biarn teirwsts

1) The Elder Twin

One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?

2) Manhole Covers

Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle which can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

3) The Deadly Party

A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

4) Trouble with Sons

A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?

5) The Man in the Bar

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.

This puzzle has claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.

Click here for the answers.

Mad Cow?

Click above to go to 'Human Descent.'

Passing Wind

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing....

SHE WAS SOOO blonde...

SHE WAS SOOO blonde....
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she thought General Motors was in the army.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
at the bottom of an application, where it says "sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

SHE WAS SOOO blonde....
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she sent a fax with a stamp on it.
she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
under "education" on a job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

SHE WAS SOOO blonde....
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
she told me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk."
she asked for a price check at the "Everything For A Dollar" Store.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

SHE WAS SOOOO blonde....
she studied for a blood test.
she sold her car for gas money.
when she went to the airport and saw a sign that read "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

SHE WAS SOOOOO blonde....
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occurred around home, she moved.
she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
she thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

No offence meant to the blonde women out there.... =)

Cool Toy!

"Now You Can Find It!" Ultra 8 Wireless RF Electronic Locater

Always losing your glasses? Remote? Keys? Kid's favorite toy? "Now You Can Find It!"® locater puts a pager on all elusive things!

If your home telephone's "PAGER" button is its most used and valued feature — helping locate a misplaced cordless handset — you'll wonder how you ever lived without Sharper Image Design's® universal pager system, "Now You Can Find It!"® This upgraded version now includes eight RF receiver discs that beep and flash to help you quickly and easily locate a missing object.

Just attach one of the eight RF receiver flashing beeper discs to any of those elusive objects that seem to wander off by themselves. When an item is lost, just press its corresponding button on the portable radio-frequency transmitter base and carry it from room to room. The receiver disc flashes and beeps with varied cadence when the base gets within 40 feet of the wayward item.

Each flashing beeper disc secures to virtually any object with its keyring or double-sided adhesive pad; write a name or apply a sticker for each item opposite its button on the portable base. The discs and buttons are color-coded; additionally, they're coded with Braille-like bumps so someone with limited vision who's lost his or her eyeglasses can use this system.

The base comes with a magnetic mounting bracket that attaches to a metal surface, such as a refrigerator or a filing cabinet. The base unit itself will start beeping if it hasn't been returned to the bracket within six minutes — so it won't be misplaced!

Only $69.95 USD + Shipping!

*The Sharper Image

The Latest Report on Windows Longhorn: New Error Codes Assigned!!

Winerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything
Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly
Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)
Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)?
Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error
Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename
Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash
Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited
Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy
Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors
Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered
Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement
Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time
Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found
Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize
Winerr 00F - Reserved for Future Coding Errors
Winerr 010 - Virus Error - Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead
Winerr 011 - Orwell Not Found; You Must Use MSN
Winerr 012 - Cash Underflow - Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated
Winerr 013 - Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down
Winerr 014 - User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue
Winerr 015 - Error Message Deleted
Winerr 016 - Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error Sequence
Winerr 017 - Multitasking Attempted; System Confused
Winerr 018 - Network Error - Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations
Winerr 019 - Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To Continue
Winerr 01A - Insult Detected -- Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted
Winerr 01B - Error Removing Temp File; a Permanent File Will Be Substituted
Winerr 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.
Winerr 01D - Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota
Winerr 01E - Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here
Winerr 01F - Error In Progress; Please Wait....
Winerr 020 - Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To Remember
Winerr 021 - Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error
Winerr 022 - Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reload Everything

Robinson steps down after 'pocketing' jewelry

Click on the picture for the story.

When $2 bucks costs you $40...

I made a banking error, and an automatic debit due to come out of my account in the amount of $22, was bounced as I only had $20 in the account. The following day, the debit was reversed, followed by an NSF charge of $30, an overdraft charge of $12.50 and overdraft interest of $0.01. That 'interest and service charge' amounts to somewhere over 2000% interest. Note that they really only advanced $2.00, for one day. C'Mon! Even pawn shops only charge 10% for 7 days!

"The Scotia Father"

Sounds like organized crime to me. I don't have the money to repay the debt, so maybe they will send a goon to break my knee-caps.

Then again, maybe I will just have to pay better attention, after all... it was the service charges from last month that I did not take into account.....

Ask the Wizard

A friend's computer is having the following problem:

If he has his system on for 2-3 hours, the OS (Win98) on an older computer (PII), becomes unstable. However, if he reboots, it is ok for another 2-3 hours, but becomes unstable again (ex: applications lock up, the start menu is unaccessible).

He installed all MS updates. (not a likely cause)
He has run a virus scan with Norton 2004.(big program...takes tons of resources)
He has removed all spyware. (May have been an issue)

You having this problem?

Older computers running WIndows 98, (Don't even ask about Windows 95, eh?) can have problems with the resources dropping too low to continue to run properly. Having adequate memory is always a good idea, it won't help with low resources if that is indeed the problem. Check the free resources after running the computer for a few hours and see what the percentage is.

My bet is not enough memory, too many programs running in the background, a slow older processor and low resources. Sometimes it only takes one more program installed that gets put into the startup group to have conflicts and problems. Having a computer with only 64 MB of memory is asking for problems.

Upgrade or Happy rebooting!

Famous Gay Celebs!

 

Click here.

Hospital Stay

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth when a young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet. "Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".
Again he struggles to ask, "But nurse, are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and say's, " there's nothing wrong with them"!

The man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test...results...back?

*Thanks, Pammy =)

Lindoze and Windoze

Lindows morphs to Linspire

A Linux software vendor, announced on Wednesday that it would formally change its desktop operating system name from LindowsOS to "Linspire."

The company has been facing off with Microsoft Corp. in trademark battles around the world, and it said it renamed its OS product in an effort to end Microsoft's international legal attacks. The Redmond, Wash., software giant has sued Lindows for trademark infringement over the similarity between the Windows and Lindows names.


Microsoft issues flood of critical patches

Microsoft Corp. on Tuesday released a flood of information on new and previously disclosed holes in a wide range of software products, many of them rated "critical" and well-suited to use by malicious hackers or computer virus writers, according to one security expert.

The company published four security bulletins, MS04-011, 012, 013 and 014 containing patches for 20 unique software vulnerabilities. Critical holes were found in the Internet Explorer Web browser, a standard Windows component for managing local system security and authentication, the Microsoft Secure Sockets Layer library (SSL) and Remote Procedure Call (RPC) Runtime Library, which is installed with Windows, Microsoft said.

The software patches touched a wide range of Microsoft's products, from Windows 98 through Windows Server 2003 64-bit edition, as well as a number of versions of the Outlook Express e-mail program.

See post further down on 'OZ' for how to protect yourself.

My Big Fat Greek Drag Queen

Click on the picture.

DaffyNitions

A friend and I were discussing the definition of marriage, as the priest had mentioned it at the Easter Sunday Mass I attended with another friend, (Mom, don't have a heart attack.... I attended!).. anyways, this Father started Mass 10 minutes early so that he and the Parish could congratulate a couple celebrating their 60th year as a married couple...

This quote, (as much as I can remember), is as follows:



"I congratulate you on your 60 years of marriage. It is an accomplishment. But I must let everyone know, that the government is planning to change the definition of marriage, from one man and one woman...worse... they want to change it so that a man can marry another man and a woman can marry another woman..."

I told my friend, how strange is it that the one day in the last year I choose to try the RC's again and the Priest comes out with this! My friend, (A Catholic), answered quite candidly... "Hmmm.... aren't Priests married to the Church?" I found that quite profound and amusing...

*Thanks, Brian.

Brought To You By Some Of Those Who Died In IRAQ

Click on the picture to see what I mean...

*Thanks, Daryn =)

Stick It To The Telemarketers!

Click here.

SaskTel Help Desk

*Thanks, Daryn

Killer Kites

Seven people were killed and more than 100 injured during an annual kite-flying festival in Pakistan. Apparently, festival-goers often use pieces of wire instead of string to fly their kites and the kites are often equipped with sharp objects to 'attack' other kites.

Police say three people were electrocuted when their kite wires touched power lines, two died falling off roofs, one person killed after being stabbed by a kite while riding a motorbike and a 12 year-old boy was hit by a car, trying to catch a stray kite on a main road.

*Planet S

Ever Wonder...

"Why is it that when people speak to God, They are praying... but when God speaks to people, they are 'nuts'?"

--Monica, 'Touched by an Angel', 2003

Learn Yer Kid Good

Click on the flag to see why...

Where Do YOU Want To Go Today?

As we "celebrate" the first 25 years of Microsoft, we take a look ahead at what the future holds for the next 20 or so years at Microsoft...

2004 Supreme Court rules to break up Microsoft.

2005 President Gates disbands Supreme Court, orders break up of Sun Microsystems, IBM and Oracle.

2006 Windows 2004 released.

2007 Microsoft purchases Napster-Disney-Cisco-Coke-Ford-Avis to compete with Oracle-AOL-3Com-Pepsi-GM-Hertz and GE.

2008 Windows NT 4.0 Service Pack 84 released.

2009 Gates' second term as President begins.

2010 Microsoft Office surpasses the 18 Terabyte mark.

2012 Windows 2010 Service Pack 1 released.

2013 Windows 2010 released.

2015 Microsoft releases Internet Explorer 6.0 for Apple Macintosh.

2016 Microsoft enhances their only innovation by introducing the "Red Screen of Death."

2020 Bill Gates purchases Linus Torvalds. (Inventor of LINUX)

2021 Researchers develop first crash-proof operating system, then destroy it. They are just that evil.

2024 Microsoft genetic engineers realize Bill Gates' childhood dream and develop the first talking rabbit.

2025 A reunited Backstreet Boys perform at the 50th anniversary of the founding of Microsoft.

Dangerous Vulnerabilities in Microsoft Windows

Six new vulnerabilities related to Microsoft Windows were announced today. The discoveries include critical flaws in Windows Remote Procedure Call (RPC), Local Security Authority Subsystem Service (LSASS), and in the rendering of Windows Metafile (WMF) and Enhanced Metafile (EMF) image formats. Of the six newly discovered, four are extremely critical since they allow for the remote execution of code on unpatched machines.

Systems Affected
Affected systems include all current versions of Microsoft Windows and Windows Server 2003.
(This means you!)

Potential Impact
These vulnerabilities could potentially allow an attacker to take complete control of an affected system. An attacker could then take any action on the affected system, including installing programs; viewing, changing, or deleting data; or creating new accounts with full privileges. eEye and Microsoft have released detailed advisories to alert Windows users of the need to immediately secure vulnerable machine.

The most effective way to protect vulnerable systems is to apply the hotfixes released by Microsoft. The hotfixes will remediate these vulnerabilities, and can be found here: (Download them to an easy spot like the desktop. Install one at a time. Reboot after each install, even if it doesn't prompt you to do so.)

http://www.microsoft.com/technet/security/bulletin/MS04-011.mspx
http://www.microsoft.com/technet/security/bulletin/MS04-012.mspx

From The Mouth Of Guinan...

"If you vacuumed the rug in the Oval Office... You would come up with enough DNA to start a whole new civilization."

--Whoopi Goldberg, 2004

The ZEN of Computing

In Japan, they are considering replacing the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.

Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.

Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Top Ten Viruses and Latest Ten Virus Alerts

Top 10 viruses in March 2004
1 W32/Netsky-D
2 W32/Netsky-B
3 W32/Netsky-C
4 W32/Bagle-C
4 W32/Netsky-J
6 W32/Bagle-E
7 W32/Netsky-P
8 W32/Bagle-H
9 W32/Bagle-J
10 W32/MyDoom-A
Source: Sophos Anti-Virus

Latest 10 virus alerts
13 Apr Troj/LdPinch-L
13 Apr W32/Agobot-FZ
13 Apr Troj/Webber-H
9 Apr W32/Agobot-GA
8 Apr W32/SdBot-CM
8 Apr W32/NetskyP-Dam
8 Apr W32/Netsky-U
7 Apr Troj/Bagle-X
7 Apr Troj/Dloader-N
7 Apr W32/Sdbot-HB
Source: Sophos Anti-Virus

Today Is "ANANOVA DAY"

Call it what you want...but The Wizard is lazy today....

The end of your world...or time for lunch?

Scientists have come up with a computer program which lets you find out if an asteroid hurtling towards the Earth is heading in your direction.



The Earth Impact Effects Program will reveal whether you should jump in the car and drive for your life or relax and finish your lunch.

It will calculate the crater size, the energy released by the impact, and the effect on the surrounding area.

The program can be found at the Arizona State University website . Users are asked to type in their distance from the predicted target zone, size and composition of the object, and information such as impact velocity and angle.

Asteroids can be nearly a thousand kilometres in diameter and lie in a zone called the asteroid or the main belt, between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter.

For example: (Based on My Inputs):

Distance from Impact: 3000.00 km = 1863.00 miles
Projectile Diameter: 1000000.00 m = 3280000.00 ft = 621.00 miles
Projectile Density: 1500 kg/m3
Impact Velocity: 100.00 km/s = 62.10 miles/s
Impact Angle: 90 degrees
Target Density: 1500 kg/m3
Target Type: Competent Rock or saturated soil

Energy: 9.38 x 1014 MegaTons TNT - the interval between impacts of this size somewhere on Earth is 3.7 x 1013years.

Final Crater Diameter: 10162.11 miles

Time for maximum radiation: 315.54 seconds after impact.

Visible fireball radius: 30860.2 km. The fireball appears 2337.9 times larger than the sun

Effects of Thermal Radiation: Clothing ignites, Much of the body suffers third degree burns, Newspaper ignites,Plywood flames, Deciduous trees ignite, Grass ignites. The major seismic shaking will arrive at approximately 600.0 seconds. Richter Scale Magnitude: 14.6 (This is greater than any shaking in recorded history)

The ejecta will arrive approximately 1021.5 seconds after the impact. My position is beneath the continuous ejecta deposit. Average Ejecta Thickness: 1022997.07 ft. The air blast will arrive at approximately 10000.0 seconds. Max wind velocity: 29916.8 mph. Sound Intensity: 170 dB.

Damage Description: Multistory wall-bearing buildings will collapse. Wood frame buildings will almost completely collapse. Multistory steel-framed office-type buildings will suffer extreme frame distortion, incipient collapse. Highway truss bridges will collapse. Highway girder bridges will collapse. Glass windows will shatter. Cars and trucks will be largely displaced and grossly distorted and will require rebuilding before use. Up to 90 percent of trees blown down; remainder stripped of branches and leaves.


Note from The Wizard: These results come with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY

*Ananova

Hitler loses honorary citizenship

Adolf Hitler's honorary citizenship of an Austrian town has been cancelled - 66 years after it was originally granted.

Wizard's Note: And its about #%@$ing time!



The small town of Haslach in Upper Austria was the last Austrian town to have kept the honorary status for Hitler.

It was granted in March 1938 and finally scrapped this week when the town's council decided unanimously to strip Hitler of his honorary status.

Mayor Norbert Leitner from the Social Democratic Party said: "This was a democratic cleansing act, and more than necessary."

His predecessors had believed the honorary status had automatically been eradicated with Hitler's death and therefore never declared it officially void. The mayor acted after finding it was still valid.

In Germany the town of Bitterfeld in Sachsen-Anhalt is the only one still with Adolf Hitler on their list of honorary citizens.

*Ananova

Giant pandas too fat to mate

Conservation workers have introduced an exercise regime for giant pandas in Chinese zoos because they're too fat to mate.



The overweight pandas have such difficulty with the opposite sex that it's hampering breeding efforts aimed at conserving the endangered species.

"They're fat, their limbs lack strength, and they run out of gas quickly after standing up to have sex," panda expert Tang Chunxiang said at a conference in Hong Kong.

Pandas are being encouraged to lose weight and strengthen their limbs. They need help to get through the mating season, which usually starts in March and last three months, reports Xinhuanet.

More than 140 pandas live in captivity around the world. Chinese experts are teaching survival skills to some captive pandas with the hopes of releasing them into the wild next year.

*Ananova

Gambler gets his life back with single spin

A man who risked everything he owned on a single spin of the roulette wheel has left Las Vegas victorious.

Ashley Revell, 32, from Kent, sold all of his possessions to raise cash for the one-off bet.

He raised about £80,000 from car boot sales and auctions before heading for Vegas to put the lot on red.

When the ball finally settled on red 7 he punched the air with delight at the Plaza Hotel and Casino. The result means he pockets around £135,000 rather than returning home empty-handed.

He said: "That was just the most amazing experience I have ever had in my life. The first thing I am going to do is buy some new clothes, some sunglasses, obviously!

"It was just wicked, I mean it was just...I can't describe my feelings going through that. It has just been a complete sort of rollercoaster ride. First it's on, then it's off.

"I just wanted to get the bet over with, and know either way. Obviously, I was feeling lucky, but I just didn't know.

"Really all I am going to do now is chill out, my family are here, my friends are here, so just spend some time with them.

"The main thing I have learned from all this it wasn't really about the money, it's easy for me to say now I have won of course, but it is important my family and my friends were there to back me up; and if they weren't there I wouldn't have risked everything."

He said before the big gamble it was the "purest bet you can do". He added: "I'm not married and I haven't got kids. It's almost like my last chance to go mad. It is just a matter of me saying 'red' or 'black' and that will change the future."

*Ananova

Germany retains marbles crown

The World Marbles Championship trophy is heading back to Germany after British teams failed in a bid to win back the crown.



Twenty-seven teams gathered at the 'Home of Marbles' - the Greyhound pub in Crawley, West Sussex - to contest this year's event.



After hours of nailbiting action, The Saxonia 1 team emerged triumphant following an all-German final.

They beat their compatriots, 1st MC Erzgebirge, by 24 marbles to 11, having overcome British hopes The Handcross Rebels by a single marble in the semi-final.

Organiser Sam McCarthy-Fox said an American contingent had also been expected to take part in the competition, but cried off at the last moment with a "collective bad back".

Hundreds of spectators turned out to watch the mixed teams of six players show their skills on a special sand pitch in the car park.

The tournament has been held at the pub in Tinsley Green since the 1930s.

*Ananova

Robber tries to claim witness reward

A man who robbed a petrol station in Norway disguised as a ninja has been arrested after coming forward as a witness in a bid to claim a reward.

Aftenposten, quoting Norwegian newspaper Agderposten, says he only netted a few pounds from a knife-point robbery in Arendal before escaping on a bike.

He decided to to supplement the cash by ringing up the newspaper and asking for a tip-off fee.

The man is said to have told reporters: "I saw a man run into the station. He had a ninja-like hood, was carrying a knife and had a sword sticking up from the back of his trousers."

He gave his name and telephone number before going to police to testify as a witness - where he was recognised by a customer at the petrol station and arrested.

*Ananova

Thieves dump moody alligator

Zoo officials say thieves who stole an alligator called Mr Cranky Pants released him again after discovering how moody he can get.

The four-year-old alligator was snatched from a reptile park north of Sydney over the weekend, but was later spotted in a nearby creek.

Al Mucci, of the Australian Reptile Park in Somersby, said: "Mr Cranky Pants is a cranky pants, he gets moody and so they probably messed with the wrong alligator and dumped him."

The culprits had scaled two barbed-wire fences and climbed into an alligator pit to steal Mr Cranky Pants.

It is the third time an alligator has been stolen from the park in the past two years. Mr Cranky Pants will now undergo a quick medical check before he is reunited with his family.

Mucci said: "He looks relieved to be back. You can tell with alligators by their eyes whether they're stressed or not stressed, and he looks glad to be back."

*Ananova

Wry Humour

A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God. The postman seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.

It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week. The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did.

Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God. Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it through the Knights of Columbus next time as the Masons kept half.

*Masonic Humour

Quoth The 'Wilde' One...

"The highest, as the lowest, form of criticism is a mode of autobiography."
--Oscar Wilde

The Swan

Pure trash... don't even get me started. Women: Boycott this one. Men, tell your women you like them the way God created them!....Nuff said!

Anti-Spam & Spyware Removal Programs

What is spam? I am talking about the flood of unasked-for email that is invading our email inboxes. What is spyware or adware? Spyware and adware can be secretly placed on your computer when you install certain software, or download music, games or movie clips. Here are two programs designed to help with these problem areas. I use them both together... AdAware first, followed by SpyBot.

AdAware by Lavasoft - Best of the Net
Most people are familiar with freeware, shareware, cookies, media players, interactive content, and file sharing. What they may not realize is that some of these may contain code or components that collect information about those using them. Lavasoft has developed several applications that will provide you with the means to keep your computer or network free of these threats to your privacy.

SpyBot - Search and Destroy
Search & Destroy can detect and remove a multitude of adware files and modules from your computer. Spybot can also clean program and Web usage tracks from your system, which is especially useful if you share your computer with other users. Modules chosen for removal can be sent directly to the included file shredder, ensuring complete elimination from your system. And for advanced users, it allows you to fix Registry inconsistencies related to adware or malicious program installations. The handy online update feature ensures that Spybot always has the most current and complete listing of adware, dialers, and other uninvited system residents.

Pop Ups can be blocked by installing the Google Toolbar. (Note: It's Spyware free) Get the Damn Toolbar! It's worth it!

Nightmare or regulation, your choice

By Mark Gibbs
Network World, 03/08/04

When does a product or service become so important to our culture that it becomes what you could call "cultural infrastructure"? By that I mean something that, if you removed it from our lives, would have serious financial and/or social consequences that would compromise the well-being of a significant number of people.

What is on my mind is the role of Windows in our culture. A couple of weeks ago at the RSA Conference, Microsoft revealed it is taking a new approach to computer security called "behavior blocking."

This actually isn't a new idea - Cisco and Network Associates use this concept today - but in Bill Gates' conference keynote address (something Gates usually turns into a marketing pitch) he said, "you can really think of this as taking the notion of secure by default to the next level."

Unfortunately, Gates offered no details of the technologies to be used or when they might appear. But the message is clear: Microsoft wants us to think that something is being done and that the company's Trustworthy Computing initiative hasn't stalled out.

But we can't wait for protection from all the threats that face us and we can't trust in hand-waving as a guarantee that we will have security in the future.

Just consider what would happen if a virus appeared tomorrow that capitalized on some obscure, hidden code in the Windows kernel that let it infect any machine it could connect to. Let's say that it could do so silently.

Now let's further suppose that at a set time the virus trashes every infected machine's registry or maybe deletes the host PC's file allocation table.

"Couldn't happen!" you say? How do you know it hasn't already happened and that the trigger data just hasn't been reached yet? What if that date is tomorrow? Or in 10 minutes?

Whatever this threat exactly is or whenever it might do it, we would have a catastrophe in the making. The scale of the problems this could cause would be staggering - booking systems down, point-of-sale systems dead, back-end systems offline - it would be a disaster of biblical proportions.

In the 1800s when the railroads were being developed, it wasn't obvious at first that they would become cultural infrastructure. The same applied to the telephone system and the gas and oil industries, the power supply industry and on and on.

But at some point we noticed that it was necessary for us to elevate these products and services to the status of cultural infrastructure and regulate them. We didn't take the businesses away from the owners of the railroads and the telephone systems as was done in Europe, but rather we created a regulatory structure that was supposed to ensure the integrity of the services for the benefit of the people.

Of course, politics and vested interests have made what was originally a philosophically and ethically sound idea look more like a fight for bargains at a post-Thanksgiving red-tag sale, but that is, unfortunately, the nature of politics.

Be that as it may, without such regulation, our society would be very different and less cohesive than it is today. This is because there is a very real limit to how much we can trust our fellow man to do the right thing.

Therein lies the problem with Windows. It has gone beyond being just a product and has evolved through its success into cultural infrastructure. And now it needs regulation.

While I, like you, dislike government interference in general, just think of what things would be like without regulation. Think telephone service is bad now? Deregulated telephone service probably would be a nightmare. A nightmare rather like the situation we could be in unless Microsoft gets security right or we take charge and make the software company get it right.

The Wizard is Sad...

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Opinion

"'This disc will self-destruct in 48 hours.' That is the warning The Walt Disney Co. will issue this August when it begins to 'rent' DVDs that after two days become unplayable and do not have to be returned."

- Reuters, May 16, 7:34 p.m. EST

First, there was King Canute attempting to turn back the tide of the sea. Now there's the Walt Disney Co. trying to turn back the tide of piracy with what has to be one of the dumbest ideas in the history of the increasingly desperate attempts by media companies to protect their intellectual property.

©Disney

It will work when as soon as the protective wrapper on one of these "special" Disney DVDs is stripped off, a reaction between the air and a chemical in the disk will cause the DVD to begin to turn black, rendering it unreadable by the DVD laser in two days.

The reason this is dumb is that until the disk becomes unreadable, it can still be copied on any computer with a DVD reader, which means that providing you can copy the disk within 48 hours there's nothing to stop you from copying.

On top of that, there will now be millions of "dead" DVDs creating yet another giant pile of non-biodegradable trash. As Homer Simpson would say, "D'oh!"