A Queen Can Always Spot A Queen

Miss Thing, and Priscilla Prickme, two very piss elegant, but very drunk drag queens, were staggering their way home.

But, no matter how messy they were, these girls could spot a find a block away. Especially if it was glittery and possibly valuable.

As they stumbled along the street, Miss Thing noticed a gold toned compact on the sidewalk and trying oh so hard to maintain her balance, leaned down to pick it up.

She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

Priscilla said, "Let me look."

So Miss Thing handed her the compact.

Priscilla looked in the mirror then turned to her friend and exclaimed: "You dumbass -- that's *me*!

Italian police get Lamborghinis

Italian police have been given something of a helping hand in their bid to catch crooks.

The latest addition to their fleet of cars is a Lamborghini sports car with a top speed of 192mph.



The 2-seater Lamborghini Gallardo will be used along highways in southern Italy.

The car, a gift from the Italian car factory, uses a V10 cylinder DOHC four valve V90 5 litre, 500 Hp engine.

The Amazing Woman

Warning! -- This one is long and very, very shaggy!

An ambitious consultant finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life...at least for awhile. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 4-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her:

"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up, nothing did."

He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"

"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree."

"But-- but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware, how did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"

Sheepishly he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.

"Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please -- would you like to have a drink?

"No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened onto its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines -- strategically positioned -- and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know..." She stared into his eyes.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing: "You mean...?", he replied, ".........I can check my e-mail from here?"

'Gay' Reality Show Called Homophobic

by Matt Johns
365Gay.com Newscenter
Los Angeles Bureau

(Los Angeles, California) Fox Television spent most of Friday furiously backpedaling after a press release trumpeting its newest "reality" show was accused of being homophobic.

"It’s a heterosexual male’s worst nightmare: turning gay overnight," said the p.r. statement, trumpeting its new show "Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay."

"For one week a pair of straight guys will immerse themselves in 'the gay lifestyle.' Each will move into separate West Hollywood lofts, complete with three gay roommates, to experience what it’s like to live life as a gay man."

If they master each of their challenges, the press release says, they’ll stand before "a jury of their queers" which will declare which of the two guys they believe is actually gay, and that guy will win fifty thousand dollars.

"It certainly raises red flags about negative stereotypes," Stephen Macias the Media Director for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation told 365Gay.com.

GLAAD has asked for a copy of the tape of the show.

"The concern around the show is humor at the expense of the LGBT community," Macias said. "It's certainly not welcome when it's possible that it can be translated into physical harm against members of our community."

The network Friday issued an apology for the press release. "Our failed attempt at humor was ill-chosen and inappropriate." But, it has failed to address any of GLAAD's concerns about the content of the show.

The show is produced by the creators of “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé” and is scheduled for Monday, June 7 from 8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)

Symantec, Norton need vital patches

Almost the entire range of Symantec Corp. security software, from Norton Internet Security through to the Symantec Firewall, require urgent updates, the company has warned, after a series of four extremely critical vulnerabilities were found by security company eEye Digital Security Inc.

One of the holes remains open even with all ports filtered and intrusion rules set thanks to a separate design flaw, eEye has warned. This makes it an almost certain target for worm writers, one of which — if history is to be believed — may be put out on the Internet within 24 hours.

Symantec was informed of the holes on April 19, and provided patches for them Thursday. The patches should be installed as part of the Live Update feature in most packages but some will require the manual download and installation of patches, and those that have automatic updating switched off will need to run Live Update as soon as possible.

EEye explained in its advisories that the holes (all within the "symdns.sys" driver) allow system access, the opportunity to create a denial-of-service attack, and — most serious — an open door to a worm.

They are:

- A boundary error when processing certain NBNS datagrams. Buffer overflow can be created with crafted NBNS response, allowing execution of code with kernel Ring 0 privileges. However, incoming NBNS traffic does need to be allowed — which, fortunately, is not the default setting.

New Worm Targets Sasser Flaw...

A new Internet worm is spreading by exploiting a flaw in the Sasser worm, according to an alert issued Thursday.

The new worm, tentatively named Dabber, takes advantage of a vulnerability in an FTP server component in the Sasser worm and may have infected thousands of computers infected with Sasser. Dabber is believed to be the first worm that spreads specifically by targeting a flaw in another worm's code, according to an advisory published by LURHQ Corp., a Chicago managed security services company.

The worm uses code written to exploit the FTP flaw and was recently released on the Internet, scanning the Internet on port 5554 for computers running Microsoft Corp.'s Windows operating system and infected with Sasser, LURHQ said.

When it finds vulnerable hosts, it connects to the victim and uses a built-in FTP server to transfer the worm file, named "package.exe," to the system. When run, the Dabber worm installs itself on Windows, shuts down the Sasser worm and other worm processes, then prevents them from running again. Dabber also opens TCP port 9898 as a backdoor, which can be used by a remote attacker to download other code or communicate with the infected host, LURHQ said.

Dabber did not appear to be spreading quickly Thursday, but the number of infections was escalating, LURHQ said.

Sasser appeared on May 1, and exploits a recently disclosed hole in a Windows component called the Local Security Authority Subsystem Service, or LSASS. Microsoft Corp. released a software patch, MS04-011, on April 13.

Quoth The 'Inferno' One...

"From a tiny spark may burst a mighty flame."
-- Dante

Ask The Wizard

Dear Wizard,

"I have a big problem with my computer freezing-up. It just happens whenever and whatever we may be doing - on the Internet or just writing a letter. I run scandisk and defrag on a regular basis and I have removed any programs I did not need. I have plenty of free space on my hard drive."

Signed,

At Wits End

Dear All Fragged Up,

I have heard this dozens of times over the years. It is one of the more common complaints regarding the DOS based versions of Windows (95,98 and ME) and also, although much more rarely, in Windows 2000 and XP. There are many things that can cause this ranging from a virus to hardware failure. Here is a checklist of possible causes:

You could be infected with a virus.

Make sure your antivirus program is up to date and run a full scan of your system.

You could possibly have some sort of mal-ware (adware or spyware) on your system hogging system resources.

Download, install and run AdAware and Spybot-Search and Destroy. Links to these excellent programs are available HERE.

Your computer could be overheating.

Excessive heat buildup is a very common problem especially with the systems that have come out in the last couple of years because they operate at much higher temperatures than the older systems.

Unhook your tower from power, remove the cover and check for dust buildup. Even in the cleanest of environments, dust will build up. If you have pets and/or are a smoker, the buildup can be much worse. Especially check the CPU heat sink for packed in dust. Carefully vacuum out any dust that you find. I recommend using the edge tool for your vacuum, it will allow you to get in to some of the more tight spots and is usually made of plastic.

DO NOT USE ANY METAL TOOLS WHEN CLEANING YOUR SYSTEM OR COMPONANT DAMAGE COULD RESULT.

Check the fans for proper operation. If a fan, especially the CPU fan, is not spinning properly, the amount of heat buildup can be impressive. Replace any that are not operating properly. If you are unsure of the proper way to replace a fan, you should have an experienced friend or a professional do the work for you.

You could have a hardware problem.

Run a thorough scan disk of your hard drive. This will check the surface of the drive for bad sectors. It is also possible that you could have a hardware failure starting. The hard drive could be simply wearing out or the dust discussed above could have caused overheating that has damaged the CPU, memory, hard drive or other component.

Your operating system could have corrupted files

Whether through the normal installing and uninstalling of programs, as a result of a virus or malware infection or as a result of a hardware failure, your operation system could have corrupt files. If all else checks out or you have done all the cleanups and repairs and your system still freezes you may need to reinstall Windows.

Yrs,

The Wizard

The Luck Of The Wood...

This post is about a good friend of mine. His name is Cliff Woodworth, tho' I always call him Woody. He is sometimes told he has a special gift for bring good fortune to others, and himself, It's called: "The Luck of The Wood". He and his wife Cathy, live in Colorado Springs CO. That is where that big NORAD station is in the mountain. He kidded me about the Will Rogers monument up on the mountain, as I confused him with Roy Rogers, hehe... (Did you know that 'America The Beautiful' was written at the top of Pike's Peak? And that the writer was Katharine Lee Bates?

Anyway, Woody has a band. It's called "CD Woods", and he plays guitar and does vocal. He is very good, and the last time I was in The Springs, he gave me a copy of his disc, "Over Again". It has some of the best country that I have ever heard. He sings without effort and truly believes and practices what he says... '"Over Again" represents a philosophy I follow. The idea of accepting life's challenges is all part of each day's life experience and I can't wait to start it all over again."' The following, I snarfed from his website, Gypsyheart.com/CDWoods.htm:

"CD Woods has been in the music industry for over 25 years. His performances have led him all over the United States and Canada singing songs of true-to-life experiences. Join in on the fun and humor of this singer/songwriter as he sings hits off of his CD debut of "Over Again". Enjoy the well crafted lyrics and velvet voice of this family style performer."

I value his friendship and I still remember that GREAT CANADA DAY party we hosted at my house in the country. The instructions were the usual, BYOB, BYOLC (Lawn Chair), and one not typical, BYOF (Bring Your Own Fireworks)... Well! Cathy and Woody brought some of the best American Fireworks, that I have ever seen! A truly memorable July 1. I still smirk when I remember seeing Woody proudly wearing his Canada pin (My mother in law gave him it), and waving a small Canadian Flag around!

And (again, without his permission, --Wood, don't be mad, eh?), I am posting a link to listen to a preview of some of the songs. You can also check out how to buy his CD "Over Again", and purchase your own copy. He uses CCNOW and it is secure.

Listen to 'Over Again'

Listen to 'Spend a Little Time'

Listen to 'What If Whatever'

Order on his website: Gypsyheart.com/CDWoods.htm

Buy his CD! You won't be disappointed! Oh, and Tell him The Wizard Of 'OZ' sent ya!

**Note: Gypsyheart.com, CD Woods, nor any other, represent or are affiliated with, the publisher of 'OZ', or with the content published on 'OZ'.

"Hi Woody!" =)

The DEEP DEEP SOUTH

Billy-Joe and Betty-Sue get married, and Billy-Joe whisks her away to his daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature honeymoon'...

He carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when Betty-Sue whispers in his ear "Billy-Joe, be gentle, I ain never been with a man b'fore."

"WHAT???" shouts Billy-Joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head...

Billy-Joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents house... rushes inside screaming "Hey Daddy!, Paw! Git'up!" .....

His father rushes downstairs and gasps... "Billy-Joe, what'r you doin here?"

Billy-Joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "Well, Betty-Sue an I was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she ain't never been with a man' afore.... so's I rushed outta there, an' lit back here... quick as I could!"

His father grasps Billy-Joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "SON, Ya done the right thing.... Iffin she ain't good'nuff fer her family, she shure as shit ain't good'nuff fer ours!!"

*Wizard's Note: No offence, eh?

He-AHH!

The Peepee List

Next time you go to the public toilets you may observe one of the following types of vistors:

Excitable Type
Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.

Sociable Type
Joins pals for a piss whether he wants one or not.

Timid Type
Cannot piss if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.

Noisy Type
Whistles loudly, peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's tool.

Indifferent Type
All urinals being occupied, uses sink.

Clever Type
Pisses without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time.

Vain Type
Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.

Absent-Minded Type
Opens jacket, takes out tie, pisses in pants.

Worried Type
Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while pissing.

Disgruntled Type
Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to piss, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.

Sneaky Type
Drops silent farts while pissing and looks at the bloke next to him.

Sloppy Type
Pisses on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.

Learned Type
Reads a book or newspaper while pissing.

Childish Type
Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while pissing.

Strong Type
Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.

Drunken Type
Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pisses in trousers.

Embarrassed Type
Covers tool with both hands and pisses through fingers.

Cock-Eyed Type
Stands in one cubical and pisses in next one.

What Is It?

From Vulcan AB

Figures That this would be the masthead on their newspaper...

Click here to read

TROY

Click above to read more...

Big Brother is Watching!

Libertarian magazine Reason will be spooking the hell out of its 40,000 subscribers with its June issue.

Each reader will receive a customized cover featuring a satellite picture of their neighborhood with their home circled in red.



Editor-in-chief Nick Gillespie says the 40,000 individualized covers hammer home the point of the cover story - the power and pervasiveness of databases and their impact on personal privacy - or lack thereof.

Anyone else think Reason won't have a problem getting folks to resubscribe after this?

*Via Boing Boing

Microsoft virus bounty leads to Sasser arrest, but new variant discovered

IDG News Service

A multi-million dollar Microsoft Corp. reward program to encourage people to identify computer virus writers has led to the arrest of a teenager in Germany on suspicion of writing the Sasser computer worm. However, a new variant of the worm appeared Sunday, according to computer security organizations, which shows that there is an "organized group of delinquents" engaged in creating and distributing these worms, security specialist Panda Software SL's PandaLabs unit said in a statement.

The Sasser.E worm exploits the same Microsoft Corp. Windows LSASS vulnerability targeted by its predecessors and has already infected millions of computers, according to PandaLabs. The situation is likely to get worse when company staff return to work after the weekend, PandaLabs said in its statement.

Sasser.E searches the Internet for vulnerable computers and then copies itself to the Windows directory, leading to a systems error which forces the infected computer to reboot every 60 seconds.

The same patch which protected against earlier versions of Sasser are also effective against Sasser.E, security experts said.

You can find the instructions and patch by clicking on the 'OZ' Archives, 05/02/2004 - 05/08/2004 "Sasser One Of Largest Worms To Date". Then use keys 'Ctrl' + 'F' to search for "sasser" (without the quotes...)

Mexican air force confirms UFOs were filmed over country in March... (They HAVE anAir Force????)

MEXICO CITY (AP) - Mexican air force pilots filmed 11 unidentified flying objects in the skies over southern Campeche state, a Defence Department spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

This image made from video shows unidentified flying objects in the skies over southern Campeche state filmed by Mexican Air Force pilots on March 5, 2004. (AP)

A videotape made widely available to the news media Tuesday shows the bright objects, some sharp points of light and others like large headlights, moving rapidly in what appears to be a late-evening sky.

The lights were filmed March 5 by pilots using infrared equipment. They appeared to be flying at an altitude of about 3,500 metres and allegedly surrounded the air force jet as it conducted routine anti-drug trafficking vigilance in Campeche. Only three of the objects showed up on the plane's radar.

"Was I afraid? Yes," said radar operator Lieut. German Marin in a taped interview made public Tuesday.

"A little afraid because we were facing something that had never happened before."

"I couldn't say what it was...but I think they're completely real," added Lieut. Mario Adrian Vazquez, the infrared equipment operator.

Vazquez insisted there was no way to alter the recorded images.

The plane's captain, Maj. Magdaleno Castanon, said the military jets chased the lights "and I believe they could feel we were pursuing them."

When the jets stopped following the objects, they disappeared, he said.

A Defence Department spokesman confirmed Tuesday the videotape was filmed by members of the Mexican air force. The spokesman declined to comment further and spoke on customary condition of anonymity.

The video was first aired on national television Monday night then again at a news conference Tuesday by Jaime Maussan, a Mexican investigator who has dedicated the last 10 years to studying UFOs.

"This is historic news," Maussan said.

"Hundreds of videos (of UFOs) exist, but none had the backing of the armed forces of any country...The armed forces don't perpetuate frauds."

Maussan said Secretary of Defence Gen. Ricardo Vega Garcia gave him the video April 22.

Microsoft Contraceptive2004

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive2004, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.

Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive2004 suite consists of three products: Condom2004, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1. A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive2004 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.

Contraceptive2004 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches. While Contraceptive2004 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs install the package. At installation, the Condom2004 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most
requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your
partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs
to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive2004 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $69 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.

This great new contraceptive product will help users do to each other what monopolies have been doing to their would-be competitors for years.

"Never complain and never explain."
-- Benjamin Disraeli

Google searches more sites more quickly, delivering the most relevant results.

Introduction

To quote Google: "Google runs on a unique combination of advanced hardware and software. The speed you experience can be attributed in part to the efficiency of our search algorithm and partly to the thousands of low cost PC's we've networked together to create a superfast search engine.

The heart of our software is PageRank™, a system for ranking web pages developed by our founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin at Stanford University. And while we have dozens of engineers working to improve every aspect of Google on a daily basis, PageRank continues to provide the basis for all of our web search tools.

PageRank Explained

PageRank relies on the uniquely democratic nature of the web by using its vast link structure as an indicator of an individual page's value. In essence, Google interprets a link from page A to page B as a vote, by page A, for page B. But, Google looks at more than the sheer volume of votes, or links a page receives; it also analyzes the page that casts the vote. Votes cast by pages that are themselves "important" weigh more heavily and help to make other pages "important."

Important, high-quality sites receive a higher PageRank, which Google remembers each time it conducts a search. Of course, important pages mean nothing to you if they don't match your query. So, Google combines PageRank with sophisticated text-matching techniques to find pages that are both important and relevant to your search. Google goes far beyond the number of times a term appears on a page and examines all aspects of the page's content (and the content of the pages linking to it) to determine if it's a good match for your query. "

'OZ' has recently been upgraded to a 3/10!!!! While that sounds low, it is actually quite an accomplishment for me!



So what is PageRank in a nutshell??

In short PageRank is a “vote”, by all the other pages on the Web, about how important a page is. A link to a page counts as a vote of support. If there’s no link there’s no support (but it’s an abstention from voting rather than a vote against the page). If you have the Google toolbar, then clicking on the happy face will give one vote to the page that you are on. it doesn’t matter where you start your guess, once the PageRank calculations have settled down, the “normalized probability distribution” (the average PageRank for all pages) will be 1.0, and , since 'OZ' is a '3' then that makes the wizard very, very happy! That's probably why the Wizard is so sold on Google! It just works better than any other search engine I have ever tried. Yes! Even better than the meta-crawlers.



Integrity

Google's complex, automated methods make human tampering with our results extremely difficult. And though we do run relevant ads above and next to our results, Google does not sell placement within the results themselves (i.e., no one can buy a higher PageRank). A Google search is an easy, honest and objective way to find high-quality websites with information relevant to your search.

While you are at it, download the Google Deskbar:



Click on the toolbar or deskbar pictures to get them!
Wizard's Note: No, I am NOT being paid by Google!"

Incidently, my blog also appears as a cached thumbnail on MSN!

Injured boy walks 2km to save dad

WITH every rib in his little body broken and his lungs on the verge of collapsing, seven-year-old Tyler Moon trudged through 2km of bushland to save his father's life. Tyler and dad David, 40, had been zooming around on the family's quad bike in bushland next to their property near Milton, on the New South Wales south coast.

But in a freak accident on Saturday morning, the bike hit a large wedge of wood and jolted suddenly, throwing the pair over the handlebars. The bike landed on top of David, with the motor still running. Tyler's mother, Gail, said her son was as "white as a ghost" when he reached the door of their home, about 10am. "Daddy told me to tell you he needs an ambulance," was all the youngster could muster before he collapsed, Mrs Moon said. She immediately phoned their nearest neighbour, Noel Brereton who helped David to crawl free from the bike.

"I want to thank Mr Brereton and the NRMA Careflight officers who have helped to save my family's life," she said. "It's been the biggest shock of my life. I'm just thankful they're alive because it could've been a lot worse."

NRMA Careflight director Ian Badham said he will be recommending Tyler to the Royal Humane Society for a bravery award. "What Tyler did was above and beyond the call of duty," he said. "In reality, Tyler's injuries were probably worse than his Dad's and if he didn't walk to find help, it's possible both he and his dad wouldn't be here.

"Kids seem to have an amazing ability to carry-on and push themselves when adults can't." Mrs Moon said her husband and son rode the family's $11,000 Kawasaki quad bike every weekend through a network of bush trails in the forest backing on to their 2.8ha property. "They do it all the time. This was just a freak accident," she said.

Mrs Moon said the pair were not wearing helmets. Tyler was conscious and in a stable condition yesterday, managing to weakly ask his mother if his dad was OK. Mr Moon suffered internal injuries and was rushed back into surgery yesterday morning. His condition remains critical. Mrs Moon said she last spoke to her husband just before he went into surgery on Saturday night.

"He was laughing with me and saying he'd be going home tomorrow," she said. The family moved to the south coast, where Mr Moon works as a detail manager for Holden in Ulladulla, four years ago. Mrs Moon said she has received a flood of support from the south coast community. "I've had a lot of phone calls from people throughout the night," she said. Mr Badham said quad bikes were notorious for accidents. "Quad bikes is an apt name because they turn people into quadriplegics," he said.

"We go to at least one accident every month involving these bikes. "They offer no protection for the riders."

Curious Gator Hangs Out On Lawn

COLORADO - A Colorado man got quite a surprise outside his home last week. An alligator had taken up residence on his lawn.

Fluffy the gator is 12 feet long and 550 pounds. Fluffy had escaped from his handler's vehicle and ended up on the lawn in Colorado Springs. It took four men to wrangle the gator. Fluffy's handler was taking him to a wildlife show when he got loose. Police ticketed the man for not having a permit to keep an alligator. No one was hurt by the curious gator. Fluffy was safely placed back into the owner's vehicle.

Cat maims Postman Pat

TERRIFIED postmen are refusing to deliver mail to a house — because they are scared of a dangerous CAT. They say their hands are being ripped to shreds by ginger tom Bat as they shove post through the cat flap. The posties also claim the six-year-old moggie claws their legs with vicious swipes. Now bosses have sent owner Dan Coyne a letter saying deliveries are suspended because of the “guard cat”.

Stunned Dan, 23, said last night: “I can’t believe they are scared of him.” But the sales manager did admit: “Bat is a bit of a psycho and has been known to launch himself at people. “He gets very wound up by the postman and sits under the cat flap waiting for him.

“As the postie pushes the letters through, I’ve seen Bat try to swipe him with his claws. “He was a rescue cat and is only little — but he does get stroppy.” Dan, of Cranbrook, Kent has been told to collect his own post until he takes action to control Bat.

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS. HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS ......................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

*Thanks, Alex!

Seems Right To Me...

"If you aren't rich, you should always look useful."
-- L.F. Celine

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Igloo Contractors...

50 Things to do in a Public Restroom

1.Comment "Pooh, who did that?"

2.Complement people on their shoes.

3.Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.

4.Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.

5.Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in their bowl.....

6.Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.

7.Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"

8.Simulate a drug deal.

9.Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).

10.Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

11.Start a sing-a-long.

12.Act schizophrenically.

13.Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....

14.Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

15.Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"

16.Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."

17.Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

18.Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.

19.Say "Oops... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.

20.Rub chocolate on your hands, reach under the door and say, "Hey buddy. Got any toilet paper? (Stolen from Howie Mandel.)

21.At night, switch off the lights.

22.Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"

23.Collect a door charge.

24.Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?"

25.Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.

26.Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl.

27.Write essay questions on the toilet paper.

28.Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.

29.Offer refreshments.

30.Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

31.Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"

32.Charge admission.

33.Electrify metal urinals.

34.Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.

35.One word: GOLDFISH.

36.Make a jelly in the bowl.

37.Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard.

38.Remove stall doors.

39.Glue seat and cover down to bowl.

40.Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance.

41.Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.

42.Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

43.Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

44.Replace soap in dispenser with custard.

45.Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.

46.Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.

47.Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).

48.In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this....)

49.Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.

OK, So Only 49!

Microsoft Word - New Version!

The Pysanka

All PYSANKY are created the same way, the only thing that differs is the design on each egg. All designs are an accumulation of ancient symbols arranged in different patterns, and differing color schemes.

1 pysanka, 2 pysanky, 3 pysanky, four

The name PYSANKA comes from the Ukrainian word pysaty which means "to write" since the designs are written on the egg. The ending letter "a" or "y" refers to the number of decorated eggs. Pysanka means one egg, and pysanky is plural. Originally the eggs were kept full to keep the mystical powers intact. But in modern days of changing air pressure and shipping, some empty the eggs to ensure a safe delivery with no mess or smell. The designs are the most important for the well-wishing gifts. The pysanka on the left still has the yolk inside and rattles if you shake it. The other two were emptied.

You can enjoy your pysanky for an entire life time. Unless broken, the eggs will last forever.

* Thanks Vlad for the eggs! I have always wanted some of them! =)

One For The Birds

Before you click, remember to look at the 2 birds, study them closely and watch their habits. See if you can spot which of the two is female. It can be done. Even by someone with skills whatsoever in bird watching.
Disclaimer: What conclusions you draw are your own. Under NO circumstance am I implying which is which.

Now Click here.

*Thanks, Bright Eyes =)

Vive La Difference! Pride Festival

Here is the final list of events for the whole of Pride Week:

(GLHS will be holding their GALA Awards and Silent Auction on Saturday June 5. Tickets are $30 and are available at GLHS 665-1224)

Saturday, June 12:

Pride Parade Caravan: Leaving Saskatoon Saturday Morning to go to Regina. This is an organized train of cars that will travel together and stop along to the way, making it the World's Longest Pride Parade!

(GLHS is also arranging transportation going down. $10 will get you down to Regina and back the same day. Please call GLHS at 665-1224 by June 6 for more details.) (If you are going down to Regina and need to book a room, the SUPER 8 on Victoria is holding rooms under "Saskatoon Pride Parade' block. $62 for 1-4 people (plus taxes). Call 1-800-854-9518 to book your room by May 18. Confirmation #55773649)

Saskatchewan Pride Parade: The parade is in Regina this year. Line up is at 11:00am at the Legislature, there is a mini-rally at 11:45am, and the parade launch is at noon. The route this year is going north on Albert St, East on Victoria Ave. to Victoria Park where the main Parade rally will be held.

Sunday, June 13:

Unitarian Pride Service: At the Unitarian Center. More details to follow.

Family Day in the Park: This old favourite is back, with games, prizes, barbecue and lots of lounging in the grass of beautiful Ashworthe Holmes park. 2pm to 7pm. Come out and enjoy!

Monday, June 14:

Official Pride Flag Raising: City Hall 10am

Hank Fabulous and the Cheese Factory: This one man cabaret show is making a special appearance for Vive La Difference! There will be more details soon.

Tuesday, June 15:

Pride Movie Night: This year the Broadway Theatre is showing Madame Sata. With your Official Pride Guide, you get in for $3.50.

Lipstick and Balls Pool Tournament: This Pride Festival favourite is back again! Pair up with a Drag King or Queen and compete for some awesome prizes. Sign up is at 6:30pm and the tourney starts @ 7pm, at Breakzone Billiards on 3rd Ave. South.

It's My Party Drag Show: Come down to Diva's and celebrate Mr. Diva's 2004, Just-in Tyme's Birthday with a comedy drag show. Show starts at 10pm. Please email just-intyme@shaw.ca for more details or to perform.

Wednesday, June 16:

Art Attack Reception: This art show being displayed at Headquarters Bar, will debut with a reception, also hosted by Headquarters. More details to follow.

The Hump: A special Pride edition of the Hump will broadcast from Amigo's Bar, starting at 9pm. Rainbow Radio's Nicole White and Ryan Wylie will host. Come out and listen to all your favourite tunes, and have a great time!

Women's BathHouse: Steamworks is holding a women-only night at the bathhouse. Bring your towel dresses and sense of fun for a wild night!

Thursday, June 17:

Pink Tea Party: This reception will take place at the University Library and will feature a display of the Archives Neil Richards has organized, following Queer culture through the times. It will also launch their new web site.

Queer-o-rama: Bring your twinkle toes and your competitive spirit for a night of Bowling against all your friends! Teams will be randomly chosen that night, and there will prizes for Best Team Total, best Male Single and Best Female Single, as well as door prizes. Sign up that night is at 6:00 and the tourney starts at 7pm. Sign up early by emailing Darren @ queer_o_rama04@hotmail.com.

Friday, June 18:

Open Secrets: The Francis Morrison Library will be screening this National Film board documentary about queer soldiers in World War II at 12pm.

Pride is the New Black: The 3rd floor of the Avenue Building, 220-3rd Ave. South, will host the second annual Youth Fashion and Art Show. Featuring art and clothes designed and modelled by Saskatoon's queer and queer friendly youth, this promises to be another big success for SDN's Youth Chair. More details will follow.

High Energy Drag Show: Diva's Private Club presents this annual Drag Show full of pep and vigor. Show starts at 10pm.


Saturday, June 19:

First Annual Community Fair: Mosey on over to the Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan tents for an afternoon of fun. Browse through displays from local Community organizations and shops, play some games, like Dunk a Drag Queen, and grab a burger. More details will follow.

Pride Festival Dance: Taking place at the Shakespeare site again, this Pride favourite is the place to be on Saturday Night!

For More Information, Read about it on SDN's Website. Click Above.

Save This One For A Bad Day....

*Thanks, Pammy!