The Friars

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that . . .

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

DIS!

Sir Elton John continues to drop hints about his forthcoming civil partnership with David Furnish, telling one party this week that he will say "I Do" on the first day possible.

The anti-Frosty: Activists alarmed by hidden message of T-shirt

NEW YORK (AP) One of the hottest-selling T-shirts among kids in New York and other urban areas shows a crudely drawn snowman with a menacing expression. It's not Frosty's evil twin.

Kids and retailers say the snowman symbolizes the white substance colloquially called snow: cocaine.

Anti-drug campaigners and education officials are alarmed, saying the T-shirt and others like it are part of sophisticated marketing campaigns which use coded symbols for drug culture that parents and teachers are not likely to understand. Some schools are banning kids from wearing the snowman images.

"The snowman is made of white, grainy stuff like sugar," says 12-year-old seventh-grader Mailik Mason, while shopping with his mother in a Manhattan store selling the snowman T-shirts. "It has to do with a certain drug, crack or coke."

With his mother listening, Mason explains that the snowman comes from Young Jeezy, a drug dealer-turned-rapper whose lyrics are laden with drug references, including the line in one song: "Get it? Jeezy the Snowman/I'm iced out, plus I got that snow, man." Young Jeezy's debut album, "Let's Get It: Thug Motivation 101," made No. 2 on the Billboard charts in July.

The T-shirt was first produced solely for Jeezy by Miskeen Originals, a hip-hop fashion firm in New Jersey, the company says. The owner, Yaniv Zaken, says his artists produced a handful for the rapper to wear on TV appearances.

They then sold a larger batch to retailers, but pulled them when Zaken discovered that his sales employees had not licensed the T-shirt from Jeezy.

"I wasn't sure what the snowman meant until the artist explained to me that it was a drug dealer, the man delivering snow," Zaken said. "Now everyone is selling the snowman all unlicensed. It's become a street-hood hit worldwide."

A spokesman for Young Jeezy's record label, Def Jam Records, confirmed that the rapper held the trademark for the snowman image but declined to comment on complaints that it was sending children the wrong message.

"This is part of a phenomena in which parents have no idea what their children are exposed to. There is a code that children are aware of but not parents," says Sue Rusche, president and CEO of National Families In Action, an anti-drug group that works to educate parents about drug prevention.

Rusche's organization has in the past tried to put pressure on companies that they believed were targeting children with drug messages, like fashion companies marketing "heroin chic," in the 1990s. She was unaware of the snowman T-shirt.

Mason says he would like to have a snowman T-shirt but that his school in Brooklyn has banned it. His mother, Autherine Mason, 34, said that she was unaware of the snowman's meaning and would not buy it for her son now that she knows.

The Department of Education says that it has no uniform policy about children bringing images of drugs in schools, but that principals are allowed to decide for themselves what is appropriate.

With public schools in New York struggling to keep drugs out of schools, some principals are instituting dress codes and banning T-shirts and other clothing they believe are encouraging drug use or gang activity.

Dr. Gilbert Botvin, director of the Institute for Prevention Research at Cornell University Medical College, who has been studying what influences children to use drugs and alcohol, believes that pop culture messages play do play a role.

"The research tells us that influences coming from the media can have a profound effect on kids and influence them to use drugs," he says. "All of these things help to convey the impression that engaging in these behaviors using drugs is normal and that drugs might help you be successful or sexy or something."

Botvin thinks that parents need to educate themselves about the media their kids are consuming and pressure schools to take notice of what messages they allow students to advertise.

But sometimes it's hard to overcome the buzz on the street.

Ali Kourani, a salesman at a wholesaler in Manhattan, says the T-shirt is their top-seller and that they are shipping it all over the country.

"It's big money, this T-shirt," Kourani said.

*By DESMOND BUTLER, Associated Press Writer

Tension over Christmas observance begins

Just Curious...

(AP) — It's weeks before Thanksgiving but already interest groups are preparing for an intense year of conflict over Christmas observances by cities and public schools, with one conservative group lining up hundreds of attorneys to work on the issue.

Communities and courts have long fielded protests against municipal creche displays and school Nativity pageants, based on strict views of church-state separation and sensitivity toward religious minorities.

In recent years, however, local disputes have extended — to carol singing, wordless instrumental music, Christmas trees and decorations, classroom visits by Santa Claus, distribution of Christmas-themed cards and gifts, "Merry Christmas!" greetings and designation of Christmas on official calendars.

This week, the Alliance Defense Fund, a Christian legal group based in Scottsdale, Ariz., announced that its 800 cooperating attorneys have volunteered to handle without fee complaints about "improper attempts to censor the celebration of Christmas in schools and on public property."

In 2004, the second year of its "Christmas Project," affiliated attorneys sent a detailed memo on ADF's view of Christmas and constitutional law to 7,000 school districts. The 2005 effort, already under way, adds city officials.

A similar information campaign is being waged by Liberty Counsel, another Christian legal group based in Orlando, Fla., and the Christian Educators Association International, representing 8,000 public school teachers.

The topic also is the subject of a polemic by the Fox News Channel's John Gibson that is selling briskly: "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought."

Gibson, who calls himself a "non-practicing Christian," notes that his Jewish son researched the book. He says agitation against Christmas observance comes primarily from "secularists, so-called humanists, trial lawyers, cultural relativists and liberal, guilt-wracked Christians."

The American Civil Liberties Union is targeted in another new book, "The ACLU vs. America: Exposing the Agenda to Redefine Moral Values" by ADF's Alan Sears and Craig Osten. The ACLU doesn't initiate all the complaints and lawsuits, the authors say, but it created the environment for widespread anti-Christmas efforts.

Even as Christmas is suppressed, these writers complain, schools sometimes encourage Ramadan, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa observances.

ACLU religion director Jeremy Gunn was in meetings and unavailable, a spokeswoman said. But an official ACLU bulletin says the Constitution forbids school observances "that promote or emphasize the religious significance" of Christmas, but not aspects "that have become part of our country's secular culture." The ACLU has repeatedly fought displays with religious themes on public property.

Under Freedom Forum First Amendment Center sponsorship, the ACLU has come to agreement with evangelical and other religious groups on minimal rules about school religious issues. On holidays, the accord says schools may celebrate secular aspects and "objectively teach about their religious aspects" but not observe them as religious events.

Americans United for Separation of Church and State also endorsed the Spokesman Rob Boston said "about 95 percent of the whining from the far right" over Christmas is for fundraising purposes. "They're trying to get people worked up so they will think Christmas is being removed from public life," Boston said. "There isn't any evidence that's happening."

Americans United believes "public schools aren't the appropriate place to celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday. That's a job for the home and the church," he said. The Supreme Court's rule that towns' Nativity displays must add secular symbols proves that if people "want a truly religious experience, city hall is not the place," Boston added.

Michael Johnson of Shreveport, La., an ADF staff lawyer, says his group merely wants to "defend the rights of the 96 percent of Americans who celebrate Christmas" and is not trying to evangelize. He thinks ACLU's goal is "ultimately to silence people of faith, and in many cases people of the Christian faith."

The Rev. Charles Nestor, an Assemblies of God minister in Lakeland, Fla., supports the legal fight. But his Web site also promotes "Operation Nativity", urging Christians to "flood the country" with Nativity displays at their homes, churches and businesses.

*By RICHARD N. OSTLING, The Associated Press

Yoko Ono apologizes for McCartney remark

NEW YORK — (Associated Press) Yoko Ono has apologized to Paul McCartney for insinuating that his songs are trite.

Accepting an award on behalf of John Lennon last month, Ono said Lennon had sometimes felt insecure about his songs, asking "why they always cover Paul's songs and never mine.''

"I said, `You're a good songwriter, it's not June with spoon that you write.'''

After reports of the apparent slight circulated, Ono apologized in the latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine, now on newsstands.

"I certainly did not mean to hurt Paul, and if I did, I am very sorry,'' she says.

McCartney has sometimes clashed with Ono, Lennon's widow.

She objected when McCartney reversed the traditional "Lennon-McCartney'' songwriting credit on his 2002 album, Back in the U.S. Ono's spokesman accused him of attempting to "rewrite history.''

McCartney had earlier complained that Ono wouldn't let him take credit for Yesterday, a song written entirely by McCartney.

The Odd Couple

Review by Michael Kuchwara, Associated Press

(New York City) Does anyone do a comic explosion better than Nathan Lane? Not likely. And the proof of Lane's combustible expertise can be found on stage at Broadway's Brooks Atkinson Theatre, where the actor is erupting nightly as the perpetually sloppy Oscar Madison in a laugh-filled revival of Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple."

Lane is the spark that drives this high-powered production, which also stars Matthew Broderick as the ultra-fastidious Felix Ungar, Oscar's mismatched roommate. The two performers, who cemented their professional partnership in a little something called "The Producers," have now honed their interplay into high comedic art.

Watch Lane as he starts with a low rumble of exasperation and gradually builds into a fury at Broderick's obsessive-compulsive antics. The face twitches, then reddens as the bellowing starts. But the actor is more than just loud. Lane knows how to land a laugh, and he gets every one that Simon has written in this saga of two divorced — or soon-to-be divorced — men trying to start new lives.

Broderick's fussy Felix is a close relative to his nerdy Leo Bloom in "The Producers." Like the lovelorn Leo, Felix is a romantic at heart. He still pines for his wife, Frances, even after she throws him out of the house. Broderick's physicality is perfect, capturing the man's considerable neuroses in every twitch and jerk.

The time wisely has not been updated. The year is still 1965, which is when "The Odd Couple" first opened on Broadway — with Walter Matthau as Oscar and Art Carney as Felix. Plays were more leisurely in those days, and this one does take its time. Originally, it was done in three acts, which director Joe Mantello has compacted into two.

If you look beyond the one-liners (and there are plenty of those), Simon has something to say about marriage or, at least, relationships. The relationship between Oscar and Felix is a marriage of sorts, with a honeymoon (well, at least a cordiality), bickering, tension and then outright warfare as the two men get to know each other.

Simon frames the play with several poker-playing scenes populated with cronies of the two men. Mantello has rounded up a quartet of superb character actors, each one a distinct physical type. The parade includes a towering Brad Garrett as Murray, a dimwitted good-guy policeman; the portly, henpecked Vinnie (Lee Wilkof's Mutt to Garrett's Jeff); Rob Bartlett's rumpled, grumpy Speed; and Peter Frechette's barking, chain-smoking Roy.

In Act 2, Simon introduces the Pigeon sisters, Gwendolyn and Cecily, the giggling British neighbors who live in Oscar's Riverside Drive apartment building. The women, portrayed with goofy, high-pitched charm by Olivia d'Abo and Jessica Stone, are lusted over by Oscar and won over by Felix.

Designer John Lee Beatty's sprawling set of Oscar's rambling Manhattan apartment gets a big laugh when it changes from Oscar-messy to Felix-immaculate.

This revival of "The Odd Couple" is a throwback to the days when Broadway still produced light, popular entertainment, a form that, even in 1965, was already being threatened by television comedy. "The Odd Couple" itself became a TV sitcom and its stars, Jack Klugman and Tony Randall, are probably better known for their portrayals of Oscar and Felix than the Broadway originals.

Yet Mantello and his cast have taken the comedy seriously and that's what makes it so funny.

And it doesn't matter what any critic thinks. The show is sold out through April 2, although standing-room tickets are available the day of performance. And if Lane and Broderick have a good time, who knows, they might extend the run. Let's hope so.

*©365Gay.com 2005

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

and finally, remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up a chance to pee, and never underestimate a fart.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

*Thanks, Pam!

The Cabbie

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

*Thanks, Daryn!

The Original Apple Computer...

*Thanks, Daryn! :O)

Fact or Crap?

®

In her divorce settlement, Princess Di was stripped of the title Royal Highness.







She did hold on to the second half of her title, Princess of Wales, and the press continued to refer to her as the People’s Princess. As part of the 1996 settlement, she received more than $20 million (in addition to $600,000 per year) and was forbidden to use her position to profit from commercial deals.

ANYONE WITH KIDS OR GRAND KIDS SHOULD READ THIS.

I am meth. This was written by a young girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet Profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm.


Please keep praying. This thing is worse than any of us realize...

I am Meth


I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town

I live with the rich, I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.

In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.

I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome, try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.

You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.


You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
*Thanks, Daryn!

Fact or Crap?

®

The s in Harry S Truman does not stand for anything.







The letter s that the former president used for his middle initial was a compromise for the names of his grandfathers: Anderson Shipp Truman and Solomon Young. A controversy began when he commented that there should be no period after the s, although his own practices contradict this.

A Big Croc 'o Sh*t!!

New Orleans Crocodile Found After Katrina






*Thanks, Daryn!

Queer Eye Team Denounces Recent Wave Of Vigilante Homosexual Makeover Groups

NEW YORK—The stars of the popular Bravo reality show Queer Eye For The Straight Guy spoke out Monday against the recent rash of vigilante homosexual makeover groups, whose members, while often well-meaning, have left hundreds of Americans inappropriately and even tragically made-over.

"These vigilante activities represent the darker side of Queer Eye's success," grooming expert Kyan Douglas said. "We at Queer Eye and Bravo strongly condemn this behavior, and we want to remind homosexuals who are considering performing unwelcome makeovers that we are professionals with years of training and expertise."

Reports indicate that roving bands of homosexuals have forcibly de-cluttered the homes of thousands of clumsy fashion hostages since the summer of 2003, when Queer Eye debuted. Though none of the unsolicited-gay-makeover incidents have resulted in fatalities, FBI Fashion Crimes agent Jason Broderick said the deep humiliation victims suffer makes many of them want to die.

--more--

*The Onion

The Top Five Smart -A$$ Answers of The Year

Smart-Ass Answer #5

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a butcher, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The butcher replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

Smart-Ass Answer #4

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

Smart-Ass Answer #3

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads 'Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart-Ass Answer #2

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-Ass Answer #1

THE SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

"THE TEACHER"

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, Class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"!

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you will have to write the exam with your other hand.

*Thanks, Vilija!

Colo-rectal Surgeon Sing-a-long

Start by downloading the song by clicking here.
Start singing when the song starts!



We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine



Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave



When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world
And others just spread cheeks
Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows...
He'll get you in the end!



Why the colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things.
Is it because in that profession
There are always openings?



When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand;
I said, "Hey nice to meet you
But do you mind? We don't shake hands."



He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
Oh but he never thought of psychology
Though he read passages
A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play
But this is not quite what he meant...
By eighteen holes a day!



Praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine!

*Been told it's by Bowser and Blue

Lego Church

It amazes me that there is always someone in the world that has so much
time on their hands! It still makes you wonder how many millions of
Legos it took.











I have included this last one to show you the size.



For more images, click on this link: http://www.amyhughes.org/lego/church/index.html

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

New cure

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

*Thanks, Vilija!

Fact or Crap?

®

The name of the paint used on the Golden Gate Bridge is called Sun-Kissed.







It is called International Orange. Consulting architect Irving F. Morrow selected the color, opting out of the usual carbon black and steel gray, because it blended nicely with the bridge’s natural setting. The paint protects the bridge from salt in the air, which can corrode steel.

D'oh! "The Simpsons" Got Game

America's favorite four-fingered family is coming to a videogame console near you.

Twentieth Century Fox Television and Gracie Films have sealed a long-term licensing agreement with Electronics Arts that will give the world's biggest videogame maker exclusive rights to develop multiple games based on The Simpsons.

Financial details of the pact were not disclosed. But it calls for EA to closely collaborate with show producers and writers for original content featuring Bart and the gang. The games will also feature vocal contributions from The Simpsons cast.

"This is a great opportunity for our talented development team to collaborate with the brilliant minds of The Simpsons to bring original Simpsons material to videogame fans," Nick Earl, vice president and general manager of EA's Redwood Shores Studio, said in a statement. "This is something EA's been interested in for years and now game development and technology is at a place where The Simpsons characters and world will really come alive in these games."

Simpsons' executive producer James L. Brooks had more pressing reasons for going forward with the arrangement.

"I think this is a great opportunity for us, primarily because it brings with it the possibility of free EA games," he said, tongue firmly in cheek.

The joint venture is the first between Fox and EA. Simpsons videogame rights were previously held by Vivendi Universal which scored a couple of commercial hits with such titles as The Simpsons: Hit & Run and The Simpsons: Road Rage.

It's expected that EA will bring the same eye-popping CGI-wizardry to Springfield as it's currently doing with titles inspired by other popular entertainment properties, including: the just-released James Bond game From Russia with Love; The Lord of the Rings: Tactics, hitting stores Nov. 8; The Godather, due out in the first quarter of 2006; and longtime favorites like Tiger Woods PGA Tour '06 and The Sims.

The company also recently announced it is joining forces with Steven Spielberg to develop three original games the Oscar-winning filmmaker may eventually turn into movies.

As for The Simpsons, the Fox staple is now in the middle of its 17th season and continues to post solid ratings, consistently ranking number one in its Sunday time slot for the adverister-coveted 18-49 demo.

The show has also become the longest running comedy in TV history and an economic juggernaut for the studio, earning more than $1 billion in licensing and merchandising-related deals. Production is now underway on The Simpsons' 18th season and the long-awaited movie version.

Unlikely dorm room posters

CTV enters a new dimension as Medium goes 3-D

She sees what others can't, but now viewers can too. CTV takes viewers to a whole new dimension when a special 3-D enhanced episode of the Emmy Award winning series Medium airs Monday, November 21 at 9 p.m. ET (check local listings) on CTV. One million free 3-D glasses will be distributed nationally in the days before the broadcast. The supernatural specs will be made available through a street-level campaign that will hit high-traffic areas on the streets of Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal. Free glasses will also be distributed across the country in the November 19 issue of The Globe and Mail.

In the special episode entitled "Still Life", viewers with the 3-D glasses will be able to share the heightened perspective of main character Allison DuBois (Emmy Award winner Patricia Arquette), a medium with disturbing psychic abilities. Viewers without the glasses can still enjoy the episode: the 3-D elements of the episode provide an extra-sensory experience.

In the episode, Allison (Arquette) comes to realize that there is an added dimension to the way she experiences art. It seems the act of creation is so intense that artists often leave an element of themselves behind in their work, an element that is evident only to Allison. Ever wonder why the Mona Lisa is smiling? Or what's bothering the subject of "The Scream"? When Allison encounters the work of one artist, disturbing, three-dimensional images emerge that lead her to believe that the man behind these alarming canvasses may have a deadly secret.

*CTV.ca News Staff

The Daily Dump

A Cool Site!

Click above

From The Emerald City

The Wizard was caught by suprise at the increase in traffic, thereby increasing the bandwith usage at one of my storage servers. (2400 new views already this week!) I expect alot of pictures will be unavailable in the next day or so, while The Wizard switches storage servers. Even The Wizard's magic can't fix this one -- so please bear with me. The outage will be cancelled one my bandwith drops below the threshold.

In the meantime, help The Wizard out by not direct linking the images. Please save the pictures or forward the post using the "Permanent Link". Or, if you prefer, click on the bear at the top left of 'OZ' and I will email the images to you...

Thanks,

--The Wizard

Israeli soldiers shoot Palestinian child

JERUSALEM (AP) — Israeli soldiers shot and critically wounded a nine-year-old Palestinian boy on Thursday in a West Bank town, residents and the military said, while Gaza militants and Israeli troops traded mortar and artillery fire.

The Israeli military said Palestinians opened fire and threw stones at a military vehicle patrolling the northern West Bank town of Jenin. Troops shot at the boy because they thought he was armed, then discovered he was carrying a toy M-16 rifle, the military said.

Palestinian witnesses confirmed the boy was carrying a toy gun. Thursday was the first day of a major Muslim holiday, Eid el-Fitr, and Palestinian children frequently buy toy guns and receive gifts to celebrate.

The Palestinian rescue service Red Crescent transferred the boy, Ahmed Ismail Khatib, to an Israeli hospital, where officials said he was on life support with gunshot wounds to his head and stomach.

At the time, the soldiers were pursuing an Islamic Jihad fugitive, Husam Jarradat, who escaped, Palestinian witnesses said.

In Gaza violence, Palestinian militants lobbed mortar shells across the Gaza fence into Israel. The military said a soldier was slightly wounded when a shell exploded in an army camp next to the village of Nahal Oz.

--more--

Funniest Bathroom Ever!

Click here for the larger image.
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

The Brick

Read this today and don't forget to pass it on, even if you are too busy!! You'll see...

THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"

The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts.

A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message:

"Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!"

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!

Send this post to every "beautiful person" you wish to bless.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

*Thanks, Tray!

In Detroit, a Day to Honor Rosa Parks

By MONICA DAVEY

DETROIT, MI - In this, Rosa Parks's adopted hometown, the first row on hundreds of city buses sat empty on Wednesday, saved for the memory of Mrs. Parks and all she had done on another bus miles from here 50 years ago.

And so, as the politicians, the civil rights leaders, the famous musicians and the ministers packed into a massive church here to honor Mrs. Parks with formal speeches, ordinary people also swapped stories about her as they went about their days, to work and back, on the bus.

Most had seen Mrs. Parks over the years, speaking to their grade school class or turning up at a dedication. Others had waited hours outside before a frigid dawn on Wednesday to see her coffin at a museum here or to watch her white hearse pass.

"What she did for us was amazing," said Janine Thompson, as she rode the Woodward Avenue bus home from her restaurant job downtown. "She was wonderful."

Outside the Greater Grace Temple, thousands of people who had taken the day off from work waited to see a horse-drawn carriage carry Mrs. Parks's coffin toward a cemetery. In downtown offices, others brought televisions to watch more than six hours of remembrances and a call to action from a long line of dignitaries: the Rev. Jesse Jackson, the Rev. Joseph Lowery, the Rev. Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, former President Bill Clinton and on and on.

Mr. Clinton said Mrs. Parks had ignited "the most significant social movement in modern American history, to finish the work that spawned the Civil War and redeem the promise of the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments."

Mr. Sharpton said she and her fellow civil rights pioneers "didn't talk a fight; they fought the fight."

Mr. Jackson dismissed the myth of Mrs. Parks as a simple seamstress who was just too tired to stand up one day. He said she was instead a militant and a freedom fighter.

While Mrs. Parks, who died last month at 92, helped start the civil rights movement by refusing to give up her seat for a white man on a bus in Alabama, Ms. Thompson said work remained right here in Detroit, the city Mrs. Parks chose to leave the South for in 1957.

Detroit has wrestled with a sinking population, due in part to white flight; with an unfortunate new distinction as the nation's poorest major city; and with what Ms. Thompson, 23, suggests is a subtler, urban racial divide of a new generation.

"It's not as obvious as it was that day in Montgomery, but we're segregated in this city now in many ways," Ms. Thompson said, looking around at a bus filled almost exclusively with black people. "In restaurants you see it. At work you see it. Honestly, I think Rosa Parks would be disappointed. I want to believe that one person can change the world like she did, but I don't know if I believe one person can solve things here."

At the moment, two men are vying to be that person.

Kwame M. Kilpatrick, a charismatic young mayor who swept into City Hall four years ago promising change from the older, grayer administration that had come before, faces a tough re-election challenge next Tuesday from Freman Hendrix, who was a member of that earlier administration and who outpolled Mr. Kilpatrick in a primary.

Everything in this city, even politics, seemed to pause for Mrs. Parks's funeral on Wednesday, but on most days, this campaign for mayor has been anything but quiet.

For months, Mr. Kilpatrick, 35, has fought off controversies, one after the next: reports of dubious charges on a city credit card, stories of thousands of city dollars spent to lease a Lincoln Navigator for his family, assertions that the city's budget is headed toward insolvency.

"My opponent is the king of smoke and mirrors," Mr. Hendrix said earlier in the week in an interview at his campaign headquarters. "His budget's been smoke and mirrors. His crime statistics have been smoke and mirrors."

Mr. Hendrix, who is 55 and served as the deputy mayor and chief of staff for Dennis Archer, the former mayor, contends that Detroit is in far worse shape than it was four years ago when Mr. Kilpatrick arrived.

"There seems to be no capacity to manage the city's fiscal affairs," Mr. Hendrix said, promising that he would immediately cut "nonessential" city jobs, start collecting overdue taxes and pull the city out of its budget deficit in three years.

Mr. Hendrix ticked off conditions that he said had worsened in Detroit: homelessness, poverty, joblessness and, he said, even the bus system.

"I'm fully aware of exactly what I'm walking into," he said, shaking his head.

But for his part, Mr. Kilpatrick said he believed that Detroit had improved vastly during his term, and he pointed to an increase in development downtown and in trade shows, conventions and sporting events coming to town. The city budget, he said, will be balanced soon.

And other woes of the city, including its reliance on the auto industry, he said, came long before he did. "What's been happening in Detroit over the last three years has been happening for the last 50," Mr. Kilpatrick said,

As for the cars and credit cards, Mr. Kilpatrick said he wondered whether such claims and questions would ever have drawn so much notice if he were not who he is.

"In Detroit, when you have a 30-year-old running for office, an African-American man who was called the Hip-Hop Mayor, everything kind of takes on a life of its own, unfortunately," he said.

In a campaign that was reaching its final, feverish days, admiration for Mrs. Parks seemed to be one of the rare points on which the two candidates could agree.

"She is the conscience of this country," Mr. Hendrix said.

Mr. Kilpatrick said, "She made it possible for a 35-year-old African American man to have the audacity to think he could be mayor in this country."

Peter Bible, 54, was not at the service; he was riding the bus as he does most days. He said he was not so sure about Detroit's politicians now. "I have lost faith in the newer ones - it's all about too much money and too much politics," he said.

Earlier this week, he took the bus to see Mrs. Parks's coffin. Though he has lived all his life here, Mr. Bible had never seen Mrs. Parks but he said he felt he owed her that much.

"She looked like an angel," he told several other passengers.

He said he longed for the leaders of an era now gone, people like Coleman A. Young, Detroit's first black mayor, and Mrs. Parks.

*Gretchen Ruethling contributed reporting from Chicago for this story.

Squirrel Tales - A MUST READ!

"Finnegan" the squirrel



For about as long as she can remember, Debby Cantlon says, friends and strangers have brought her animals in need. So it wasn't much of a surprise when someone asked her if she'd care for a newborn squirrel found at the base of a tree somewhere near Renton.



Debby Cantlon, who plans to release Finnegan, the young squirrel, back into the wild, bottle-fed the infant squirrel after it was brought to her house. Cantlon, who has cancer, says rescuing injured animals is therapeutic for her.



When Cantlon took in the tiny creature and began caring for him, she found herself with an unlikely nurse's aide: her pregnant Papillon, Mademoiselle Giselle.



Finnegan was resting in a nest in a cage just days before Giselle was due to deliver her puppies.



Cantlon and her husband watched as the dog dragged the squirrel's cage - twice - to her own bedside before she gave birth.



Cantlon was concerned, yet ultimately decided to allow the squirrel out - and the inter-species bonding began.



Finnegan rides a puppy mosh pit of sorts, burrowing in for warmth after feeding, and eventually working his way beneath his new litter mates.



Two days after giving birth, mama dog Giselle allowed Finnegan to nurse; family photos and a videotape show her encouraging him to suckle alongside her litter of five pups.



Now, Finnegan mostly uses a bottle, but still snuggles with his "siblings" in a mosh pit of puppies, rolling atop their bodies and sinking in deeply for a nap.



Finnegan and his new litter mates, five Papillion puppies, get along together as if they were meant to.



Finnegan naps after feeding.



Finnegan makes himself at home with his new litter mates, nuzzling nose-to-nose for a nap after feeding.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Fact or Crap?

®

George Lucas named Indiana Jones after his high school principal.







He is named after George’s dog. Lucas mixes truth with fiction when, in The Last Crusade, it is revealed that Indiana was also the name of Dr. Jones’s family dog. The character Short Round in the Temple of Doom sequel was also named after a pet canine—that of screenwriter Willard Huyck.

An Interview with Chicken Little

The Wizard was lucky enough to snag an exclusive interview with the guy who just might be Hollywood's hottest new star - Chicken Little himself.

The Wizard: How do you feel about your film debut?

Chicken Little: I'm incredibly excited to finally have my story told. This project was being shopped around town (it was originally titled "Crazy Chicken") and I'm glad to see the folks at Disney decided to set the record straight - there's a lot that happened after the acorn incident.

The Wizard: Are you going to "Go Hollywood"?

Chicken Little: I'm trying to stay grounded. Ever since I proclaimed that the sky was falling, I've received a massive amount of media attention. The movie star thing isn't without its perks - plus I'm being offered a ton of roles. I just turned down a role as the next Bond, and I'm considering an offer to be Captain Jack Sparrow's first mate in the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN sequels. The producers are a little worried that my fame might upstage Johnny Depp, so we'll see how that pans out.

The Wizard: So, is the sky in fact falling?

Chicken Little: Well, let me ask you this - is water wet? Is the sky blue? Is Darth Vader Luke's father? At the risk of sounding insane, let me just simply say that yes, the sky is in fact falling. It has been for centuries and according to experts (namely, me) we're expected to see a ton of sky falling activity on November 4.

The Wizard: We've heard rumors about you and Ugly Duckling. Is there a little romance brewing there?

Chicken Little: Her name is Abby, and a gentlechicken never kisses and tells.

The Wizard: You've had quite an adventure. How are you recovering?

Chicken Little: Yes, it's been quite a ride. Saving the world can be exhausting! But I haven't had much time to recover, because promoting a movie is even more exhausting!

The Wizard: Have you and Foxy Loxy reconciled your differences?

Chicken Little: Yes. She's my personal assistant now, actually. Foxy has many important duties, like getting my morning cappuccino, answering my calls, taking care of the dry cleaning...

The Wizard: Is there a lesson you'd like us all to learn from your experiences?

Chicken Little: The best lesson I learned was from Abby. She told me that "Teen Duck" magazine said that bottling up your feelings can lead to early molting. So in addition to learning to communicate with my dad (I'm already short, so I don't think I could handle being bald), I also discovered that it's important to trust my instincts and stick up for myself. If you're sure the sky is falling, don't let anyone - family, friends, the town mayor - tell you that you're crazy.

The Wizard: Your movie is very funny. Do you think of yourself as a comic kind of guy?

Chicken Little: Thanks! I always felt I had a certain dry wit, but it's just great to have people laughing with me, instead of at me. Well, okay, I guess some people still laugh at me.

The Wizard: Some of the action in "Chicken Little" is pretty hair-raising! Did you do your own stunts?

Chicken Little: Yes, but for insurance reasons please keep this off the record - I wasn't supposed to do them. Disney hired a stunt double for the movie, but I felt that since I had bulked up a bit for the role - I gained 3 ounces - I could tackle the film's incredible stunts. As for the others, Runt didn't do his own stunts, but he did do his own singing and dancing. That pig has a beautiful voice and boy can he move!

The Wizard: What are your plans for the future?

Chicken Little: Currently I'm on a big promotional tour for "Chicken Little," and after that I don't know. I might go back to Oakey Oaks for a while and get out of the limelight, or I might join Runt and Abby in a national karaoke and dance competition. The future's wide open!

Is the Right Side the Gay Side?

These days, the description of the quintessential homo has changed to ambiguous at best. We've become so accustomed to seeing Jack from Will & Grace as the standard gay man, that we forget all about his opposite, Will. Damaging stereotypes and generalizations of queers from the olden days still linger on today.

We gay people are a diverse and broad group of individuals, who come in all shapes and sizes and personalities and dress. When many people think about gay men, they automatically associate them with certain stereotypes and generalizations, such as feminine behavior or a certain type of clothing.

You should know, however, that for every gay man that fits that mold, there is another that does not.

Some feel it appropriate to go on these "gay witch hunts" in an attempt to figure out any man that dares wear a pink button down to the company picnic. Should any person be reduced to such superficial characteristics? The lines of gay/straight are forever blurred now that straight men are starting to care about their looks. Walk past any salon and you'll not only see men in the manicure seat, but you'll notice a full line of services for men. Haven't you also noticed the onslaught of male fashion mags and billboards? These things aren't marketed towards an exclusive group of gay men. Companies are seeking the growing number of men (straight or gay) that prefer a close shave over a smelly "me-a-man" bum. Straight men are now wearing the latest hair styles, high end threads and jewelry. My straight cousin spends more time in the mall than I do!

Now back to finger rings. Nowadays, when a person wears a ring on their right hand ring finger, it means that he wants to dress up his appearance a bit and that's the only place his favorite ring fits. Besides, his only other alternative may have been the left hand ring finger, which (as you know) is reserved for the wedding band.

Many decades ago, some gay men would use left and right side signals to indicate their sexuality or preferences in bed. This was back in the days surrounding Stonewall when being gay meant an instant beat down or arrest. We had few choices but to use Bat Signals to find each other. These indicators, though no longer used today, lived on and spread outside of the gay community. They eventually developed into perhaps one of the silliest stereotypes about gay men.

Every man was terrified that if they got their ear pierced on the wrong side they would be tagged a homo.

Thankfully, times have changed and being gay has become less taboo. Those indication of sexuality have gone south as well. Right, left hand rings; tight, loose pants; tall or short frame- there is no universal sign a person is gay. If your friend's sexuality baffles you, then the best way to tell if he is gay is to ask him.

*From Ramon Johnson, Your Guide to Gay Life.

Toons

Beer Mathematics

This is pretty neat how it works out. This is cool beer math!!!!!!!

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute....... Work this out as you read.

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.


1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have a pint. (try for more than once)


2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be honest)


3. Add 5. (for Sunday)


4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator................


5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755.... If you haven't, add 1754 ...


6. Now subtract the four-digit year that you were born.


You should have a three-digit number


The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have a pint week).

The next two numbers are .......




YOUR AGE! ~ (Oh YES, it IS!!!!! )


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Roboraptor

6 AA batteries required.

From the Manufacturer
The Roboraptor features Bi-pedal walking motion in full strides, multiple functions with easy-to-use remote control, and multiple vision systems with color recognition. Features fully automated demo modes.

Evidence that the robotic dinosaur revolution is spreading, this Roboraptor comes fully assembled and ready to roam the earth with his robotic dinosaur cousins. He has movable arms, a swiveling head, a sweeping tail, and a chomping jaw full of pointy teeth. Measuring 32 inches from nose to tail, the Roboraptor is a big enough to intimidate any smaller predator that may come along. While this raptor hasn’t yet developed his full hunting skills, he’s still a lot of fun and comes with over 40 preprogrammed functions, three distinct moods, and the ability to detect things in its path with infrared vision. He also comes equipped with automatic shutoff and a demo mode. Roboraptor is steady on his feet, but works best on smooth, hard surfaces.

Reviews:

1) This toy cannot do what you think it will. It does not move at all on carpeting and waddles on hardwood flooring. If you think it is going to chase the kids around then you will be greatly disappointed. It's stride is too short and low. It has good animation and sound, but without movement, it is a bore. Definetly not worth the money.

2) When I first saw video of the Roboraptor online a few months ago I couldn't wait.
To my dissapointment, Roboraptor is just a "dumb" remote machine.
It has no true Artificial Intelligence, only has four "moods" and cannot do much on it's own.
It cannot stand up if he were to fall down.
It has trouble walking on most carpets and even some hard floors.
For the most part it just walks in place because the foot pads and length of it's gait will not give it enough traction or forward momentum.
When you do get it to move at it's fastest speed you can still outwalk it.
There is no mute button and the thing can be quite noisy.
Some of so called "sensors" on the tail, under the chin and in the mouth are actually buttons that need to be pushed in order to get a response and are not motion activated.

In under 1 week my cool "robotic pet" became something just sitting around the house (albeit he is cute).

I can say that the quality is excellent.

I would gladly have paid up to 1.5 more for something that actually acted more like a robotic pet than a remote control machine.

Note from The Wizard: I really want one of these. Anyone who has extra $$ at Christmas, feel free to buy me one! heehee!!

SnowBall Fight

I LOVE Snow, I LOVE CHRISTMAS, I LOVE IT ALL!!



57 Days until Christmas!!!!
The Time is coming !!Ho Ho HO

Let it snow!

~You have just been hit with an blogger snow ball!~

It's the start of.....


Snow Ball Fight 2005 & 2006!!

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.


Never Be The First To Get Old!!!!!

Can't WAIT for Christmas!!

*Thanks, Robert!

Ever had one of these days?

Texas Chilli Contest

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chilli Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.


Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chilli taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy snot what the devil is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - JERRYS AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 - Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure, what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - HANKS FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting green-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300 LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 SANDIES LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really made me mad that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Stupid rednecks phoneys

CHILI # 6 - JOHNS VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I messed on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my hiny with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 -PATS SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3 appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach

CHILI # 8 - RANDYS TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chilli?

Judge # 3 - No Report

*Thanks, Daryn!

WestJet Stories

* West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in Calgary, Alberta.

West Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

**On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"



**On another West Jet Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."



**On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. "If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."



**"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."



**"Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."



**As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"



**After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."



**From a West Jet Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."



**"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."



**Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines."



**"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."



**"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.. Please do not leave children or spouses."



**And from the pilot during his welcome message: "West Jet Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"



**Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."



**Overheard on an West Jet Airlines flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"



**Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

**"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


**An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"



**After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."



**Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways."



**Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."



**A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal, The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

*Thanks, Daryn!

Research

Recent research shows that there are 5 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "F**k You."

The 5th kind of sex is Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your husband any more. You take take him to court and screw him in front of everyone!

*Thanks, Kerri!

Snapdragons

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Don't split your sides

Here is a joke:

"A Scotsman ran into the street to pick up a penny and was knocked down and killed by a lorry. The coroner returned a verdict of death by natural causes."

Here is another joke, about the death of Diana, Princess of Wales:

"Diana, Queen of Hearts? More like off with her head."

If you think these can't be jokes because they're not funny, you are wrong. They are quoted as examples in The Right to Joke, just published by the Social Affairs Unit and written by Christie Davies, described as "Britain's leading academic expert on jokes".

If you haven't heard them before, it is because, according to Professor Davies, they have been censored by the media, which is in thrall to the political correctness of "liberal egalitarianism".

If you don't find them funny, you are wielding "hegemonic cultural power" and trying to suppress "a true expression of independent popular culture". Honest. This is no laughing matter.

Fact or Crap?

®

Botts Dots is the condition a horse has when infected by a botfly.







Botts Dots can be found on most major roads and highways. They are the raised markers used to outline driving lanes at night. Elbert D. Botts invented the reflective markers in the 1950s so people could easily distinguish the lanes at night or in the rain.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen
Director: George Lucas
Fax: 2005, action

DVD Available NOW!

Review by John McKay, CP Movie Critic

So here we are at last, come full circle 28 years later.

The Republic in ruins. Galactic democracy quashed under the heel of the evil Empire.

The noble Jedi Knights either slaughtered in ambush or scattered in exile.

Heroic Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side of The Force, emerging as the ruthless, black-clad cyborg Darth Vader.

And yet, the hint of "a new hope." While Padme Amidala dies in childbirth, her and Anakin's twin offspring Luke and Leia are born and spirited away under cover for the ultimate redemption to play out in the original Star Wars trilogy.

So how did George Lucas do, wrapping up the wildly popular and very profitable space opera he unwittingly began in 1977? Well, Revenge of the Sith certainly delivers the anticipated goods, albeit with the bleak, relentless tone of an operatic tragedy befitting the inevitable curtain fall on this pop-culture epic.

The third and final episode is quite dark and violent, the only film of the six to get a PG-13 rating, certainly light years away from the original's fluffy comic-book tone. It is also so jam-packed with action and digital special effects that audience members risk sensory overload. And the finale is over-stuffed with plot resolution in what seems a desperate race to ensure it effectively ties up all hanging threads while holding the line at two hours, 20 minutes.

Not since Titanic has there been a film so unlikely to be ruined by spoilers. We all knew how this prequel trilogy was going to end, so there are few secrets to be exposed, just the technical readout of how it looks.

And it looks great. Perhaps too great to make sense when fans pop the original Star Wars movie into their DVD players to see just how well Lucas has meshed this grand finale with where he started. Alas, Episode IV now truly does look cheesy and campy, even with the digital sprucing up it was given for that theatrical re-release a few years back.

And there are other problems.

Director-screenwriter Lucas may be a master cinema technician but is a failure when it comes to actors and dialogue. Hayden Christensen (Anakin) and Natalie Portman (Padme Amidala) can act. They've done so in other movies. So can Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu) and Jimmy Smits (Bail Organa). Yet all appear unable to plausibly handle the cornball lines they are given here. Yes, yes, Mark Hamill as the original Luke Skywalker wasn't exactly a renowned thespian either. And, in a way, these films are homages to the old-time Saturday matinee serials where the likes of Buster Crabbe as Flash Gordon were far from Oscar material, too.

But to compensate, there are plenty of little bits here and there to trigger a welcome sense of familiarity.

Someone inevitably utters the traditional Star Wars mantras: "May the force be with you" and "I've got a bad feeling about this." The much-maligned Jar Jar Binks makes an ever-so-brief appearance in Padme's funeral procession. Even Chewbacca the wookie and the Millennium Falcon itself have brief cameos.

And when Darth Vader and the Emperor stand triumphant on the flight deck of their ship, they are joined at the end by an actor bearing a remarkable resemblance to the late Peter Cushing, the original Grand Moff Tarkin. So with Christopher Lee as the menacing Count Dooku at the beginning, this Star Wars in a way brings together the two old Hammer Film horror actors.

The Star Wars strong suits remain the franchise's action, its innovative special effects (including futuristic cityscapes and space dogfights that are simply jaw-dropping here) and Lucas's clever tapping into the richness of both human history and our pop-culture fables, tossing it all into a script blender and pressing "puree."

Edgar Rice Burroughs' early-20th-century John Carter of Mars fantasy novels, for example, included familiar-sounding names like Jeddaks, Banths, Tarkas and Woola while the space protagonists might wear a ray gun on one hip, a sword on the other. Luke's own adventures invoke not only the pulp thrillers of the 1930s and '40s but the juvenile sci-fi novels of Robert A. Heinlein and Andre Norton in the 1950s.

Padme is given a funeral that recalls Ophelia's demise in Hamlet. The newborn Luke and his sister are smuggled away Moses-like, while the Jedis are betrayed and murdered not unlike the 12th century inquisition against the Crusades' real Knights Templar.

Anakin's morphing into the helmeted Darth Vader and Chancellor Palpatine's emergence as the evil but charismatic Sith Lord while the galactic senate dutifully cheers, carry clear echoes of the rise of the German Third Reich. All of this reflecting man's primal struggle between good and evil, the ongoing lure of ascending into heaven versus the fear of paradise lost.

If that seems too ennobling, let's forget about profundity and just say "Thanks, George. It's been a heckuva ride."

©Canadian Press 2005

More Neat Photos

Now that's a LOT of snow!!!



And I thought I was a bad driver!!!



Big storm coming?



I've heard of "highway to the sky", but it has a bridge?



No tip for the valet who parked this one!



Sub hits iceberg...bet the captain's premiums sky-rocketed!



All aboard! Ahh, yes, looks as if the sub Captain found a new job!



"Watch out for the rock...er, I meant BOULDER!"



Mechanically inclined? Good help is soo hard to find (you do see who's superving, right?)



"How to ruin a perfectly good Ferrari!"



Fearless!

Hope at least 1 of these brightened your day (maybe even made you feel lucky)! Pass the post along for some more smiles! (Click on the 'Permanent Link' and copy the address in an email)

*Thanks, Daryn!

Something to cure boredom...

Click above to play the game

Record your rating in the comments section.
The best The Wizard could manage was Bobbing Bobcat...
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

I said: "WOAH!!!"

*Thanks, Daryn!

Inside Information

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.

"I've got good news and bad news," said the owner.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "what's the bad news?"

With concern, the gallery owner replied: "The guy was your doctor."

*Thanks, Daryn!

Bulletin

For those of you who are not aware, North Dakota and southwestern Montana got hit with their first blizzard of the season a couple of weeks ago)

This text is from county emergency manager out in the western part of North Dakota state after the storm.

Amusing...

WEATHER BULLETIN

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 24" inches of snow and winds to 50 MPH that broke trees in half, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed all roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

George Bush did not come....
FEMA staged nothing....
No one howled for the government...
No one even uttered an expletive on TV...
Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.....
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House....
No news anchors moved in.

We just melted snow for water, sent out caravans to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars, fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Aladdin lamps and put on an extra layer of clothes.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early...we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

Everybody is fine.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Fact or Crap?

®

The world record for most worms eaten in 30 seconds is 75.







In October 2000, Mark Hogg gobbled up 94 live worms during the Regis Philbin Show. Hogg’s worm-eating abilities were strengthened during U.S. Army training in the Panama jungle, where he lived on earthworms, grubs, and wild vegetation.

Pumpkin Heads

A truly amazing site!



Click above

Google lends a hand to Microsoft Office rival

Google is opening up yet another front in its battle with Microsoft by backing a competitor to Bill Gates’ dominant Office software package.

The internet search and advertising company is set to hire programmers to improve OpenOffice, a freely distributed "open source" alternative to products including Word, Microsoft’s massively popular word processor, it was revealed today.

Microsoft and Google are already battling head-to-head in fields including internet search, instant messaging and e-mail.

"We want to hire a couple of folks to help make OpenOffice better," Chris DiBona, manager for open-source programs at Google, told news.com, the industry website.

"We use a fair amount of open source software at Google. We want to make sure that's a healthy community. And we want to make sure open source preserves competitiveness within the industry," he added.

For more comment on open source click here.

Google has taken part in open source projects before, which have been touted as an antidote to Microsoft’s grip over the software market. Recently, it has lent out staff to organisations such as the Mozilla Foundation, the non-profit software developer behind the Firefox internet browser.

Such moves have been closely watched across the industry – especially at Microsoft.

The company Bill Gates founded 30 years ago is still the largest software house in the world by some margin, but Firefox, which has been developed by a worldwide army of volunteers, has bitten into its share of the browser market. OpenOffice is widely seen as well-placed to inflict similar damage to Microsoft Office.

In the United States last month, the state of Massachusetts ruled that all the documents its employees create have to be in OpenOffice. Supporters of the software, which is being translated into 60 languages, argue that it is cheaper and less prone to obsolescence than commercially developed packages such as Microsoft Office. If the Massachusetts move were to set a precedent across the US, it could be extremely damaging to Microsoft’s business.

Governments and corporations who switch to OpenOffice are able to download the software for free, but have to pay for support and service contracts.

On its website, OpenOffice.org says it "probably has over 40 million users … But who's counting? Probably only Microsoft, and judging from its market behaviour it sees us as counting a great deal."

For more on OpenOffice click here.

*By Rhys Blakely

42 Below

Speakers on please. Click above
*Thanks, Daryn!

The 50 Least Likely Things You'll Hear at a Wal-Mart.

1) "Thank you."
2) "We can actually move in the Receiving bay."
3) "May I help you?"
4) "I love my job."
5) "Yes, the manager's here, hard at work."
6) "Wow. I got paid more than I thought I would."
7) "The customer is always right, so here's your refund."
8) "Take five."
9) "I'm worried about the store manager- I'm afraid that he's working himself to death."
10) "Try the snack bar. They have the best food you've ever had."
11) "Why would I want to leave here for a better paying job?"
12) "These valuable career skills will get me far in life."
13) "Well done."
14) "The manager will be in any minute. I can hardly wait."
15) "The bathroom is so clean, I think I'll eat my lunch there."
16) "There's no one named Bubba or Earline that works here."
17) "Hello, I'm the manager. How may I resolve your problem?"
18) "Let me get that for you."
19) "We're almost out of Bibles and Star Wars merchandise."
20) "Why are you so happy?"
21) "I'm bringing my little girl with me tomorrow for 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' and she's so excited!"
22) "My kid said yesterday that when he grows up, he wants to work here, too."
23) "Who was that nice young associate who'd helped me?"
24) "After I aced my aptitude tests, the counselor said that I'd be best suited for either rocket science, neurology, or working at a Wal-Mart. Obviously, I made the right choice."
25) "I've never been sexually harassed or have had sex with any member of store management."
26) "I'm going to Europe this summer for my vacation."
27) "Don't these little blue vests look adorable?"
28) "I talked my friend into leaving his six figure a year job to work here."
29) "…and when I told the loan officer that I worked for Wal-Mart, he immediately wrote out the check right there in the bank."
30) "This store has been here a year already and not one customer has brought a personal injury suit against us."
31) "We have too many cashiers on duty."
32) "Yes, I can fix that problem."
33) "I always thought that I had to work until I was 65, but thanks to Wal-Mart, I can put in for early retirement."
34) "…and the manager listened with rapt attention to every word I said."
35) "Thank God I rejected Microsoft's and IBM's offers to come in on the ground floor and went to work for Wal-Mart, instead."
36) "I can see myself here twenty years from now."
37) "I can see myself here a year from now."
38) "What I love about being a/an (insert any job title) is the variety and challenge."
39) "God, that last CBL was murder!"
40) "At our last high school reunion, my wife rubbed it everyone's faces that I work for Wal-Mart."
41) "So I stood up and said, 'I don't care how much money you offer me, Mr. Gates; Wal-Mart can beat your offer.'"
42) "…and after my surgery, the manager told me not to come in until I could walk."
43) "Everything they say in the Wal-Mart commercials is true."
44) "Where do you people come by this high quality help?"
45) "My kid never tells his friends that I work here; He hates to brag."
46) "Whenever I feel blue, I just remind myself that I work at Wal-Mart."
47) "Isn't Wal-Mart culture and haute culture kind of the same thing?"
48) "It's amazing, isn't it, how Wal-Mart can do so well and still co-exist with a thriving downtown?"
49) "…so, based on your excellent performance review, I'm raising your rate of pay so that it actually exceeds the cost of living."
50) "What do you know! They actually are as friendly, attractive and relatively sane as in the commercials!"

The 12 days of Halloween

On the first day of Halloween my best friend gave to me.
A boney witches knee.

On the second day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the third day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the fourth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the fifth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the sixth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the seventh day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the eighth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the ninth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the tenth day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Ten bats a hanging,
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the eleventh day of Halloween, my best friend gave to me.
Eleven Trick-or-treaters,
Ten bats a hanging,
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.

On the twelfth day of Halloween my best friend gave to me.
Twelve Jack-o-lanterns,
Eleven Trick-or-treaters,
Ten bats a hanging,
Nine monsters dancing,
Eight ghosts a flying,
Seven witches cooking,
Six ghouls a dancing,
Five haunted houses,
Four vampires biteing,
Three pumpkins growing,
Two bats a flying,
And a boney witches knee.



HAPPY HALLOWEEN
*Thanks, Daryn!

Good Advice From My Advisary!

*Thanks, Daryn!

New Transportation

With gas prices going up, I had to purchase a new form of transportation...


"Cow-Asaki"
*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Native Woman Assasin

The CIA had an opening for a female assassin. After all the background checks, interviews & testing were done, there were3 women finalists... a white woman, an black woman and a Cree Indian woman.

For the final test, the CIA agent took the White woman & handed her a gun...

We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Kill him." The White woman said, "You can't be serious. I could n ever shoot my husband." The agent said, "Then you're not the right woman for this job. Take your husband and go home"

The Black woman, was given the same instruction. She took the gun & went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then she came out with tears in her eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my husband". The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your husband and go home."

Finally, it was the Cree Indian woman's turn. She was given the same instruction to kill her husband. She took the gun & went into the room. Shots were heard... one shot after the other. They heard SCREAMING, CRASHING, AND BANGING ON THE WALLS. After a few minutes, all was quiet,the door opened slowly and there stood the Cree Indian woman.She wiped the sweat fromher brow.... "This gun is loaded with blanks!! she said. "So I had to beat him to death with the chair."

*Thanks, Daryn!

The Best Pet Costumes For Halloween

3








*Thanks, Vilija!

New View Of Hurricane Wilma

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Halloween Humour

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out.

The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.

When she came out, the old man cried,"You can't go out like that!"

She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you!"

Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.

The old woman says, "You're going out like that?" and he replies, "Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Tattoos likely to cause future regret...

Fact or Crap?

®

When it was first launched, the Walkman® was called the Soundabout.







It was introduced to the U.S. market as Soundabout, the English market as Stowaway, and the Australian market as Freestyle. Sony founder Akio Morita was skeptical about using a combination of English words in the Japanese marketplace, but the idea took off quickly—so quickly that the Oxford English Dictionary officially made Walkman an English word in 1986.

Flaming Bag Of Poo!

Click here.

*Thanks, Daryn! :O)

Monitor Screen Cleaners

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

You Heard It Here First!

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. But are we sure they're blinking? Maybe they're winking!

This one blinks with both eyes!

Ghost Car

READ THE STORY FIRST BEFORE YOU OPEN THE VIDEO

---Strange but interesting---

This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car,like a ghostly white mist.

They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot.The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of car then following it along the road....Spooky! Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist?

You decide.
If you listen to the ad you'll even hear the cameraman whispering the background about it near the end of the commercial. A little creepy.

Click here for the movie.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

The attraction to Wicca

Study of unique religion boosts this believer's sense of self

Dauna Ditson
The Regina Sun
October 30, 2005

While youngsters are collecting candy on Halloween dressed as scary witches and goblins, modern-day witches – called Wiccans – will be celebrating the dead.

Tammy, a Wiccan who asked that her last name not be revealed because she "hasn't fully come out of the broom-closet yet," said she and her coven – a congregation of Wiccans – will welcome Samhain, the day of the dead, with a ceremony in remembrance of their ancestors.

People who aren't familiar with pagan spirituality often have misconceptions of what Wicca is, said Tammy. Contrary to pop culture, Wiccans do not serve, or even believe in, the devil, demons, or hell, she said, although they do believe in gods.

All religions worship the same divine being, but have their own ways of interpreting that being, Tammy said. Because of those differences, she said "I would feel uncomfortable if a Christian was praying for my soul."

Tammy uses magic. In her opinion, performing spells is no creepier than praying, because it's just asking a spiritual power for help, she said. Tammy said she does a variety of spells, including spells for healing, protection, fertility, and money.

Wiccans are very cautious with their spells, she pointed out. They are not allowed to use magic to hurt others or themselves. As well, she never does spells on other people without their permission, she said.

Many Wiccans believe their actions have karma-like consequences. Magic done to others comes back three times stronger on the one who performed the spell, Tammy explained. Because spells can have consequences, Tammy said, "you have to make sure know what you want before you ask for it."

Tammy's described a situation during which her fellow Wiccans' magic go out of control. Several individual Wiccans performed weather spells on a hot summer day, she said, asking for relief from the heat. But because so many of them did the spell, thinking they were doing it on their own, the spells backfired caused a big storm, Tammy said.

Because she never knows exactly what will happen, Tammy said she prefers to avoid the more controversial spells like those for weather or love. Tammy described herself as quite a skeptical person, but added that she's experienced magic "one too many times to not believe."

For example, after her friend did a fertility spell, the woman because pregnant with twins. And after Tammy did a spell on her husband, he got the promotion she asked for, she said.

Tammy grew up as a Roman Catholic and went to church with her grandparents. When she was around 12 or 13, she said she stopped going to church because no one could answer her questions. Around this time, Tammy said she because curious about the occult and the supernatural world. After studying many religions, Tammy decided to become a Wiccan 10 years ago.

Wicca is a form of pagan spirituality that involves worshiping a god and goddess, celebrating nature and the seasons, and taking care of the earth, she explained. Wiccans honour their god and goddess when they perform acts like composting, feeding the birds, and volunteering in the community. While recognizing the elements of fire, water, earth, air, and spirit, Tammy summoned air, and said suddenly "it was like somebody put the air-conditioning on."

She said her experiences while worshipping vary. For example, sometimes she sees a lady in white, feels someone holding her hands, or just feels there's a presence near her. Tammy said she appreciates being part of a coven because talking with others helps validate her own experiences. "It makes you feel better because then you don't think you're crazy," she said.

Tammy said she enjoys how empowering Wicca is and feels more in control of her life since discovering her spiritual side.

"I have more of a sense of myself", she said, explaining that being Wiccan has improved her self-esteem because now she has a supernatural support system.

To connect with local Wiccans, visit:
http://groups.msn.com/saskawitch or
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saskamoon

Whose Been Eating My Sushi!!??

Canada To Invade Mars

Canada announces plans to invade Mars with weather station acclimatized to freezing temperatures, lack of intelligent life. Station was tested in Winnipeg, so scientists confidently assured it will work...

"Winterpeg"

Daylight Savings Time Ends

Daylight Savings End For You.. Not here in Saskatoon, tho... We never change!

Hope you enjoyed your one more hour of sleep!!! Put yer clock back, eh?

TROY - Here We Go Again!

Is life as we know it just one big joke?

To Be Continued...

Funny Fotos

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Boobies!!

Click here.

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Fact or Crap? 7INAROW!

®

Pork is a white meat.







Although in 1988 the National Pork Producers Council began calling pork “the other white meat” in a campaign to promote pork as a healthful alternative to beef, pork contains as much myoglobin, an oxygen-storing pigment that contains iron, as veal does. The more myoglobin the meat has, the redder the meat.

®

The oldest team sport in history is polo.







Historians can’t be sure of the actual date of polo’s origin, but they agree that the sport began in Persia and later spread to Tibet, China, and Japan. Warriors played polo as a form of war training. The game was also played by royalty and high-ranking officials.

®

The Budweiser ad campaign introduced during the 1995 Super Bowl featured lizards.







It featured bullfrogs that croaked “bud,” “weis,” and “er.” The frog-hating lizards, Frank and Louie, showed up in ads during the 1998 Super Bowl. The lizards met up with a squeaking ferret in later campaigns.

®

A ring Jackie Kennedy owned was the inspiration for mood rings.







Mood rings first surfaced in the 1970s and were an invention of Joshua Reynolds. Mood rings contain heat-sensitive liquid crystals that change position according to varying temperatures. The movement in the crystals results in a color change in the ring.

®

Butterflies have ears.







Night butterflies (and moths) have ears on their wings. This helps them elude bats. The ears are sensitive to ultrasound, which is what bats use to sense their prey. When a night butterfly senses the presence of bats, it darts about to escape.

®

The name Pinocchio is derived from the last name of his creator.







Pinocchio is Italian for “pine eye.” In Italian, the word pino means pine; occhio means eye. Its creator, C. Collodi (a pen name), was a journalist from Italy who began writing for children in 1861. He wrote the first chapter of Pinocchio 20 years later.

®

Ancient Egyptians made dice from bone.







Dice were also made from ivory and many types of stone and rock. Pharaohs and peasants alike played dice games, and both women and men participated. Historical writings show that Egyptians believed dice games were played by spirits of the dead in the underworld.

Some made with the venerable 'FUZZ'

THE HIGHEST BRIDGE IN THE WORLD !!!!

There was a really good documentary on the construction of this on Discovery or TLC and month or so ago. It is located in southern France,
and is the highest bridge in the world. See:

http://bridgepros.com/projects/Millau_Viaduct for details of location and construction. It is a truly amazing piece of engineering, especially
considering the method used to span the distance between the piers. By the way, the red towers you see in the photo were removed following completion of the bridge.

Click above

Be sure to maximize your screen for this.


They haven't printed enough money to pay me to drive across this bridge!!

It is 787 feet above the ground...

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Freaky!

This is freaky, interesting and scary all in one!

Read down to the very bottom, you don't want to miss this!

VERY INTERESTING -

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

13. The t hree Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia. The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, wh ile some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

*Thanks, Daryn!

Chinese Food

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

You're going to love this....................



" Ah... so sorry," says the waiter,



"I bring you Peking Duck.

*Thanks, Daryn!

George Takei discloses his homosexuality

LOS ANGELES — George Takei, who as helmsman Sulu steered the Starship Enterprise through three television seasons and six movies, has come out as a homosexual in the current issue of Frontiers, a biweekly Los Angeles magazine covering the gay and lesbian community.

Takei told The Associated Press on Thursday that his new onstage role as psychologist Martin Dysart in "Equus," helped inspire him to publicly discuss his sexuality.

Takei described the character as a "very contained but turbulently frustrated man." The play opened Wednesday at the David Henry Hwang Theater in Los Angeles, the same day that Frontiers magazine featured a story on Takei's coming out.

The current social and political climate also motivated Takei's disclosure, he said.

"The world has changed from when I was a young teen feeling ashamed for being gay," he said. "The issue of gay marriage is now a political issue. That would have been unthinkable when I was young."

The 68-year-old actor said he and his partner, Brad Altman, have been together for 18 years.

Takei, a Japanese-American who lived in a U.S. internment camp from age 4 to 8, said he grew up feeling ashamed of his ethnicity and sexuality. He likened prejudice against gays to racial segregation.

"It's against basic decency and what American values stand for," he said.

Takei joined the "Star Trek" cast in 1966 as Hikaru Sulu, a character he played for three seasons on television and in six subsequent films. He received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1986.

A community activist, Takei ran for the Los Angeles City Council in 1973. He serves on the advisory committee of the California Civil Liberties Public Education Program and is chairman of East West Players, the theater company producing "Equus."

*Thanks for the link Daryn.

Killer Deers

*Thanks, Daryn!