Never Tickle The Pillsbury Dough-Boy...

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*Thanks, SalTCBug! :O)

Fact or Crap?

®

The singular form of the word graffiti is graffito.







By definition, the word graffito can refer to one symbol or to several elaborate sentences written on a public wall. However, the plural form is most commonly used these days to refer to any amount of unauthorized outdoor illustration. It is often used with a singular verb as a mass noun (for instance, the graffiti is on the wall), but despite this common use, dictionaries still do not recognize graffiti as a standard singular version.

Saturday Funnies

*Thanks, SalTCBug!

Aging Gracefully

A 70-year-old old nurse walks into a bank and prepares to endorse a cheque.

She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's just great......

.... Some asshole's got my pen."

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Elton Brings Las Vegas Show To TV

(New York City) (The Associated Press) Elton John brings his Las Vegas show to television with his first NBC special, "Elton John: The Red Piano," on Dec. 14.

The special will feature John's show from Caesars Palace, incorporating his performance with videos from director David LaChapelle, including two that feature Justin Timberlake as a young Elton John and Pamela Anderson performing a pole dance.

Last December, the rock legend was honored in a star-studded tribute at the Kennedy Center in Washington.

Elton's Las Vegas show has been a huge hit at Caesars. Called "The Red Piano" it's a career overview performance that takes the audience inside Elton John’s world.

LaChapelle creates a dreamscape dripping with rich imagery that offers a three dimensional interpretation of Elton John and Bernie Taupin’s most memorable recordings.

Elton has committed to doing 75 shows at Caesars over three years as one of Celine Dion's vacation stand-ins at the $95 million venue.

At The Horse Sale - A Little Cowboy.....

A little cowboy attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, the little cowboy asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. "

The little cowboy, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom!"

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

And WHEN do you....?

A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave.

The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?"

The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."

*Thanks, SalTCBug

The Perfect Weight Loss Method

YOU have to be weighed before you can sign up to get an ISP to go on the internet.

Then the following KICKS IN.


*Thanks, SalTCBug

Coming Out Step-by-Step

Step-By-Step
Your Guide, Ramon Johnson


Friends Don't Let Friends Stay In The Closet

What does it mean to come out?
Coming out is the process of personally accepting your sexuality and disclosing it to yourself, family, co-workers and friends. Coming out is different for every gay or bisexual person since there are varying degrees of sexuality (see Kinsey Scale) and the circumstances that surround our lifestyles differ.

Coming out is a confusing time for many people. Accepting your sexuality (or coming out to yourself) can bring about a number of fears. Will your family or friends stop loving you? Will you ever get married or have children? Will you be discrimated against or made fun of? These are all valid concerns mainly rooted in the fear of the unknown; which is why many referece coming out as being reborn. This is an opporunity for you to look introspectively and re-evalutate who you are and who you want to be.

--more--

Cats - 25th Anniversary

A good friend of mine gave me 2 tickets to see Cats - The Musical. I thought it was an absoloutly wonderful performance!

by: by Andrew Lloyd Webber & T.S. Eliot

A full house thoroughly enjoy what must be a musical legend, after 25 years.. to come to Saskatoon!

I had never seen this show before and really did not know what to expect. Directed by Richard Stafford, this is a colourful mix of sounds, music, movement and songs. I found the first act somewhat slow to establish itself and it seemed a long time before we got to Memory, which was performed skillfully by Esther Stillwell as Grizabella.

The second act is a totally different situation with lively and imaginative scenes from the start, such as the pirate sketch, which I believe is an addition to the original show.

Buy this and other posters at MovieGoods.com®

The whole thing moved along at a good pace and the big production number ‘Mr Mistoffelees’ played by Ryan Patrick Ferrell almost brought the house down.

The large cast give it 100% and the wonderful costumes and their dancing ability allow them to get well into character including visits to the seats of members of the audience from time to time.

The set and lighting were spectacular and the dance well choreographed. The sound was clear throughout and the touring orchestral musicians fit well with the taped music, with which the acoustics of The Centennial Auditorium provided a great backing...

All in all, I was mostly mesmorized and even shed some tears. A once in a lifetime experience!

Thanks, Jack!

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3 . 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.



SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.


2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.


3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.


OLD IS WHEN:

1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.


2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.


3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.


4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.


5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!


Thoughts for the weekend

-- I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


-- When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."


-- Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?


-- Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.


-- My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said..


-- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.


-- If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!


-- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


But Most Of All, Remember !

-- A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

*Thanks, Daryn!

Spice Girls Wannabees

Harassment

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a woman standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore.

She takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you that your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies: "It's Keith, the midget."

*Thanks, Daryn!

The blonde and the book

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"



The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."


*Thanks SalTCBug

Fact or Crap?

®

Cows have no upper front teeth.







Instead of teeth in the upper front of their mouth, cows have a tough pad used for chewing their food. Don’t be fooled, though. Cows do have teeth—eight incisors and 24 molars to be exact. They also have four stomach chambers and drink 25 to 50 gallons of water a day.

Car Shopping

One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles.

She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies, "Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger." The owner replies, "Well, let's see Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"

The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny." To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"

No son, I want this color. But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you? says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale. By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.

Ok, ready for it?????




The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"

*Thanks SalTCBug

French Homeland Security Stemming From The Riots....

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Walk The Line

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Reese Witherspoon
Director: James Mangold
Fax: 2005, drama

Review by Brent Ko, 365Gay.com

Joaquin Phoenix belts out country classics as the late Johnny Cash in Walk the Line, a portrait of the singer's early success, drug addiction and long courtship with the love of his life, June Carter (Reese Witherspoon).

Like last year's Ray Charles film biography Ray, Walk the Line deals explicitly with both the joyous and unsavory sides of Cash's life. From the start, Cash was an artist of the shadows, said Walk the Line director James Mangold.

"All you have to do is listen over and over and over again to any one of his songs," Mangold said.

"Even when they first started appearing in the early to middle '50s, the lyrics are incredibly dark. Everyone else is singing about getting girls and being happy, and he's singing about, 'I go out on a party and look for a little fun, but I find a darkened corner, because I still miss someone.' That's a dark lyric for a pop song."

Phoenix had his work cut out for him preparing to play an icon. He had no musical background. "Joaquin was pretty horrible when he started," said Dan John Miller, leader of the indie band Blanche, who plays Cash's lead guitarist.

The 31-year-old actor spent months rehearsing by himself. He also wrote his own songs to "see what it felt like to make something from nothing," Phoenix recently told Time magazine.

All that preparation was worth it. Phoenix delivers his best screen performance to date, and Witherspoon is nothing less than brilliant. There is a genuine chemistry between the two, particularly when they’re on stage together. Add to that the impressive direction of Mangold and you have a film that is not be missed, even if you hate country music.

Kathy Cash, one of Johnny Cash's five children, was so upset about how her mother - Cash's first wife, Vivian Liberto Distin - is portrayed she walked out of a family-only screening - five times.

Nevertheless, she thinks the movie, is good and that performances by Joaquin Phoenix as her dad and Reese Witherspoon as her stepmother, June Carter Cash, are Oscar-worthy.

©365Gay.com 2005


Buy this and other one sheets** at MovieGoods.com®

**One sheet - Size: 27" x 41" (typically pre - 1985); 27" x 40" (typically post - 1985)

Type: Printed on paper stock. Before 1985, usually folded; after 1985, usually rolled.

History: Traditionally, the one-sheet (OS) is the "standard" size for movie advertising in North America. The one sheet is undeniably the most popular size for collectors and consumers alike. Most new movie releases since 1985 were advertised using this size.
(Source - MovieGoods.com®)

California Dog Named World's Tallest

WOODLAND, Calif. -- A California Great Dane has been named the world's tallest dog.

Gibson stands 7 feet tall when he is upright. That's taller than most humans.

It was tall enough to land the 3-year-old a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Gibson's owner has had Great Danes for more than 20 years, and says she's never seen anything like him.

There was no word on how much he eats.

Gibson was officially named the world's tallest dog on Tuesday.


Greatest Dane - Now a Guinness record holder, Gibson retains his roots as a therapy dog



Gibson shows off his chops at the Meadow View Manor nursing home recently. Sandy Hall, Gibson's owner, brings the dog to the facility regularly. At 43 inches high at the shoulders, the dog has been certified by the Guinness Book of World Records as the tallest Great Dane.



This detail shot shows just how big a paw Gibson has.

Some of them stood, the weight of their bodies bolstered by the steel walkers beside their feet.

Some of them sat in wheelchairs, their eyes as big as gauze pads.

They scanned the glass doors recently looking out from Meadow View Manor, waiting for their own brush with fame.

"As soon as they hear Gibson's coming, they gather around the front door," said Maureen Betancourt, the activities director at the Grass Valley nursing home. "He's developed quite a following."

The world's tallest dog, as certified by the Guinness Book of World Records, Gibson stands 43 inches high at the shoulders.

As soon as Gibson padded in, followed by owner Sandy Hall, the small knot of white-haired men and women peeled back the years, erupting into cheers and clapping as if they'd just been visited by Artie Shaw.



Gibson and Sandy Hall call it a day as a Meadow View Manor nursing homeresident, left, escorts them down the hall.


Nurses clamored around the bookshelf-sized pooch, snapping photos with their cell phones.

The Grass Valley Great Dane obliged the masses like a modern-day rock star, lifting his front paw to shake hands, plant raspberries on ladies' cheeks, even plopping his 160-pound frame into 92-year-old Ruth Eddy's lap.



"He's always friendly to me. He gave me a kiss and almost took out half my cheek," Eddy cackled, patting the dog's football-sized head.

About the only thing Gibson didn't do was sign autographs. Seems nobody had a pen handy.

Since his birth three years ago, Gibson's climb to superstardom has been as fast as his growth rate.



Wherever Gibson goes, the residents will follow. Mitch Berry, left, comes out of his room for a quick visit.


In the past year, the Harlequin Great Dane has appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," barked on the "Mark and Brian" nationally syndicated radio program and been a guest on several Sacramento-area news programs.

He's also been the featured attraction at various fund-raisers supporting the building of the Golden Empire Humane Society's no-kill animal shelter on Rough and Ready Highway.

Told they were standing next to history on a recent Wednesday, visitors to Meadow View Manor dropped their jaws at the sight of Gibson the Great Dane.

"That's insane," said Eric Martin, delivering office supplies to the convalescent home Wednesday.

One little girl, walking up to Gibson in the parking lot, said he looked like a horse.



Gibson takes a seat in 92-year-old Ruth Eddy's lap during a recent visit.


"That's OK, Gibson," Hall cooed, patting Gibson's shoulders and adjusting the collar that a dog-food outlet has paid him to wear. "You've been called a lot worse."

Before Gibson became famous, Hall had him certified as a therapy dog for hospital patients.

Hall never figured Gibson would be larger than life. In fact, the dog's mother can stand upright in between Gibson's legs, Hall said.

Gibson eats eight to 10 cups of dry dog food a day, supplemented by lightly cooked hamburger and chicken. On special days, the Sicilian-bred Hall gives her pal bits of cheese pizza and linguini.

"I keep all that stuff in the freezer for him," said Hall, who worked in the home health field and moonlighted as a jazz guitarist in San Jose before moving to Nevada County a few years ago and starting a dog-breeding business.

The diet fortifies Gibson after long road trips either in a rented stretch limousine or in the back seat of Hall's 1961 Ford Falcon, where the dog's head bobs out one window, his tail the other.


Gibson enjoys a belly rub given by a Meadow View Manor resident during the Great Dane's visit to the facility recently.



He needs a new ride, his owner said. Pronto.

And so, Sandy Hall left Meadow View Manor gently imploring Gibson's fans to spread the word.

Bring your wallets, because Gibson's ready for his close-up.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Teapot

George was fixing the front door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Louise to the hardware store to buy one. At the hardware store Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Henry, the manager, to finish waiting on another customer.

When Henry was finished, Louise asked, "How much for the teapot?" Henry replied, "That's real silver and it costs $500."

"My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!" Louise exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that George had sent her to buy, and Henry went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Henry yelled, "Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?" Louise hollered back, "No, but I will for the teapot.

Louise must have been a BLONDE.

*Thaks, SalTCBug

Keep Your Fork

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly.

"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.

"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.

"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.

The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement.

'In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork'. It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming, like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!' So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?". Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork, the best is yet to come."

The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye.

He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did.

She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge.

She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.

During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her.

The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

He was right.

So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.

And keep your fork.

*Thanks, Allen.

MY CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Here we are already discussing the future President of the United States in the Year 2008. Well, I have my own candidate and I'm sure that once you know who I'm for, you will also agree.

For those of you who would like another choice for President, I have the best solution:

It is probably time we have a woman as President. My choice, and I hope yours as well, is a very special Lady that has all the answers to our problems.

PLEASE give it a thought when you have a moment....

MAXINE FOR PRESIDENT!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

WALK THE LINE: A NIGHT FOR JOHNNY CASH -*** UPDATE***

'I Walk the Line" is a music special that's supposed to be a night to celebrate Johnny Cash, the late music legend and rebel. Instead, it's a poorly done hour-long promo for the new movie starring Joaquin Phoenix as Cash.

"Nobody ever walked the line like Johnny Cash," Phoenix says, struggling through the intro. "He walked the line between rock and country, patriot and punk, sin and salvation. ... He sang songs for convicts and kings and saw the nobility in both."

Cash, of course, was all of those things and more, but anyone not the least bit familiar with his work before watching this show won't be any more enlightened by the end, either.

Phoenix and his "Walk the Line" co-star Reese Witherspoon share the hosting duties and provide the connection to the clips from their film that are used between musical performances.

So, instead of actually seeing clips of any of Cash's work, his concerts or his TV appearances, Wednesday evening at 8 we see Phoenix playing the Man in Black, which makes the whole thing a phony infomercial.

Clips of Cash on TV or performing might have made a good connection between the current stars playing his music and those audience members not intimately familiar with his work.

But no.

As for the performers, there's a star-studded list singing some of Cash's songs, but for a couple, the segments are without emotion or energy.

Ken Ehrlich and Randy Phillips are the executive producers behind this, which makes this project even more dumbfounding. Ehrlich is truly the best at producing music specials and has an uncanny knack for pairing acts together to create magic.

With this bunch, sadly, Ehrlich may have run out of magic dust.

Brad Paisley opens the show with "Folsom Prison Blues" and it goes downhill from there. Paisley lacks the gravitas to carry it off. Sheryl Crow warbles through "Ring of Fire" with a weird voice she seems to have created to fit the song. And Kid Rock and Jerry Lee Lewis, a spirited pairing on paper, never make it, as Lewis isn't strong enough to carry it off.

On the positive side, Martina McBride is wonderful. Putting Kris Kristofferson and the Foo Fighters together on the Kristofferson-written "Sunday Morning Coming Down" was brilliant.

Kristofferson, who said he worked as a janitor for Cash in the '60s and later sold him songs, is the only person to grace the stage who really seems connected to the music or the man.

Dwight Yoakam and Alison Krauss performing "If I Were a Carpenter" are equally as strong. And Montgomery Gentry are just fine.

Cash deserved better and he got it in 1999 when TNT put together a full-fledged tribute, while he was still alive.

Here's a suggestion: Spend an hour trying to find a tape of that one before using the time to watch this.

Note from The Wizard: I watched the show and did not find it half as bad as the reviewer did. I have always enjoyed Johnny's songs and enjoyed the show.

Fact or Crap?

®

“Sour mash” refers to a process used in making whiskey.







In making sour mash whiskey (as well as making sourdough bread), a portion of the previous batch is used to make the next. This helps establish consistency and achieve the best conditions for yeast fermentation. The process is used to make every batch of bourbon and Tennessee whiskey.

Who would have guessed?

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"How Could You?"

When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" - but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.

My housetraining took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be.

I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams. Together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.

After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.

May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

The End

*© Jim Willis 2001

Some old, some new.... Possible Mergers to come

1. Xerox and Wurlitzer:
Joining forces to make reproductive organs.

2. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers:
New company expected to be called Fairwell Honeychild.

3. Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler:
New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.

4. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush Co. and W. R. Grace Co.
New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

5. 3M & Goodyear:
To be known as: Mmm-Good.

6. John Deere & Abitibi-Price:
New company will surely become Deere Abi.

7. Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil:
Combining forces to become Honey, I'm Home.

8. Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining:
To now become Mine, All Mine

9. 3M, J.C. Penney, Canadian Opera Company:
New company slated to be called 3 Penney Opera

10. Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants:
Will be known from now on as Poupon Pants

11. Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women:
Joining forces to become Knott NOW!

12. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining:
What else but Zip Audi Do-Da

*Thanks, SalTCBug

"Auntie 'Em'"

*Thanks, Bright Eyes!

133 Dead As Delta Cancels Flight In Midair

Click here.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Toons

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Logic

Two South Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day Jim goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weedeater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must Have

a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of That because I have a weedeater."

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar.

He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math,

English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Jim says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weedeater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

*Thanks, Allen

Fact or Crap?

®

Lightning cannot strike the same place twice.







Lightning isn’t selective and can even strike the same place more than once during a single storm. Tall buildings, such as the Empire State Building and the Seattle Space Needle, are hit repeatedly. Statistically, lightning strikes within any one-quarter acre of land (not counting tall buildings) about once in 100 years.

JOBLESS MAN SEEKS WORK

It just breaks my heart when you see this type of tragedy in The World today...

Tired of seeing all those dead beats standing on the side of the road wanting to work in exchange for something? I am!

However, the softer side of me does reach out to this man.

What would you do?

You're driving down the highway and there on the side of the road, you see this creature of God and read his sign.

Are you going to stop or keep going? You only have a second to think about it before you flash by.

Think about it...Do you press the gas or the brake?

Personally, my duty as a human being would mean that I would have to stop and help this poor, unfortunate man .....

Click here to help you decide what you would do.

*Thanks, SalTCBug

Santa in the buff!

Click down below and you'll see Santa's willy! Whoo hoo!! Your Gonna Love This!

Click here.
*Thanks, SalTCBug