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Saturday, December 31, 2005

I went to a party

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.


I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.



I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.



I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming,
Mom Something I expected least.



Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.



My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.



I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.



So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.



Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Mommy 's Girl" on my grave.



Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom


I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.


I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"


So I love you and good-bye.


Click here to go to the MADD homepage

"The Wizard Of OZ" - A Review



Buy this and other posters at MovieGoods.com®

(1939) Cast: Judy Garland, Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, Jack Haley, Billie Burke, Margaret Hamilton, Charley Grapewin, Clara Blandick
Director: Victor Fleming
Producer: Mervyn LeRoy
Screenplay: Noel Langley and Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allan Woolf based on the novel "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" by L. Frank Baum
Cinematography: Harold Rosson
Music: Harold Arlen, Herbert Stothart
U.S. Distributor: MGM
Review by: James Berardinelli

For veteran director Victor Fleming, who began making movies during the black-and-white, silent era, 1939 represented the pinnacle of his career. Not only did Fleming's Gone with the Wind claim the Best Picture Oscar, but his other big feature, The Wizard of Oz, took its first steps towards becoming one of American cinema's best-known and most beloved motion pictures. (It's worth noting that Fleming had help from several other directors on Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz, but, in the end, he was given sole credit for both.) Indeed, The Wizard of Oz is one of only a handful of films that nearly everyone is familiar with.


Throughout the years, there have been dozens of live-action films, stage plays, animated features, and TV programs based on L. Frank Baum's classic Oz stories. To one degree or another, almost all have been influenced by Fleming's telling of the tale. Although the 1939 version was not the first filmed adaptation of the book (the Internet Movie Database lists at least two silent movies, including one with Oliver Hardy as the Tin Man, that preceded Fleming's), it is without a doubt the definitive one. When anyone thinks of The Wizard of Oz, they see Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, and Jack Haley, and hear "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and "Follow the Yellow Brick Road."

1998 has already seen a theatrical re-release of Gone with the Wind, and now The Wizard of Oz joins it. This version of Oz is being touted as a "Special Edition," although those expecting to see new scenes of Toto gnawing at the Scarecrow's legs or Dorothy playing Hide-and-Seek with the Munchkins will be disappointed. No extra material has been added. The print looks great, but the Technicolor was already re-invigorated for a previous laserdisc release. The only really noticeable improvement this time around is the soundtrack, which has been converted from the original mono to digital surround sound. Still, is that enough to justify calling this a "Special Edition?"

Probably the most interesting aspect of The Wizard of Oz comes from interpreting what really happens during the bulk of the film. The story opens by introducing us to Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland), a young girl in Kansas who finds her wanderlust stirred by dreams of going "somewhere over the rainbow." When a tornado strikes the farm where she lives with her aunt and uncle, she is knocked unconscious. Upon waking up, she finds herself in the magical land of Oz, where she journeys in the company of a Scarecrow (Ray Bolger), a Tin Man (Jack Haley), and a Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr) to defeat the Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton) and find the all-powerful Wizard (Frank Morgan), who has the power to send her home. But is this a real trip, or is it all a dream? A strong case can be developed for either possibility, although it's ultimately up to each viewer to make up his or her own mind. Whichever way you lean, it doesn't detract from the movie's boundless capacity to entertain.

The Wizard of Oz belongs in that exclusive category of films capable of equally enchanting children and adults. In fact, the basic formula was so successful in The Wizard of Oz that Disney borrowed it as the framework for their recent wave of animated pictures. If there's something familiar about the structure of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, etc., that's because the approach of mixing light comedy and adventure with catchy musical tunes (while frontloading the music and concentrating on adventure late in the story) is not original. Recognizing how well Oz played to all audiences, Disney adapted the skeleton of the classic for their own use.

Of course, there's more going on in Oz than just that. At the core of the story is a theme that speaks to children and adults in similar, yet different, ways. Dorothy's dream may be to travel to a far off land, but, when she finds herself there, all she wants is to go home - to a place where she's safe, loved, and warm. This is a dilemma that all children face - the desire to cut the apron strings balanced by the overpowering yearning for the comfortable and familiar. As adults, we can watch The Wizard of Oz and fondly remember our own pilgrimage from childhood to adulthood and how, in many ways, it mirrors the one Dorothy is taking.


Another aspect of The Wizard of Oz that immediately arrests the attention is the film's use of black-and-white (actually brown-and-white) and the vivid hues of Technicolor. All of the scenes that transpire in our mundane world are presented in the most drab manner possible, but, when the setting shifts to Oz, the grays and browns are replaced by brilliant reds, blues, oranges, and yellows. It takes a rare movie to make a viewer even think of it as "black and white" or "color," but, because The Wizard of Oz puts meaning into appearance (much like the recently-released Pleasantville), the nature of the visual composition become crucial.

The special effects in The Wizard of Oz do not look like the special effects in Armageddon or Godzilla. No computer animation was used, so they're far less elegant. In many cases, they look like special effects. You can see where the yellow brick road ends and the matte painting begins. When the Scarecrow has been torn apart, you know exactly where Bolger's body is. The Wizard's balloon is clearly not real. It doesn't matter, though. These effects are good enough to sketch the outline; our minds fill in the rest. The Wizard of Oz takes on a life in our head that it never quite attains on the screen. Because of the power of imagination, the film transcends the limitations of the techniques used to craft it.


Over the years, The Wizard of Oz has been subjected to the kind of scrutiny reserved for only the greatest of motion pictures. Volumes have been written about it, analyzing everything from its look to the urban legends that have sprung up around it. (The best known, that there's an electrocuted stage hand in the background of a forest scene, has been thoroughly debunked.) Ultimately, however, it doesn't take a lengthy study to understand why multiple generations find the movie so compelling. Not only is it wonderfully entertaining, but the issues it addresses, and the way it presents them, are both universal and deeply personal. And therein lies The Wizard of Oz's true magic.


Some Reasons To Live In Arizona


Snow Road with cars

Snow Road

Iced Cars

Snow drift on car

Snowmen playing cards

Heavy Snow

A great reason to Live in Saskatchewan:

Free Beer Fridge

*Thanks, Daryn!

Freaky!!


AMAZINGLY ACCURATE! Whatever you do, don't cheat!


CHINESE HOROSCOPE:

THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON, WISHING YOU PROSPERITY AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE

CHINESE NEW YEAR

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS - DO NOT CHEAT TAKE 3 MINUTES TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.

1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th. SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME. DON`T READ AHEAD, otherwise YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.

1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.

2. BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2,

WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?


3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.


CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT

4. WRITE ANYONE'S NAME (like FRIENDS or FAMILY...) next to 4, 5, & 6.

5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11

6. Finally, MAKE A WISH



ARE YOU READY? HERE IS THE KEY TO THE GAME


1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4

5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR

7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7

9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE

11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER


*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

TOP 10 Stories of 2005 - The Onion


Top 10 Stories of 2005

Click above

Top Gay New Year's Resolutions


2006 The New Year is an opportunity for a new gay beginning (and you don't have come out of the closet again to make it happen). Reflect on the ups and downs in your personal life this past year and vow to make a change for the better. Use this list of the top gay New Year's resolutions to jump start your 2006:

1) Journal/Blog
Don't be a bitter queen! A great way to release all of the baggage from the previous year is to get your thoughts down on paper. If you're dear to the old school like I am, grab a decorative notebook and write your thoughts freestyle every day. Don't worry about grammar or spelling. This journal is for you. For the tech newbies, create a personal blog like 'OZ' at Blogspot.

2) No More Drama
Gay men and drama go hand in hand; but this new year, queers around the world make a pact to eliminate the nasty rumors, lost friendships and petty arguments that spice up our everyday lives. Try a new approach for the new year: Forgiveness. A more peaceful life can lead to better health by releasing any internalized anger and resentment. Give others room to make mistakes and trust in the positive aspects of your relationships.

3) Help a Needy Heterosexual
No offense to our heterosexual counterparts, but let's face it- there are many straight men that could use a gay mentor. Be your own Queer Eye For The Straight Guy star and teach someone how to dress, shop, dance, or even treat a lady.

4) Fight for Gay Rights
Even if you're not the flag waving type, there is still an opportunity to help further gay equality. Here are a few ways you can support gay rights from your computer:

a) Register To Vote!
The best way to tell your government how you feel is to vote! Be sure to update your address if you are registered to vote or sign up if you are not.

b) Sign a Petition for Same-Sex Marriage
Your single signature may at first seem irrelevant, but among millions change happens. One good example is the recall vote in California.

c) Write Your Government Representative
Your GovernmentRepresentatives were elected by you and act on your behalf. Let them know how you feel.

d) Write the Church
A simple email to gay-friendly churches can go a long way towards the confirmation of gay clergymen.

e) Watch Gay Television Shows
Despite what your parents said, watching television is good for you- especially if you're gay! By watching gay-theme television shows you increase their ratings. Increased ratings make the high-power networks and advertisers very happy. Hopefully, happy enough that they can't afford not to have gay programming. Also, this may be a stretch but showing Americans gay life on television may lessen the fear of gay equality.

f) Volunteer for a Gay Rights Organization
There are several organizations that help promote gay rights and safety. Find the one that best suits your lifestyle.

g) Sign up for "Fight AIDS@home". Use your unused processing power to find a cure for AIDS.

5) Get Tested
When the topic of HIV comes up, I often hear gay men announce, "I'd rather not know." The anxiety of getting an HIV test is great, but the fear of a life-changing result is overwhelming. For this reason, many people avoid getting tested.

The "ignorance is bliss" philosophy may be appropriate when thinking about the cleanliness of restaurant kitchens, but it shouldn't be for your body. Why leave your health up to chance and fate? Understand HIV/AIDS and read the top reasons to get an HIV test.

6) Come Out to Yourself
Coming out is a process that unfolds at your own pace. This may be the year for you to be free! The first step to understanding your sexuality is self-reflection. Don't skip this important step on your way out of the closet. Spend time in the new year getting to know yourself and creating the lifestyle you desire. Follow the steps to coming out. Then, when you're ready, learn how to deal with family after you disclose your sexuality to others.

7) Shed Bad Influences
Bad influences come in many forms. They include drug and alcohol addiction, sex addiction or even that cute guy who tells you he can't have sex while wearing a condom. You don't have to be a victim. Besides, doing drugs and barebacking is so last year! Create a brand new you in a brand new year by kicking an old habit and knowing your boundaries. Recognize your own addictions and test your safe sex practices.

8) Actually Workout at the Gym
I swear I go the the gym to get fit! Don't you? heehee

While some vow they will finally get a gym membership this upcoming year, other veteran gym bunnies resolve that they will actually workout at the gym instead of cruising boys and talking to their friends. Lift a bar bell or two and work on that six pack. Just make sure you do it for you and not because you want to join the parade of shirtless guys at the club. Read about gay men and body image.

9) Volunteer
Volunteering is not only fun, it's an opportunity for you to give back to a cause greater than yourself. You can also meet other gay people with similar interests. There are many gay organizations that need your help.

You don't need a special talent to volunteer, just your dedication. Call your local gay community center and offer your assistance with some of their programs or choose a gay organization that best fits your interests.

10) Stop Smoking
Do you know, back in my smoking days I couldn't even dance without a cigarette in hand? Somehow I thought the weight of the stick was essential to certain moves. This silly excuse is one of many that smokers give to justify a drag addiction (cigarette drag that is). But, did you know gay men are at a higher risk for lung cancer? This year, break the habit, reduce your laundry bill and try that dance spin without a fag (cigarette that is). Learn more about gay men and smoking.


Fact or Crap? - 'Fore' -Play!


Fact or Crap?®


Elevator music was first used to encourage riders to talk to each other.







CRAP! Music was initially used to cover up some of the noise in elevators and to soothe riders who were afraid of falling. In their early stages, elevators were frighteningly noisy machines, and the sound of grinding metal didn’t help calm passengers who were already worried about riding the new inventions.

Elevator



Fact or Crap?®


The original name of the game Twister was Pretzel.







Fact! In 1965 Reyn Guyer was running a sales promotion firm with his father. While creating in-store displays and packaging for clients, he thought one of his designs would make a good game. Pretzel was picked up by the Milton Bradley company, which changed the name to Twister. The game was released in 1966 and was the first game in history to use the human body as a full-fledged playing piece.


Twister



Fact or Crap?®


Food tastes different in space.







Fact! Scientists are not absolutely sure about the reasons for this phenomenon, but many astronauts report a significant change in the way their food tastes. These responses vary from noticing a slight difference to suddenly enjoying foods that they normally hate. Some think that it’s caused by the “stuffy head” sensation that occurs in microgravity, but boredom may play a part—once astronauts are in space, meals are repeated every eight days.


Eating in space



Fact or Crap?®


The Ferris wheel was invented to rival the Eiffel Tower.







Fact! The wheel was built by George W. Ferris, a bridge builder from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, for the 1893 World’s Fair. Fair organizers wanted a structure to outshine the Eiffel Tower, which had been revealed at the World’s Fair four years earlier. The Wheel, built by Ferris and other architects, was abandoned, then demolished in 1906.


Double Ferris Wheel

Beware the cough syrup


Cough The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk replies, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner screams, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

The clerk calmly replies, "Of course you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"


*Thanks, Daryn!

Friday, December 30, 2005

THE YEAR 1905


1905-2005

THE YEAR 1905

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1905. One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!

Here are some of the CANADIAN statistics for the Year 1905 :

The average life expectancy in Canada was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in Canada had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Montreal to Toronto cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U. S. and CANADA, and only
144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower! The average wage in Canada was 22 cents per hour.

The average CDN worker made between $200 and $400 per year

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,

a dentist $2,500 per year,

a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and

a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in Canada took place at home .

Ninety percent of all Canadian doctors had no college education. Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo (but not yogurt)..

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in 1905 were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2 Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 CDN. adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Canadians had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacist said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)

Eighteen percent of households in Canada had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you in a matter of seconds!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.


*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Aidan Quinn Stands Up For TV Gay Son


Aidan Quinn as Episcopalian priest in 'Book of Daniel' (New York City) "I think it's a pretty down-the-middle, wholesome show," says Aidan Quinn, referring to his new NBC series, Book of Daniel.

"I honestly don't think it's going to be nearly as controversial as some people may now be afraid of," he declares. "It just has the courage to deal with some of the real issues that go in on people's lives."

Like, for instance? Quinn laughs as he recites a litany.

"Well, I'm an Episcopalian priest who struggles with a little self-medication problem, and I have a 23-year-old son who's gay, and a 16-year-old daughter who's caught dealing pot, and another son who's jumping on every high school girl he sees, and a wife who's very loving but also likes her martinis.

I can't tell you how many people have said to me, 'Hey, that sounds like my family.'"

Don't forget the Rev. Daniel Webster's recent cruel loss of another son to leukemia. Or the kooky extended family that, among other things, is about to put Daniel's priesthood (and parish) in jeopardy by forcing him into business with the Mob.

Or the fact that he has regular visions of, and frequent conversations with, a flesh-and-blood Jesus Christ.

Is this like your family? On Jan. 6, Book of Daniel premieres with back-to-back airings of two episodes.

Between now and then, TV congregants can eagerly await - or brace themselves for _ a comedic drama that might be described as 7th Heaven meets Desperate Housewives. Its initial eight-episode run throws a host of curves at the Webster clan while Daniel munches Vicodin to ease his pressures and doubts.

Does this demean a man of God?

Not a bit, says the 46-year-old Quinn, who, Chicago-born and of Irish descent, has taken the vows for his first series after a diverse career in made-for-TV movies, theatre and feature films (including Legends of the Fall and Michael Collins). Diverse? He may be the only actor whose credits include Paul McCartney, Benedict Arnold AND Robinson Crusoe.

Now Quinn plays a priest who must be taken on his own human terms _ a good man who wants to do right by his family and flock, keep up necessary appearances, and cleanse his soul.

"He is caught up in the modern malady of extreme busy-ness and stress," Quinn says. "But he can have moments of great lucidity and humor, and he cherishes his moments of quiet in the church, and in prayer."

Communing with his inner self takes the form of those tetes-a-tete with Jesus - a loving, good-humored comrade whose robes-and-beard style stands apart in the starchy, posh suburb just outside New York City where Book of Daniel is set.

Jesus is demonstrably there for Daniel - but delivers no easy answers even when, in a frequent state of befuddlement, Daniel seeks them.

"You know it doesn't work that way," Jesus reminds him.

"Yeah," Daniel sighs. "I just don't know why."

Savior-as-therapist Jesus is played by Garret Dillahunt (Deadwood), while the series also stars Susanna Thompson (Now and Again) as the reverend's wife, Judith, plus Christian Campbell (Trick), Alison Pill (Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen) and Ivan Shaw (All My Children) as the couple's three children.

You might say Book of Daniel is the gospel according to Jack Kenny, an unlikely auteur considering his resume: executive producer of the sketch-comedy series Wanda at Large and, before that, the creator of Titus, producer of Caroline in the City, and a staff writer on Dave's World.

But looking to move into one-hour drama, he wrote a pilot script for Book of Daniel on spec as a writing sample, "in hopes I could get in some doors. Then it took on a life of its own."

A gay man raised in the Catholic Church, Kenny says he drew on the Wasp-y, emotionally guarded family of his life partner.

"Michael," he says of his mate with a dramatist's relish, "came from a world that is all about what is NOT said - the hidden meaning in the words and sentences."

Declaring he has never seen 7th Heaven or Joan of Arcadia (a drama that had God revealing himself to a high school girl in a variety of human visions), Kenny insists his show isn't about religion.

"This is about a family," he says between bites during a hasty lunch break at the Queens studio where the series is shot. "The fact that Daniel is a priest is secondary. The church is the backdrop. This is no more about religion than Six Feet Under was about mortuaries."

But pray tell, doesn't saddling a priest with all those dicey tribulations (and a Vicodin habit!) risk putting off the audience in a way that a similarly plagued plumber or stockbroker wouldn't?

"Daniel faces the same ... problems that every father has to deal with," says Kenny. "And if the problems seem heightened because of what he does for a living, then that just raises the stakes. And that makes better drama."


*by Frazier Moore, Associated Press

"Where oh where has my little dog gone?"


Where oh where has my little dog gone?

*Thanks, Daryn!

Not only in Canada? Pity, eh?**


A Somali arrives in Toronto, a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this Country!"

But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Jamaican".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!"

The person says "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Canada!"

That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not a Canadian!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a Canadian?

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?"

The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says..."Probably at work."



**A joke, folks!
*Thanks, Daryn!

Babas and Support Hose and Laptops, -- "OH-MY!"


Babas and laptops

*Thanks, SalTCBug

2006 HOOTER'S Calendar


It's out! Click here to view it. (18+)


*Thanks, SalTCBug

Important Food Advisory for the Christmas/New Year's Holiday


Christmas Goodies 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


*Thanks, Vil!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

I'm Baaaaack!


Plan to start posting again tomorrow, hopefully! Thanks for being patient!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Merry Christmas


from The Wizard of 'OZ'

O Christmas Tree

Santa Claus

Merry Christmas

(posted early as I will be away for a while. Hope you all have a great Christmas, and I will see you back in a week or so...)


Fact or Crap?


Fact or Crap?®


The very first animated movie to have sound was Betty Boop.







CRAP! In 1928 Steamboat Willie made history when it became the first sound cartoon ever made. It was the third movie to star the beloved cartoon rodent Mickey Mouse. Before the digital age, animated films were drawn and colored entirely by hand. The last animated feature to be painted by hand was Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

Steamboat Willie

An Early XMAS Present for The Wizard!


I just can't believe it! Some A**-Hole stole my car tonight. It really pisses a Wizard off! And you don't want to piss off a Wiccan!

In the meantime, if you see this car, (With license plate below, please call the cops ASAP! The car was stolen from my parking lot on the West-side of Saskatoon. Please call police if you see it at 975-8300



1991 Plymouth Acclaim

Burgundy in colour - Loud Exhaust!

1991 Plymouth Acclaim
Answers to the name:

Mickee

Merry Grinch-Mas!

Hot-Tubbin!


Hot-Tubbin!

*Thanks, Daryn!

Memoirs of a Geisha


Memoirs of a Geisha

Cast & Credits
Sayuri: Ziyi Zhang
The Chairman: Ken Watanabe
Mameha: Michelle Yeoh
Hatsumomo: Gong Li
Nobu: Koji Yakusho
Pumpkin: Youki Kudoh

Columbia Pictures presents a film directed by Rob Marshall. Written by Robin Swicord. Based on the book by Arthur Golden. Running time: 137 minutes. Rated PG-13 (for mature subject matter and some sexual content).

I suspect that the more you know about Japan and movies, the less you will enjoy "Memoirs of a Geisha." Much of what I know about Japan I have learned from Japanese movies, and on that basis I know this is not a movie about actual geishas, but depends on the romanticism of female subjection. The heroines here look so very beautiful and their world is so visually enchanting as they live trapped in sexual slavery.

I know, a geisha is not technically a prostitute. Here is a useful rule: Anyone who is "not technically a prostitute" is a prostitute. As dear old Henry Togna, proprietor of the Eyrie Mansion in London, used to cackle while describing to me his friend the Duchess of Duke Street, "Sex for cash, m'dear. That's my definition."

Is the transaction elevated if there is very little sex, a lot of cash, and the prostitute gets hardly any of either? Hard to say. Certainly the traditions of the geisha house are culturally fascinating in their own right. But if this movie had been set in the West, it would be perceived as about children sold into prostitution, and that is not nearly as wonderful as "being raised as a geisha."

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Fact or Crap? - Triple Play!!

Fact or Crap?©


The popular comic strip character Popeye is known as Karl Pops in Sweden.







CRAP! This beloved cartoon hero, who made his debut as a comic strip character in 1929, is known in Sweden as Karl Alfred—and as Iron Arm in Italy and Skipper Skraek in Denmark.

Bush-Popeye



Fact or Crap?®


The invention of Tinkertoys® was inspired by empty spools of thread.







Fact! Introduced in 1914, the classic construction toy was created by inventors Charles H. Pajeau and Robert Pettit after they saw children entertain themselves by building structures using pencils and empty spools of thread. Their final product was based on Pythagorean principles, which meant that a triangle made from sticks and spools could become the side of a pyramid.


Tinker Toy



Fact or Crap?©


The Wheaties® brand name was chosen by a five-year-old.







CRAP! The name was chosen through a companywide contest. Employees submitted such names as Nutties and Gold Medal Wheat Flakes. Jane Bausman, the wife of the company’s export manager, submitted the name Wheaties, which was chosen as the winner.

'What? Me Wheaties?'