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Friday, March 31, 2006

Creeps ME Out...


Burger King Window

The Wizard Is A Mind Reader


Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your head.

Pick a card


scroll down when you have your card,



The Wunnerful Wizard of 'OZ' Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of The Wizard...





The Wunnerful Wizard of 'OZ' The Wizard will attempt to read your mind!


Scroll down after 20 Seconds...






The Wizard has removed your card!



The Wunnerful Wizard of 'OZ' The Wizard Has Removed Your Card!

SCARY ISN'T IT? Email me by clicking The Wizard's Picture at the top of 'OZ' if you haven't figured out how I did it...

Fact or Crap?


Fact or Crap?®


India is the world’s oldest known continuous civilization.







CRAP! China holds the honor as the only ancient civilization that has continued to the present day. Its culture and language date back to the 3000s B.C.

The Great Wall of China
The Great Wall of China

Heading to Jackson, WY. for the weekend?


Jackson WY

*Thanks, Daryn

What do you do all day?


A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

*Thanks, Andy

Row over nuclear toys


An Italian toy maker has caused controversy by unveiling models of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan.


Bomb Toys

Brumm unveiled its £6 Little Boy and Fat Man 1:43 scale model bombs at the Nuremberg toy fair.

Critics say the toys are in bad taste but a Brumm spokesman said: "We want to protest against the insanity of nuclear-war."

More than 350,000 people were killed when the US bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of the Second World War.


*Ananova

Snore no more


A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!

The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were... or what we did ... but, by God ... We took first and second place."


*Thanks, Andy

Don't look now...this is what we're headed for...


A Florida Biker And His Babe Headed to the Beach. Click here.

*Thanks, Rimsky!

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast.


TOO FAST

*Thanks, Andy!

Statement from Egale Canada / Énoncé d’Égale Canada


Bar

March 30, 2006

Egale Canada advances equality and justice for “LGBT” people -- lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-identified people, and our families, across Canada.

Our members are proud that Canada is an international leader in promoting human rights. On the world stage, Canada is a beacon of light in a world still too often darkened by ignorance and intolerance, whether viewed from Iraq – as James Loney and his family know – or even from the U.S., where many of its citizens come here to get married.

If Canada shines on an international level, it is in large part because of our enlightened laws. One of them is the right of same-sex couples to equal marriage.

Last year, Parliament adopted equal marriage legislation. MPs voted to uphold the equal rights of LGBT Canadians while also enhancing religious freedom. It is the Canadian way: equality while respecting diversity; complementary rights, not competing rights.

That historic vote on equal marriage concluded 3 years of intense debate. Since then, the sky hasn’t fallen and we have social peace on the matter. Even Canada’s top CEOs agree that we should live and let live... and move on.

We call on Parliamentarians and especially Prime Minister Stephen Harper, to uphold equality of all Canadian citizens and reject the idea of reopening debate on last year’s equal marriage legislation. 66% of Canadians want you to move on and deal with other pressing issues, some of which are highlighted here this morning.

Il est temps de passer à l’action mais de poser des gestes qui reflètent le véritable consensus canadien. Égale Canada est fier de la réputation de notre pays à l’échelle mondiale comme défenseur des droits de la personne.

Cette réputation s’est bâtie grâce à des positions éclairées, notamment à l’égard du droit égal au mariage civil pour les conjoints de même sexe. Le projet de loi adopté en juillet dernier fut le résultat d’un débat exhaustif. Depuis, une paix sociale s’est installée. Les citoyens et les citoyennes souhaitent que le gouvernement passe à autre chose et non pas qu’il resuscite les vieux débats. Nous appellons donc le Premier Minister Harper à indiquer qu’il mettra de côté son projet de rouvrir le débat sur le droit égal au mariage.

Comme nous le constatons ce matin, il y a plusieurs autres questions qui exigent davantage l’attention de nos parlementaires. Merci.


Rainbow Bear

Keeping Kids Safe Online


Keeping kids safe online

By Johanna Ambrosio

I'm no expert, but I am a parent of three teenagers who, thankfully, have been safe so far. My reaction to the news about Microsoft jumping into the monitoring space with a free tool to be available this summer is that it sounds great, but I hope parents realize that the use of any monitoring software isn't by itself enough to guarantee kids' safety.

I think anyone in the computer industry already knows this and certainly understands the dangers that lurk. But I worry there may be some parents who too readily trust a tool to take the place of their (human) care and concern. Parents must still be parents, and older teens especially must be made aware of their responsibility in this, too. With freedom comes great personal responsibility, both online and offline, and kids need the adults in their lives to both explain and model this.

--more--

Download IBM's Powerpoint (mostly US based but informative for all) on the internet and internet safety here.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

33 Injured In Airbus Evacuation Drill


33 participants were injured Sunday in an evacuation drill of the new Airbus super-jumbo jet.


Airbus


One man broke his leg and 32 people suffered minor friction burns and other injuries during an exercise in which 853 people and 20 crew members practised the emergency drill.

These drills are standard practice in the aerospace industry as the airplane manufacturers strive to meet international safety regulations.

The United States, Europe, Canada and other countries will not approve a new airplane model unless the airplane meets strict evacuation times.

The manufacturers also fly new planes to harsh environments to prove they will work under a variety of conditions. The Airbus, the largest airliner in the world, was tested in Nunavut in the winter to show it will fly in the extreme cold.

Many manufacturers practise these evacuation routines ahead of the government tests, pushing the passengers to leave the airplane as quickly as possible. People are frequently hurt as they climb onto the airliner's wings, clamber through windows or tumble down exit chutes.

In this case, 873 employees of Germany's Lufthansa AG tumbled out of the huge double-decker airliner in 80 seconds, in the dark, well within the limits set by the European Aviation Safety Agency.

The EU wanted 650 people to exit the airplane in 90 seconds.

"That [test] was a very great success," Airbus manager Gustav Humbert told the Associated Press after the test.

What do you think?

Rob Rubberman
Rob Rubberman
Taxi Driver
"I'm sure panicking, untrained passengers will fare much better."

Cynthia Feldmeister
Cynthia Feldmeister
Greeting-Card Designer
"I blame the ‘Last one out is a rotten egg!’ instructions."

Ken Igottago
Ken Igottago
Systems Analyst
"I hope the victims got a bonus go on the slide."


Fact or Crap?


Fact or Crap?®


The 7-Eleven convenience stores were first called Tote’m.







Fact! Tote’m was the initial name of the Southland Corporation’s foray into convenience stores. Some store locations even sported genuine Alaskan totem poles in front. In 1946, Tote’m became 7-Eleven to reflect the stores’ new, extended hours—from 7 A.M. until 11 P.M.

We got a 7-11 in progress...

THE DA VINCI CODE


Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:


Da Vinci Code


It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

Da Vinci Code

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

Da Vinci Code

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."

Da Vinci Code

Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

Da Vinci Code

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......

It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!

*Thanks, Daryn

Stress Management


A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked,"How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.

It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "

As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."

So, my friend, why not take a while to just simply RELAX. Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while. Life is short. Enjoy it!

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons...Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have a good day!!
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Applying Logic Models to real life


Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weedeater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weedeater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar.

He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weedeater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."


*Thanks, Andy

Say Again?


Open - Closed

*Thanks, Daryn!

An IRS Solution


Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.


I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.

You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer


*Thanks, SalTCBug

Drivers' Safety Warning


I wonder how many people know about this?

A 36 year old woman several weeks ago was driving and totalled her car. A resident of Wollongong, NSW, she was travelling between Wollongong & Sydney. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydroplane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the occurrence.

When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened, he told her something that every driver should know - NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON.

She had thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe, consistent speed in the rain. But the Highway Patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on and your car begins to hydroplane when your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed and you take off like an airplane. She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.

The Highway Patrol estimated her car was actually travelling through the air at 10 to 15 miles per hour faster than the speed set on the cruise control. The patrolman said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat sun-visor - " NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY" , along with the airbag warning.

We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed - but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry. The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had had a similar accident, totalled his car and sustained severe injuries. direct others to this post and if they don't know about this, then it will be worth it. You might have save a life.


*Thanks, Allen

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Earth gets treated to solar eclipse


Solar Eclipse

Wednesday, a rare total solar eclipse where the moon completely blocks out the sun, occured over Brazil and extended across the Atlantic Ocean, Northern Africa, and Central Asia where it ends at sunset in Northern Mongolia.

The next total eclipse,on August 1, 2008, will be seen in northern Canada, Greenland, Siberia, Mongolia and northern China. The next solar eclipse won't happen in the United States until 2017.

Credit: NASA TV


How Witches Troubleshoot Their PC's...


How Witches Troubleshoot Their PC's...

*Thanks, anarkissed

Fact or Crap?


Fact or Crap?®


Alberto VO5 hair products were created for First Lady Mamie Eisenhower.







CRAP! The Alberto VO5 line of special hair products was made for Hollywood starlets, whose coiffures were easily damaged by the harsh studio lights. During the 1950s, a chemist named Alberto came up with the formula, which includes five organic emollients.

VO5 STARZ

This Sunday - 'The Simpsons' to unveil live-action opening song


The Simpsons (AP) Ever wonder what Bart Simpson would look like in human form? The longrunning animated Fox series "The Simpsons" is about to show you.

The series will unveil a live-action opening sequence Sunday, 8 p.m. EST, a Fox spokeswoman announced Thursday.

In it, the dysfunctional cartoon family — Bart, Homer, Marge, Lisa and Maggie — will be seen as they would appear in real life, played by lookalike actors.

"I'm just amazed there are people who want to be known for looking like the Simpsons," said Al Jean, the show's executive producer, in a statement.

A team from British network Sky One created and commissioned the live sequence, which apes the long-running series' memorable opening shots: Bart writing on the chalkboard, Homer pulling the nuclear rod out of his shirt and Maggie and Marge at the supermarket, a Fox spokeswoman said.

"The Simpsons" was recently renewed for two more seasons, its 18th and 19th.



*Thanks, Daryn

Blonde paint job


A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Did You Know?

Did you know that when you eny someone, it's because you really like that person?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most succeptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?

Bugs


Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are :
I love you, Sorry and help me

(The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.)

Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?
Sylvester


Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that those who need more of you are those that don't mention it to you?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face?But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?
TAZ


Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold ..
Daffy


"One day, we will change the world...or we are already changing it " THE BALL IS NOW IN YOUR COURT... If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and e-mails will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem", take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".


Bugs

*Thanks, Pam

A U.S. Twenty Dollar Bill - Who Figured This Out?


INCREDIBLE!!

1) Fold a NEW PINK U.S. $20 bill in half...

20$ Bill

2) Fold again, taking care to fold it exactly as below

20$ Bill

3) Fold the other end, exactly as before

20$ Bill<

4) Now, simply turn it over...

20$ Bill


What a coincidence! A simple geometric fold creates a catastrophic premonition printed on all $20 bills!!!
COINCIDENCE? YOU DECIDE

As if that wasn't enough .. here is what you've seen...

Firstly The Pentagon on fire...

20$ Bill

Then The Twin Towers.

20$ Bill
... And now .. look at this!

20$ Bill

TRIPLE COINCIDENCE ON A SIMPLE $20 BILL
It gets even better!! 9 + 11=$20!!

*Thanks, Andy!

OFFICE MEMO :


Please note that at all future office parties and company picnics/functions will will continue to enforce the one drink per person, but you will now not be allowed to "bring your own cup" as allowed last year.

The Management


BYOC

*Thanks, Andy!

Gas Prices...


... I went into the 7-11 gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt...


*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Good Job


Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "Panty stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter." he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.

When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor."

"What skill?" yelled Manuel. "I sew da elastic on da panties, Pedro puts dem over his head and says: "Yeah, diesel fitter.'"


*Thanks, Andy!

TROY- Home To Roost


The birthday boy has a shocker for Rigo

TROYTROYTROYTROYTROYTROYTROY

To Be Continued......