theories and computer models. The actual dynamics may include aspects of both, or new insights not yet fully developed.

The sun reverses its magnetic field like clockwork every eleven years at the peak of the sunspot cycle. The next solar flip is due in 2012. South-pointing magnetic flux moves from sunspots, which are intense magnetic loops near the equator of the sun, along “meridional flows” to the north magnetic pole, and vice versa. As the oppositely-directed charge accumulates at the poles the field declines, until eventually the reverse charge predominates.

Scientists point out that the heliosphere does not wink out of existence during this reversal. The sunspots are intense magnetic knots, much stronger than the star’s main field, which continue to spiral outward even when the main dipole field vanishes briefly. Though the solar magnetic reversal is not completely understood, the Ulysses space probe has sent back detailed data which has supplied answers to many questions.

The mechanism that controls earth's field reversals may not be based on similar principles. For one thing, a planet does not seem to have any equivalent to the powerful sunspots. McFarlane refers to there being more than one north-south pole system and about 10% of the total field being involved in smaller extra fields. If these subordinate minor magnetic fields take up more of the magnetic activity during the main field’s decline, they might become active enough to sustain a minimal protective layer shielding the biosphere, even if the main dipole field declines to zero gauss. This could be important for our survival, as the Steen’s mountain lava flows indicate that the reversal took 4,500 years to be completed!

IMPLICATIONS FOR HUMANITY’S ENERGY NEEDS

Whether the magnetic field is primarily molten-metal flow dynamics or electron current loops, or a combination of those and other factors, a magnetic pole reversal may be of significance to the search for clean energy generation and transportation. If earth magnetic anomalies become more frequent or are concentrated in certain areas, we could see disruption of existing electrical grids, even without the dramatic atmosphere expansion and radiation damaging to life and computers.

PES Network Inc. wants to encourage people in all geographical regions to participate in magnetic-pole data collection and reporting. A community-editable directory page at PESWiki.com has been created for this purpose. It is recommended that you first establish a “base line” by determining the accurate magnetic north reading for your location, and report the number of degrees and direction of any deviation from this norm. If you are able to access equipment to determine field strength as well, this additional data would be of interest too.

This data may be useful in helping inventors and researchers test the tolerance of Zero-point technologies, magnetic motors and other new generation systems in adverse situations. As we may have to live through ongoing magnetic disturbance for a long time, we will need to know whether the new systems will be robust under conditions of planetary pole reversal.

Ordinary citizens do not usually have access to instrumentation that would allow them to examine the deeper layers of the planet, nor the high atmosphere, nor the magnetospheres in space. However, if many people collect observations on magnetic field direction from different locations across the continent of North America, and indeed around the world, this data may become relevant in more ways than feeding "end-time" theorizing.

The subject is complex, and whichever scenario may be about to occur, some individuals have been taking note of unusually large fluctuations in the apparent position of the magnetic north pole. Using a large, stationary, home-built compass, one individual in western Canada noticed a ten-degree variation within a few days. This was so unusual that, concerned about a sudden pole shift, he described and published his observations, and asked for input.

No one else was seeing this rapid "pole shift". (except this guy...)

Grunt


On borrowing a very sensitive water-filled portable compass and quartering the area, he discovered that this was indeed a highly localized anomaly in which his domicile happened to be situated dead center. See his recorded readings at the link below. He is now theorizing that the phenomenon may be a vortex related to the nearby extinct volcano Mount Ida. Vortices have been known to occur in volcanic mountain areas, and in the past some have become tourist attractions.

Individual observations are of value, but need to be balanced by additional data from a much wider geographical area. Thus alarms about sudden general "pole shift" may be put to rest, and anomalies studied for what they are.

Ted Twietmeyer is one of those calling for volunteers to join in a non-profit effort to track the magnetic pole shift -- or apparent pole shift. Summaries and links to this data would be appropriate for the above-mentioned PESWiki directory.

by Mary-Sue Haliburton
Pure Energy Systems News

Visualizations


There are a lot of visualizations out there but there is one that has them beat--Annabelle The Sheep that comes with Real Player...

Annabelle the Sheep is a stick figure sheep with a pink bow around her neck, standing on grass, next to a fence, with a blue sky in the background. Her legs will move in various ways depending on the intensity and tempo of the sound, and sometimes her head will bob up and down. It's very cheezy, kind of like something that would have taken the entire capacity of a Commodore 64 to draw.

But it gets better. Other things start happening if you look long enough. So far, I've seen birds fly by in the background, the moon rise from the horizon, Annabelle's eyes alternately bulge out to the music (like, say, Large Marge from Pee Wee's Big Adventure,) and the oddest thing, a disco ball come down from the top of the screen and flash little lights all over the animation.

Interestingly.. I found an Easter Egg in Annabelle:

Click on her and you can put her in a top hat and more! Believe it or not you can make Annabelle GAY! (A DRAG name perhaps?!!, heehee)


Gay Annabelle
"The Pink Sheep of the Family"


With all the psychedelic visualizations out there from the other vendors, this is so incongruous that it's just damn funny.

Why dogs attack people...


Dogs in funny costumes

Dogs in funny costumes

Dogs in funny costumes

Dogs in funny costumes

Dogs in funny costumes

Whadda Ya Think? Which "RED" Dot Is Bigger?


Which red dot is bigger?

Ask The Wizard for the answer.

Meth Dangers


Dealing with Teenage Methamphetamine Use

Crystal Meth


Identifying and dealing with teenage drug use is a frightening prospect for any parent. But we live in a world where teens have so many opportunities for losing their way. They have the time and money for vices and less supervision at home. And drugs today are even more powerful and addictive than ever.

Methamphetamine (known on the street as "speed," "meth," "crank," "crystal-meth") is a central nervous system stimulant that is among the most dangerous drugs available. Like cocaine, it is a powerful "upper" that produces alertness and feelings of elation, along with a variety of adverse reactions. Methamphetamine is sometimes called the "poor man’s cocaine," because it costs nearly the same as cocaine with much longer lasting effects.


Crystal Meth User


Methamphetamine can be swallowed, smoked, snorted, or injected. Under the influence of the drug, users often become agitated and "wired." Their behaviour becomes unpredictable: friendly and calm one moment, angry and terrified the next. Once users become too tired to continue using or run out of meth, they will begin to "crash." Initially, the crash is marked by agitated depression, which soon gives way to lethargy, followed by a long deep sleep. Once the user awakens, the depression returns and may last for days. This is the time when the potential for suicide is high.


Crystal Meth and Safe Sex


With prolonged high-dose use or long binges, stimulant psychosis may develop. User may feel intensely paranoid, hear voices, and experience bizarre delusions (such as thinking that people are talking about and/or following them). Methamphetamine-induced panic and psychosis can be extremely dangerous and may result in incidents of extreme violence.

Dangers and consequences of meth use include:


  • sleeplessness
  • nausea, vomiting, diarrhea
  • skin ulceration and infection, the result of picking at imaginary bugs
  • paranoia, anxiety, irritability
  • depression
  • increased blood pressure due to the constriction of blood vessels (may produce headaches, chest pain, or irregular heartbeat and lead to stroke or heart attack)
  • seizures
  • permanent brain cell damage
  • for intravenous (IV) users: AIDS, hepatitis, infections and sores at the injection site, and infection of the heart lining and valves (endocarditis)


Body by Crystal Meth


If you are a parent concerned that your teenager may be using meth, there are symptoms you should look for. You may notice a striking degeneration of your child's attitude, school attendance and marks, dress, personal hygiene, complexion and skin condition, along with increased mood swings, weight loss, and irregular sleeping patterns such as long waking and sleeping periods (days). A change of friends, secrecy, missing monies and valuables, dropping out of extra curriculum activities, and verbal aggression and/or the threat of physical aggression are also warning signs.

If you suspect your child of drug use, contact a professional or counselor to help guide you through the process of acknowledging, confronting, and dealing with this problem. Professionals, non-profits, and faith-based organizations are available throughout Saskatchewan to help you and your family through this difficult time.

Teen Challenge Saskatchewan
Phone: 306-664-4673


Taco Bell Launches New 'Morning After' Burrito


Taco Bell PURCHASE, NY—Hot on the heels of last week's FDA approval, on Monday PepsiCo subsidiary Taco Bell launched its controversial "morning after" burrito, a zesty, Mexican-style entree that prevents unwanted pregnancies if ingested within 36 hours following intercourse.

Developed by a team of top Taco Bell gynecologists, the $1.99 "ContraceptiMelt" burrito creates an inhospitable environment within the womb, causing fertilized ovum tissue to be flushed from the body.

Also available are ContraceptiMelt Supremes, featuring sour cream and extra cheese.

Morning After Taco Taco Bell officials are excited about the offering. "In the past, before Roe v. Wade, young women literally had to 'make a run for the border' to terminate an unwanted pregnancy," Taco Bell public relations director Grant Lesko said. "But now, women can make that same run for the border at over 7,300 convenient locations right in their own hometowns."

Possible side effects of the new birth-control snack item include weight gain, stomach upset and gas, the same as with all other Taco Bell products.

--more--


*The Onion

What users hate most about Web sites


Too many sites are low on usability and high on annoyance

Bad Website



Click here to view 'The World's Worst Website Mistakes'

Let's hope that you don't find 'OZ' this anoying!

Users have a short fuse when they are browsing the Web, according to Theresa Cunnington, senior usability consultant with services firm iFocus.

"It doesn't matter how cool a Web site looks, if users find it impractical they will head to your competitor's site, which is only a click away," Cunnington said.

"Flash animations are an obvious, yet stellar, example of what users hate in a Web site; the skip intro button is the most used button on the Internet.

"Users hate flash because it's a barrier to the site."

Cunnington describes Flash as a classic example of "Jurassic Park Design," that is, designing what you 'can,' rather than what you 'should.'

She said Web sites are constantly torn between form and function and as technology changes, new variants on old issues stand out, and new problems emerge.

Head of Comunet's Web site design, Damien Coyle believes design is crucial for an effective Web site.

"You need to represent your corporate image, which should reflect company ideals," Coyle said.

"Not everyone is going to access your site so you need only address the target audience."

The top five Web site quirks that users hate the most, according to iFocus are:

1. Invasive advertising: Cunnington says users widely despise ads that cover content, ads that flash wildly and ads that chew broadband.

2. Re-inventing the wheel: people do not want to have to learn how to use a site before they can browse it, Cunnington said.

3. 'Leap of faith' links: that means disclosing information on content and file size.

4. Attention-deficit Web sites: "Users have a special hatred of flashing icons and banners, because they draw the eye away from what is important and hinder their progress," Cunnington said.

5. War and Peace length: "A common mistake in Web design is to just [convert] a brochure to the Web. But the Web is its own medium, and communication has to change to reach users. Users are known to read 25 percent slower on the screen than on paper, read fewer words and don't like long pages which require scrolling down," she said.

Another problem is site blindness. "We are now seeing right-column blindness, where users do not see information and links down the right hand side of the screen. This occurs because the right hand column has become known for advertising," Cunnington said.



*By Sandra Rossi, Computerworld Today (Australia)

Marzipan Babies

Can you believe this icing?

Thought you'd be as fascinated with these as I. These are made with marzipan ... really unbelievable!

While some of the faces may look "crafted" rather than "real", every detail is amazing, and the rest looks VERY real.


Marzipan Babies

Marzipan Babies

Marzipan Babies

Marzipan Babies

Marzipan Babies

Marzipan Babies


**Apparently these are not Marzipan, but sculptures. Click here for the true answer.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

The Legend of Sailor Dan


The Legend of Sailor Dan
By David Hutton, The StarPhoenix
Published: Saturday, May 26, 2007



Sailor Dan - In his own words... Click above



Dan Hicks, known by many as Sailor Dan, sits at a booth in the back corner of a McDonald's, where he comes almost every day.

His red shoes, green socks and yellow corduroy pants are complemented by a shiny dollar sign belt buckle. A worn-down mermaid tattoo is visible below his rolled up sleeves. His coffee sits on the table to his left - no cream, two scoops of sugar. Directly in front of him is a clean white bristol board. He takes out one of the six black sharpie pens hooked to his shirt collar, lifts off his fluorescent orange Mickey Mouse hat, slicks back his silver and black hair and begins to draw, one line at a time.

"It's like x's and o's," said Hicks, his voice grizzled.

His right hand draws quickly while his left manoeuvres the white board. When he glances up to chat or answer a question his hands keep moving, like clockwork, the work slowly coming in to view, as if he's drawn it a million times, as if the end result was never in question.

Hicks finishes the body, then the sails, then, for good measure, an anchor in the bottom left corner.

Voila, a Sailor Dan original - a sail boat, the same drawing you've seen a hundred times in Saskatoon, in kitchens, bedrooms, basements and living rooms, behind shop counters and being held up by Dan as he panhandles in front of this store and that.


*****


Everybody knows Sailor Dan. At least that's what everybody tells you. There's even a group on Facebook, the social networking website, dedicated to him called Friends of Sailor Dan, which has more than 900 members trading stories, memories and sailboat sightings.

"I'll never forget seeing Sailor Dan running across Broadway in leather chaps and a leather vest and then the next day he was in full sailor garb . . . he's such an awesome guy!" says one post. "We picked him up once and took him to a party. He ate all of our raw hot dogs and then left," says another.

When Hicks sees the site for the first time, his bad vision forcing him to squint at the screen, he's astonished.

"A guy like me has all these friends," he said, smiling in disbelief. "It's like waking up and it's your birthday."

At a concert at Lydia's pub earlier this month, the frontman for the Apostles of Hustle started describing a guy he'd seen outside before the show. Before he could finish the anecdote, the crowd yelled out, in unison, "Sailor Dan."

In Saskatoon, "there really isn't anybody that does what he does," says "Kiwi," Dan's close friend, Kerwin Hein. "In Toronto or Vancouver, lots of guys are doing what he does. In Saskatoon, he's a novelty, he sticks out like a sore thumb."

Along his regular route, down Eighth Street to Broadway Avenue and back, he receives nods and hellos from the workers of almost every store. At the PetroCan gas station, one of his more frequent stops, some of the staff consider him a good friend.

"If I went somewhere else," Dan says, "nobody would know me."

"Every day's a holiday," Dan said. "That's why I never leave town."

--more--


*Canada.com

Radio Prank on an Irishman - The Morning Zoo


Telemarketer Prank - click here

Click above for funny clip. (wma - ~1.8 MB)


*Thanks, Andy

Assicons


We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?' Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass



(__!__) a fat ass



(!) a tight ass



(_*_) a sore ass



{_!_} a swishy ass



(_o_) an ass that's been around



(_x_) kiss my ass



(_X_) leave my ass alone



(_zzz_) a tired ass



(_E=mc2_) a smart ass



(_$_) Money coming out of his ass



(_?_) Dumb Ass


*Thanks, Allan

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON GEOGRAPHY PROBLEMS, CONTINENTAL SIZE

Family Feud host Richard Dawson: Name a country in Africa.

Contestant: South America.


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON THE NEED FOR MORE COMPUTER BOOKS FOR DUMMIES

Tech support: OK, sir, we’ll do a file search to find it. Can you please click on Start, then Find, then—

Customer: Don’t talk down to me like that! I’m not an idiot—I know what I’m doing!

Tech Support: OK, sir, please Start, then Find to do a file search.

Customer: How do I do that?





STUPID is as STUPID Says!


ON POLICE BLOTTER REPORTS, NOT SO THRILLING
Personnel at the Farmer’s First Bank on N. Cedar Street reported at 10:15 a.m. on May 13th the discovery of a mound of hair on May 10th.


--from the Lancaster (Pennsylvania) Intelligencer-Journal






STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON BASKETBALL TEAMS, SATANIC
"Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King."


--church bulletin listing






STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON QUESTIONS, PRESSING
"The Queen’s speech today is unprecedented, but just how unprecedented is it?"


--broadcaster Howard Hughes, Capital FM (UK)






STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON AND IF GOD HAD WANTED GOVERNORS TO MAKE GOOD POINTS...
"If God had wanted boys to wear earrings, he would have made them girls."


--Alabama governor Don Siegelman