Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

Wile E. Coyote never caught the Road Runner.







He did so once, on May 21, 1980, in a cartoon titled Soup or Sonic. When the creators of Coyote and Road Runner began the cartoon, they created a few rules all the cartoons had to adhere to. One was “No dialogue ever, except ‘Beep! Beep!’” and another was “The audience’s sympathy must remain with the Coyote.”

Rose Coloured Glasses

So, you say I see the world through Rose coloured glasses?
Perhaps, I should look at it through Green.....
green for all the jealousy that occurs when people are envious of another's accomplishments.
Or maybe red.....yeah! Red.....
to see all the anger people have and express and hurt others with.
Or maybe Black.....
black so I can hide behind this colour and choose not to see at all.
No I think I'd like Yellow.....
yellow to amplify the sun's rays on the beauty that nature provides.
Or just maybe rose. I think rose is a nice colour.
Rose.....
like a child with rosey cheeks from the cool breath of winter,
or a baby with rosey cheeks who's just awakened from a long nap.
Rose......
rose is a nice colour, it's simple.
And a rose is a most beautiful thing on this earth to see.
So why do you not look
through Rose Coloured Glasses?
Could it be you're afraid to see the
beauty of your world.

--Tina Thurston 1998.

If you're looking for replica sunglasses or just want to find a nice pair of cheap sunglasses, whether you're interested in normal sunglasses or you specifically want to find Aviator sunglasses, then consider shopping online.

Things That Make You Say... "HOLY SH*T!"

Beer Lady


Big Snake!


Fish in the sink


Engine trouble


Joint and a half!


Big Cat!


Can't hear ya!


Just plain gross!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

This Pastor has guts!!

Thought you might enjoy this interesting prayer given in Kansas at the opening session of their Senate. It seems prayer still upsets some people.

When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is what they heard: "Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance.

We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and call it Pluralism.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.

We have abused power and called it politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

Amen!"

The response was immediate. A number of legislators walked out during the prayer in protest.. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than 5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls responding negatively.

The church is now receiving international requests for copies of this prayer from India, Africa and Korea.

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story," and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "one nation under God."

T-Shirts

*Thanks, Daryn!

Voice of Fred Flintstone Dies at 85

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Henry Corden, the voice of cartoon caveman Fred Flintstone's "Yabba-dabba-doo!" for more than two decades, has died. He was 85.

Corden died of emphysema Thursday night at AMI Encino Hospital, his longtime agent Don Pitts said Friday. Corden's wife of nine years, Angelina, was with him at the time.

He took over as the lovable loudmouth Fred Flintstone when original voice Alan Reed died in 1977. Reed had been doing Flintstone since the character debuted in 1960.

In this undated promotional photo released courtesy of Don Pitts, Henry Corden is shown with the cartoon character, Fred Flintstone. Corden, who provided the voice for Fred Flintstone for more than two decades, died Thursday, May 19, 2005, in Encino, Calif. Corden took over as the lovable loudmouth Fred Flintstone when original voice Allen Reed died in 1977. Reed had been doing Flintstone since the character was created around 1960. (AP Photo/Courtesy of Don Pitts, File)

Born in Montreal, Corden moved to New York as a child and arrived in Hollywood in the 1940s. His first acting role was in the 1947 film "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty." Known for playing villains, he found small parts in movies, including 1952's "The Black Castle" and "The Ten Commandments" in 1956.

"As Henry said, he always played the cold-blooded creeps," Pitts said.

Corden moved into voice acting in the 1960s, and deployed his dialect skills in bit parts for Hanna-Barbera, including "Jonny Quest,""Josey and the Pussycats" and "The New Tom & Jerry Show."

Since "The Flintstones" echoed "The Honeymooners," Corden tweaked his role to approximate Jackie Gleason's Ralph Kramden character, Pitts said.

Corden, who lived in Encino, had been working until his health suffered about three months ago. He can most recently be heard on ubiquitous cereal commercials yelling "Barney, my Pebbles!"

Besides his wife, Corden is survived by five children and five grandchildren. A private memorial "party" is planned, Pitts said.

*By RYAN PEARSON

UNTIL . . .

Until we're considered equal, and not simply 'tolerated'.

Until our youth aren't forced to leave home for the streets.

Until our partners are welcome at all family, social and workplace events.

Until the police are there to protect us not harass us.

Until sex trade workers are not seen as criminals.

Until our children see our families reflected in school curriculum and story books.

Until our differences and our cultures are celebrated not denied.

Until it's safe to come out at work.

Until it's safe to come out at school.


(click above to download the pamplet. It's a PDF and requires Adobe Reader.)

Until hospitals, banks, travel agents, and insurance companies see us as people not problems or profits.

Until we're not stereotyped into certain jobs or denied others.

Until parents aren't freaked out by having lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender children.

Until we don't have to justify, explain and expose our private lives.

Until harassment at work stops.

Until our streets are safe for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people.

Until religions open their doors to our celebrations and expressions of faith.

Until we can express our gender without fear of reprisal or ridicule.

Until gender stereotyping stops and we are all free to be wholly human.

Until the cure for homophobia is discovered.

Until we can love and be loved, with joy and gay abandon.

EGG-ZACTLY!

What's the top-selling pop? It's a Coke.
What's a rip-roaring quip? It's a joke.
What do ya do with cigarettes? Ya smoke.

So quickly, I beg:
What's the white of an egg called?



It's albumen. (I bet you said yolk. hehe)

Q: Who is Snow White's brother?

A: Egg White. Get the yolk?

Q: If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?

A: None. Roosters Don't Lay Eggs!

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.

The egg looks at the chicken and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

So you think your life is bad.

Just think how bad the life of the egg is...

You only get laid once!

You only get eaten once!

It takes 4 minutes to get hard

2 minutes to get soft

You have to share a box with 11 other guys

And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.


(Now don't you feel better)

Q. How did the eggs leave the highway?

A. They went through the "Eggs-it".

Q. What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?

A. He cracked up.

Q. Why couldn't the eggs go out on a hot summer day?

A. They were afraid they would fry!

Q. What did the egg say to the clown?

A. You crack me up!

Q. What part did the egg play in the movies?

A. He was an "Egg-stra".

Q. What do you call a sleeping egg?

A. Egg-zosted!

Q. What did the eggs do when the light turned green?

A. They egg-cellerated.

Q. Why couldn't the egg family watch T.V.?

A. Because their cable was scrambled.

Q. Why was the father egg so strict?

A. He was hard-boiled.

Q. What do you get if you cross an egg with a vacuum cleaner?

A. I have no idea, but I bet it's messy!

Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

There are three fruits on the Fruit of the Loom™ logo.







The Fruit of the Loom logo, established in 1893, features an apple, grapes, and gooseberries(!). Prior to 1893 a pear rather than gooseberries appeared on the company’s logo. Four Fruit of the Loom guys run around in the company’s famous TV commercials, but one of them isn’t a fruit—just leaves. (And The Wizard should know! heehee)

Don't know 'bout you, but The Wizard sees 4 fruits!

LEARN WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure ... go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = ... and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

I'm not yelling = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

The Blonde Year In Review

With apologies to any Blondes:

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.

March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."

April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."

October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.

*Thanks, 'M'!

Ain't it the truth!

The Truth is...

Paul got an early start to his day, he had set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6:00am, while his coffeemaker (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).

He put on his sweater (MADE IN SRI LANKA), his stylish jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and his runners (MADE IN KOREA).

Then after making his breakfast in his little toaster oven (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down in front of his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN)by his radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got into his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and set off in his search for a good job.

At the end of a discouraging day, he decided to relax a little. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL)poured a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) into a lead crystal glass (MADE IN CHECKOSLOVAKIA), and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and asked himself:

Why it is so hard to find a good paying job in Canada?

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

A Favourite Joke Of The Wizard's...

Ed Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass...

*Thanks, 'M' :O)

An Irishman

An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little maths test. "Heres the first question the foreman said. "Without using numbers represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Irishman says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain?. "Tree and tree and tree make 9," the Irishman says.

"Fair enough says the boss". Here's your second question. Use the same rules but this time make 99.

The Irishman stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go".

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99."

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So its dirty tree, dirty tree and dirty tree. Dat is 99".

The boss is getting worried that he is going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says "All right, last question."

"Same rules again, but represent the number 100".

The Irishman stares into space some, more then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says "Ere you go. One hundrerd".

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents one hundred"!.

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says , "A little dog come along and crapped by each tree".

So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred..... So when do I start???"

*Thanks, Auntie 'M' :O)

Great Photos

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

MEN NEVER LISTEN

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament. "Sir," she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters:

WW, WA , PP and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water.

When this stopped he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies room was more than a restroom.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Beer Cannon

...Original German sound track...

Just aim the beer canon towards the open mouths of the folks who stand and click the mouse.

Put the circle right on the mouths, and don't forget that German cows like beer too.

Have fun!



Click above to play!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'!

Ask The Wizard (Other Email Options Than Outlook Express)

Dear Wizard of 'OZ',

I am having difficulties with Outlook Express. Any tips on other email programs?

Signed,

Fedup with Outlook Express.

Dear Fed-Up,

Perhaps you should use UPS? Get it? Fed- up with Outlook Express... Haha, just a joke.

Seriously, there are a number of free alternatives out there:

Free web-based email services let everybody have their personal email account that can be accessed form any computer connected to the Internet, they provide tons of space for keeping your messages, have great spam filters and, hey, they are free.

1) Gmail
Gmail is the Google approach to email. Practically unlimited free online storage that grows with your use allows you to collect all your messages, and Gmail's simple but very smart interface lets you find them precisely and see them in context without effort. Unfortunately, Gmail does not offer IMAP, only POP access. Gmail also puts contextual advertising next to the emails you read.

2) FastMail Free Guest Account
FastMail is a great free email service with IMAP access, useful features, one of the best web-based email interfaces and few ads.

3) Yahoo! Mail
Yahoo! Mail is a comfortable, reliable and secure email service with a reasonable amount of storage. A pretty good spam filter keeps the junk out, and you can send rich emails using Yahoo! Mail's HTML editor.

4) FuseMail Fused Personal Free
FuseMail Fused Personal Free not only offers a comprehensive web-based email service with rich editing, smart folders, integrated RSS feed reading and solid spam filtering, but you can also access FuseMail flexibly with any IMAP email client. Unfortunately, with all its gimmicks, FuseMail is bit unfinished, slow and unstable.

5) MSN Hotmail
MSN Hotmail comes with solid security features and a straight forward, easy to use yet quite powerful interface. Unfortunately, Hotmail lack of POP or IMAP access, you cannot search messages in Hotmail, there is no support for secure messaging, and email management tools as well as the spam filter could use some improvement.

6) My Way Mail
My Way Mail is a clean, fast and fun (though not particularly advanced) free email service.

7) Care2 E-mail
Get a solid Web-based email account and donate to environmental organizations, both for free with Care2 E-mail.

8) Mail.com
Mail.com is great for its domain names (use them with forwarding!), but it is missing some of the security, convenience and storage of other web-based email services.

9) Lycos Mail
Lycos Mail has no advanced features, but it can be configured to have no spam, too.

10) Netscape Mail
Web-based Email Netscape Mail Web-Based Email is as simple and straight forward as a free email account gets.

Hope this helps.

Yrs,

The Wizard

A Poem

I'm tired, I'm so very tired,
Sometimes death is my only friend,
That blade maybe my reason...
To just cut that vein and die,

So many people look up to me,
To be the friend that makes them laugh,
That shoulder who everyone cries on,
And be a strong individual and person.

Leaving is one way out...
At least you can't look down me,
And can't tell me what could have been,
Or how many days its been since I was truly happy,

No one will hold me, or let me cry...
I allow myself to cry and weep alone,
I try to be strong, but I long for death,
Let me have peace, just please let me go home.

Hayden and Ewan lip lock at Star Wars London premiere

At the London premiere of Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith,
Hayden Christensen shares a kiss with co-star Ewan McGregor.


*Thanks, Daryn!

Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

Woody Allen plays the oboe.







He has been playing jazz clarinet since the 1950s. Allen has often played with the Eddy Davis New Orleans Jazz Band in New York City. The band is chronicled in an independent film by Barbara Kopple called Wild Man Blues.

The Muppets Wizard of OZ

On the face of it, it seems impossible to lend more sparkle to the magical Land of Oz. But that's before you add the fabulous Miss Piggy into the mix! She and the rest of the Muppets gang star in a shiny new version of the classic story alongside Ashanti who plays Dorothy, Queen Latifah who plays Auntie Em, David Alan Grier who plays Uncle Henry, Jeffrey Tambor as the Wizard, and Quentin Tarantino -- as himself. Kermit the Frog takes the role of the Scarecrow and Miss Piggy plays all four witches in Oz. "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz" premiered at the Tribeca Family Festival in April, with Robert De Niro and Kermit the Frog opening the film to a sold-out house. "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz" will air Friday, May 20, 2005 at 8 p.m./7 Central, on "The Wonderful World of Disney," on ABC.

The Wizard was dying for the inside scoop on the Muppet shoot, so he talked to one diva who's not known for her reticence. Miss Piggy shared all the juicy details about the film, the shoot, her romance with Kermit the Frog (on and offscreen!), and - of course - her wardrobe.

Miss Piggy's costars -- including Ashanti -- from "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz."


Kermi and Piggy

Miss Piggy, it's an honor to speak with a star of your magnitude. Please tell 'OZ' readers a little about the making of "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz."

Yes, it is an honor to speak with moi, isn't it? What was the question again? Oh, right ... "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz" is moi's latest epic, the enchanting story of four witches -- all played by moi, n'est pas. Kermie plays the Scarecrow... and moi's love interest, both on and off the set. Ashanti plays Dorothy. There are twisters and Munchkins and the whole shebang, but most of all there's moi.

I understand you played four roles; was that challenging?

Each of the roles was challenging. One does not play four roles without a lot of accessorizing, so I spent a lot of time preparing and shopping for each part. But I guess the most difficult role was that of the Wicked Witch of the West. Being mean spirited and evil just doesn't come naturally to moi, unless I'm pushed. So watch it, sister.

How was it working with Kermit again?

Pure bliss. Acting together is just an extension of our relationship. We are the same onscreen as we are offscreen -- it's just that when we're in a movie, the lighting is better and there's usually some decent catering.

How did you approach the challenge of playing the Wicked Witch? Are you a method actress?

Moi is not a method actress. I do not believe in starting from the inside out. I start from the outside and work in. Actually, I start with the shoes and work up. You get the right pair of mules on moi and I can play any part. To play the Wicked Witch I had to act mean, so I wore shoes that were a size too small. It worked... in the worst way.

What's your favorite thing about this film?

Moi! Next question.

Tell us about the premiere -- that must have been glitzy! Did the crowd go wild?

Oh, the premiere was fabulous! And the crowd was beside itself with excitement -- after all, how often does one get to see great actors like moi and Bobby De Niro together?

Were you disappointed that you weren't cast as Dorothy? How do you think Ashanti did in the role?

Moi disappointed that I wasn't cast as Dorothy!? How silly! That's one part; I played four parts. That's one wardrobe versus four wardrobes. One possible Emmy nomination versus four sure-thing Emmy nods. I got the better part of the deal. As for Ashanti, she is so wonderfully talented and beautiful, she reminds me of me -- only less so.

Did you get any screen time with Queen Latifah?

Queen Latifah and moi spent a lot of time together off the set. Before we met, I had no idea that one could cop a royal title just like that. Right now I'm trying to decide on whether to be Empress or Goddess Piggy. What do you think?

Do you sing in the film at all? Any duets -- did you let Ashanti or Queen Latifah sing with you?

Of course moi sings, but I tried to keep my performances separate from Ashanti's and Queen Latifah's. No sense showing up the guest stars, right?

Any behind-the-scenes hijinks or bloopers to share?

Oh, of course there were some wonderful hijinks and bloopers. Now that DVD extra features are so popular, we actually shoot the hijinks and bloopers first. Then, if there's time, we shoot the movie. I'd share some of them with you, but you have to see them to believe them. That's celebrity talk for -buy the DVD. Kissy kissy!


There you have it, straight from the horse's -- er, Piggy's -- mouth. Glamour, singing, romance, possible Emmy nods, and fabulous shoes! "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz" has it all -- no wonder it has this blonde bombshell over the rainbow.

See Miss Piggy and Kermit dish on "The Muppets' Wizard of Oz."

Mexican Jews...

Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.

"Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jewish people in Mexico?"

Sid replied. "I don't know, why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Do you have any Mexican Jews here?"

"I don't know Senor, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.

He returned in a few minutes and said, "No sir, No, Mexican Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.

"We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Mountain Lion under attack...... Mule Saves Day

"These pics came from a guy in AZ. Yes, the mule killed the mountain lion. The lion had been stalking them for the better part of the morning, on the way out to a hunt. They were pretty sure it was after one of the dogs.

The cat ambushed them, and the mule pictured tossed its rider and went into attack defence) mode, the horses scattered and shots were fired but no one was sure if they hit the cat or not. Unfortunately, it wasn't until it was almost over that one of the guys started snapping pics. The mule finally stomped the cougar to death after biting and throwing it around like a rag doll. The dogs wouldn't even come close until the mule settled down.

The cat was still alive here and trying to fight back. The mule stomped the cat then pinned it to the ground and bit the heck out of the dead cat several more times.

The cat was pretty much dead by now then mule picked up the cat again whipped it into the air again then stomped the dead cat again for good measure!

Note the dog audience.... Gives new meaning to the term "BAD ASS"

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Get ready to cry...

Teddy Stoddard

I would call this story: One of God's Winks

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same.

However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson could actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to."

After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, one of her "teacher's pets.."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy.. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life. Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed,

Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs.Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Warm someone's heart today . .

Random acts of kindness, I think they call it! Believe in Angels, then return the favor"

*Thanks, 'M'

Canadian Driving Distance Finder

Do you want to know how far it is to drive between different cities in Canada?

QuickDrive's Driving Distance Page

STAR WARS OPENS TOMORROW AT FAMOUS PLAYERS!

STAR WARS OPENING TOMORROW ACROSS CANADA!

'The Riddler' Frank Gorshin Dies at 72

(BURBANK, Calif.) (AP) - Actor Frank Gorshin, the impressionist with 100 faces best known for his Emmy-nominated role as The Riddler on the old "Batman" television series, has died. He was 72.

Gorshin's wife of 48 years, Christina, was at his side when he died Tuesday at Providence Saint Joseph Medical Center, his agent and longtime friend, Fred Wostbrock, said Wednesday.

"He put up a valiant fight with lung cancer, emphysema and pneumonia," Mrs. Gorshin said in a statement.

Despite dozens of television and movie credits, Gorshin will be forever remembered for his role as The Riddler, Adam West's villainous foil in the question mark-pocked green suit and bowler hat on "Batman" from 1966-69.


"It really was a catalyst for me," Gorshin recalled in a 2002 Associated Press interview. "I was nobody. I had done some guest shots here and there. But after I did that, I became a headliner in Vegas, so I can't put it down."

West said the death of his longtime friend was a big loss.

"Frank will be missed," West said in a statement. "He was a friend and fascinating character."

Gorshin earned another Emmy nominations one for a guest shot on "Star Trek."

In 2002, Gorshin portrayed George Burns on Broadway in the one-man show "Say Goodnight Gracie." He used only a little makeup and no prosthetics.

"I don't know how to explain it. It just comes," he said. "I wish I could say, 'This is step A, B and C.' But I can't do that. I do it, you know. The ironic thing is I've done impressions all my life - I never did George Burns."

Gorshin's final performance will be broadcast on Thursday's CBS-TV series "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation."

Ask The Wizard (Phishing and Spyware)

Dear Wizard of 'OZ',

Can you recommend any good websites to learn more about Spyware and Phishing?

Signed,

Lost in the phishing world

Dear 'Phish' out of water,

One of the better phishing related websites to keep an eye on is the Anti-Phishing Working Group. It has one of the largest databases of phishing scams and it allows you to subscribe to various resources to be notified of new phishing scams.

The Spyware Guide is a popular online spyware database. There you can search for Spyware and learn more about their behaviors and how to clean them from your system.

Hope this helps.

Yrs,

--The Wizard

Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

Les Miserables holds the record for the longest-running Broadway show.







Les Miserables, the astounding musical based on Victor Hugo’s epic novel, is the second longest-running Broadway show, having staged 6,680 performances over 16 years. Cats earned the distinction of longest-running show—7,485 Broadway performances over nearly 18 years. Its final curtain call came on May 18, 2003.

News of the Weird

Two Stories to make you think - when you have a spare moment

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic.

He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was also large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.

Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no
object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.

Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name and a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion and a poem clipped from a magazine.

The poem read:

The clock of life is wound but once
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.

Now is the only time you own.
Live, love, toil with a will.
Place no faith in time.
For the clock may soon be still.

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold, a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet.

The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.

There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault.

He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's Memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.

*Thanks, Auntie!

Mastercard battles phishing fraud

(Techworld.com) MasterCard has shut down 1,400 phishing sites websites in the last eleven months alone, the company has revealed at its annual Global Risk Management Symposium.

The figures were drawn from its "Operation STOP IT (Identity Theft)" initiative, which MasterCard set up in June of last year in response to the massive rise in identity crime. The scheme has also seen the company close over 750 sites that were purporting to sell illegally-held credit card information, and stopped a claimed 35,000 MasterCard account numbers from being used by scammers.

According to the official press release, the program has led to US authorities being able to target the fraudsters directly, arresting 27 people in October 2004, and preventing "hundreds of millions of dollars of loss".

"The investigation also has resulted in a significant disruption of cyber criminal activity targeting the financial infrastructure of the United States and demonstrates how industry and law enforcement can cooperate to trounce these types of crimes," the release continues.

Operation STOP IT is not entirely for the benefit of the public alone, however, as MasterCard has partnered with NameProtect to offer a fraud-fighting system to institutional customers "at an exclusive reduced rate".

The system allows participating companies to access a number of services designed to prevent phishing attacks and other types of financial fraud. Impressive as the Operation STOP IT figures might look, they pale in comparison to the scale of the problem now facing the financial services industry.

Only last week, the anti-phishing working group (APWG) estimated that in March 2005 alone there were 2,870 active phishing websites in operation. In that context, shutting down 1,400 in eleven months is a creditable but nevertheless modest success.

Longevity Test

This is pretty interesting. Watch the age prediction on the top left of the screen change as you answer the various questions.

How long do you think that you will live? I am gone at 69.

Click below:

The Longevity Test

*Thanks for the site, Auntie 'M'!

A HEART WARMING STORY & PICTURES

A Thank You kiss

This photograph shows a red Doberman kissing an exhausted fireman. He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire. She is pregnant.

The firefighter was afraid of her at first, because he had never been around a Doberman before. When he finally finished putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed this red Doberman in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him, when the photographer snapped this photograph.

A Dog's Life...



The kids start the day with Mom supervising breakfast.



Then off to school they go. Everyone has an assigned seat in the classroom.




After resting up, they're ready for some fun. Where's Waldo is their favorite game.




Before you know it, everyone is tuckered out.


When the kids finish their busy school day, it's time for a bath.



Then they dry off before bedtime.


Thought you could use a smile today!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Email hoax busters - very informative

This is a fairly good site to check out those "send this to everyone you know" email scares that seem to arrive so frequently. The index gives a list of the old, and some of the new letters that are cirulating. I noticed that some of the outside links to info do not work, though. You can always check out these warnings before sending them on, as scaring your friends unnecessarily just isn't a good idea, because they all know where you live! HAHA!! Keep this handy for your own reference.

HOAX-BUSTERS

*Thanks, 'M'

Egale/CEM head for the Hill / Égale et CDEM en route vers le Parlement

(le français suit)

Yesterday, supporters of marriage equality became the first non-government witnesses before a 13-member committee of MPs studying the government's equal marriage legislation. Alex Munter, National Coordinator of Canadians for Equal Marriage, and Laurie Arron, Director of Advocacy of Egale, argued that the bill is a win-win for Canadians, ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from civil marriage while simultaneously ensuring religious freedom. For the full text of Monday's CEM/Egale presentation, go to www.equal-marriage.ca/resource.php?id=431.

Unfortunately, following the Egale/CEM presentation, Conservative MP and Justice Critic Vic Toews launched a filibuster that will see the Committee spend all of the next two hearings to debate his procedural motion.

As a result, the hearings on Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon are unlikely to hear from witnesses. There remains significant question as to whether the bill will be passed. While a solid majority of MPs support equality and the Charter of Rights, all unadopted legislation dies when an election is called. Opponents of equality have made clear their intention to try to defeat MPs in the coming vote - please help our grassroots campaign to match the efforts of our well-funded adversaries and go to www.equal-marriage.ca/donate.php right now. We will need your help - especially if Canadians head to the polls in a few short days.

(suite de la version française)

Hier, les partisans du droit égal au mariage sont devenus les premiers témoins non gouvernementaux à comparaître devant un comité formé de 13 députés qui étudie le projet de loi sur le droit égal au mariage. Alex Munter, coordonnateur national de Canadiens et Canadiennes pour le droit égal au mariage, et Laurie Arron, directeur des affaires juridiques et politiques d'Égale, ont fait valoir que le projet de loi est une situation qui ne fait que des gagnants, qu'il met fin à l'exclusion des couples de même sexe du mariage civil et qu'il protège en même temps la liberté religieuse. Le texte intégral de l'exposé d'Égale et de CDEM se trouve à http://www.mariageegal.ca/res_f.php?id=432.

Malheureusement, par suite de l'exposé d'Égale et de CDEM, le député et critique conservateur en matière de justice, Vic Toews, a commencé à faire de l'obstruction de sorte que le Comité consacrera les deux prochaines audiences à débattre de sa motion de procédure.

Par conséquent, les audiences de mardi et de mercredi après-midi n'entendront vraisemblablement pas de témoins. Nul ne sait si le projet de loi sera adopté. Tandis qu'une majorité confortable de députés appuient l'égalité et la Charte des droits, tout projet de loi non adopté au moment du déclenchement d'une élection meurt au feuilleton. Les adversaires de l'égalité ont indiqué clairement qu'ils tenteront de défaire les députés sensibles à la question au prochain scrutin. Veuillez aider notre campagne générale en vue d'égaler les efforts de nos adversaires qui jouissent de ressources financières importantes en allant à http://www.mariageegal.ca/dons_f.php dès maintenant. Nous avons besoin de votre aide - surtout si la population canadienne est appelée aux urnes dans quelques jours.

If this doesn't make you smile...

*Thanks. Auntie 'M'

8 Stories

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO

The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Safeway with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her "I've changed my mind I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."


FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.

What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.


SIX

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.

The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.

One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:

"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT

Police in Radnor , Pennsylvania , interrogated a suspect by placing a metal collander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.

The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

*Thanks, Robert

Incriminating instant messaging

(IT World Canada) The next time you decide to instant message (IM) a colleague, consider this: IM content is neither secure nor private, according to technology and legal experts.

While IM is generally a safe tool for personal communication, its content can be captured and used as evidence in lawsuits, according to Illinois-based IT Governance Institute international president Marios Damianides.

IM is an Internet service that allows someone to communicate in real time with other users who have the same IM application. According to Ferris Research, corporate IM usage is expected to account for about 60 per cent of online traffic this year.

To date, courts have been very harsh on employees’ privacy expectations saying that if an employee is using corporate resources, the corporation has the right to monitor the use of those resources.

--David Fewer
legal counsel, CIPPIC

According to Damianides, companies are warning employees to be more careful of what they say in instant messages, as the content of those messages could be captured and used against them in legal proceedings.

In the virtual battle between employee privacy and corporate security, the courts seem to be siding with the latter.

IM, similar to corporate e-mails, tend to be viewed as a company resource that can be used in litigation, if the need arises, said David Fewer, legal counsel for the Canadian Internet Policy and Public Interest Clinic.

He said while employees may have a general expectation of privacy when it comes to e-mail correspondence or instant messaging, the courts have a different perception. “To date, courts have been very harsh on employees’ privacy expectations saying that if an employee is using corporate resources, the corporation has the right to monitor the use of those resources.”


A case in point is the on-going legal battle between the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC) and Genuity Capital Markets Inc. CIBC claimed that some former employees, who moved to Genuity, divulged confidential information to recruit CIBC personnel. The evidence – messages sent and received through the employees’ BlackBerry devices.

Fighting back, Genuity accused CIBC of invasion of privacy.

Fewer said while there are federal laws in place for personal privacy protection, there is currently no law in Ontario safeguarding the privacy of employees’ personal online communications.

“The (Ontario) law simply has not caught up with technology, it’s a gaping hole in the Ontarians’ privacy rights,” Fewer said.

Infringement of one’s privacy is not the only risk involved with the uncontrolled use of IM, according to Damianides. The vulnerability can also affect the security of corporate systems.

“The concept of opening up one computer to multiple instant messaging systems poses a threat and provides gateways for people to (break into) the corporate system,” said Damianides.

While the risk is higher in public IMs such as Yahoo Messenger or AOL Instant Messaging, enterprise-class IMs are also susceptible to attacks, said Damianides.

He said because of the IM system’s capability to receive and open files, this could be used as an avenue for worms and viruses to get into the computer system.

There are ways companies can minimize IM security risks, according to Damianides. Companies must proactively enforce policies that govern the use of IM in the workplace.

Using the proper technology that protects the system from hackers and viruses is also a good practice, Damianides said.

The IT Governance Institute also suggests that companies simply prevent employees from downloading a public IM service by putting a block feature in the system.

IT Governance Institute is the research arm of the Information Systems Audit & Control Association (ISACA), an IT organization of more than 35,000 members from over 100 countries worldwide.

*By: Mari-Len De Guzman

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen
Director: George Lucas
Fax: 2005, action

Opens Thursday at Famous Players

Review by John McKay, CP Movie Critic

So here we are at last, come full circle 28 years later.

The Republic in ruins. Galactic democracy quashed under the heel of the evil Empire.

The noble Jedi Knights either slaughtered in ambush or scattered in exile.

Heroic Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side of The Force, emerging as the ruthless, black-clad cyborg Darth Vader.

And yet, the hint of "a new hope." While Padme Amidala dies in childbirth, her and Anakin's twin offspring Luke and Leia are born and spirited away under cover for the ultimate redemption to play out in the original Star Wars trilogy.

So how did George Lucas do, wrapping up the wildly popular and very profitable space opera he unwittingly began in 1977? Well, Revenge of the Sith certainly delivers the anticipated goods, albeit with the bleak, relentless tone of an operatic tragedy befitting the inevitable curtain fall on this pop-culture epic.

The third and final episode is quite dark and violent, the only film of the six to get a PG-13 rating, certainly light years away from the original's fluffy comic-book tone. It is also so jam-packed with action and digital special effects that audience members risk sensory overload. And the finale is over-stuffed with plot resolution in what seems a desperate race to ensure it effectively ties up all hanging threads while holding the line at two hours, 20 minutes.

Not since Titanic has there been a film so unlikely to be ruined by spoilers. We all knew how this prequel trilogy was going to end, so there are few secrets to be exposed, just the technical readout of how it looks.

And it looks great. Perhaps too great to make sense when fans pop the original Star Wars movie into their DVD players to see just how well Lucas has meshed this grand finale with where he started. Alas, Episode IV now truly does look cheesy and campy, even with the digital sprucing up it was given for that theatrical re-release a few years back.

And there are other problems.

Director-screenwriter Lucas may be a master cinema technician but is a failure when it comes to actors and dialogue. Hayden Christensen (Anakin) and Natalie Portman (Padme Amidala) can act. They've done so in other movies. So can Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu) and Jimmy Smits (Bail Organa). Yet all appear unable to plausibly handle the cornball lines they are given here. Yes, yes, Mark Hamill as the original Luke Skywalker wasn't exactly a renowned thespian either. And, in a way, these films are homages to the old-time Saturday matinee serials where the likes of Buster Crabbe as Flash Gordon were far from Oscar material, too.

But to compensate, there are plenty of little bits here and there to trigger a welcome sense of familiarity.

Someone inevitably utters the traditional Star Wars mantras: "May the force be with you" and "I've got a bad feeling about this." The much-maligned Jar Jar Binks makes an ever-so-brief appearance in Padme's funeral procession. Even Chewbacca the wookie and the Millennium Falcon itself have brief cameos.

And when Darth Vader and the Emperor stand triumphant on the flight deck of their ship, they are joined at the end by an actor bearing a remarkable resemblance to the late Peter Cushing, the original Grand Moff Tarkin. So with Christopher Lee as the menacing Count Dooku at the beginning, this Star Wars in a way brings together the two old Hammer Film horror actors.

The Star Wars strong suits remain the franchise's action, its innovative special effects (including futuristic cityscapes and space dogfights that are simply jaw-dropping here) and Lucas's clever tapping into the richness of both human history and our pop-culture fables, tossing it all into a script blender and pressing "puree."

Edgar Rice Burroughs' early-20th-century John Carter of Mars fantasy novels, for example, included familiar-sounding names like Jeddaks, Banths, Tarkas and Woola while the space protagonists might wear a ray gun on one hip, a sword on the other. Luke's own adventures invoke not only the pulp thrillers of the 1930s and '40s but the juvenile sci-fi novels of Robert A. Heinlein and Andre Norton in the 1950s.

Padme is given a funeral that recalls Ophelia's demise in Hamlet. The newborn Luke and his sister are smuggled away Moses-like, while the Jedis are betrayed and murdered not unlike the 12th century inquisition against the Crusades' real Knights Templar.

Anakin's morphing into the helmeted Darth Vader and Chancellor Palpatine's emergence as the evil but charismatic Sith Lord while the galactic senate dutifully cheers, carry clear echoes of the rise of the German Third Reich. All of this reflecting man's primal struggle between good and evil, the ongoing lure of ascending into heaven versus the fear of paradise lost.

If that seems too ennobling, let's forget about profundity and just say "Thanks, George. It's been a heckuva ride."

©Canadian Press 2005

This week in the Stars...

May 16 - 22

Celebrity Birthdays


Cher

May 16, 1919 Liberace
May 17, 1987 Tahj Mowry
May 18, 1897 Frank Capra
May 19, 1952 Grace Jones
May 20, 1946 Cher
May 21, 1917 Raymond Burr
May 22, 1907 Sir Lawrence Olivier


This week's scenario is highlighted by your mental and intellectual activity which will be increased, causing a desire to engage in some type of learning in order to satisfy your thirst for knowledge. Your mind will be very alert, clear and quick, enabling you to find immediate solutions to the problems that may arise. If by nature you are a calm and easy going person, you will accelerate and become more talkative and curious. If you are nervous and tense already, you should try to slow down somewhat and rest every time you feel a need for it.

This week's scenario is highlighted by a possibility you could be missing something in your home life. If you live alone, you will search for company. If you are living with someone, you may find yourself wanting more attention and affection from that person. Be clear with your requests because your message won't always be interpreted well. It is necessary that you develop your spirituality and, in searching for it during the year, have moments of peace, meditation and devotion. Your inner voice will be your best guide.


This week's scenario is highlighted by a difficult one to make because it involves breaking old habits and associations that you have become accustomed to. You may decide to move from the area that you have lived in for some time, or you may stop attending a group function that you have been a part of for a long time. In one way or another, you are likely to drop old and familiar routines and circumstances, perhaps without knowing why, but it is because you need to let the old, outworn habits die and new ones begin. In some cases, the changes are forced on you. A death or illness of a family member, or being forced to move from your current home are examples of the kinds of events that can occur.



This week's scenario is highlighted by you are willfully resistant to any outside pressure, manipulation, or authority. A fateful encounter with an adversary, one that can neither be avoided nor ignored, is indicated. You seesaw between taking forthright, direct action and using more covert, subtle methods. A desire to break down, destroy, or overthrow existing conditions is also a part of the picture. You seesaw between decisive, forceful action and passive surrender. This ambivalence makes you much less effective than you would be at other times. Emotions and dreams are apt to be rather turbulent, filled with strange restlessness or discontent. Try not to demand too much of yourself at this time.


This week's scenario is highlighted by an attempt to significantly improve your work and career at this time. You may seek new employment or a promotion, or request an increase in your salary. You feel ready and fit for a better situation. A major key in helping you succeed in making a transition is improving your appearance, mannerisms, and attitudes to fit the position that you are striving for. Oddly enough, relatively superficial issues like this can be more important than qualifications, credentials, or talent! Also, be careful at this time to not overshoot the mark. You may attempt a major improvement in your career and overall life style that is unrealistically grandiose.

This week's scenario is highlighted by your physical energy and stamina, both are very high now. You feel energetic and enthusiastic, and you go after challenges with gusto. You have a positive "can do" attitude that enables you to accomplish much more now than is usually possible. In athletic activities, your extra boost of energy causes you to excel. Because your energy level is high, you may not realize how hard you are working. Be careful not to overextend yourself. For example, you may do so much physical work that you are sore for a week afterward! Of course, if you have a health problem or have not kept in good physical shape, then be extra careful about going the extra mile.

This week's scenario is highlighted by a time when ambiguous or unclear communication with others can be cleared up and resolved, both in the business world and in your personal life. Take advantage of this opportunity by "setting the record straight" with anyone with whom you have not been able to reach a mutually clear understanding. This is also a good time for receiving advice and assistance from a consultant or expert. The reverse is also true; you may be called upon to consult someone in an area where you have a lot of experience, and the consultation will be very successful.


This week's scenario is highlighted by a feeling that opportunities are not available to you to live a more creative, exciting life and you still are struggling with pressures, responsibilities and demands to just pay your bills, you are likely to go through a mild crisis now. Don't be too hard on yourself and keep in mind that sometimes subtle changes in your life style and attitudes can bring about significant improvements in your life. You may be tempted to toss everything out the window and start over. For some people this is a good idea, but for others it may result in losses that are later regretted. You must decide on the path that will best lead you to a life that is more personally rewarding, creative, and free of obstacles.

This week's scenario is highlighted by a very upbeat and progressive mood You enjoy jovial, spirited get-togethers and parties, and you feel optimistic and enthusiastic. Associates, co-workers, and other businesses that you conduct business with are now ready and willing to talk to you about making progressive changes. Contracts or agreements signed at this time tend to be fortunate, although they do lead to progressive changes that make people who want to hold onto the status quo unhappy. You become very interested in progressive options in all phases of life, and you take an active interest in new ideas and inventions. You may also participate in social change which, perhaps surprisingly to you, is met with little resistance and considerable interest from the public.

This week's scenario is highlighted by your mind wandering to faraway places, and your imagination is kindled with thoughts of the exotic, mystical, and fantastic. You feel restless and bored by your daily routine. You are unable to concentrate on mundane matters and you may find yourself daydreaming. This is a good time to vacation and travel. A new surge of religious or spiritual aspiration is also evident. You feel a need to be more in touch with spiritual forces, and this is a good time for attending religious and spiritual functions, reading inspirational literature, etc. This is the time to open your mind and imagination to a grander vision and to inspire your highest aspirations. Allow yourself the time to pursue these interests.


This week's scenario is highlighted by distinct possibilites of emotional upheaval, turmoil, and change in personal relationships and irrational, compulsive feelings are key issues during this time. Feelings that have remained hidden or forgotten since childhood arise now. You also sometimes feel gripped by feelings and emotions that you never thought you were capable of having! The emotions vary but most people will experience jealousy, emotional insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy or anger, feelings of deep attachment or dependency on another person, or strong maternal or paternal feelings.

This week's scenario is highlighted by the need for delicate sensitivity, which is required to handle the situations and feelings that arise now. It is good to release feelings that surface, but not wallow in them. For example, you might feel like crying, or you might feel very jealous or angry at someone, for no apparent reason. If the feeling becomes very strong, then it is best to express the energy in some form, whether it be allowing yourself to cry, letting the other person know that you are feeling jealous, or playing a dynamic sport to release pent up frustrations. After the energy release, try to analyze the situation and discover the source of the problem.

Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

When the Queen of England issues a royal warrant, it is a request for a meeting.







It is a mark of recognition. A royal warrant serves as a stamp of approval for someone who works for the queen or the royal family. The practice of issuing warrants dates back to the 15th century, when royal tradesmen were given the special mark.

Helga & Ole

Ole took Helga home with him and took off his shirt.

Helga says, "Ole, dat's some chest you have dare."

Ole says, "Helga, dat's a hunnert-seventy pounds of dynamite."

Next Ole took off his pants.

Helga says, "Ole, dat's nice calves you have dare."

Ole says, "Helga, dat's a hunnert-seventy pounds of dynamite."

Ole quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants.

Helga screamed and ran out the door. Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her.

Catching her, Ole said, "Helga, viy did you run out like dat?"

Helga says, "Vith all dat dynamite around, I taught it vas going to explode ven I saw how short da fuse vas!"

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Life in Canada 2005 Style

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Let's Dance!

This was written by an 83-year-old woman to her friend.

*The last line says it all. *

Dear Bertha,

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I'm not sure what others would've done had they known they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think they would have called family members and a few close friends. They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special.

Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.

If you received this, it is because someone cares for you. If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn't do the little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? I can tell you it certainly won't be the last.

Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you're thinking of them.

"People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there."

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

*Thanks, Pam!

New Medication!

Fixes all that ails ya!



*Thanks, Rimsky!

That's NOT what I meant!

*Thanks, Daryn!

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping and after they set up their tent fall fast asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says "KemoSabe, look towards sky, what do you see?"


The Lone Ranger replies "I see millions of stars."


"What does that tell you?" asked Tonto.


The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute and says "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically it is evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you Tonto?"


Tonto is silent for a moment and says "Kemo Sabe you are dumber than buffalo shit! Someone has stolen our tent."

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Take That, Jared!

*Thanks, Daryn :O)

Stupid Pick-Up Lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

2. (Lick finger and wipe on his shirt)... Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

3. Nice ass... what time does it open?

4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

7. I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Cocked Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

9. Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

13. You might not be the best-looking guy here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

14. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

15. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

16. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?

19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

20. My name is Mark... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

21. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

22. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

23. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

24. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anywhere you want to.

25. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

26. If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

27. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

28. Dude, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.

29. Do you sleep on your stomach? No...? Can I ???

30. Do you wash your jeans in Windex? ...because I can see myself in them.

*Thanks, Daryn!

Whatcott fined for hate speech

(Saskatoon StarPhoenix)(SASKATOON) (CP) -- A Saskatchewan man has been ordered to pay $17,500 to four people after distributing flyers found to expose homosexuals to hatred and ridicule.

The decision was handed down May 2 by the Saskatchewan Human Rights Tribunal.

Between September 2001 and April 2002, William Whatcott distributed flyers in mailboxes that referred to homosexuals as sodomites, sharing "their filth and propaganda with Saskatchewan's children."

The ruling requires Whatcott to pay complainants Guy Taylor $2,500 and $5,000 each to Brenden Wallace, James Komar and Kathy Hamre. It's not known why Taylor got the lesser amount.

He is also forbidden from distributing the flyers or any similar material that promotes hatred against individuals because of their sexual orientation.

Whatcott said he would appeal the decision, calling it "sick and draconian."

"I believe homosexuality activity is a sin," he said. "To give me a $17,500 fine and say I can't say that is quite frankly garbage and is not something I am going to abide by. If I have to sit in jail for the rest of my life, I am not going to be quiet."

Taylor had testified during the proceedings that he felt the use of the word sodomite was akin to a racial slur.

Wallace said the ruling made a strong statement.

"It accomplishes what I wanted, which is to make some kind of a public statement about the fact that in Canada we are really a diverse population with lots of different beliefs and lots of different kinds of lifestyles and backgrounds," said Wallace.

"There are rules in our society in how we respect each other's rights and make sure that everybody has the right to their own lives and their own beliefs."

STAR WARS - Revelations

Click above to download the movie. It's Legal AND FREE!

“Revelations” takes place between Episodes 3 and 4 of the Star Wars Saga. Emperor Palpatine’s power has spread throughout the galaxy. Darth Vader is a feared figure. The Jedi are hunted fugitives. Anyone suspected of harboring Jedi or having any information about them is taken into Imperial custody.

The heroine, Taryn Anwar, has broken way from Imperial control and is searching for an ancient Jedi artifact. Said to contain great power, it could be the key to destroying the Empire — if she can locate it before Zhanna, the Emperor’s Hand, does. It’s a race between good and evil as the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Revelations tells it’s story around it’s own unique characters and worlds around the Star Wars universe in which the only original star wars characters you will see from the films are, the Emperor, Vader, stormtroopers, and various aliens that makes Star Wars. “Revelations” is very unique in it own way of look and feel, yet still within the Star Wars galaxy. They wanted to make something that was their own and not a simple retelling of Star Wars, or ideas and looks that have been explored before. Pay attention or you will miss things. A lot happens in 40 mins!

I downloaded the Windows Media Video version [revelations_film_large.wmv](252MB)(106KB/Sec).

Simply open the desired webpage and choose "Save Target As".

The mirror of the site is:

http://ftp.acc.umu.se/mirror/media/StarWars-Revelations/

Countdown to STAR WARS - Episode III The Revenge of the Sith

The Wizard forgot the Minutes, which means the opening day is a day later, that is.. Thursday the 19th. Sorry for the confusion.
"2" --- "How Many Is Two?"




In Theatres Tursday!

Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

TV Guide outsells Reader’s Digest.







Reader’s Digest is the most widely read publication in the world, with a circulation of 11 million in the United States alone, compared to TV Guide’s U.S.-only circulation of 9 million. The first issue of Reader’s Digest was published in 1922; TV Guide debuted in 1953.

SANDSTORM!

Click above to see the pictures! Awesome!

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Employment Insurance

Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's, Newfoundland and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies cotton panties and tongs."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher on her computer and finding it classified as unskilled labour, she gave him $80 dollars a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter."

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 dollars a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The Clerk explained "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da panties and tongs; Mick puts 'em over his head and says: Yep, diesel fitter."

*Thanks, 'M'

"Senior Quiz"

The answers are below, but don't cheat.

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that Masked man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind." "What did he leave behind?

02. When the Beatles first came to the US in early 1964, we all watched them on the ______________________show.

03. Get your kicks, _______________.

04. The story you are about to see is true. The Names have been changed ____________________.

05. In the jungle, the mighty jungle,_________________________.

06. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the _________________________.

07. N_E_S_T_L_E_S, Nestle's makes the very best, _______________.

08. Satchmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was, ____________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?__________________.

10. Red Skeletons hobo character was ________________________. and he always ended his television show by saying, "Good night, and _____________________________."

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning Their_________________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front, was called the VW. What other names did it go by? __________________ & _____________________.

13. I n 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died." This was a tribute To__________________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into Orbit. The Russians did it; it was called
_____________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called The ___________.




Answers:

01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan show.
03. Route 66
04. to protect the innocent
05. The Lion sleeps tonight.
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate.
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch.
10. Freddie the freeloader, and "Good night, and may God Bless."
11. draft cards (the bra was also burned)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. sputnik
15. hoola-hoop

Send the 'Permanent Link" to your friends.
It will drive them crazy! And, keep them occupied for several minutes

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Google Web Browser

Google CEO Eric Schmidt says, “We are not building a browser” in answer to much speculation which was put to bed by the release of desktop search last week. Speculation since then has been limited, though authoritative. The browser is a conduit only and Google through the desktop search client and their massive server farms can influence at either end without having to duplicate the efforts of Mozilla.

If They aren't... what is this?

Traffic Browser Share on 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow
showing Google 4.X at 1%

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My partner and I broke up over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; --I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard --Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.

*Thanks, Daryn :O)

Fact or Crap?

©Workman Publishing

You cannot see a rainbow if you are facing the sun.








The sun also has to be low in the sky, and the sunlight has to hit the center of the arc of the rainbow just right, in order for you to view a rainbow in the sky. Rainbows are actually ring shaped, but from our vantage point on the ground, we are able to see only half of the arc.

Hmmmm...

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass and I'll inherit over 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Robert, and four days later she became his stepmother.

Men will never learn.

*Thanks, Daryn

Political Commentary (DEA Agent suspended for shooting himself in a grade four class)

DEA Agent Suspended without pay for one week for good service for shooting himself in a grade four class.

The DEA agent's presentation had an impact allright, according to witnesses. "The kids screamed and started to cry," said Vivian Farmer, who attended the presentation with her 13-year-old nephew. "Everyone was pretty shaken up,"

WATCH THE FULL VIDEO and ask yourself what the hell is a DEA agent bringing a loaded gun or guns in a fourth grade class and school where children are and then shoots himself with stupidity. There is no excuse, any of these law enforcement people could give and as a parent, I personally would be really pissed off if my child was in that class, and I would have made sure he was no longer working as a DEA agent.

One of those children could have been killed because of careless stupidity on this DEA's part.

An undercover DEA Agent has now suspended for a week without pay, after video surfaced on the internet showing him shoot himself in the foot while giving a gun safety lecture to a group of Orlando fourth graders. During the lesson, the agent goes through a safety routine and even asks another agent to verify that the gun is not loaded. The agent, holding a Glock 40 handgun, referred to how rappers who tend to boast about this type of gun, and even hold it incorrectly. With the gun pointed downward, the firearm misfired and the agent shot himself in the right foot. Despite the shock and injury, the agent continued his lesson warning kids about the danger of accidental shootings, like the one they had just witnessed.

Sources close to the investigation suspect the video was leaked from someone inside the DEA.

Investigation Launched Into Who Leaked Internet Video

(ORLANDO, Fla.) -- An agent with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency was been suspended after video surfaced showing the man shooting himself during a gun safety class in front of a group of Orlando fourth-graders, according to Local 6 News.

An investigation has been launched to determine who leaked the home video of the undercover DEA agent shooting himself at an event sponsored by the Orlando Minority Youth Golf Association. Before the shooting, the agent was videotaped talking about how certain weapons are popular with rap artists. "This is a Glock 40," the agent said on the tape. "Fifty Cent, Too Short, all of them talk about a Glock 40, OK?," he said. "I'm the only one in this room professional enough that I know of to carry this Glock 40."

Video Of DEA Agent Shooting Self During Safety Class For Kids On Internet

Seconds later, the agent shot himself in the foot. "See how that accident happened, that could happen to you and you could be blown away," the agent said after the shooting. Experts in the field said that the undercover agent should never have been videotaped because it could put the agent's life at risk, Local 6 News reported. "It puts a lot of undercover agents in jeopardy if their faces are videotaped," the masked agent told Local 6 News. "His identity is burned. His identity is known as a police officer and its a potential personal safety hazard to himself as well as his family members."

The video of the shooting is posted on several Web sites on the Internet. The video shows the shooting and the agent's face. Local 6 News did not show the entire video of the shooting because the undercover officer could be identified in some of the shots.

DEA Agent Suspended After Shooting Self In Foot

(ORLANDO, Fla.) -- An undercover D-E-A Agent has been suspended for a week without pay after video surfaced on the internet showing him shoot himself in the foot while giving a gun safety lecture to a group of Orlando fourth graders.

During the lesson, the agent goes through a safety routine and even asks another agent to verify that the gun is not loaded. The agent, holding a Glock 40 handgun, referred to how rappers who tend to boast about this type of gun, and even hold it incorrectly. With the gun pointed downward, the firearm misfired and the agent shot himself in the right foot. Despite the shock and injury, the agent continued his lesson warning kids about the danger of accidental shootings, like the one they had just witnessed.

Sources close to the investigation suspect the video was leaked from someone inside the D-E-A.

Kids and the Sea

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.


This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)


Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)


If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent.
(Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 8)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.(William age 7)


I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)


*Thanks, Daryn!

NOTICE!

*Thanks, Daryn!