Pretending

A old man and an old woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly.

He is in the upper bunk and she is in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married, besides, I'm awfully hot."

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

*Thanks, Vlad!

Symantec nabs first 64-bit virus

IDG News Service (27 May 2004)

Symantec Corp. has captured an example of what is believed to be the first virus that targets 64-bit Microsoft Corp. Windows operating systems, the company said.

The company posted a security advisory for W64.Rugrat.3344 on its Web page Thursday. The virus is rated low threat and does not appear to be spreading on the Internet, Symantec said. Instead, Rugrat is believed to be a "proof of concept" virus written by the same author of at least six other virus "firsts," Symantec said.

The virus infects Windows Portable Executable files, including many Windows 64 applications, spreading to files in the same folder as the virus file and in subfolders, Symantec said.

Operating systems that support 64-bit processor chips can accommodate longer basic data units, referred to as "words." Older, 32-bit platforms, such as Windows systems starting with Windows 95, supported words of up to four bytes, which might contain computer instructions or the address of data stored on the computer hard drive. By comparison, 64-bit systems can process eight-byte words and are better suited to processor-intensive demanding tasks such as graphics rendering.

Rugrat does not appear to be designed to spread, but is a "direct-action infector," meaning it stops running immediately after infecting files, Symantec said.

Symantec researchers have linked Rugrat to a family of six viruses called W32.Chiton.gen, which are all believed to be the work of the same author. Each virus in the family demonstrates a different "first ever" infection technique, including W32.Shrug, the first known virus to use the Thread Local Storage structures in Windows NT, 2000 and XP to run virus code, and W32.Chthon, the first virus to run as a native application in Windows NT, 2000 and XP, Symantec said.

Really Funny Break-ups

*Thanks Daryn =)

It's My Car (Beware!)

It was sold by auction for $4200.

Don't pay too much for it. I never changed the oil for 2 years and it was driven very roughly by me.... Mucho pedal to the metal.. slammed into at least one curb and took out a street sign.. crappy truck for winter.. hates highways... took 5 hours from Edmonton to Saskatoon... took 12 hours from Winnipeg to Regina...Don't even get me started on high winds and semi's, hehe. You have been warned.

I wouldn't buy it.

TV Show May Put Former Student In Danger...

Click above to read why...

The Spoon

I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he, too, sported a spoon in his breast-pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?"

"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures,and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra man hours per shift."

Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket. "I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of making a special trip," he proudly explained.

I was impressed. "Thanks. I had to ask."

"No problem," he answered, then he continued to take our orders. As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.

My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. "Excuse me, but...uh...why, or what...about that string?"

"Oh, yeah" he began in a quieter tone. "Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too."

"How's that?"

"You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh, selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!"

"Oh, that makes sense," I said, but then thinking thru the process, I asked "Hey, wait-a-minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the other guys; but I use my spoon.

Fox Drops Show Accused Of Being Homophobic

Los Angeles, California) Fox Television has dropped plans to air a controversial two-hour reality show where two straight men were to be shown competing for a $50,000 prize by trying to fool people -- including their close friends -- into thinking they're gay.

Fox President Gail Berman decided to pull "Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay" from the network's schedule following concerns raised by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

The furor over the program arose as soon as the first press statement from the network was released.

"It’s a heterosexual male’s worst nightmare: turning gay overnight," said the p.r. statement. (story)

GLAAD asked for a copy of the tape of the show and Fox issued an apology for the press release.

After viewing the tape, Joan M. Garry, GLAAD's Executive Director called the show "an exercise in systematic humiliation"

Contestants complained in the program that they were "trapped in gay hell." One contestant had to tell his former wrestling teammate that he liked the sport because he enjoyed "close contact with sweaty boys." And later in the week he had to fork-feed dinner to a blind date, get the man to spank him and fool him into securing a second date.

Garry asked to meet with Berman to voice her concerns.

"Fox deserves a lot of credit for doing the right thing here," said Joan M. Garry, GLAAD's Executive Director.

"They offered us an advance copy of the show and were incredibly responsive to our grave concerns. They worked with us to schedule a meeting and preempted that meeting with a decision to shelve the show."

Fox has asked GLAAD to participate in a larger meeting around the network's representations of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.

"This should serve as a model for other networks producing gay-themed programming," Garry said. "Such programming should be done well -- or it shouldn't be done at all."

The New Wonder Diet

this is the only one GUARANTEED to work. Click here.

Ask The Wizard (rundll32.exe)

I am having a problem when I try to log off. The computer will prompt me that the above file, rundll32.exe is not responding do I want to end now. If I do not remember to wait for this, and end it now, then my computer does not log off and just kinda continues in a state of limbo.

When I finally discover that this has not been done then I usually have to reboot by holding the start button in until it shuts down. I do not know what this rundll32.exe file is except that it is in the startup when I go to msgconf.

This is beginning to be a problem as my children can not seem to remember to ever wait for it. Any suggestions?

flashing

Dear flasher

The rundll32.exe file is a necessary Windows file. The problem is that some other program that uses it is not shutting down properly. The first thing that comes to mind is an adware/spyware problem.

I recommend downloading AdAware and Spybot-Search & Destroy and running them to check for these culprits before doing anything else. I did find this one on a friend's pc. It came 'Free with a p2p music program called morpheus:

save - save.exe - Process Information

Process File: save or save.exe
Process Name: Save
Description: Application that provides users with coupons and offers while browsing the Internet. The application captures the web site addresses and search words and displays popup advertising related to sites that the user visited.
Company: WhenU.com
System Process: No
Security Risk ( Virus/Trojan/Worm/Adware/Spyware ): Yes
Common Errors: N/A

Depending on the version this will show as SAVENOW, SAVE, or WHENUSAVE in Windows 95/98/ME, and it will show as SAVENOW.EXE or SAVE.EXE in Windows NT4/2000/XP. In theory SaveNow (also called WhenUSave in newer versions of the program – SAVE.EXE is the newer program file) is a program that brings you relevant coupons and offers and alerts you to various deals and services when you surf the web. SaveNow is installed on your computer as a module that will have come with WhenUShop or other software that you downloaded from the Internet. SaveNow intercepts website addresses you type in your browser’s address bar, and search words you enter on search engine sites, and uses those words to display popup advertising of deals and bargains which are related to the type of sites you are visiting, or the type of searches you have been making. In my opinion SaveNow/WhenUSave is both spyware (what else is it sending to its central site from your PC?) and an intensely annoying parasite while you are browsing the web, and I do mean "intensely" !

Recommendation :
Remove immediately ! Go to "Start \ Settings \ Control Panel \ Add/Remove Programs", select "SaveNow" (or "WhenUSave", or just "Save"), and click "Add/Remove". Also run either Ad-Aware or Spybot Search & Destroy.

Try running AdAware and Spybot in safe mode. Also make sure they are fully up to date. If you still cannot get it out I also found removal instructions here.

Let me know how it goes.

Yrs,

The Wizard

*By the way, Flashing can get ya put in the slammer!

Spidey's Back In Town...

Spider-sense is tingling...NO! Wait! It's Tobey's DREAMY baby blues doing that to me... I feel like a schoolgirl!!!!=)
Click above to read about Spiderman 2

Canadian Purity Test

Allow 3/4 hour to complete. I got in the low 60's. Whatever that means. They said I must get drunk more often... Click here.
It IS worth the time!

My Favourite: 'knock knock.' 'who's there? ' 'fornication', 'fornication who' 'fornication like this you should wear a black tie.

My apologies for the URL name....

National Homophobia Day June 2nd, 2004

"From Tolerence To Acceptance"
Click above to visit the site

Definition

The Fondation Émergence gives the following definition of homophobia:

Homophobia is a negative attitude, a bad feeling, a malaise or an aversion towards homosexual persons or homosexuality in general.

his definition has the merit of presenting the two faces of homophobia: the one that targets individuals, and the one that aims at homosexuality per se. Although homophobia has always existed, it is only recently that we were able to give it a name, and, especially, that we came to realize that it constitutes an unacceptable attitude in a civilised society, which can be equated to sexism, racism or xenophobia.

TOP 100 Worst Named Country Songs

All I Want From You (Is Away)

All My Exes Live In Texas

All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down

Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?

Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"

Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

Bubba Shot The Jukebox

Bubba's Inconvenience Store

Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain

Cow Cow Blues Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...

Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...

Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)

Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter

Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)

Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load!

Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI)

Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride Don't

Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)

Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)

Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI)

Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)

Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP)

Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)

Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (not sure it's a real song)

Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.

Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)

High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)

Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again

How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him?

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!

How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)

How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight?

I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database

I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs

I Don't Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe

I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
Written by Jack Clement (BMI)

I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade

I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger

I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"

I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line

I Got Through Everything But The Door

I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI)

I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up

I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y "

I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)

I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database

I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better

I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart

I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.

I Wanna Whip Your Cow

I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como. If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category! On the other hand, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"which would move it right back into the "country" category.

I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz

I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)

I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing

I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now
by Reuben Darnell

If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks

If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your Shoes"

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)

If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)

If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train

If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
by Joe Diffie (ASCAP)

If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.

If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP)

If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
3 songs titled "If Today Was a Fish" in the BMI database.

If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)

If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
by Neal McCoy (BMI)

If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
by Tommy Collins (BMI)

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI)

If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will

If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

Three songs in the BMI database with this title.

If You Leave Me I'm Gone
by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)

If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave

If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)

If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me!

If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right
by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)

If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart

If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
Written by Cliffie Stone & Merle Travis. Also recorded by Boxcar Willie and Glen Campbell.

Be Alert To Message In Pro-Family Ads...

From Letters to the editor, Saskatoon Star-Phoenix, Saturday May 15, 2004


Gay Dad's can make great parents! I know, because I am one!
--The Wizard

Focus on the family's recent ads focus on a young heterosexual couple and their son. This family is blond and fair-skinned, typically Aryan¹, with the larger and muscular husband dominating his smaller submissive wife and their son, who looks perplexed. The caption reads: "We believe in Mom and Dad. We believe in marriage."

But "Mom and Dad," the parents of the couple, are not in the ads. With the exception of one black-skinned man, who is out of focus, the ads show only Caucasian people, all of them young or youngish but not old.

Behind the young Aryan family, I see, not "Mom and Dad," but seven smiling young ladies, who are not quite Aryan and do not have male partners. Is blond better, I wondered. And what if their Aryan son grew up to be gay? Would he still be family. Are assign, heterosexual, homophobia, male chauvinism, and racism the "principles of healthy living" which Focus on the Family promotes? When ads are this slick and subtle, such questions are not unreasonable.

Do not discount the love of 2 good parents, STR8 or GLBT.

To be fair, it is nice to see the father holding his son in the ads. And the ads say some fine things about the family, parenting and marriage. But most gay people believe those things the same as most straight people.

So why exclude gay people from marrying and from adopting children as the ads advocate? Why degrade Canadian citizenship before the civilized world by retaining the current definition of marriage, which relegates gays to scene-class citizenship?

And if charitable, tax-exempt status is granted to Focus on the Family,(Canada), a U.S. import, why not grant it to some home grown organizations such as Equal Marriage and Egale?

Focus on the Family is out of focus!

--James Komar
Saskatoon, SK Canada

¹ARYAN
Ar´yan Pronunciation: är´yan or ăr´ĭ`an
Noun 1. Aryan - a Caucasian person of Nordic descent,(and not a Jew),Caucasian, White, white person - a member of the Caucasoid race
2. Aryan - a member of the prehistoric people who spoke Proto-Indo European Indo-European primitive, primitive person - a person who belongs to early stage of civilization
Adj. 1. Aryan - of or relating to the former Indo-European people; "Indo-European migrations" Indo-Aryan, Indo-European

NEW US AL QAEDA THREAT

The United States has received "credible intelligence" that al Qaeda is planning an attack on US soil "in the next few months", US Attorney General John Ashcroft has said.

He said that the information had come from "multiple sources".


Fresh attack warning"

"Credible intelligence from multiple sources indicates that al Qaeda plans to attempt an attack on the United States in the next few months," Mr Ashcroft confirmed.

"This disturbing news shows a particular intention to hit the United States hard.

"Beyond this intelligence, al Qaeda's own public statements suggests that it is almost ready to attack the United States."

Mr Ashcroft also warned the public about seven al Qaeda operatives who were described as "armed and dangerous".

He said the seven posed a "clear and present danger" to the United States.

Earlier, the White House had warned that the United States was entering a "serious threat period" with regard to possible terrorist attacks.



Madrid: Europe and Iraq have borne the brunt of recent attacks

With many major national and international events coming up over the next few months, US officials warned that they are all vulnerable to terror attacks.

"We are in a serious threat period, and our law enforcement and Homeland Security officials are acting to address the threats we face here at home," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

He listed the June Group of Eight summit, the World War Two memorial dedication and the July 4 Independence Day celebrations as potential targets.

The parties' political conventions, the November 2 elections and the presidential inauguration next January were also mentioned.

"There are high-profile events in the coming months that, while not specified in terms of being a target in our intelligence, they certainly present a possible target," said McClellan.

Harry Potter stars to outgrow characters?

The director and producer of the new Harry Potter film have clashed over whether the stars will outgrow their characters.



Director Alfonso Cuaron believes the film's teenage stars will stay in their roles for the full seven-film series.

But producer David Heyman reckons the films will be unable to keep pace with the books and will need younger stars.

Daniel Radcliffe, who plays Harry, Rupert Grint, as Ron, and Emma Watson, who plays Hermione, have already begun work on the fourth film, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

And Cuaron said he thought it would be "priceless" if the three stars continued their roles until the end of the seven-story series.

"Right now they're doing number four. There's only three more to go. I just hope they keep the same cast for the whole thing," he said.

"So far, they're holding up very good, the way that they are ageing. I don't think Dan is going to get way much taller or suddenly grow another eye. Same with Emma, and Rupert is OK."

But Heyman says he thought it doubtful whether the trio would to star in the fifth film, The Order of the Phoenix.

"There will come a point when one, two or all three of them will move on. I don't know when that will be - with the fifth, sixth or seventh movies - but it's inevitable," he said.

Harry Potter ages one year with each of J. K. Rowling's books, but film-makers have been unable to keep pace, with a two-year gap between the second film, The Chamber of Secrets, and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

New robot can do origami

A US student has developed a robot that can do origami.



The ancient Japanese art involves folding paper into delicate three-dimensional models

It's relatively simple for people but a new challenge for robots, reports New Scientist.

Devin Balkcom, a student at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, designed and built a robot capable of making simple origami objects, such as planes and hats, as part of his research into robot dexterity.

The robot holds the paper using a suction cup and creates folds by pushing the paper into slots.

"Our primary interest in origami is manipulation," Balkcom writes on his web page.

"We are currently working on understanding more complicated origami skills - like reverse folding, squash folding, the rabbit ear, and prayer folding - that require the simultaneous manipulation of multiple non-colinear creases."

TROY

Can you question your sexuality when you're spread eagle?

Intel hit with US$500M patent lawsuit

IDG News Service (Boston Bureau) (21 May 2004)
Toronto-based All Computers Inc. filed a patent lawsuit against Intel Corp. Thursday claiming that Intel's Pentium II processor infringed upon a circuit design patented by All Computers.

The lawsuit seeks over US$500 million in damages as well as an permanent injunction against Intel, said Ed O'Connor, a lawyer with Levin & O'Connor in Laguna Beach, Calif., that is representing All Computers.

According to a copy of the complaint, Intel's Pentium microprocessors infringe upon a patent for circuitry that controls the frequency of signals heading to microprocessors through a chipset.

The system clock in a chipset runs at a slower speed than the processor core clock, which is up to 3.4GHz in some of Intel's chips, said Kevin Krewell, editor in chief of the Microprocessor Report in San Jose, Calif. A phase lock loop is responsible for synchronizing the system clock and the core clock so the chipset works properly, he said.

In the past, the phase lock loop could only work with core clocks that were whole multiples of the system clock, but All Computers founder Mers Kutt developed a circuit design that allowed chip designers to run core clocks at fractional multiples of the system clock, O'Connor said.

Intel used Kutt's circuitry in the Pentium II processor without a license, according to O'Connor. All Computers only recently realized that Intel had used the technology, he said.

Ask The Wizard

Dear Wizard of OZ;

Our domain uses Windows 2000 Active Directory in Native mode. We have Exchange 5.5 running on a Windows 2000 Server and recently added an Enterprise Exchange 2003 server running on Windows Server 2003. The Windows Server 2003 server is *not* a domain controller.

We're migrating mailboxes to Exchange 2003. Everything seems to be working properly, except...when a user accesses an Exchange 2003 mailbox from Outlook 2003, the user gets an error that says "Your Microsoft Exchange Server is unavailable" with options to Retry, Work Offline or Cancel. If the user clicks Retry, eventually the mailbox opens but works very slowly. If I change the security settings in the client's Outlook settings from "Kerberos/NTLM Password Authentication" to "NTLM Password uthentication," it works properly. The user can access the mailbox and everything works quickly.

OWA works fine. Accessing Exchange 2003 mailboxes using Outlook 2000 or Outlook XP works fine.

The client's Event Log has two errors:

-- Event ID 40960: The Security System detected an attempted downgrade attack for server exchangeRFR/exchange2k3.cramerdom.com

-- Event ID 40961: The Security System could not establish a secured connection with the server exchangeRFR/exchange2k3.cramerdom.com

If I log in as Administrator, I can open an Exchange 2003 mailbox using Outlook 2003 and Kerberos security without any problem, and it opens quickly.

Do you know the solution?
-- David

Dear Exchange Student,

I am not quite sure what is causing the symptoms you describe, so I need you to believe your instrumentation and focus your detective work on finding out why an average user account would insist that no logon server was available while an administrator account could find a logon server with no problem.

Outlook 2003 is the only version of Outlook that uses Kerberos authentication and, because Outlook 2003 worked fine in NTLM mode, it appears to me that the problem might center around the inability on the part of the user to obtain a Kerberos session ticket to the Exchange server.

David, to get a copy of Kerbtray from the Windows 2000 for Windows Server 2003) Resource Kit. The Kerbtray utility puts a little green icon in the Notification Area (used to be called the System Tray). If you click the icon, a window opens that shows the Kerberos Ticket Granting Tickets (TGT) and session tickets issued to the user.

If everything works correctly, an Outlook 2003 user should show a set of Kerberos session tickets for Exchange services, including the Referral (ExchangeRFR) service listed in the Event Log entry. Also, if you hold the Ctrl key down and right-click the Outlook icon in the Notification Area, you can open a Connections window that shows you the names of the domain controller, the Global Catalog server, the Exchange mailbox server, and the Exchange public folder server where the user connected.

Also, make absolutely sure that DNS is configured correctly at the client and at the Exchange 2003 server. A failure to find a suitable SRV record will cause Kerberos errors. By using Ipconfig /flushdns to flush the DNS resolver cache, then launching Outlook, then viewing the resolver cache with Ipconfig /display DNS, it's possible that you might find No Record Available errors where you would expect to find SRV resource records.

Also, See if the user belonged to a large number of groups. If a user's group membership gets too large, the paAuth data field that holds SID information in a Kerberos ticket will not fit in a UDP datagram. This forces Kerberos to use TCP, and it would not be the first time that this shift to TCP-based Kerberos transactions caused strange symptoms to appear.


Hope this helps.

Yrs,

The Wizard

(After the fact) While experimenting with these tips, David found the cause of the problem. Apparently he had migrated the users' mailboxes from Exchange 5.5 to Exchange Server 2003 using an account that did not have sufficient admin rights in the Exchange organization. The account was able to create the e-mail attributes in Active Directory and move the mailbox contents, but when the user logged on with Kerberos rather than NTLM credentials, Exchange refused to open the mailbox. I don't have a good explanation why an NTLM logon worked, but when David moved the mailbox back to the Exchange 5.5 server then moved it again to the Exchange 2003 server using an account with full Exchange Administrator permissions, an Outlook 2003 user was able to access the mailbox using Kerberos authentication.

GNOME OFFENCE A COVER UP

Nude Gnomes Too Much For Police

Lewd garden gnomes have had their private parts covered with painted-on swimwear after their owner was warned by police.

Tony Watson, from Barnsley in South Yorkshire, displayed his naked gnomes outside his house.


Bare faced cheek

But instead of standing in cute fishing poses or enacting scenes of bucolic tranquility, Mr Watson's gnomes bared their breasts and buttocks.

The models caused such outrage that police told the ex-army sergeant he faced arrest for causing public offence.

A police spokeswoman said: "It is an offence to display something that is insulting or likely to cause distress.

"Although some people view the gnomes as a bit of harmless fun, we have to take complaints from members of the public seriously."

One of the gnomes now sports a polka-dot bikini, said local resident John Threlkeld, who passes the gnomes every day on his way to work.

Gorilla Language

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy up. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means, "screw you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better -- and he vowed revenge.

The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage, where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on.

Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

SUBBUTEO STREAKER

Soccer fans eager to make their Subbuteo table top sets (Soccer Tables) as real as possible can now add a streaker to their collection of figures.

The three-quarter-inch pitch invader comes complete with his own policeman and the company is also offering a female version.

The New Naked Streaker

Subbuteo's latest addition comes courtesy of Tom Taylor, owner of the world's only shop dedicated to the game.

He has drawn up strict rules on when the streakers can be deployed.

Mr Taylor, 52, from mid-Wales, said: "The streaker and the police officer must always be positioned behind the goal line.

The policeman (r) steps in

"At any time during the match a player can shout 'Streaker' and place his or her streaker in the penalty area."

After they storm the pitch, the referee must yell "Apprehend" to the attacking player who must take a police officer and flick him or her, attempting to hit the streaker.

"If the streaker is hit, an arrest has been made," added Mr Taylor.

The naked invader can only be used by a player if the opponent has to simply tap the ball into an empty goal.

Air passenger dropped his trousers

A passenger at Cologne airport stunned staff who asked him to remove his belt by taking off his trousers instead.

The 35-year-old was checking in for a flight to Munich when the security signal went off as he was searched.

Staff told him to remove his wide belt, which was covered in metal rivets.

At first the man refused but then airport police told him it was the only way they would allow him to fly.

He finally gave in but instead of taking off his belt, he stripped out of his trousers and put them through the x-ray machine.

He then walked through the security gate in only in his underwear before getting back his trousers on the other side.

Airport security spokesman Guenter Ahr told the Express news the rules that led to the strip were necessary.

"You never know whether something is being hidden inside a belt and the rivets are only there to distract staff," he said.

Shrek 2 breaks box office records

Shrek 2 has broken box office records in the US, taking $11.8m in one day.



It has scored the biggest midweek opening ever for an animated feature, beating the record set by Pokemon: The First Movie in 1999.

A spokesperson for Dreamworks, which made the film, said the opening "exceeded all of our expectations".

Shrek 2, which features the voices of Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz, is in competition at the Cannes Film Festival

The original film, which also competed at Cannes when it was released in 2001, made $267m at the US box office and $455m worldwide.

The sequel sees Myers and Diaz reprising their roles of the green ogre Shrek and his sweetheart, Princess Fiona.

Eddie Murphy, who supplied the voice of Shrek's sidekick Donkey, also returns, while cast newcomers include John Cleese, Jennifer Saunders and Antonio Banderas.

The film is set to break another record in the US over the weekend, by being screened in 4,163 cinemas - making it the largest debut of all time.

"This is unprecedented - I've never seen a movie open in that many theatres," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Exhibitor Relations, which tracks cinema audiences in the US.

One More...

A man tried to phone the King of the Jungle.
All he got was a recorded message saying, "All the lions are busy right now. Please try later."

A REALLY bad pun

A scientist was successful in cloning himself.

He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.

"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's an ASSHOLE!" The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SON-OF-A-BITCH!"

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.

The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged."

The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for "Making an obscene clone fall...."

The Mystery Is Solved!

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I dinna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"