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Saturday, March 31, 2007

Sexual predator released in Sask


Very important - please read this & pass it on to everyone you know.

Keep your eyes out for this one....Estevan is not far away!

There was an incident involving a young figure skater at the rink in Estevan on Monday night. A man matching the description of the sexual predator shown in the link below apparently sat and watched figure skating practice. He then found one little girl in the dressing room alone.

He went in and shut the door. He did some very obscene things in front of her and said some terrible things. Thankfully he was interrupted by the instructor before things got too out of hand.

As he ran off the last thing he said to her was "I'm not through with you yet!" They were unable to contain him. The schools in Estevan have been warning the kids about this sexual predator who loves to prey on young females (typically ages 14 &under).

Click on his picture below for further information.

Click here for more information


*Thanks, Daryn

Jesus is watching you....


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Parrot Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

Rottweiler "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

*Thanks, Daryn

Brooms


Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"


"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.



Are you ready for this?


Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.



BroomBroomBroomBroomBroomBroomBroomBroom

BroomBroomBroomBroomBroomBroomBroomBroom




"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"


Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy...

even these silly little cute.....and clean jokes


Sounds to me like she's been "sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Out of the mouths of Babes...


A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.

They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.

The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"


*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON WE’RE NOT SURE EITHER
"This taught me a lesson, but I’m not sure what it is."


--tennis star John McEnroe


One, Two, Three IKEA


3 IKEA Ads- click here

Click above for these 3 IKEA Commercials. (wmv - ~1.7 MB)


*Thanks, Andy...

What does a $1500 USD Keyboard look like?


Optimus Maximus Keyboard

Optimus Maximus
Optimus Maximus
Optimus Maximus


A first look at the finalized Optimus Maximus keyboard. Here's what a $1,490 USD keyboard looks like.

Well, what do you think? Is it worth $1,490?


*Tech Republic

Easter in Canada..eh!


Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."

St. Peter fainted.


*Thanks, Rimsky!

Wheel danger?


Safety questions prompting Midlands stores, centers to ban popular shoe

Ed Carney wishes Heelys had been invented a generation ago.

“They look like a lot of fun,” the Riverland Hills Baptist Church minister said.

Heely'sBut while the kid in Carney appreciates the popularity of the skating shoes, the adult in him recognizes the potential hazards. That’s why, like a lot of businesses and other organizations throughout the Midlands, Riverland Hills banned Heelys.

Those long church hallways were just too much temptation for kids who pop those wheels out with ease and roll along rather than walk.

Of course grocery store aisles, recreation centers, malls, airports, bookstores and restaurants are just as tempting.

Schools, knowing kids as they do, banned Heelys soon after they were introduced. But recently, such businesses as Food Lion, Barnes and Noble on Harbison Boulevard and the YMCA in northwest Columbia have posted signs saying Heelys are not allowed.

“It has to do with liability if they got hurt in one of our stores, as well as the fact that they interfere with our customers’ shopping experience,” said Kimberly Blackburn, corporate spokesman for Food Lion.

The edict for Food Lion is companywide.

What’s sad is businesses have had to ban the wheeled shoes because parents haven’t been responsible enough to monitor and control Heely abuse.

“I cannot blame local businesses at all for banning Heelys,” said Nancy Corbett, a mother of two boys, who are not allowed to wear the shoes. “They do not need the liability from careless kids and unconcerned parents.”

Columbiana Centre doesn’t have a rule banning Heelys, but they do forbid skating. Kids can wear Heelys, but they’ve got to keep the wheels in. When security guards see kids skating with their Heelys, they ask them to stop.

“We’re pretty active about making sure parents know kids shouldn’t be rolling with their shoes,” mall spokesperson Jen Mackie said, adding they haven’t had a big problem with Heelys.

Two of John Norton’s three sons have Heelys, but he simply doesn’t allow them to skate in stores or other inappropriate places. If they forget? “I just pop out the wheels,” Norton said.

Perhaps the kids wearing Heelys aren’t trying to misbehave — they just haven’t been told when it’s inappropriate to skate with their shoes.

“I find the kids using them really cute,” said Tom Quattlebaum, whose son no longer wears them. “I have never seen any kids wearing them that looked rough or acted offensive.”

Carney hates putting the damper on the kids’ fun, but can’t risk them bumping into others in the church’s crowded hallways.

“Anyone moving as fast as they move, in halls where there are senior adults ... they haven’t perfected their skills to the point they don’t make mistakes,” Carneys said.

And obviously many parents haven’t either.

Patterson writes an occasional column on parenting and family issues.

HEELY SAFETY

As the number of children wearing Heelys continues to grow, some people have raised concerns about their safety.

Yet several Midlands physicians said in January they find Heelys less hazardous than other popular children’s activities.

They said there are two prime times for Heely injuries: When kids first try the footwear and when they become experienced and attempt difficult tricks.

Here are some safety tips:

• Avoid uneven surfaces, including cracks and areas with debris.

• Stop by shifting weight from your heel and putting your toe down.

• Skate with one foot in front of the other. Skating with feet parallel could cause a fall.

• Wear protective gear while “heeling” — helmet, wrist and knee guards.

• Heel in open areas. Parental supervision is important.


*By LEZLIE PATTERSON, The State.com

Miracle nun says she was healed by former Pope


Looking a picture of health, Sister Marie-Simon-Pierre had no problem walking to her press conference. But two years ago, it was a different story. Suffering from Parkinson's disease, the French nun was about to quit work. She prayed to Pope John Paul II after his death for healing.

Soon after she found her hand was steady enough to write. "I felt completely transformed. Inside I just did not feel the same any more. It is difficult to explain. I cannot say what I really felt inside. It was too strong, too big, a mystery," Sister Marie-Simon-Pierre said.

The nun, who works as a maternity nurse, will be the main guest next week in Rome, when the Vatican receives documentation supporting the case for the former Pope's beatification. If her recovery is recognised as a miracle, due to his intercession with God, John Paul II can be beatified. A second miracle is needed for sainthood. Church experts expect there will be a positive finding.

Watch the video


Friday, March 30, 2007

How Canadians are ruining the Antarctic...


It's a shame...


How Canadians are ruining the Antarctic...
*Thanks, Bright Eyes!

The 411 - Easter Bunny

Easter Bunny
The Easter Bunny is a traditional holiday character in the form of a giving rabbit which is said to leave gifts, usually Easter baskets for children at Easter (or at springtime). It originates in Western European cultures, where it is a hare rather than a rabbit.

411 The Easter Bunny is an example of folklore mythology and is sometimes taught to children to believe in. Some people don't approve of teaching of an existence of the Easter Bunny. Not everyone believes in the Easter Bunny, and many, if not most, eventually "grow out of" their belief. Other prominent examples of this are Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

Many families participate in the roles of this myth without believing in it literally as a form of play or tradition.

411 Eggs, like rabbits and hares, are fertility symbols of extreme antiquity; since birds lay eggs and rabbits and hares give birth (to large litters) in the early spring, these became symbols of the rising fertility of the earth at the Vernal Equinox.

My butt urts! --- What???The saying "mad as a March Hare" refers to the wild caperings of hares as the males fight over the females in the early spring, then attempt to mate with them. Since the females often rebuff the males' advances before finally succumbing, the mating behavior often looks like a crazy dance; these fights led early observers to believe that the advent of spring made the hares "mad". Rabbits and hares are both lagomorphs; they are prolific breeders. The females can conceive a second litter of offspring while still pregnant with the first (the two are born separately); this phenomenon is known as superfetation. Lagomorphs mature sexually at an early age and can give birth to several litters a year (hence the saying, "to breed like bunnies"). It is therefore not surprising that rabbits and hares should become fertility symbols, or that their springtime mating antics should enter into Easter folklore; however, the notion of a rabbit that lays eggs seems to have emerged from a confusion of two formerly separate symbolisms.


411 The precise origin of the custom of colouring eggs is not known, although it too is ancient; Greeks to this day typically dye their Easter eggs red, the color of blood, in recognition of the renewal of life in springtime (and, later, the blood of the sacrificed Christ). Some also use the color green, in honor of the new foliage emerging after the long "dead" time of winter. Other colors, including the pastels popular in the United States and elsewehere (possibly symbolizing the rainbow, another seasonal sign of luck and hope), seem to have come along later. The act of eating coloured eggs at the Spring Equinox can be considered a form of sympathetic magic or prayer for increased fertility, and for a bountiful harvest later in the year.

German Protestants wanted to retain the Catholic custom of eating colored eggs for Easter, but did not want to introduce their children to the Catholic rite of fasting. Eggs were forbidden to Catholics during the fast of Lent, which was the reason for the abundance of eggs at Easter time.

411 The idea of an egg-laying bunny came to the United States in the 18th century. German immigrants in the Pennsylvania Dutch area told their children about the "Osterhase". "Hase" means "hare", not rabbit, and in Northwest European folklore the "Easter Bunny" indeed is a hare, not a rabbit.

Only good children received gifts of colored eggs in the nests that they made in their caps and bonnets before Easter. Presumably, the "Oschter Haws" laid them when the children were not looking.

A hundred years later Jakob Grimm wrote of long-standing similar myths in Germany itself. Noting many related landmarks and customs, Grimm suggested that these derived from legends of Ostara.

411 According to American tradition, the Easter Bunny leaves baskets of treats (including Easter eggs and assorted chocolates and candy) on Easter morning for good children. Sometimes children leave out carrots for the Easter Bunny, which is similar to the practice of leaving milk and cookies for Santa Claus.

In the United States, revelers hide decorated hard-boiled eggs and children hunt for them. People also hide plastic eggs filled with candy or money.

In some places in the United States, some refer to the Easter Bunny as the "Spring Bunny" due to perceived religious overtones. The change has been met with significant criticism, and the term has never gained widespread use.

411 In Australia, rabbits are an invasive species and generally considered pests. A long-running campaign to replace the Easter Bunny with the Easter Bilby, a native marsupial, yielded moderate success. Easter Bilbies are a common and unremarked sight in many Australian stores around Easter. The sale of chocolate Easter Bilbies was to fund raise for the "Save the Bilby" campaign. As the bilby is a threatened species, it does not have the same connotations as rabbits, and the Easter Bunny remains considerably more recognized and better-known.

In France and Belgium, the eggs are not laid by rabbits, but dropped from the sky by the cloches de Pâques (Easter bells). In Christian tradition, church bells were silenced on Good Friday, out of respect for the death of Christ and rang again on Easter morning to celebrate the resurrection. The church bells, represented as flying bells (with wings), are said to have gone to Rome and flown back on Easter morning, loaded with eggs which they drop on their way back.

411 Recently, a neopagan legend has sprung up concerning the Evil Easter Bunny Easter Bunny. Though it is usually circulated as an ancient Pagan tradition, it does not appear before 1990; it is presented by a fictitious character, Mrs. Sharp, created by an author of inspirational aphorisms. (Sarah Ban Breathnach, 'Nostalgic Suggestions for Re-Creating the Family Celebrations and Seasonal Pastimes of the Victorian Home'). It reached a far wider audience when in 2002 a version of the story, The Coming of Eostre, was published in the children's magazine Cricket.

According to the story, the goddess Eostre found a wounded bird in the snow. To help the little bird survive the winter, she transformed it into a rabbit, but the transformation was incomplete and the rabbit retained the ability to lay eggs. In thanks for its life being saved, the rabbit took the eggs and decorated them and left them as gifts for Eostre

* The Easter Bunny (and his twin brother, Daryl) were on an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force in which Meatwad (a meatball) wishes for him to appear.
* In the animated televisions series The Fairly OddParents, the Easter Bunny appears in the episode "Christmas Every Day" voiced by Robert Costanzo. Besides his personality of hiding his Easter Eggs, he led the holiday characters Baby New Year, Cupid, and the April Fool into getting Timmy Turner to unwish the wish and also take out Santa Claus. He also has a dog which he hates to leave at home that was dressed as the Spirit of Halloween with the strap-on bat wings and the Jack O'Lantern head (which the pumpkin cracks open upon his introduction) dubbing him "Halloweenie Dog."
* In The Nightmare Before Christmas, Lock, Shock, and Barrel accidentally capture the Easter Bunny mistakening it for Santa Claus. In The Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge, the Easter Bunny is one of Oogie Boogie's captive victims in his quest to become the Seven Holiday Kings.
* The Easter Bunny makes extended cameo appearances in both sequels to the 1998 Christmas film The Santa Clause: The Santa Clause 2 and The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause movies. He appears as a large, anthropomophic rabbit and is a member of the Council of Legendary Characters. In both movies, he is portrayed by actor Jay Thomas.
* Claymation wizard, Will Vinton, produced in 1992 a TV special involving a greedy pig (literally) who plots to kidnap the Easter Bunny and replace him. The Bunny himself is an unflappable, mild-mannered Mr. Rogers sort of character.
* Here Comes Peter Cottontail was a 1971 Easter television special made by Rankin-Bass, based on the song of the same name. In 2006, it was followed by a direct to video sequel, Here Comes Peter Cottontail: The Movie. Rankin-Bass produced several children's television specials to commemorate Christmas as well as Easter and other holidays.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
**I just Had to put that picture in, hehe!!

The Fight Continues...


Them's fightin' words!

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

ON THREATS, DISTRACTING
"The other threats [come from] brutal and repressive states who, because of their brutality, because they don’t actually have the support or consent of their people, are developing weapons that could cause distraction..."


--British prime minister Tony Blair


Catholic Humour


PriestA distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.

"The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said "Go ahead, Father." Next!


*Thanks, Pam

The Wiz On The Street


A recent study showed that children who attended day care for a year or longer were more likely to be disruptive in grade school. So the Wizard hit the streets again, asking, "What do you think?"

Eugene LiuEugene Liu,
Cardiologist
"This just goes to show you that day-care centers don't do enough to break the spirits of today's children."

Edmond FranklinEdmond Franklin,
County Lineman
"What am I paying $250 a month for? I'm going to start dropping him off at the public library again."

Donna TortoraDonna Tortora,
Administrator
"What a relief that it's the day care and not my violent alcoholic rages that's causing my child to misbehave."


*American Voices, The Onion

Gay Robots Throughout History


Gay Robots Throughout history - Click Here
Gay Robots Throughout history - Click Above

Showering According To Sex


How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bath mat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Man in Shower

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat. Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!


*Thanks, Pammy!

Scottish Luck


His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.


Scottish golfer in a kilt



There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.



Scottish golfer in a kilt


The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.


Scottish golfer in a kilt



"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."


Scottish golfer in a kilt



"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.



"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.


"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he 'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did.


Scottish golfer in a kilt



Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.


Scottish golfer in a kilt



Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.


The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.


*Thanks, Pam