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Ever notice how noisy people are?

You probably don't pay much attention to most of the sound around you. But if it all suddenly went away, it wouldn't take long for you to notice how weird the world just got. That's what a movie or TV show would be like without Foley artists.

What's a "Foley," you ask?
Actually, it's who. "Foley art" is named for Jack Foley, who worked in Hollywood in the 1950s. He was the first person to make movies seem real by adding everyday sounds.

When a film is shot, the actors' words are recorded, but other noises can get lost or seem wrong. Foley artists fill in those missing sounds.

In a movie with a sword fight, for instance, a Foley artist may add the sounds of footsteps on stone and swords clanging together. Why? Because the floor on the set may look like stone, but it's really painted plywood—and the swords are just made of plastic.

Listen now! (Real Player)

Fact or Crap? - Double Play!

®

The Braille alphabet was invented by a boy who had been blinded by an awl.







At the age of three, Louis Braille accidentally poked his eye with his father’s awl. Within a year, he was totally blind. While at a school for the blind in Paris, he was inspired by a military code using dots and dashes that could be felt in the dark and came up with the idea of using no more than six dots per letter. In 1824, at the age of 15, Louis unveiled the Braille alphabet. It was 1852 before his alphabet became widespread, but Braille is now the standard for the blind and can be read almost as quickly as sighted people read letters on a page.

®

Los Angeles is slowly moving south toward Baja, Mexico.







The San Andreas Fault is a continuous narrow break in the earth’s crust that extends from northern California southward to San Bernardino. Geologists call its movement a “right-lateral strike-slip displacement,” meaning that if one stands on either side of the fault, objects on the other side would appear to move right. The west side of the fault is moving northward, drifting as much as 2 inches per year. At that rate, Los Angeles will be a suburb of San Francisco in about 15 million years.

Maybe he should tell him...

"Scuse me while I kiss this guy"....

Madonna and ex-Goodie and TV bird expert Bill Oddie may be an strange partnership but they are united by song.

Some people in a survey thought a line in her song Erotica ("Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body") was "Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body".

Jimi Hendrix's "kiss the sky" in Purple Haze becomes "kiss this guy".

You have responded magnificently to our request for your own favourites - and most have produced plenty of amusement in the Sky News office.

Here are your best oops:

Instead of the line "I want to sex you up" in the Colour Me Bad song, an old school friend of mine used to sing "I'm homosexual". Also once heard somebody sing Cool & The Gang's Celebration but changed "What's your pleasure" to "What's the weather". Also finally a close friend if mine used to change R Kelly's "You've got that vibe" to "You've got those thighs"
--Louise, Berks

When Meatloaf sang "I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram, on a silver black phantom bike", I thought he was singing "I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram, I'm a Cilla Black fan on a bike".
--Nick Pettigrew, Macclesfield

I thought that Simon and Garfunkel's The Boxer had the lyric "Asking only workman's wages I come looking for a job, but I get no offers, just a come-on from the horse on Seventh Avenue."
--Geoff, Lincoln

I thought Macy Gray's song 'I Try' says "I wore goggles when you are not near" when really its "my world crumbles when you are not near".
--Gila Rabinowitz, Jerusalem

"My world crumbles when you are not here" becomes "I wore bubbles when you are not here"
--Maria, Dublin - mailed at exactly the same time as the previous one!

The great Police track Message In A Bottle contains the lyric "the years have passed since I wrote my note" which seems to be sung as "the years have passed since I broke my nose"
--Phil, London

My mum used to genuinely think that Come On Eileen by the excellent Dexi's Midnight Runners was Come On Ali after the great boxer. I still sing it that way.
--Andrew, Swansea

For years my sister Trisha sang "the lift goes up" instead of the correct words "love lifts up" from the theme tune to An Officer And A Gentleman.
--Marie, Slough

My wife thought that Hey Mr Tambourine Man by The Byrds was Hamish The Tambourine Man.
--Michael Peel, Blyth

Marc Almond - Say Hello, Wave Goodbye (also covered by David Gray) the line "You're used to wearing less" my friend always thought it was "You used to wear Ellesse" (as in the trainers)
--Sonia, Cork

I once worked with a girl in Wicklow who honestly thought that the lyrics to a certain tune were: At the Coca, Coca Banana. She used to go around the office singing it (which is pretty bad regardless of what lyrics you use). She actually tried to convince me there was no such thing as a 'Copacabana' and that I was making up my lyrics!
--Brian, Dublin

Howard Jones sung "I don't want to be hip and cool" (I think) in his 1984 hit What Is Love?. I thought he was saying, "I don't want to be Hit Van Doon". I was never sure who Hit Van Doon was but he sounded pretty cool to me.
--George, London

I always thought that Abba were singing "When the bus had to go" instead of "One of us had to go".
--Kaye Freestone, Preston

I also recently thought Christina Aguilera was incredibly vulgar, when I misheard a line from her Genie In A Bottle as "come on baby lick me out". A friend told me a while later that it was actually "come on baby let me out".
--Harriet, London

I have a friend who thought that 'strike a pose' in Madonna's Vogue was 'strike the post'. She knows all the words to the rap bit in the middle, though.
--Laura Wood, Essex

My girlfriend sang "I wanna be your dog" instead of "I wanna be adored" by the Stone Roses. She sang it wrong for about 10 years.
--Phil Hancocks, Croydon

I thought for years that Adam Ant Stand And Deliver was "stand in your dinner". God knows how I worked that one out.
--Thomas Castle, Dunfermline

I wondered why Robbie Williams was singing about waiting for a dozen angels until my wife told me the lyrics were "I sit and wait, does an angel."
--Graham Meadows, Lowestoft

You have missed two of the best. Both are by the Police: "Massage in a brothel" and "Sue Lawley".
--Steve, Basingstoke - and many others with the second.

An ex-girlfriend used to think that the chorus to Ultavox's classic Vienna was "old piano".
--Terry, Oxford

My best friend at school thought Madonna's 'Papa don't preach' was 'Puppet on a bridge'
--Cat, Earlsfield

I always thought the first line of Desmond Dekker's Israelites was "Wake up in the morning, baked beans for breakfast"
--Louise, Chelmsford

I used to think the 60s soul record take Me To The River said "Take me to the river and watch me drown" rather than "wash me down".
--Graeme, Alva

I always thought that the 80s hit 'King Of Rock 'N' Roll' by Prefab Sprout, went 'Hot dog, jumping frog, 'Alpen Cookie' rather than 'Albuquerque'.
--Bethan, London

A few weeks ago Bohemian Rhapsody came on in our local pub and my friend was singing along to it. However her lyrics to "beelzebub has a devil put aside for me" became "beelzebub has a devil on the sideboard". On another occasion I caught my husband singing "oh we are sailing" instead of the traditional "all we are saying" to the song Give Peace a Chance.
--HG, Doncaster

My aunt sang "I've got a rickshaw and i want to paint it black" ("I've got a red door and I want to paint it black") Rolling Stones
--Darren Lovatt, Sweden

My girlfriend Lisa sang: "Guns don't kill people rabbits do" by Goldie Lookin Chain. Obviously it was "rappers". At first I thought she knew and was joking but into the second week I had to say something and she wasn't.
--Dave, Pontefract

The White Stripes' "I think I smell a rat". The first time I heard it I thought he was singing 'I think I smell alright'
--Lindsay Cockcroft

Oasis' Champagne Super Nova: I used to sing "Champagne to Pinochio" I really can't figure out now how I ever heard those words in it. But I sang it for ages before a friend told me the real lyrics.
--Kerry Byrne, Wicklow

My work colleague yesterday was singing M People's One Night In Heaven - "one night, one night, ooohhooo one night in Devon".
--Anna, Lincoln

In Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal, I always thought he was singing "Eddie are you ok?" instead of "Annie are you ok". I still sing my lyrics when I hear the song which drives my boyfriend mad.
--Debbie, London

Desmond Dekker's Israelites becomes "me ears are alight".
--Lindy, Suffolk

Abba's One Of Us. There is a line in there somewhere stating: 'one of us had to go' I have heard people singing along to the song turning that into: 'when the bus had to go'
--Paul Goes, Luxembourg

I have two friends who used to sing Bob Marley's No Woman, No Cry but they thought the chorus was "No Woman, No Pride".
--Damian, Kildare

UB40's "I am a one in ten was interpreted by my brother as " I have a one inch head" Love it!
--Nic Graham, London

At school I had a friend who thought the line 'Guilty, guilty as a girl can be' from the Bananarama song 'Love In The First Degree' was 'Guilty, guilty as a dunken flea'.
--Sam, Leeds

How Deep Is Your Love by the Bee Gees: "and you come to me on a submarine" - is supposed to be "and you come to me on a summer breeze" - I have always thought those were the words.
--Shelley Cross, London

In Bonnie Tyler's It's A Heartache, my wife always sings "she's got 400 children and a crop in the field" instead of "she's got four hungry children."
--Steve Baldock, West Sussex

Steve has his own problems if he thinks Bonnie Tyler included those lyrics in It's A Heartache. They are actually from Kenny Rogers' song Lucille.
--Christy Murphy, Dublin

Ataris - The Boys Of Summer: "Your brown skin shinin' in the sun" actually sounds like "Your bra strap is shinin' in the sun"
--Andy H, Warrington

In the theme tune for Ghostbusters, when they sing "Ghostbusters" it sounds like "those b******s"
--Lee B, Herts

In Shanice "I Love Your Smile" the line "Sitting in my class, just drifting away" always goes into my head as "Sitting in my class, just stripped to the waist". It certainly makes an innocent song seem rather saucy!
--Gina-Luisa Hilborne, Woolacombe, Devon

A friend of mine, when she was in Primary School, used to sing "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands, if you're happy and you know it clap your hands, if you're happy and you know it, Tangerines want to know it. We still laugh about it now.
--Louise Knott, Cardiff

I once heard a guy ask for a copy of Liver Pate by Bad Manners in my local record shop - he meant Lip Up Fatty. The poor bloke nearly died of embarrassment when his mistake was pointed out, much to everybody's amusement.
--Dominic, Clevedon

Angie by the Rolling Stones became - wait for it - Andy
--Ian Wilson, Spain

Losing my religion - REM. Always wondered what the correct lyrics are but it sounds like they are singing "Calling Cheryl Baker, calling Cheryl Baker".
--Nanda Braithwaite, Farnborough

Nanda - that REM song was The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight (actual lyric No Need To Wake Her Up). Madonna's La Isla Bonita - "young girl with eyes like potatoes" instead of "like the desert".
--Geoff Banks, Warrington

Geoff and Nanda, according to the printed lyrics for the Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight, it's Call Me When You Try To Wake Her UP
--Clare, Dublin

My brother-in-law used to sing "home, home on the range, where the deer and the cantalope roam". And I'm sure John Denver's fella never "talked to the fish in the trees" - my husband only recently put me straight on that one.
--Anna, Birmingham

*SKYNEWS.com

In-Debt Wacko Jacko Flogs Songs

Michael Jackson is reported to be selling off half of his share in his valuable Beatles song catalogue to stave off huge debt problems.

A statement issued from Jackson's representatives in Bahrain, where he now lives, said the singer had "restructured his finances".

The deal involves more than £114m in loans secured by his stake in the Beatles' songs.

The loans, which were due to be repaid in December 2005, are held by a New York private equity fund.

The company stood to gain Jackson's 50% interest in the Beatles publishing rights, valued at some £285m, if he defaulted.

The other half of the collection of more than 200 Beatles tunes is owned by Sony/ATV Music Publishing.

Sources have said Jackson had agreed to provide Sony with an option to buy about 25% of the catalogue, or half of his stake.

One said the singer also negotiated a lower interest rate on his debt.

Jackson, 47, is deep in debt after years of extravagant spending, according to testimony at his trial on child molestation charges last year.

He was acquitted on all charges last June after the trial that had threatened to destroy his career and send him to prison for nearly two decades.

BANK ROBBERY

I don't know if it's true or not but it's good for a laugh! This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2,1999:

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING

The Philosophy of Charles Schultz

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Use your Back button to return to 'OZ'
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

HYUK!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Good Friday for my Christian Readers

It is Friday
And I stand at the foot of the cross.

Nothing can be said, nothing can be done.
Action is futile – hebel.
I can hold the other's hands and weep, but I cannot be comforted.

It is Friday
And I stand at the foot of the cross.

The air is heavy still with waiting and longing.
Waiting for the inevitable, longing for the impossible.
Can this cup pass from me?
I look around me – all the colors are muted.
Dusty browns and grays – Cold and metallic.
Rolling black clouds cover the brilliant blue of the sky
As my soul is occluded by pain.
All that remains is the red of the blood
Running down the weathered wood of the cross.

It is Friday
And I stand at the foot of the cross.

I reach out and touch the raised grain of the wood.
It is rough against my fingertips.
The pong of unwashed wool and bodies crowds my nose.
I smell fear, pain, death. I taste it at the back of my throat.
I hear the labored breathing from the cross.
Death is near.

It is Friday
And I stand at the foot of the cross.

Remember Him!
Remember Him as the silver cord is severed, as the golden bowl is broken.
Remember Him as the pitcher is shattered at the spring and the wheel broken at the well.
Remember Him as the dust returns to the ground it came from and
His spirit returns to the God who gave it.

It is Friday
And I stand at the foot of the cross.

haha

*Thanks, Rimsky!

Children are a Gift from GOD

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby; so he went before the congregation and asked or a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd: "Children are a gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up, and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

And the congregation said, "Amen"

*Thanks, Vil

Who Said Disneyland Wasn't Fun?

CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,

.. Peter, Peter, something or other.."


PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"


MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony.

Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.

*Thanks, Andy

Proof I slept with Prince William

Click here.

New Patch for kids with ADHD

Click above

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Ten Dollar Bar Test...

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills...

The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it! He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well... you pay ten dollars and IF you pass three tests...you get all the money!!!"

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up! "What are the three tests?"

"Pay FIRST..." says the bartender... "Those are the rules."

So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar... "OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do...

FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of tequila... the WHOLE thing, all at ONCE... and you CAN'T make a face while doing it...

SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth... You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS...

THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached orgasm during intercourse... You've got to MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her."

The man is stunned... "I know I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!! You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your MONEY stays where it is..."

The man has a few drinks... then a few more... Finally, he asks, "WHERRRRE'S ZAAAAT TEQUIIIIIILA ?!?!?!"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp... Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face...

Next... he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up...

The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on outside... They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the pit bull yelping ... and then....
SILENCE.

Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back into the bar ... with his shirt ripped... and large, bloody scratches all over his body...

"NOW!!....." he says... "WHERE'S THE OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH ?!?!"

*Thanks, Pam

OOPS! Damn Auto-Correct!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particular icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.


Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.


After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife


Subject: I've Arrived

Date: April 14, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

*Thanks, Daryn

ABC Company Policy Changes

The following policy changes will go into effect immediately.

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category."

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.


We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation or input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your loyalty to ABC company.

*Thanks, Pam

From The Emerald City

The Wizard is celebrating:

100,000

VISITORS TODAY!!!!

Thanks sooooo much to all my loyal 'OZ' readers and for all the wonderful comments that you have made. I can't believe that so many people out there in Munchkinland like what I have to say!

Here's to the next 100 G's!!!

Yrs,

The Wizard

Off The Mark

*Thanks, Rimsky!

Wise Ways

The following story will tell you how perceptive "Indian Mom's" can be. Have to admit, they have a gift!!!

A young Indian man excitedly calls is mother to say he's been in love for awhile, she is the ideal Indian girl, and he is going to marry her!!!

"Oh, that's wonderful. Hurry up and bring her over," his mother says with the excitement and impatience typical of mothers.

"Not so soon," he laughs, "I want to see how well you know your son. I'm going to bring her over along with two other friends. You guess which one is her."

The next day, he brings three beautiful Indian women into his mother's HUD** home, sits them down on the couch, and they chat pleasantly about fried bread, powwows, beadwork & quillwork for a couple of hours.

He then says, "Okay, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing! You're right. How did you know!!??"

"I don't like her."

**Housing & Urban Development

*Thanks, Daryn

Health Alert

One way for the bird flu to enter the country is on international flights.

Don't get on an airplane that looks like this ...

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Sunday School

In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as if he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

*Thanks, David

Vista Runs On Macs

Mac owners have figured out how to install and boot a pre-release version of Windows Vista on their Intel-based machines, messages on the OSx86 Project's Web site claimed Sunday.

Unfortunately, to run Vista on an Intel-based iMac, the Mac OS X operating system has to be deleted, wrote a user identified only as "AirmanPika."

"When you get to the section where it asks where to actually install vista....well here's the main problem," wrote AirmanPika. "You delete all of them. Even OSX. Yes this isn't a dual boot solution (yet anyway) but it does allow vista to run."

Another poster, dubbed "alexoughton," said that he had managed to install Vista without removing OS X by deleting the EFI partition that Apple's Boot Camp application creates.

Both users relied on Boot Camp, the application Apple released last week that lets Intel-based Mac owners create a dual-boot system that runs either Mac OS X or Windows XP.

Some analysts last week, however, downplayed Apple's dual-boot campaign. in an online brief last week, Gartner analyst Michael Silver called Boot Camp just a "safety net" for Mac users who wanted to run Windows applications, and said it wouldn't make Macs any more attractive to enterprises.

The significance of the dual-boot setup, said Silver, is that it showed Apple is serious about letting Windows run on Intel-powered Mac hardware, and that it paves the way for Apple Computer to support a "hypervisor," or virtual machine system, that would run Mac OS X and Windows side-by-side.

The OSx86 Project, which specializes in information about running Mac OS X on the x86 platform, and now Windows on the Intel Macs, was last in the news when Apple demanded that the site pull a patch that allowed Mac OS X 10.4.4 to run on a vanilla PC powered by an Intel Corp. x86 processor.

*By Gregg Keizer, TechWeb

Fact or Crap?

®

Death Valley is the hottest place on earth.







It is the hottest place in North America. El Azizia in Libya recorded a temperature of 136° Fahrenheit (57.8° Celsius) on September 13, 1922—the hottest ever measured. Death Valley’s highest temperature, 134° Fahrenheit, was recorded on July 10, 1913.

MIT Fraternity Accused Of Robot Hazing

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Several members of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology chapter of the Theta Tau fraternity are in campus-police custody today following a brutal hazing incident in which one robot remains missing and two others are in critical condition with extensive circuitry and servo-motor injuries, sources revealed Monday.

The robots, experimental prototypes recently devised at MIT's prestigious Artificial Intelligence Laboratory, were participating in an apparent initiation exercise that police say involved butyl alcohol and compressed air.

According to eyewitnesses, the three robots were ripped from their chargers at the Theta Tau chapter house at 3 a.m. Tuesday. One, a titanium-alloy hexapod approximately 13 inches in diameter, was reportedly forced to climb stairs built at a grade too steep for its small hinged legs, causing six of its pneumatic actuators to short out. A second robot, a biped from MIT's Leg Laboratory, was allegedly forced to replicate "the same humiliating hopping algorithm" 200,000 times, and is currently in critical condition in the laboratory's emergency-repair room.

The third robot, a tread-driven 38-inch-tall rover, is feared drowned after being forced to consume over 40 terabytes of data and then swim across the Charles River with a burning candle stuck in its rear port.

"We will thoroughly investigate this matter, and take strong disciplinary action," MIT Dean of Students Geraldine Knight said. "These robots are extremely artificially intelligent. They wouldn't willingly subject themselves to this sort of abuse without extreme levels of peer pressure or even downright reprogramming."

Among those detained for questioning were Theta Tau chapter president David Kovis, treasurer Charles Leung, and fraternity members Lee Berger, Andy Ockridge, A. Muduthanapally, and Chen Kwan Tan. They could be charged with first-degree botslaughter and operating a motorized robot under the influence, charges that carry a maximum punishment of lifetime banishment from the MIT Media lab.

This is not the first case of robot hazing on the campus. Last fall, during "Rush Week," a spider-legged unit was found struggling in a closet at MIT's School of Engineering, stripped of its outer casing, its motion sensors covered with duct tape. The perpetrators were never found.

On another occasion, a robot was locked in a room and forced to calculate pi to the 1083 decimal place in what officials called one of the worst cases of binge-thinking they'd ever seen.

This latest incident comes in the wake of a February episode in which an ambulating chatbot device created at Caltech was programmed to repeat the phrase "I am a faggot" while locomoting across campus.

Robots have also reportedly been made to fight each other, often to total annihilation, in the basements of applied-science-based campus fraternal organizations during their respective "hell weeks."

A spokesman for the Theta Tau fraternity claimed that the "fun just got out of hand," and that the robot pledges were "100 percent cool with the initiation."

"They showed us they were willing to do anything to be Theta Tau brothers. Loyalty, commitment, and conformity are what the Greek system is all about," the spokesman said.

In protest, human-emotion-simulator robot Kismet, a respected member of the MIT community, announced that it will only display an expression of disapproval—refusing to smile, show fear, or raise a curious eyebrow—until those responsible receive appropriate punishment.

*The Onion

TAROT - The Hierophant

Have you ever struggled to conform to what others expect of you? ...

... Perhaps you’ve struggled to meet your parent’s expectations for you, educationally or career-wise, because you simply wanted to do something else? Perhaps your spouse or lover likes you to behave in a certain way and you don’t like it?

The issues about what is right and wrong for you personally are of greater importance when The Hierophant appears in your reading.

For example, you may feel that fidelity and the tradition of marriage is important to you, and your lover is prepared to live together but not as man and wife, and this troubles you.

Perhaps there are many feelings, views, opinions and principles that you are having trouble expressing and living by, and suppressing them is causing internal conflict.

The Hierophant often represents a teacher or wise counsel - someone you may choose to turn to for help and guidance.

If you are struggling to be true to yourself, it can be very therapeutic to seek the comfort and understanding of someone who you feel able to express your REAL thoughts and feelings to.

Sometimes, we can feel trapped by someone or a situation, but in reality we have created the situation ourselves by denying what we really want or who we really are.

They say it can be difficult to see the reality of your own situation from within it, so when this kindly and spiritually comforting card appears in your reading, it could be suggesting you seek out the help and guidance of someone you trust to give you an alternative perspective.

It could also be highlighting the importance of being true to yourself and not simply conforming to what others expect of you.

We don’t always have the answers and we don’t always know what’s best for us ... in such circumstances, when The Hierophant appears in your readings, consider seeking advice, guidance or counseling to help you find those answers.

"AnkhIwiEmHotep"
Life and Peace be with You --Cinosam

Top 4 Ways you Shouldn't Come out

Coming out isn't a Nascar race. There is no penalty for entering too late; there is no checker flag signifying the end; nor are you left behind if you don't enter the race going 200 miles per hour. There is no one way to come out, but there are ways you can avoid some of the pain and drama many experience coming out to family, friends and coworkers. Avoid coming out in:

1) In anger.

Emotionally charged situations are unpredictable and actions in anger are often irrational. I came out to my dad in the midst of an argument and the situation only got worse. I was so angry I didn't have the chance to truly express how I felt; and he was so taken aback that he completely shut it out- only for it to come up later. When you come out with a clear mind, you maintain control of the situation and express the things you need to express, all while respecting the other person.

2) As revenge.

Having the gay card in your pocket is like having the only nuclear bomb in a war against your homophobic neighbor. Your same-gender loving feelings are a part of you and should be disclosed under your terms. Why invite negativity upon yourself or share such dear details of your life in a bout of payback? If someone is slinging insults or you know they hate gays, let them have their reality. The best way to combat ignorance is to let them witness your world surrounded by love and acceptance.

3) Through a third party.

Third party news is always a bad idea. Facts and feelings can get twisted from person to person, which is why hearsay doesn't even stand up in court. Sometimes your news will leak to others through gossip, but your loved ones will appreciate hearing it directly from you. Don't get anyone else involved or waste time chasing the rumor mill. Important information such as this should be handled person to person. If a face to face meeting is not within your comfort zone, write a personal letter.

4) When you're not ready.

Coming out should happen on your schedule. Of course, you can't control whether someone finds out through other means, but you can talk about it at your own pace. There is no set age or circumstance that dictates when a person should come out. Let your feelings be your guide. I was tired of keeping such an important part of my life from those I cared about. So I started slowly telling friends one by one and then my family. Those that truly cared stuck by my side, despite the ones that didn't.

*By Ramon Johnson, Your Guide to Gay Life

June Pointer of the Pointer Sisters Dies

LOS ANGELES (AP) - June Pointer, the youngest of the singing Pointer Sisters known for the 1970s and 1980s hits "I'm So Excited,""Fire," and "Slow Hand," has died, her family said Wednesday. She was 52.

Pointer died of cancer Tuesday at Santa Monica University of California, Los Angeles, Medical Center, the family said in a statement. She had been hospitalized since late February and the type of cancer wasn't disclosed.

She died "in the arms of her sisters, Ruth and Anita and her brothers, Aaron and Fritz, by her side," the family statement read. "Although her sister, Bonnie, was unable to be present, she was with her in spirit."

The Pointer Sisters began as a quartet in the early 1970s with sisters Ruth, Anita, Bonnie and June. The group became a trio when Bonnie embarked on a solo career.

The group's hits also included "He's So Shy,""Automatic" and "Jump (For My Love)."

The sisters, along with their two older brothers, grew up singing in the choir of an Oakland church where their parents were ministers.



Bonnie and June formed a singing duo and began performing in clubs around the San Francisco Bay area. Anita and Ruth later joined the group and together, they sang backup for Taj Mahal, Boz Scaggs and Elvin Bishop, among others.

Their first, self-titled album, "The Pointer Sisters," debuted in 1973 and the song "Yes We Can Can" became their first hit. They followed up with the album "That's A Plenty," which featured an eclectic mix of musical styles ranging from jazz to country and pop. They won the first of their three Grammy awards in 1974 for best country vocal performance by a group for the song "Fairytale."

Bonnie left the group in 1977, and the sisters recorded several more albums, scoring several hit songs that became identified as the soundtrack of the 1980s.

The successful 1984 album "Break Out" earned two Grammy awards for the songs "Automatic" and "Jump (For My Love)." The album's other hit song, "Neutron Dance," was prominently featured in the movie "Beverly Hills Cop."

June recorded two solo albums, and later left the trio.

Anita and Ruth still perform under the group's name. Ruth's daughter, Issa Pointer, is the trio's newest member.

Two years ago, June Pointer was charged with felony cocaine possession and misdemeanor possession of a smoking device. She was ordered to a rehabilitation facility.

Funeral arrangements were incomplete.

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Check out the latest in movie news and reviews at ToonTownReviews.

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How sexy is your name?

According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity ... What do you think?


You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts not obscure hints. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.


You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be . You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.


You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual,needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.


Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, being free and open.


Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good look.)


You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt,yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous,sexual,and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic lve scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.


You are crap in bed! ( Remember....I didn't write this!!!! LOL)


You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.


You have a great need to be loved,appreciated...Even worshipped.You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh.You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression.You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual,but you are sometimes downright lustful.


You are totally fu*king marvelous!


You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste.Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving,cuddling, wining,and dining to know that you're being appreciated.


You are very romantic, idealistic, andsomehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.


You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and also enjoy mothering your mate.


You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible.You are a flirt,yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual,and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.


You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.


You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner.You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.


You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to peo ple of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going.


You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.


You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this.Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.


You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, oftentimes all in your own head.


You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant ratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.


You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to encentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on, even though you yourself may not be a participant.


You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.


You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs,all by yourself, in your own head.


You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgot the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating and romantic.


Sorry, there was no "Z" in this post. Catching "Z's" no doubt

The highest bridge in the World

There was a really good documentary on the construction of this on Discovery a while ago. It is located in southern France, and is the highest bridge in the world. See:

http://bridgepros.com/projects/Millau_Viaduct for details of location and construction. It is a truly amazing piece of engineering, especially
considering the method used to span the distance between the piers. By the way, the red towers you see in the photo were removed following completion of the bridge.

Click above

Be sure to maximize your screen for this.


They haven't printed enough money to pay me to drive across this bridge!!

It is 787 feet above the ground...

View the webcam here.

Hoover!!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred & Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"

By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said, "Hoover".

"It's the biggest dam I know." he replied.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

The King's English

"What's Happening to the King's English?"


Remember when "hippie" meant big in the hips,

And a "trip" involved cars, planes, and ships.


And "pot" was a vessel for cooking things in,


And "hooked" was what Grandmother's rug might have been.

When "neat" meant well organized, tidy and clean


And "grass" was a ground cover, normally green.

When "lights," and not people were turned on and off.


And the "pill" could be what you took for a cough.


When "fuzz" was a substance fluffy like lint.

And "bread" came from bakeries, not from the mint

When "square" meant a ninety-degree angle form,

And "cool" was a temperature not quite warm.

When "roll" was a bun, and "rock" was a stone,

And "hang-up" was what you could do with the phone

When "chicken" meant poultry and "bag" meant a sack,

And "junk," trashy cast-offs and old bric-a-brac.


When "swinger" was someone who swung in a swing.

And "pad" was a soft, sort of cushiony thing.


When "dig" meant to shovel and spade in the dirt,
And "put-on" was what you would do with a shirt.



Words once so sensible, sober, and serious,
Are making the freak scene like psycho delirious.


It's groovy, man, groovy, but English it's not;
Me thinks that the language has gone straight to pot!
*Thanks SalTCBug

Rednecks. Can't Live With 'EM....

... But They Do Entertain!



Click above.

Use your 'Back' button to return to 'OZ'

Dueling Banjos Streaming Video (Google Videos).

Brain Games

1.-TWO FOR ONE

Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.

1) Whole word: act decorously

2) Two words: a:exist b:be in possession



2.-METAMORPHOSIS

1) Add a "T" to a word that means "precipitation" to find a means of transportation.

2) Add a "T" to a word that means "question" to find a chore



3.-PALINDROME PALS

A Palindrome is a word, sentence or group of words that reads the same backward or forward.

When the mother of the palindrome twins wanted to call them, she would shout:

"Come here, O - - - and B - -, and bring P - -. I need him, too.



4.-GIGANTIWORD

Fill in the blanks to complete the word below.

P - - F - - C T - R - N - - S



5.-Find the anagrammed alternates to each of the following words:

TRIBES (2 words)

UNABLE (2 words)

TREADS (3 words)



6.-Find the number that best completes the sequence below.

19 37 55 73 9?



7.- Fill in the blanks with words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings and different spellings.

1) Emanations ___________ Bring up ___________
Tear down _________

2) Attend __________ A unit of measure _____________



8- Matthew had $2 to spend. He wanted to buy jelly beans and licorice sticks. He paid $1.50 for 5 jelly beans and 20 licorice sticks. For the same amount he could have bought 10 jelly beans and 10 licorice sticks. How much did each item cost?



9-TWO FOR ONE

Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.

1) Whole word: Serious

2) Two words: a: part of the body
b: home for a bird



10.-METAMORPHOSIS

1) Add an "L" to a word for a vessel that floats to find a word that means "swell"

2) Add an "M" to a word which means "alternate" to find a word for a family member.



11.- Make your way from MEAT to FISH in only four steps, changing one letter at a time to make a good English word at each step:

MEAT
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _
_ _ _ _

FISH



12.- TRICKY CAT

Four words with "cat" in them fit the definitions below.

a) a disaster

b) a type of boat

c) a listing

d) a religious building



13.- What one three-letter word can be placed in the blanks below to make four different words?

___________ DATE

___________ AGE

___________ DRAKE

___________ KIND



14.-How many common English words can you make from the letters below, using all five letters once in each word?

What are the words?

E I M S T



15.-First unscramble the letters in each word below, then unscramble the word order to create a Tom Swifty sentence.

MOT DAIS MI PLLYDRIFUE NO ESE OT NI TTABHIA ISFARA LNSIO NOW HTIER NGGIO.



16.-Following the pattern, fill in the missing below.

May 5

October 11

March 9

April __?



17.- A well-known statement has been put into very fancy language below. Can you put it back into everyday English?

An overabundance of individuals engaged in culinary activities related to the preparation of liquid nourishment may produce a totally unsatisfactory result.



18.-Can you find the word that becomes plural when you add one "S" to it and becomes singular and changes gender when you two "Ss"?



19.- PALINDROME PALS

A palindrome is a word, sentence or group of words that reads the same backward or forward.

What Senor Diaz says after he fires his secretary, Ida.



20.- Find the word that fits the definitions below when its 1) a whole word and 2) divided into two words.

1) Whole word: pained expression

2) Two words: a: severe b: star performer



21.-See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common........

Assess
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo


Click here for the answers.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Gay 'Sopranos' mobster glad for exposure

NEW YORK — (Associated Press) Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhall and ... Joseph R. Gannascoli? In what Gannascoli cheerfully calls "the year of the queer," when "Brokeback Mountain" became a phenomenon and Philip Seymour Hoffman won an Oscar playing Truman Capote, Gannascoli's character (spoiler alert: read no further if you haven't seen the episode yet) was outed Sunday night on "The Sopranos."

Dressed in appropriate leather bar attire, Vito Spatafore — the heretofore closeted gay mobster — was sighted by a couple wiseguys who came by the sweaty S&M joint to collect their protection money.

"It's a joke," Vito weakly offers, then begs: "Don't say nothin'!"

By the end of the episode, he's checked into a motel with a gun, looking suicidal.

Fans of the HBO series were stunned last season when Meadow's boyfriend, Finn, saw a security guard sitting in the driver's seat of a truck — and then Vito's head popped up.

This season, Vito has hung around the hospital while Tony Soprano was recovering from a gunshot wound, trying to ingratiate himself with Tony's wife while plotting with Paulie Walnuts to grab her cut of a big score. And he's chomped on carrots while prattling on about all the weight he's losing. (In real life, he's down to 260 from a high of 400 pounds.)

Now that the gay story line is heating up, the 47-year-old Brooklyn-born actor is immensely pleased, in part because it was his idea to make Vito homosexual.

"I saw him as, like, a cross between Mike Tyson and Liberace," Gannascoli told The Associated Press in an interview at his home. "I wanted to make him sort of in self-denial, self-loathing, a real gay hater."

Gannascoli's suggestion was inspired by the book "Murder Machine," about the Gambino family, which had an openly gay member also named Vito.

"They didn't bother him about it, because I guess he was good at what he did, which was chopping up bodies," Gannascoli said.

Gannascoli concedes that he had a self-serving motivation for making the suggestion: Breaking out of the pack.

"I thought that was a way of separating myself from the other actors, because I would have been in the background most of the time. You know, line here, line there, and nothing really substantial," said Gannascoli, whose character previously was best known for whacking Jackie Aprile Jr. "To really make an impact is all I can ask for."

He also thought it would create an interesting acting challenge. But even amid all the recent gay buzz, Gannascoli knows the reaction to Vito won't be all positive.

"I'm a Brooklyn guy. I was just in Brooklyn last night. And, you know, I had some real wise guys that look at me and they give me dirty looks. I've had guys, like, come after me in clubs," he said.

He just hopes the "cerebral people" will appreciate his performance.

Gannascoli said "The Sopranos" has changed his life "in so many ways."

"Recognition, I'd say, the most. It allowed me to get married."

It's also allowed Gannascoli to buy his house ("which coming from a rent-controlled apartment all my life was a huge step up"), get his novel published ("A Meal to Die For," loosely based on his life in the restaurant business) and develop a signature line of food (olive oil, tomato sauce, barbecue sauce, salsa and wine).

"While I'm not going to be cheffing anymore, I'm going to be still involved in food. Which is one of my passions."

He considered becoming a lawyer like his older brother but dropped out of St. John's University after two years. He did well the first year but by his second year, "I had a huge Quaalude business" that sidetracked him. ("I was hustlin', you know.")

He then bounced around, working at various New York restaurants and becoming a "self-taught" kitchen magician. He even headed to New Orleans and learned Cajun cooking in the '80s.

He owned all or part of a few restaurants over the years, but disliked the "day-to-day machinations" of keeping it going.

It was during one of his numerous food-service jobs when acting felt like the dish of the day. A waiter-friend (who, like so many in New York, also was an aspiring actor) urged him to audition for a play. He got the role and started taking acting lessons.

But he soon found himself pushing an ice-cream cart on Wall Street before eventually opening another eatery. He got burnt out from working 9 a.m. to 2 at night and started gambling heavily.

On the last day of the 1990 pro football regular season he was in a hole. Like any desperate gambler, he tried to win it back fast.

"Cody Carlson is responsible for my acting," Gannascoli joked, able to laugh about it now.

The backup Houston Oilers quarterback started in place of injured Hall of Famer Warren Moon and had a great game against betting favorite Pittsburgh. The Steelers lost, and Gannascoli was out $60,000.

Gannascoli paid off his debts with equity from his restaurant, thus avoiding a real-life leg-breaking — or worse — and then decided to head to L.A.

On the West Coast, he met Benicio Del Toro, which led to an audition and small role in the 1993 feature "Money for Nothing" — and a meeting with Georgianne Walken ( Christopher Walken's wife) and Sheila Jaffe.

Both Jaffe and Walken are casting directors who've chosen actors for roles in scores of films and TV shows — including "The Sopranos."

Gannascoli underwent hip-replacement surgery last week and hopes the increased mobility will help him exercise and lose more weight. But while controlling his Falstaffian appetites, he'd loved to develop a hybrid cooking/sports show. He'd have a famous athlete as a guest and they'd cook up one of star's favorite dishes while talking about his career and showing clips.

He'd like to call it "Food Bowl."

Best of the Provinces

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big Rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 7 per cent instead of approximately 200 per cent for the rest of the country.
4. Oilers vs. Flames.
5. Eskies vs. Stamps.
6. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
7. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
8. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning.
3. Your province is really easy to draw.
4. You never have to worry about car roll-back if you have a standard transmission.
5. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's house.
6. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
7. People will assume you live on a farm.
8. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property.
2. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government.
3. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
4. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
5. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work.
6. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
7. Because of your license plate, you are still friendly even when you cut someone off.
8. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist. Separate from what? You are the centre of the universe.
5. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
6. Much Music's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar.
7. The only province with enough idiots to elect an idiot for a premier.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians.
3. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
4. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
5. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo *#!%".

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98 per cent of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours.
4. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston.
5. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
6. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
7. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen.
8. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You are the "only" reason Anne Murray makes money.
3. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
4. The economy is based on lobster and fiddle music.
5. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea".
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from.
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows.
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave.
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates.
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter.
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss dead cod.
3. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products.
4. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
5. You and only you understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics.
6. The workday is about two hours long.
7. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines.
8. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding.

Fact or Crap?

®

The nuclear accident at Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania, was the most deadly industrial disaster in history.







The worst industrial accident occurred in Bhopal, India, during the early hours of December 3, 1984. A deadly chemical gas, methyl isocyanate, leaked out of Union Carbide’s pesticide factory, killing more than 2,500 people outright (some 6,000 would later die from their injuries) and injuring somewhere between 120,000 to 600,000 others. Union Carbide and the Indian government arrived at a settlement of $470 million for the injured, a controversial number when compared to the $5 billion in punitive damages levied against Exxon for the Valdez spill in Prince William Sound, where there was zero loss of human life.

Union Carbide protest in Bhopal, India

William - the chav**

Prince William has been spotted dressed as a chav.

The future King of England joined his platoon as they donned chav-themed fancy dress to mark the completion of their first term at Sandhurst.

William completed his look with bling jewellery and a baseball cap.

According to The Sun one cadet said: "Seeing Prince William dressed as a chav was hilarious. He made the outfit himself, although he had to borrow much of the gear from the sergeants.

However, the Prince was not able to put on a working-class accent.

The source added: "As we were waiting to do the photo, the cadets teased William about his accent. They demanded he try and put on a chavvy accent and stop speaking like a Royal.

"William's not actually the poshest-sounding cadet, despite his family heritage, but he struggled to pull off a working-class accent.

"It was great fun. He was making hand gestures and swaggering from side to side as he walked across the parade square. It was all in great spirits and William had all of us in fits of laughter.

"It's not often you see the heir to the British throne trying to put on a silly accent while dressed as a chav."

William has now effectively finished his first three terms at the academy. He will enjoy a three-week break after returning to Sandhurst to watch 21-year-old Harry's passing out parade on Wednesday.

CHAV - Derived from Chatham in Kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. There are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:

Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.

Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index.

Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool.

Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.

All chavs think that they are nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will only break a sweat if running from the police.

Chavs are incredibly fertile beasts, and are highly successful breeders. Where they come unstuck is having to look after the offspring which their 13 yr old drunken fumble produces. More often that not the child will crow to be a Chav, having received no more guidance on life than the parent.

Chavs have a fond love for cars, as well as a Vin Diesel fixation. Rather than buy a nice car to start with, a chav will spend all their dole and tax-free labouring cash on upgrading a 10 year old car with 200,000 miles on the clock. The end product will invariably be a luminous monstrosity with at least one serious collision to it's name.

*Ananova

SIMPLE NUTRITION

According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, they said eating right doesn't have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you're eating right. Colors. Fill your plates with bright colors. Greens, reds, and yellows.

In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M's. It was delicious!

I never knew eating right could be so easy.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Bad News

*Thanks, Rimsky

WooHoo!

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination." "Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was afraid he was going to ask if the stupid lantern was lit!"



I ran into Jim at work yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the flu. I asked him how he was feeling.

"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied.

"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?" I asked in stunned disbelief.

"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!"



A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?" Grandpa replies, "Nope."

The teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Urgent Alert

HARPER CONFIRMS RE-OPENING VOTE IS COMING

Two-thirds of Canadians against re-opening equal marriage debate.

While the Throne Speech didn’t mention a vote on re-opening equal marriage, both Prime Minister Harper and Justice Minister Toews have now confirmed that a vote is coming.

This confirms what was said in the Conservative election platform — that a Conservative government will:

“hold a truly free vote on the definition of marriage in the next session of Parliament. If the resolution is passed, the government will introduce legislation to restore the traditional definition of marriage while respecting existing same-sex marriages.”

As per the platform, the vote will be on a government motion asking MPs whether they want the government to introduce legislation that would take away equal marriage.

If that vote passes, legislation will subsequently be introduced — legislation to take away our right to marry. If the motion is defeated, Mr. Harper said during the election that he would consider the issue settled.

The government’s announcement that the vote is coming happened after Canadians for Equal Marriage held a post Throne Speech press conference. CEM called on the Prime Minister to renounce his planned vote to re-open equal marriage or, at a minimum, to tell Canadians what he intends to do and when he intends to do it.

We also noted that recent Environics polls – from November 29, 2005 and from January 24, 2006 – showed that two-thirds of Canadians are against re-opening the equal marriage debate. As well, a recent survey of Canada’s top executives revealed a strong consensus against re-opening the issue.

Speaking at the press conference were Emily Turk and Cynthia Misener, who are planning their wedding for this June. They spoke about what it’s like to have this threat hanging over their heads and did a great job putting a human face on the issue. Also speaking were Kaj Hasselriis, CEM’s new Communications Coordinator and National Spokesperson and Laurie Arron, CEM’s new National Coordinator.


:: IN THE NEWS... ::

Restore Marriage Canada is on the move... New equal marriage opponent issues mass e-mail alert

A new equal marriage opponent known as Restore Marriage Canada issued a mass e-mail alert on March 28 “with the goal of restoring traditional marriage in our nation.” It goes on to say:

“Radically redefining marriage to include same-sex individuals undermines this vital institution. Throughout history, marriage between a man and a woman has been essential to forming strong families. Strong families, in turn, have always been the foundation of all successful societies. We ignore these lessons of history at our peril.

With the recent election of a Conservative Government, we have a chance — probably our last chance — to revisit the legalization of same-sex “marriage” that the Liberal Government rammed through Parliament last year without holding fair, balanced, honest and adequate hearings to consider all of the consequences of this radical redefinition of this fundamental institution.”

It urges people to contact their MPs, saying it “is essential that our MPs know that the majority of us still feel strongly about restoring marriage.”

Restore Marriage Canada is one of many well-financed groups now mobilizing against us to win the vote on re-opening equal marriage. For more info, see www.restoremarriagecanada.ca.

Equal Marriage support remains uncertain... Commentators agree it will be a close vote

There has been a lot of speculation, especially in the mass media, about the possible outcome of a vote on re-opening the equal marriage debate. Many commentators suggest our side will be victorious. But most haven’t actually crunched the numbers. We have, and it’s too close to take this vote for granted.

There are 67 new MPs elected since last year’s historic vote and quite a few incumbents whose positions are unknown. The only way to confirm where MPs stand is to ask them directly – which is exactly what Canadians for Equal Marriage is doing right now. Only after we discuss the issue with MPs can we know for sure if we’ve got the votes.

If you’d like to find out where your MP stands, check our website for the latest info. Even better, please ask them! Call, write or e-mail with this question: “How do you intend to vote on the government motion to re-open the equal marriage debate?” Cite the Conservative election platform if clarification is helpful. Let us know their response! E-mail Laurie.


HARPER CONFIRME QU’UN VOTE S’EN VIENT POUR ROUVRIR LE DÉBAT SUR LE DROIT ÉGAL AU MARIAGE

Selon des sondages, les deux tiers des Canadiens s’opposent à la réouverture du débat sur le droit égal au mariage

Le Discours du Trône n’a fait aucune mention de l’idée de rouvrir le débat sur le droit égal au mariage, mais le premier ministre Stephen Harper ainsi que son ministre de la justice Vic Toews ont confirmé qu’un vote s’en vient.

À la page 33 du programme électoral du Parti conservateur, on trouve ceci :

Un gouvernement conservateur tiendra un vote entièrement libre sur la définition du mariage à la prochaine session parlementaire. Si cette résolution est adoptée, le gouvernement présentera une loi visant à rétablir la définition traditionnelle du mariage, tout en respectant les mariages existants entre personnes de même sexe.

Comme énoncé clairement dans le programme électoral du parti Conservateur, le gouvernement va proposer une motion pour demander aux députés et aux députées s’ils et elles veulent rouvrir le débat sur le droit égal au mariage pour les conjoints de même sexe.

Si le vote passe, le gouvernement introduirait alors une nouvelle loi pour retirer le droit égal au mariage et il faudra continuer cette bataille pour une longue période de temps. Si la motion est défaite, M. Harper a indiqué pendant l’élection qu’il va laisser tomber le sujet.

Le gouvernement a révélé ses intentions après que Canadiens et Canadiennes pour le droit égal au mariage a tenu une conférence de presse pour demander au premier ministre de renoncer au vote destiné à rouvrir le débat ou, à tout le moins, indiquer à la population canadienne les mesures qu’il entend prendre et le choix du moment.

Nous avons également souligné que des sondages réalisés entre le 29 novembre 2005 et le 24 janvier 2006 indiquent que les deux tiers des Canadiens s’opposent à ce que l’on rouvre le débat sur le droit égal au mariage. En outre, un récent sondage mené auprès de cadres supérieurs du pays révèle un puissant consensus contre la réouverture du débat.

Emily Turk et Cynthia Misener, qui se marieront en juin, étaient présentes à la conférence de presse. Elles ont parlé de l’épée de Damoclès qui pend au-dessus de leur tête et ont bien réussi à donner un visage humain à la question. Ont aussi pris la parole Kaj Hasselriis, nouveau coordonnateur des communications de CDEM et porte-parole national, et Laurie Arron, nouveau coordonnateur national de CDEM.

:: MANCHETTES ::

Restore Marriage Canada : le train est en marche

Un nouvel adversaire du droit égal au mariage fait une diffusion massive de messages

Un nouvel adversaire du droit égal au mariage appelé Restore Marriage Canada a fait une diffusion massive de messages électroniques le 28 mars « dans le but de rétablir le mariage traditionnel dans notre pays. Il ajoute :

La redéfinition radicale du mariage afin d’inclure les personnes de même sexe mine cette institution vitale. À travers les âges, le mariage entre un homme et une femme a été essentiel pour fonder des familles solides, lesquelles, en retour, ont toujours été le fondement de sociétés prospères. Nous passons outre ces leçons de l’histoire à nos risques et périls.

Grâce à l’élection récente d’un gouvernement conservateur, nous avons la chance — probablement la dernière – de réexaminer la légalisation du « mariage » entre conjoints de même sexe que le gouvernement libéral a imposé au Parlement l’an dernier, sans tenir des audiences justes, honnêtes et adéquates pour envisager toutes les conséquences de la redéfinition radicale de cette institution fondamentale.

L’organisme presse les destinataires à contacter leur membre du Parlement, indiquant qu’il importe que nos membres du Parlement sachent que la majorité d’entre nous tenons à rétablir le mariage.

Restore Marriage Canada est un des nombreux groupes bien financés qui se lignent contre nous actuellement pour gagner le vote sur la réouverture du débat sur le droit égal au mariage. Pour plus de renseignements, allez à www.restoremarriagecanada.ca.

Le soutien au droit égal au mariage demeure incertain
Les commentateurs s’entendent pour dire que le vote sera serré

Il y a eu beaucoup de spéculation, surtout dans les médias de masse, sur le résultat possible d’un vote sur la réouverture du débat sur le droit égal au mariage. Nombre de commentateurs suggèrent que nous vaincrons, mais la plupart n’ont pas fait de calculs. Nous avons fait l’exercice, et nous ne pouvons tenir la victoire pour acquise.

Depuis le vote historique de l’an dernier, on compte 67 nouveaux membres du Parlement, et nous ne connaissons pas les intentions de certains députés. La seule façon de le savoir, c’est de le leur demander directement, et c’est précisément à quoi s’affaire Canadiens et Canadiennes pour le droit égal au mariage. Ce n’est qu’en abordant la question avec eux que nous saurons si nous serons victorieux. Si vous désirez connaître la position de votre membre du Parlement, consultez notre site Web. Encore mieux, informez-vous vous-même! Écrivez, appelez ou envoyez un courriel et posez la question suivante : « Comment entendez-vous voter sur la motion du gouvernement concernant la réouverture du débat sur le droit égal au mariage? » Citez le passage du programme électoral du Parti conservateur, si vous avez besoin de clarification. Veuillez nous indiquer leur réponse, par courriel, à Laurie à laurie@equal-marriage.ca.

Life Is A Prison

Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter,
There's no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.
*by Puff

TROY - Freak-Out

After all these years what's it take to freak out Troy?

To be continued...

Cool!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

The Many Faces of Mona

It has been said that there has been no other face as recognizable in this world as Mona Lisa's. Here are some other little known facts:

Birthday: 1503-1506
Birthplace: Florence, Italy
Current home: The Louvre, Paris, France
Stats: 20 7/8" x 30", oil on poplar wood.
Marital Status: Married to Francesco del Giocondo since 1495
Working On: Being most celebrated painting in the world
I stay home to watch: Singers, musicians, jesters and The Sopranos
Favorite singer: Nat King Cole
Favorite dish: Savino Sorbet
Prized possessions: *Sfumato, *Chiaroscuro, my new room
Personal hero: Leonardo Da Vinci
Nobody knows: Why I’m smiling
If I could do it over: I’d have a contract with royalties
I’d give anything to meet: Madonna
My fantasy is: To model for Versace
The one thing I can’t stand: Paparazzi
If I could change one thing about myself: I’d be larger
My most irrational act: Being stolen in 1911
Most humbling experience: *L.H.O.O.Q.
The words that best describe me: Lisa Gherardini, Mona Lisa, La Gioconda

Below are some of the faces that are never seen, during the times when the museum is closed. Take an exclusive peek, as these were caught on film during the wee hours of the morning at The Louvre:

*Sfumato is the famous invention of Da Vinci - light and shade that allow one form to blend in with another leaving something to the imagination. He did this to the corners of Mona Lisa' mouth and eyes which explains why she may look different and different times.

*Chiaroscuro the distribution of light and shade in a picture

*L.H.O.O.Q. in 1919 Dada painter Marcel Duchamp put a mustache and goatee on a reproduction of the Mona Lisa. The letters read phonetically in French: Elle a chaud au cul (she has a hot arse.)

***Facts from: Mona Lisa Mania

Everybody Have Fun Tonight

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Brain Cramps

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Ukrainian Math

A Ukranian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Ukranian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Ukranian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Ukranian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Ukranian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Ukranian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Ukranian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when do I start?"

*Thanks, Daryn

Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

*Thanks, Pam!

What I've Learned...

Click on the puppy to find out what... use your 'back' button to return to 'OZ'

Time gets better with age

Click above. Use your 'Back' button to return to 'OZ'

Use your 'BACK' button to return to 'OZ'

Healing

Click here.

Art by Timouth

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Also, check out Timouth's blog here.

Mike - The Headless Chicken

The Amazing, true story of this famous fowl dates back to September 10, 1945 when Mike, a young Wyandotte rooster, was about to become the dinner of Fruita, Colorado, farmer Lloyd Olsen.

With a sharp ax in hand, Mr. Olsen firmly held Mike, preparing to make the bird ready for his wife Clara's cooking pot. Mr. Olsen swung the implement, thereby lopping off poor Mike's head. Mike shook off the event, then continued trying to peck for food.

Mike's will to live remains an inspiration. It is a great comfort to know you can live a normal life, even after you have lost your mind.

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Famous Caricatures

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Isn't it "ICE"??

Jokes and Such

Did you hear about the man who fell into the machine at the upholstery shop? He's completely recovered now.



A guy walks into a bank, points a gun at the teller and says, "Give me all your money, or you're geography!" "Don't you mean history?" the teller asks. "Hey, lady," the thief replies, "don't change the subject."



Signs that you don't have enough to do at work:


- You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for 2004.


- People come to your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.


- You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.


- The Fourth Division of Paper Clips has overrun the Push-Pin Infantry, and General Whiteout has called in for reinforcements.



During the service, a minister made a promise: "Whomever gives the biggest offering shall get to choose three of their favourite hymns." The spinster who won stood and pointed. "I want him, him and him."



Three dogs, a Great Dane. a Scottie, and a Chihuahua--were sitting in a bar, knocking back a few, when a beautiful French Poodle walked in.

"OK, boys" she said seductively. "I'll make a very happy dog out of the one who can come up with the best proposition using the words cheese and liver."

The Great Dane thought a moment, then declared, "I don't like cheese, but I sure like liver, and I like you too!" He panted and wagged his tail, but the lady looked away.

The Scottie immediately followed with, "I like cheese, and I like liver, and I like you!" He wagged his tail expectantly, but she ignored him.

Then the Chihuahua growled, "Liver alone! Cheese with me!" They left together.



Did you hear? NASA is planning to send a group of Holsteins into orbit. Apparently they're calling the mission: "The herd that shot around the world!"



Question: How many ears did Davy Crockett have?

Answer: Three--his left ear, his right ear and his wild front ear.

Playing

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Disney Trivia

Are you up to it?? Kiddies... get out your pencils and papers...

Q1. What singer performed classic Disney love song duets with Celine Dion and Regina Belle?

Q2. "Bella Notte (This Is the Night)" was the love song from what classic Disney animated film?

Q3. What love song from a Disney film won the Academy Award® for Best Original Song for 1999?

Q4. One man wrote the music for two classic, Academy Award-winning love songs for Disney films in the 1990s. Can you name him and the two songs that won?

Q5. The Academy Award-nominated love song "Candle on the Water" was performed by what artist in what film?

Q6. The song "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" was used twice in the film "The Lion King," in two different versions. Who sang the song each time?

Q7. Mickey expressed his affection for Minnie in the song "Minnie’s Yoo Hoo," which was used as a theme song for the original "Mickey Mouse Club." In what animated short did the song first appear?

Q8. The Academy Award-nominated song "When She Loved Me" is from what Disney film?

Q9. A song simply titled "Love" is from what classic Disney animated film?

Q10. Which animated feature had its key love song, "If I Never Knew You," cut after preview screenings?

Q11. What love song from a Disney film captured the Grammy award in 1994 for Best Pop Male Performance?

Q12. The history of honors for love songs from Disney films goes way back. The song "Lavender Blue" from the film "So Dear to My Heart" was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Song for what year?

Q13. The song "Beauty and the Beast" from "Beauty and the Beast" won two Grammy Awards in 1992. Can you name the categories in which it won?

Q14. What love song from a Disney film won the coveted Song of the Year Grammy in 1993?

Click on the mouse ears for the answers...

Ain't it da truth!

*THanks, Auntie 'M'

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"


Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.


BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.


2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.


3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.


4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.


5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.


6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:


"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

*Thanks, Andy

Chicken with an attitude

Click above

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Why Men can Pee Standing Up

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'