*Poster courtesy of GayCalgary.com
**Please note: "TINA" is the street name for Meth.
John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
The unusually named Pickles met Lennon in 1957, when she enrolled at the Liverpool College of Art. They were introduced by a mutual friend and struck up a romance as an arty Beatnik couple. But the relationship was short-lived: They broke up in 1958, before Lennon graduated from Beatnik to Beatle.
When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milk for your recipes, just smile and think of this.
A little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little
compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...."
She said, I know all about milk and dairy farms... I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house... a man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it...."
Here is her entry:
Count every "F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning is:
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what?
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy!
And keep them occupied for several minutes.
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! ''
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!
That's my story
and I'm sticking to it!
When the doors open at Hudson's Bay Co.'s 500 stores across Canada tomorrow, employees of the iconic 336-year-old retailer will learn — officially — whether they have a new owner.
American financier and industrialist Jerry Zucker is expected to announce early in the morning how many shares were tendered to his $1.5 billion offer for the struggling department store retailer.
The deal was slated to expire Friday at 5 p.m., though it could still be extended or withdrawn, Zucker said in a press release Thursday.
Assuming, as most observers do, that at least two-thirds of HBC's shareholders will accept Zucker's offer of $15.25 a share, the big question now is what's next for Canada's oldest retailer?
Zucker, whose company Maple Leaf Heritage Investments Corp. has been HBC's biggest shareholder for the past 18 months, has already spelled out some of his plans. None of it sounds very drastic.
His plans include installing state-of-the-art inventory controls that keep popular merchandise in stock, boosting traffic and sales per square foot by inviting third parties to set up boutiques within the stores, adding more discount brand-name merchandise and closing money-losing stores.
Normally, a financial buyer like Zucker would do his best to unlock the target company's value by splitting up and selling off some of the assets, according to mergers and acquisitions expert Laurence Booth. At that point, he would go on to cut costs in order to boost profits, said Booth, a professor at the University of Toronto's Rotman School of Management.
But the highly secretive Zucker has so far said only that he might sell off the Simpson Tower, home to HBC's corporate headquarters, in downtown Toronto.
His stated goal is mainly to do a better job of running the stores, a move that suggests he might replace the current senior management team.
His spokesperson, Robert Johnston, has declined to discuss Zucker's plans for chief executive officer George Heller. But some observers say Heller and his two lieutenants, Thomas Haig and Marc Chouinard, could be among the first to go.
"They haven't performed and, when you don't perform in retail, you get fired. Whether it's your fault or not," said one retail consultant who didn't want to be named.
In the six years since Heller took the helm at HBC, both sales and profit have slipped while the company's share price has flat-lined amid growing competition from discounters and specialty retailers.
In its latest quarter, HBC reported a $50 million loss, including $28 million in one-time costs to pay for layoffs.
HBC has already spelled out the cost of getting rid of its top six officers at nearly $10 million in severance packages. Heller would get 2.5 times his current annual salary and bonus, which amounts to just under $4 million based on last year's salary of $1.2 million plus bonus of $350,000. If asked, he would remain on staff for at least a year after change of ownership, according to company documents.
Marc Chouinard, chief operating officer, would get $1.7 million. Thomas Haig, executive vice-president to the office of the CEO, would get $1.55 million. Michael Rousseau, the chief financial officer, would get $1.2 million.
Under Heller, there have been some successes. While Zellers has struggled to compete with discount goliath Wal-Mart Canada Corp. and the Bay's business is being eroded by cheaper chic retailers, HBC's home fashion chain Home Outfitters and its new Designer Depot discount fashion stores are a hit.
Still, some observers say either David Margolis, founder of Winners Merchants LLP, or Paul Walters, ousted CEO of Sears Canada Inc., could do a better job of turning things around.
"I think they need someone who understands the Canadian retail industry," said David Howell, a consultant with Associate Marketing International, of Toronto.
Some of the work that would normally be done by a new owner is already in progress at HBC. In recent months, the retailer announced it was cutting 825 middle management jobs and selling off its profitable credit card division.
But more could be done, observers said.
Some of the Bay's downtown stores across Canada sit on highly valuable real estate, while the Zellers chain could be downsized and sold to a company like Target Corp., the only successful U.S. competitor to Wal-Mart.
One of the first indications of Zucker's plans might be what he does with the $370 million in proceeds from the sale of HBC's credit card division to GE Money, the consumer-lending arm of General Electric Co.
Will he invest it in the retail business to speed up store renovations to make HBC more competitive? Or will he pocket the profits, as his counterpart Ed Lampert has done at Sears Holdings Corp. Lampert is the other financier who has recently invested in the retail industry, staking a claim in Sears Roebuck, then combining it with ailing Kmart.
Either way, Zucker has his work cut out for him. It will take more than a few asset sales and some management changes to make HBC successful, experts said.
The job cuts so far are expected to save the company $40 million to $45 million a year. But the company lost $50 million in its latest quarter, after taking a $28 million charge for severances to pay for the layoffs.
Zucker has said he'll invest $325 million over the next three years improving the stores. But HBC already spends roughly that much each year on capital improvements.
In the meantime, observers will have a tougher time finding out what's going on at HBC since the company will no longer be publicly traded after the sale goes through.
The impact on some publicly traded real estate companies may be more apparent as Zucker decides what to do with the many Bay and Zellers stores that occupy the malls and plazas they operate.
Among HBC's biggest landlords are Cadillac Fairview Corp., home to many of the Bay's mall locations, and RioCan REIT, a prime landlord to Zellers.
Pension plans have been big buyers of retail real estate, Booth noted.
In the longer term, Zucker may have to take more aggressive action to restore profits at the stores. That could include store closings and asset sales to other retailers, analysts say.
For years, analysts have speculated HBC could be broken up and sold, with U.S.-based Target scooping up the Zellers chain, while Macy's and Bloomingdales' parent company, Federation Department Stores, would pluck off the Bay.
Both have begun supplying HBC with certain exclusive and private label brands, including I.N.C. and Tres You. They may yet play a further part in the HBC saga.
Against this backdrop of corporate uncertainty, HBC spokesperson Hillary Stauth said the retailer has been keeping the focus in its stores on the Olympics. The company became an official sponsor this year and won the right to outfit the Canadian team for the next four Olympics.
The Olympic outfits, particularly the "trapper" hat, have been a huge hit among spectators at the winter games in Turin, Italy.
The games are one of Heller's passions, though he hasn't been in Turin for the current Olympics, Stauth said.
Meanwhile, Zucker has remained a mystery throughout his pursuit of Hudson's Bay. The 55-year-old Israeli-born engineer has spent most of his career pursuing industrial companies.
His previous interests in Canada have been eclectic. He once owned Montreal-based Dominion Textile Inc. and still owns a chain of laser tag entertainment centres across Canada.
His spokesperson, Johnston, is a Montrealer. And his daughter Andrea is reportedly marrying a Toronto native now based in Washington, D.C.
Still, Zucker's interest in retailing has puzzled industry analysts and many doubted from the start that his intentions were serious. Zucker has kept his options open up to the very last minute, issuing a press release Thursday that said he could still extend or withdraw his offer.
As the company's largest shareholder, with just under 19 per cent of its stock, it seems unlikely Zucker will walk away at this point. He can't sell his stake without depressing HBC's share price and the prospect he might buy more was one of the few things propping up the stock in recent months.
Tomorrow, HBC's 70,000 employees will find out just how deeply Zucker is committed to the company.
ACTOR Dennis Weaver, best known for playing the loyal, limping deputy to Marshal Matt Dillon on TV's Gunsmoke and as the urban lawman with a cowboy hat on McCloud, has died at age 81, his publicist said today.
Weaver, a onetime president of the Screen Actors Guild who earned an Emmy Award in 1959 for playing the lame sidekick Chester Goode on Gunsmoke, died on February 24 at his home in Ridgway, Colorado, due to complications from cancer, said spokesman Julian Myers.
At the time of his death, Weaver was co-starring as the weathered but wise horse rancher and family patriarch Henry Bergson on Wildfire, a drama on cable TV's ABC Family channel.
Born in Joplin, Missouri, Weaver studied at the famed Actors Studio in New York after serving in World War Two and co-starred as Turk in the 1950 Broadway production of Come Back, Little Sheba.
He made his Hollywood film debut two years later in The Raiders, and played supporting parts in several other movies, including the nervous motel clerk in Orson Welles' Touch of Evil.
But Weaver, a tall, lanky actor with chiselled features and a laconic but determined screen presence, made his biggest mark in television.
After an early appearance in an episode of the classic TV cop series Dragnet, he landed the Gunsmoke role of the marshal's devoted deputy Chester, who walked with a limp, spoke with a pronounced western twang and brewed a strong pot of coffee. James Arness played his boss, Marshal Matt Dillon, whom Chester always addressed as "Mister Dillon," which became a signature phrase on the western classic.
One of the longest-running shows on US television, and one of the first adult westerns to appear in prime time, Gunsmoke aired on CBS from 1955 to 1975. Weaver started with the show and stayed until 1964.
He left Gunsmoke to star in his own short-lived NBC series, Kentucky Jones, playing a veterinarian widower and adoptive father to a 9-year-old Chinese orphan.
After starring in the 1967 feature film Gentle Giant, about a bear captured in the Everglades by a wildlife ranger and his son, Weaver went on to star for two seasons in the CBS television adaptation of the film, Gentle Ben.
In 1970, he returned to NBC in McCloud, playing a lawman from New Mexico who tracks an escaped prisoner to New York City and ends up assigned to a Manhattan precinct, where his maverick approach to law enforcement puts him at odds with the chief of police.
He further distinguished himself from the rest of New York's finest with his folksy delivery of the catch phrase, "There you go," and by running around town wearing a cowboy hat and sheepskin coat.
The show ran until 1977 in rotation with Columbo and McMillan and Wife as one of the three original programs comprising NBC's weekly Mystery Movie series.
Weaver served as president of the Screen Actors Guild from 1973 to 1975.
An ardent environmental activist off screen, Weaver moved to Colorado in 1989 to construct his "Earthship," a solar-powered home built primarily from recycled materials.
The Wizard's favourite movie starring Weaver was during his run on McCloud, Weaver also starred in Steven Spielberg's 1971 ABC TV movie thriller "Duel" - in which he is chased down deserted highways by a semi truck... loaded with gas. A truly suspenseful film that Dennis Weaver fit to a 'T'.
Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety...(wait for it. It's worth it)... then scroll down...
This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?
0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec-1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Mr Bush
5 min-1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs until he finishes his carrot...
Civil rights activist Sojourner Truth’s real name was Sonja van Troot.
Isabella Baumfree was born into slavery in 1797, one of 13 children in Ulster County, New York. In 1827, she was freed under the New York Anti-Slavery Act. In 1843, after being educated by Quakers, Isabella had a spiritual revelation and changed her name to Sojourner Truth. She traveled the country, tirelessly advocating the abolition of slavery. Even after the Civil War, she continued to act as the nation’s conscience, demanding land for black veterans and rights for women.
(London) Gay singer George Michael has been arrested on drug charges after being found slumped over the wheel of a car in a gay cruising area of central London.
Police were called to the southeast corner of Hyde Park by a pedestrian. The citizen apparently did not recognize that it was Michael in the car but thought the person might be seriously ill or the victim of a gay bashing.
Michael was checked by paramedics but did not need hospital treatment. He was then taken to a central London police station. The Sun newspaper reports that the singer was booked under his real name, Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou.
Michael was released on bail and told to return for additional questioning next month.
The Rose Garden in that area of Hyde Park and the nearly wooded area are well known cruising spots. Across the street the public washroom in a hotel is also notorious among London's gay community.
This is not the first time George Michael has found himself on the wrong side of the law.
In 1998 the former Wham! star was arrested for lewd conduct in a public bathroom in a Los Angeles park after being spotted by an undercover police officer.
The incident led Michael to come out publicly.
Last November he announced his engagement to longtime lover Kenny Goss. (story) The couple said they had not set a date but it is expected to take place this year. Civil partnerships became legal in Britain in December.
But despite his partnership plans Michael has said he is not and does not intend to be monogamous and that he and Goss have an open relationship.
Whether Michael was in the area to cruise is not not known and police would not speculate.
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his play.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.
"I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"
"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.
"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have normal 20/20 vision."
That's great", said Little Johnnie, "cuz he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Don Knotts, the skinny, lovable nerd who kept generations of television audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on "The Andy Griffith Show," has died. He was 81.
Knotts died Friday night of pulmonary and respiratory complications at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills, said Paul Ward, a spokesman for the cable network TV Land, which airs "The Andy Griffith Show," and another Knotts hit, "Three's Company."
Unspecified health problems had forced him to cancel an appearance in his native Morgantown in August 2005.
The West Virginia-born actor's half-century career included seven TV series and more than 25 films, but it was the Griffith show that brought him TV immortality and five Emmies.
The show ran from 1960-68, and was in the top 10 of the Nielsen ratings each season, including a No. 1 ranking its final year. It is one of only three series in TV history to bow out at the top: The others are "I Love Lucy" and "Seinfeld." The 249 episodes have appeared frequently in reruns and have spawned a large, active network of fan clubs.
As the bug-eyed deputy to Griffith, Knotts carried in his shirt pocket the one bullet he was allowed after shooting himself in the foot. The constant fumbling, a recurring sight gag, was typical of his self-deprecating humor.
Knotts, whose shy, soft-spoken manner was unlike his high-strung characters, once said he was most proud of the Fife character and doesn't mind being remembered that way.
His favorite episodes, he said, were "The Pickle Story," where Aunt Bea makes pickles no one can eat, and "Barney and the Choir," where no one can stop him from singing.
"I can't sing. It makes me sad that I can't sing or dance well enough to be in a musical, but I'm just not talented in that way," he lamented. "It's one of my weaknesses."
TURIN, ITALY — The largest medal haul ever won by a Canadian athlete at one Olympics won't be displayed in a trophy case. They won't hang on a wall or be left on a coffee table for visitors at Cindy Klassen's place to admire, either.
"Maybe in a closet, I'm not sure," said Klassen, after powering her way to gold to lead teammate Kristina Groves to a 1-2 finish for Canada in the women's 1,500-metre long track speed skating race last night. "I don't really display things like that. Probably closet."
It was the kind of humble response we've come to expect from the 26-year-old Winnipegger who has fully delivered on her advanced billing as Canada's star at these Olympics with four medals in four races — one gold, two silver (1,000 metres and team pursuit) and a bronze (3,000 metres) — with the 5,000 metres to come on Saturday.
The reticent redhead, who really can't abide the spotlight, keeps doing things to put herself right in it.
She's also the most decorated female Canadian Olympian in history with five medals total, including the bronze in the 3,000 metres she won at the 2002 Salt Lake City Games.
"It's really not something that I think about too much," said Klassen. "I'm just trying to focus on each race by itself ... I've just been having such a great time and that's what means the most to me."
A double gold medallist at last year's world championships, including at 1,500 metres, Klassen had been performing well up to last night, but had yet to deliver the kind of skate to define herself as one of the current greats.
Paired with rival Anni Friesinger of Germany, she did that last night, leaving the defending Olympic champion in her wake as she obliterated the field with a time of one minute, 55.27 seconds, nearly a full second and a half in front of Groves (1:56.74).
Ireen Wust of the Netherlands was third in 1:56.90, while Friesinger was a distant fourth in 1:57.31 but gracious in hugging Klassen afterwards.
Klassen and Groves took a victory lap around the oval, holding the Canadian flag high as it fluttered in the breeze.
"We both felt pretty proud to be Canadian at that point," said Klassen. "We both skated the races of our lives. It couldn't have been better."
Dutch skater Renate Groenewold paid Klassen the ultimate compliment.
"Cindy — she's just the best, and that's it," she said.
Not bad for an athlete who was devastated upon being cut from the Canadian women's hockey team in the fall of 1997 before the Nagano Olympics.
`I didn't even want to do it (speed skating) because I thought it looked ridiculous with the long blades and wearing a tight skinsuit. I knew my friends would poke fun at me.'
"It was really hard on me because that was something I grew up dreaming of doing, being on the women's hockey team, going for gold in '98," said Klassen.
"Looking back now, I would never have expected to be in speed skating, especially growing up my parents wanted me to be in speed skating because skating was my strongest point in hockey.
"I didn't even want to do it because I thought it looked ridiculous with the long blades and wearing a tight skinsuit. I knew my friends would poke fun at me because of that."
No one's laughing now. Groves credits Klassen with leading the way in the women's distance team's transformation from international also-rans to international power.
"She's done wonders for our team in showing everybody that anything's possible and winning medals is possible.
"Everyone kind of looks up to her and sees that the gap is not that big and we all have the potential to be up there."
A devout Mennonite, Klassen credits her religion with helping her through a difficult period in late 2003 when she fell during training and slid into a Chinese skater, suffering a 10-centimetre gash that tore through 12 tendons, a nerve and an artery in her right forearm.
She missed most of that season, but the time off gave her a chance to reflect and she ultimately came back stronger.
"When I came back, I just felt so hungry to skate again and so privileged to be able to skate," she said.
Klassen has a shot at the podium in the 5,000 metres, although it is the distance she likes least.
A fifth medal would break the record she now shares with Lidiya Skoblikova for most speed skating medals by a female skater in one Olympic Games. The Russian won four gold medals at the 1964 Winter Games in Innsbruck.
American Eric Heiden set the men's record with five gold medals at the 1980 Games in Lake Placid.
One of the great myths in Canadian sport is that gold medals, or any medal, can translate into a big financial windfall.
Fortunately for Klassen, it's not something she's thinking about.
"I'm just out there to race the best that I can. When I put together a strong race and feel like I'm racing the best that I can, then that's rewarding in itself. The money is not something I think about; I'm just doing it because I enjoy the sport."
"Things are about to get hairy"
Starring: Daniel Tay, Jimmy Fallon, Jon Stewart, Whoopi Goldberg, William H. Macy
Synopsis: Legend tells of three magic diamonds that, if in the wrong hands, can be united to create a force powerful enough to freeze the sun. When the evil sorcerer Zeebad escapes from his ancient prison, he vows to exact revenge by deep-freezing the earth forever. Determined to save the world, a fellowship of four unlikely heroes band together to foil Zeebad's villainous plot. Led by the candy-loving mutt Doogal, friends Dylan, Brian, and Ermintrude all embark on an epic adventure to save the world. In order to find the diamonds before Zeebad, they must climb icy mountains, navigate fiery pits of molten lava, sail across vast oceans and pass through a booby-trapped temple guarded by an army of ninja skeleton warriors. Along the way they learn that the most powerful weapon is their friendship - which even Zeebad¹s evil magic cannot destroy.
Reviews: Here is the deal on Doogal. It was released 2 years ago in the UK and was called the magic roundabout. It had British actors and was funny. The Magic Roundabout was a kids show shown in the UK in the early seventies, this is an attempt to Americanise the movie. They should have left it alone, they've tried to turn it into a LOTR for little kids, shame, shame, shame. Do yourselve a favor get an import of the British DVD.
Great for Kids - Good for parents: Keep in mind this is rated with a 6 year old's perspective snd I'm sure toddlers would like it even more. My son loved it and to me that's all that matters. Sure it was no Shrek but it was what it was - an animated G movie not made by Pixar or Disney. I thinks adults that tolerate G movies will be amused by the one liners. I liked the actors too, I could listen to John Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, Chevy Chase and Whoopi anytime.
I Blame You, Shrek!: well, here is yet another attempt to pull off the humor/wit of a shrek-wanna-be movie. however, it doesnt run as smoothly. the story is some crazy wizard (who's half spring??) wants to freeze the world for some odd reason. so doogal (our hero), after his friend is trapped in ice, must collect some jewels to stop this evil wizard, with his flop-of-a-friends. but i wont ruin anymore of the plot (though thats about it) the computer animation is descent, though not really up to par with more recent movies.
It's rated G, so it's almost too cute. kids will swallow it up, but the parents who have to tag along will probably lose interest fast. nothing seems to 'feel' right with the characters, you want to love them, but you just never do. we really have shrek to blame for this, it started this landslide of animated child/parent humor movies, but nothing else has hit a home run. but kids will enjoy!
Watch the trailer for Doogal
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
Lesson Learned? - The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope.