A Canadian teen has been arrested by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police on charges relating to a virus first identified last summer.
The 16-year-old youth from Mississauga, Ont., can't be named under the country's Youth Criminal Justice Act. He is facing numerous charges, including mischief to data, fraudulent use of computer systems and aiding and abetting mischief to data, according to Sergeant George Wiegers of the RCMP's Integrated Technological Crime Unit in London, Ont.
"The allegations are that he was distributing the Randex virus," he said. "Basically there was a complaint made in a foreign jurisdiction...and one of our international policing partners advised us of the complaint and that is when our investigation began."
Wiegers was not able to identify where specifically the complaint came from, as that information could compromise any ongoing investigations. He was also, for the same reason, unable to confirm or deny that the teen was the author of the virus.
According to Symantec Corp.'s Security Response team, Randex — or W32.Randex.E — is an Internet relay chat (IRC) Trojan which allows the creator the ability to control an infected computer though IRC. Since it was first discovered, it has spawned more than 100 variants, according to antivirus and security firms.
At least 9,000 computers were affected by the Randex virus, according to the RCMP.
"Plus, the capability of the Trojan packages that come with the virus is that it installs an innocuous program on the affected computer that would listen to a particular channel on an IRC server somewhere and the administrator of that channel could issue a select set of commands," Wiegers explained, "and it could either generate tons of spam e-mail or it could alternatively generate a particular type of distributed denial of service attack on any IP address specified."
The charges were laid against the youth on May 7, and he will appear in a Brampton, Ont. court in June 3.
The RCMP was brought in on this particular case strictly because of its international angle, Wiegers explained, adding that there are technological units in city and provincial police forces which also deal with these types of crimes.
Monday, May 31, 2004
A Canadian teen has been arrested by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police on charges relating to a virus first identified last summer.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
The study, which also surveyed non-drug users, found that those who regularly took ecstasy suffered from mainly long-term memory difficulties, and that they were 23 per cent more likely to report problems with remembering things than non-users.
The British research team, led by the University of Newcastle upon Tyne, also questioned volunteers about their use of other recreational drugs. It found those who regularly used cannabis reported up to 20 per cent more memory problems than non-users. Their short-term memory was mainly affected.
Because evidence has shown ecstasy users are likely to use other drugs, including cannabis, the researchers say they are vulnerable to a myriad of memory afflictions which may represent a ‘time bomb’ of cognitive problems for later life.
Results of the study are published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology.
Volunteers were posed questions about their everyday and long-term memory and asked to rank the probability of scenarios such as finding a television story difficult to follow and forgetting to pass a message onto somebody.
The research team based their findings on responses from 763 participants but they also looked closely at a sub-group of 81 ‘typical’ ecstasy users who had taken the drug at least ten times.
As well as analyzing volunteers’ responses to the memory tests, the team recorded the number of mistakes made when filling in the questionnaire.
They found the group of ‘typical users’ reported their long-term memory to be 14 per cent worse than the 480 people who had never taken ecstasy and 23 per cent worse than the 242 non-drug users.
In addition, this group made 21 per cent more errors on the questionnaire form than non-ecstasy users and 29 per cent more mistakes than people who did not take drugs at all.
Lead researcher Dr Jacqui Rodgers, of Newcastle University in England said: “Users may think that ecstasy is fun and that it feels fairly harmless at the time. However, our results show slight but measurable impairments to memory as a result of use, which is worrying.
“It’s equally concerning that we don’t really know what the long-term effects of ecstasy use will be, as it is still a poorly understood drug. The results indicate that users are potentially creating a time bomb of potential cognitive difficulties in later life.
“The findings also suggest that ecstasy users who take cannabis are suffering from a ‘double whammy’ where both their long-term and short-term memory is being impaired.”
A survey of more than 2,000 smokers shows just how addictive nicotine is when 62 percent of smokers in six European countries said they felt the New Year is a good time to quit, but only three percent used it as a trigger to stop.
"In every single country the vast majority of smokers want to stop," says Dr Alex Bobak, of the anti-smoking group SCAPE.
"The motivation is there but they don't go about it in the right way."
Nearly 80 percent of British smokers, almost 70 percent in the Netherlands, France and Germany and more than 55 percent in the Belgium and Spain would forgo sex rather than live without cigarettes for a month.
Although 60 percent of European smokers said they would try to quit if it affected their love life, 35 percent of smokers admitted they have never attempted to stop smoking.
Fear of health problems was the biggest motivator to quit, followed by concerns for their family and the cost of cigarettes but 62 percent who tried to quit began smoking again within a month.
He wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching himself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young man standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him.
The blonde takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde Flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
Saturday, May 29, 2004
He is in the upper bunk and she is in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
IDG News Service (27 May 2004)
The company posted a security advisory for W64.Rugrat.3344 on its Web page Thursday. The virus is rated low threat and does not appear to be spreading on the Internet, Symantec said. Instead, Rugrat is believed to be a "proof of concept" virus written by the same author of at least six other virus "firsts," Symantec said.
The virus infects Windows Portable Executable files, including many Windows 64 applications, spreading to files in the same folder as the virus file and in subfolders, Symantec said.
Rugrat does not appear to be designed to spread, but is a "direct-action infector," meaning it stops running immediately after infecting files, Symantec said.
Symantec researchers have linked Rugrat to a family of six viruses called W32.Chiton.gen, which are all believed to be the work of the same author. Each virus in the family demonstrates a different "first ever" infection technique, including W32.Shrug, the first known virus to use the Thread Local Storage structures in Windows NT, 2000 and XP to run virus code, and W32.Chthon, the first virus to run as a native application in Windows NT, 2000 and XP, Symantec said.
Friday, May 28, 2004
I wouldn't buy it.
Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket. "I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of making a special trip," he proudly explained.
I was impressed. "Thanks. I had to ask."
"No problem," he answered, then he continued to take our orders. As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.
My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. "Excuse me, but...uh...why, or what...about that string?"
"Oh, yeah" he began in a quieter tone. "Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too."
"You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh, selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!"
"Oh, that makes sense," I said, but then thinking thru the process, I asked "Hey, wait-a-minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the other guys; but I use my spoon.
Los Angeles, California) Fox Television has dropped plans to air a controversial two-hour reality show where two straight men were to be shown competing for a $50,000 prize by trying to fool people -- including their close friends -- into thinking they're gay.
Fox President Gail Berman decided to pull "Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay" from the network's schedule following concerns raised by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.
The furor over the program arose as soon as the first press statement from the network was released.
"It’s a heterosexual male’s worst nightmare: turning gay overnight," said the p.r. statement. (story)
GLAAD asked for a copy of the tape of the show and Fox issued an apology for the press release.
After viewing the tape, Joan M. Garry, GLAAD's Executive Director called the show "an exercise in systematic humiliation"
Contestants complained in the program that they were "trapped in gay hell." One contestant had to tell his former wrestling teammate that he liked the sport because he enjoyed "close contact with sweaty boys." And later in the week he had to fork-feed dinner to a blind date, get the man to spank him and fool him into securing a second date.
Garry asked to meet with Berman to voice her concerns.
"Fox deserves a lot of credit for doing the right thing here," said Joan M. Garry, GLAAD's Executive Director.
"They offered us an advance copy of the show and were incredibly responsive to our grave concerns. They worked with us to schedule a meeting and preempted that meeting with a decision to shelve the show."
Fox has asked GLAAD to participate in a larger meeting around the network's representations of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.
"This should serve as a model for other networks producing gay-themed programming," Garry said. "Such programming should be done well -- or it shouldn't be done at all."
Thursday, May 27, 2004
When I finally discover that this has not been done then I usually have to reboot by holding the start button in until it shuts down. I do not know what this rundll32.exe file is except that it is in the startup when I go to msgconf.
This is beginning to be a problem as my children can not seem to remember to ever wait for it. Any suggestions?
The rundll32.exe file is a necessary Windows file. The problem is that some other program that uses it is not shutting down properly. The first thing that comes to mind is an adware/spyware problem.
I recommend downloading AdAware and Spybot-Search & Destroy and running them to check for these culprits before doing anything else. I did find this one on a friend's pc. It came 'Free with a p2p music program called morpheus:
save - save.exe - Process Information
Process File: save or save.exe
Process Name: Save
Description: Application that provides users with coupons and offers while browsing the Internet. The application captures the web site addresses and search words and displays popup advertising related to sites that the user visited.
System Process: No
Security Risk ( Virus/Trojan/Worm/Adware/Spyware ): Yes
Common Errors: N/A
Depending on the version this will show as SAVENOW, SAVE, or WHENUSAVE in Windows 95/98/ME, and it will show as SAVENOW.EXE or SAVE.EXE in Windows NT4/2000/XP. In theory SaveNow (also called WhenUSave in newer versions of the program – SAVE.EXE is the newer program file) is a program that brings you relevant coupons and offers and alerts you to various deals and services when you surf the web. SaveNow is installed on your computer as a module that will have come with WhenUShop or other software that you downloaded from the Internet. SaveNow intercepts website addresses you type in your browser’s address bar, and search words you enter on search engine sites, and uses those words to display popup advertising of deals and bargains which are related to the type of sites you are visiting, or the type of searches you have been making. In my opinion SaveNow/WhenUSave is both spyware (what else is it sending to its central site from your PC?) and an intensely annoying parasite while you are browsing the web, and I do mean "intensely" !
Remove immediately ! Go to "Start \ Settings \ Control Panel \ Add/Remove Programs", select "SaveNow" (or "WhenUSave", or just "Save"), and click "Add/Remove". Also run either Ad-Aware or Spybot Search & Destroy.
Try running AdAware and Spybot in safe mode. Also make sure they are fully up to date. If you still cannot get it out I also found removal instructions here.
Let me know how it goes.
*By the way, Flashing can get ya put in the slammer!
Allow 3/4 hour to complete. I got in the low 60's. Whatever that means. They said I must get drunk more often... Click here.
It IS worth the time!
My Favourite: 'knock knock.' 'who's there? ' 'fornication', 'fornication who' 'fornication like this you should wear a black tie.
My apologies for the URL name....
"From Tolerence To Acceptance"
Click above to visit the site
The Fondation Émergence gives the following definition of homophobia:
Homophobia is a negative attitude, a bad feeling, a malaise or an aversion towards homosexual persons or homosexuality in general.
his definition has the merit of presenting the two faces of homophobia: the one that targets individuals, and the one that aims at homosexuality per se. Although homophobia has always existed, it is only recently that we were able to give it a name, and, especially, that we came to realize that it constitutes an unacceptable attitude in a civilised society, which can be equated to sexism, racism or xenophobia.
All I Want From You (Is Away)
All My Exes Live In Texas
All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"
Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
Bubba Shot The Jukebox
Bubba's Inconvenience Store
Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain
Cow Cow Blues Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...
Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...
Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)
Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter
Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)
Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load!
Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI)
Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride Don't
Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)
Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)
Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI)
Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)
Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP)
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)
Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (not sure it's a real song)
Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.
Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)
High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)
Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again
How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him?
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)
How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight?
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database
I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs
I Don't Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe
I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
Written by Jack Clement (BMI)
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line
I Got Through Everything But The Door
I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI)
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y "
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database
I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como. If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category! On the other hand, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"which would move it right back into the "country" category.
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz
I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now
by Reuben Darnell
If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks
If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen
If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your Shoes"
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)
If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)
If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train
If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
by Joe Diffie (ASCAP)
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.
If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP)
If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
3 songs titled "If Today Was a Fish" in the BMI database.
If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)
If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
by Neal McCoy (BMI)
If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
by Tommy Collins (BMI)
If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI)
If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will
If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Three songs in the BMI database with this title.
If You Leave Me I'm Gone
by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)
If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave
If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)
If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me!
If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right
by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)
If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart
If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
Written by Cliffie Stone & Merle Travis. Also recorded by Boxcar Willie and Glen Campbell.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
From Letters to the editor, Saskatoon Star-Phoenix, Saturday May 15, 2004
Gay Dad's can make great parents! I know, because I am one!
Focus on the family's recent ads focus on a young heterosexual couple and their son. This family is blond and fair-skinned, typically Aryan¹, with the larger and muscular husband dominating his smaller submissive wife and their son, who looks perplexed. The caption reads: "We believe in Mom and Dad. We believe in marriage."
But "Mom and Dad," the parents of the couple, are not in the ads. With the exception of one black-skinned man, who is out of focus, the ads show only Caucasian people, all of them young or youngish but not old.
Behind the young Aryan family, I see, not "Mom and Dad," but seven smiling young ladies, who are not quite Aryan and do not have male partners. Is blond better, I wondered. And what if their Aryan son grew up to be gay? Would he still be family. Are assign, heterosexual, homophobia, male chauvinism, and racism the "principles of healthy living" which Focus on the Family promotes? When ads are this slick and subtle, such questions are not unreasonable.
Do not discount the love of 2 good parents, STR8 or GLBT.
To be fair, it is nice to see the father holding his son in the ads. And the ads say some fine things about the family, parenting and marriage. But most gay people believe those things the same as most straight people.
So why exclude gay people from marrying and from adopting children as the ads advocate? Why degrade Canadian citizenship before the civilized world by retaining the current definition of marriage, which relegates gays to scene-class citizenship?
And if charitable, tax-exempt status is granted to Focus on the Family,(Canada), a U.S. import, why not grant it to some home grown organizations such as Equal Marriage and Egale?
Focus on the Family is out of focus!
Saskatoon, SK Canada
Ar´yan Pronunciation: är´yan or ăr´ĭ`an
Noun 1. Aryan - a Caucasian person of Nordic descent,(and not a Jew),Caucasian, White, white person - a member of the Caucasoid race
2. Aryan - a member of the prehistoric people who spoke Proto-Indo European Indo-European primitive, primitive person - a person who belongs to early stage of civilization
Adj. 1. Aryan - of or relating to the former Indo-European people; "Indo-European migrations" Indo-Aryan, Indo-European
The United States has received "credible intelligence" that al Qaeda is planning an attack on US soil "in the next few months", US Attorney General John Ashcroft has said.
He said that the information had come from "multiple sources".
Fresh attack warning"
"Credible intelligence from multiple sources indicates that al Qaeda plans to attempt an attack on the United States in the next few months," Mr Ashcroft confirmed.
"This disturbing news shows a particular intention to hit the United States hard.
"Beyond this intelligence, al Qaeda's own public statements suggests that it is almost ready to attack the United States."
Mr Ashcroft also warned the public about seven al Qaeda operatives who were described as "armed and dangerous".
He said the seven posed a "clear and present danger" to the United States.
Earlier, the White House had warned that the United States was entering a "serious threat period" with regard to possible terrorist attacks.
Madrid: Europe and Iraq have borne the brunt of recent attacks
With many major national and international events coming up over the next few months, US officials warned that they are all vulnerable to terror attacks.
"We are in a serious threat period, and our law enforcement and Homeland Security officials are acting to address the threats we face here at home," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.
He listed the June Group of Eight summit, the World War Two memorial dedication and the July 4 Independence Day celebrations as potential targets.
The parties' political conventions, the November 2 elections and the presidential inauguration next January were also mentioned.
"There are high-profile events in the coming months that, while not specified in terms of being a target in our intelligence, they certainly present a possible target," said McClellan.
The director and producer of the new Harry Potter film have clashed over whether the stars will outgrow their characters.
Director Alfonso Cuaron believes the film's teenage stars will stay in their roles for the full seven-film series.
But producer David Heyman reckons the films will be unable to keep pace with the books and will need younger stars.
Daniel Radcliffe, who plays Harry, Rupert Grint, as Ron, and Emma Watson, who plays Hermione, have already begun work on the fourth film, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
And Cuaron said he thought it would be "priceless" if the three stars continued their roles until the end of the seven-story series.
"Right now they're doing number four. There's only three more to go. I just hope they keep the same cast for the whole thing," he said.
"So far, they're holding up very good, the way that they are ageing. I don't think Dan is going to get way much taller or suddenly grow another eye. Same with Emma, and Rupert is OK."
But Heyman says he thought it doubtful whether the trio would to star in the fifth film, The Order of the Phoenix.
"There will come a point when one, two or all three of them will move on. I don't know when that will be - with the fifth, sixth or seventh movies - but it's inevitable," he said.
Harry Potter ages one year with each of J. K. Rowling's books, but film-makers have been unable to keep pace, with a two-year gap between the second film, The Chamber of Secrets, and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
A US student has developed a robot that can do origami.
The ancient Japanese art involves folding paper into delicate three-dimensional models
It's relatively simple for people but a new challenge for robots, reports New Scientist.
Devin Balkcom, a student at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, designed and built a robot capable of making simple origami objects, such as planes and hats, as part of his research into robot dexterity.
The robot holds the paper using a suction cup and creates folds by pushing the paper into slots.
"Our primary interest in origami is manipulation," Balkcom writes on his web page.
"We are currently working on understanding more complicated origami skills - like reverse folding, squash folding, the rabbit ear, and prayer folding - that require the simultaneous manipulation of multiple non-colinear creases."
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
IDG News Service (Boston Bureau) (21 May 2004)
Toronto-based All Computers Inc. filed a patent lawsuit against Intel Corp. Thursday claiming that Intel's Pentium II processor infringed upon a circuit design patented by All Computers.
The lawsuit seeks over US$500 million in damages as well as an permanent injunction against Intel, said Ed O'Connor, a lawyer with Levin & O'Connor in Laguna Beach, Calif., that is representing All Computers.
According to a copy of the complaint, Intel's Pentium microprocessors infringe upon a patent for circuitry that controls the frequency of signals heading to microprocessors through a chipset.
The system clock in a chipset runs at a slower speed than the processor core clock, which is up to 3.4GHz in some of Intel's chips, said Kevin Krewell, editor in chief of the Microprocessor Report in San Jose, Calif. A phase lock loop is responsible for synchronizing the system clock and the core clock so the chipset works properly, he said.
In the past, the phase lock loop could only work with core clocks that were whole multiples of the system clock, but All Computers founder Mers Kutt developed a circuit design that allowed chip designers to run core clocks at fractional multiples of the system clock, O'Connor said.
Intel used Kutt's circuitry in the Pentium II processor without a license, according to O'Connor. All Computers only recently realized that Intel had used the technology, he said.
Dear Wizard of OZ;
Our domain uses Windows 2000 Active Directory in Native mode. We have Exchange 5.5 running on a Windows 2000 Server and recently added an Enterprise Exchange 2003 server running on Windows Server 2003. The Windows Server 2003 server is *not* a domain controller.
We're migrating mailboxes to Exchange 2003. Everything seems to be working properly, except...when a user accesses an Exchange 2003 mailbox from Outlook 2003, the user gets an error that says "Your Microsoft Exchange Server is unavailable" with options to Retry, Work Offline or Cancel. If the user clicks Retry, eventually the mailbox opens but works very slowly. If I change the security settings in the client's Outlook settings from "Kerberos/NTLM Password Authentication" to "NTLM Password uthentication," it works properly. The user can access the mailbox and everything works quickly.
OWA works fine. Accessing Exchange 2003 mailboxes using Outlook 2000 or Outlook XP works fine.
The client's Event Log has two errors:
-- Event ID 40960: The Security System detected an attempted downgrade attack for server exchangeRFR/exchange2k3.cramerdom.com
-- Event ID 40961: The Security System could not establish a secured connection with the server exchangeRFR/exchange2k3.cramerdom.com
If I log in as Administrator, I can open an Exchange 2003 mailbox using Outlook 2003 and Kerberos security without any problem, and it opens quickly.
Do you know the solution?
Dear Exchange Student,
I am not quite sure what is causing the symptoms you describe, so I need you to believe your instrumentation and focus your detective work on finding out why an average user account would insist that no logon server was available while an administrator account could find a logon server with no problem.
Outlook 2003 is the only version of Outlook that uses Kerberos authentication and, because Outlook 2003 worked fine in NTLM mode, it appears to me that the problem might center around the inability on the part of the user to obtain a Kerberos session ticket to the Exchange server.
David, to get a copy of Kerbtray from the Windows 2000 for Windows Server 2003) Resource Kit. The Kerbtray utility puts a little green icon in the Notification Area (used to be called the System Tray). If you click the icon, a window opens that shows the Kerberos Ticket Granting Tickets (TGT) and session tickets issued to the user.
If everything works correctly, an Outlook 2003 user should show a set of Kerberos session tickets for Exchange services, including the Referral (ExchangeRFR) service listed in the Event Log entry. Also, if you hold the Ctrl key down and right-click the Outlook icon in the Notification Area, you can open a Connections window that shows you the names of the domain controller, the Global Catalog server, the Exchange mailbox server, and the Exchange public folder server where the user connected.
Also, make absolutely sure that DNS is configured correctly at the client and at the Exchange 2003 server. A failure to find a suitable SRV record will cause Kerberos errors. By using Ipconfig /flushdns to flush the DNS resolver cache, then launching Outlook, then viewing the resolver cache with Ipconfig /display DNS, it's possible that you might find No Record Available errors where you would expect to find SRV resource records.
Also, See if the user belonged to a large number of groups. If a user's group membership gets too large, the paAuth data field that holds SID information in a Kerberos ticket will not fit in a UDP datagram. This forces Kerberos to use TCP, and it would not be the first time that this shift to TCP-based Kerberos transactions caused strange symptoms to appear.
Hope this helps.
(After the fact) While experimenting with these tips, David found the cause of the problem. Apparently he had migrated the users' mailboxes from Exchange 5.5 to Exchange Server 2003 using an account that did not have sufficient admin rights in the Exchange organization. The account was able to create the e-mail attributes in Active Directory and move the mailbox contents, but when the user logged on with Kerberos rather than NTLM credentials, Exchange refused to open the mailbox. I don't have a good explanation why an NTLM logon worked, but when David moved the mailbox back to the Exchange 5.5 server then moved it again to the Exchange 2003 server using an account with full Exchange Administrator permissions, an Outlook 2003 user was able to access the mailbox using Kerberos authentication.
Monday, May 24, 2004
Nude Gnomes Too Much For Police
Lewd garden gnomes have had their private parts covered with painted-on swimwear after their owner was warned by police.
Tony Watson, from Barnsley in South Yorkshire, displayed his naked gnomes outside his house.
Bare faced cheek
But instead of standing in cute fishing poses or enacting scenes of bucolic tranquility, Mr Watson's gnomes bared their breasts and buttocks.
The models caused such outrage that police told the ex-army sergeant he faced arrest for causing public offence.
A police spokeswoman said: "It is an offence to display something that is insulting or likely to cause distress.
"Although some people view the gnomes as a bit of harmless fun, we have to take complaints from members of the public seriously."
One of the gnomes now sports a polka-dot bikini, said local resident John Threlkeld, who passes the gnomes every day on his way to work.
A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy up. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means, "screw you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better -- and he vowed revenge.
The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage, where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on.
Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
Soccer fans eager to make their Subbuteo table top sets (Soccer Tables) as real as possible can now add a streaker to their collection of figures.
The three-quarter-inch pitch invader comes complete with his own policeman and the company is also offering a female version.
The New Naked Streaker
Subbuteo's latest addition comes courtesy of Tom Taylor, owner of the world's only shop dedicated to the game.
He has drawn up strict rules on when the streakers can be deployed.
Mr Taylor, 52, from mid-Wales, said: "The streaker and the police officer must always be positioned behind the goal line.
The policeman (r) steps in
"At any time during the match a player can shout 'Streaker' and place his or her streaker in the penalty area."
After they storm the pitch, the referee must yell "Apprehend" to the attacking player who must take a police officer and flick him or her, attempting to hit the streaker.
"If the streaker is hit, an arrest has been made," added Mr Taylor.
The naked invader can only be used by a player if the opponent has to simply tap the ball into an empty goal.
A passenger at Cologne airport stunned staff who asked him to remove his belt by taking off his trousers instead.
The 35-year-old was checking in for a flight to Munich when the security signal went off as he was searched.
Staff told him to remove his wide belt, which was covered in metal rivets.
At first the man refused but then airport police told him it was the only way they would allow him to fly.
He finally gave in but instead of taking off his belt, he stripped out of his trousers and put them through the x-ray machine.
He then walked through the security gate in only in his underwear before getting back his trousers on the other side.
Airport security spokesman Guenter Ahr told the Express news the rules that led to the strip were necessary.
"You never know whether something is being hidden inside a belt and the rivets are only there to distract staff," he said.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Shrek 2 has broken box office records in the US, taking $11.8m in one day.
It has scored the biggest midweek opening ever for an animated feature, beating the record set by Pokemon: The First Movie in 1999.
A spokesperson for Dreamworks, which made the film, said the opening "exceeded all of our expectations".
Shrek 2, which features the voices of Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz, is in competition at the Cannes Film Festival
The original film, which also competed at Cannes when it was released in 2001, made $267m at the US box office and $455m worldwide.
The sequel sees Myers and Diaz reprising their roles of the green ogre Shrek and his sweetheart, Princess Fiona.
Eddie Murphy, who supplied the voice of Shrek's sidekick Donkey, also returns, while cast newcomers include John Cleese, Jennifer Saunders and Antonio Banderas.
The film is set to break another record in the US over the weekend, by being screened in 4,163 cinemas - making it the largest debut of all time.
"This is unprecedented - I've never seen a movie open in that many theatres," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Exhibitor Relations, which tracks cinema audiences in the US.
A scientist was successful in cloning himself.
He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's an ASSHOLE!" The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SON-OF-A-BITCH!"
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.
The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged."
The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for "Making an obscene clone fall...."
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.
As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.
Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.
Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...
"I dinna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"
Saturday, May 22, 2004
The two old boys were rocking back and forth on the front porch of the Happy Trails Gay Senior home. They had been together for more than 50 years, and now they enjoying their golden years at the retirement centre.
Slowly they rocked, in rhythm as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly Bruce stopped, grabbed his cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit Mort across the shins.
Poor old Mort's eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that fer?"
"That's fer fifty years of bad sex," Bruce said.
Mort just nodded his head, saying nothing.
Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly Mort stopped, and picked up his cane.
He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit Bruce across the shins.
As soon as Bruce's eyes quit watering and he could speak he asked, "What was that fer?"
"That," said Mort, as he began to rock again, "is fer knowin' the difference."
A talking toilet that warns men about missing their target has become a hot seller in Germany.
Women fed up with men with a poor aim are reportedly particularly keen to buy the new gadget, according to the Herald Sun newspaper.
It is placed under the toilet rim and, if the seat is lifted, declares in a stern female tone:
"What are you up to then? Put the seat back down right away. You are definitely not to pee standing up ... you will make a right mess."
The talking toilet is set to be sold across Europe.
Coaster Does Up To 4 1/2 Gs
Thrill-seeking students went out Friday trying to set a new world record in Surrey, England riding a roller coaster naked.
Braving cold weather and pouring rain, 82 students took their clothes off and boarded one of England's toughest coasters.
It was a successful attempt to set the first world record for the largest number of people to ride a roller coaster naked.
The Nemesis Inferno ride is one of the fastest in the United Kingdom.
It includes several 360-degree turns along a 799-yard course and gravitational pulls up to 4½ times the level normally felt on earth.
Staff at the Thorpe Park theme park organized the event to coincide with the park's 25-year anniversary.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Dear Wizard of OZ
My 12 year old daughter's new Dell Dimension 2400 pc had the sasser worm last month ( she forgot to tell me that her MacAfee virus free trial had expired).
I renewed the anti-virus program and it deleted the sasser worm. I then went to Microsoft updates and I thought I had downloaded the security patch for sasser .. but apparently , it did not install.
She told me last night that her pc was very slow downloading web pages so this morning I did another virus scan and the dang sasser was back. MacAfee deleted the worm.
I went back to the updates site and clicked on installation history and it said that the sasser worm patch failed to install.
I then tried to download the patch again ( KB840374) and again it failed to install - will download but when attempting to install , the screen says : something - something - files not found .
So ... what is going on ? What else do I need to do to prevent her pc from being infected by sasser ??? Why won't the patch install ???
Dear Sassy Dad
First, Did you go to the antivirus web site and read how to remove the worm? Many times you need a specific removal tool or program to do it right. I would suspect it isn't completely gone and that is why the patch won't install.
Second, The trial McAfee may not include auto virus updates. So, when new viruses come out, you may have to update it your self. But when you buy McAfee on line (which is better than a store bought disk for the same reasons) Your anti virus protection is updated automatically.
Third, Symantec (Norton) has a removal tool for the Sasser worm. It is at:
You will probably need to run the removal tool before the patch will install since the worm modifies the registry.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
A Trojan horse may be responsible for an online banking scam that has cost at least two Winnipeg customers thousands of dollars.
The Winnipeg Police Service this week is investigating two cases where money was transferred unknowingly from bank accounts. One family charges that $2,500 has been taken from their account and a retired teacher in April reported $2,000 removed from his account without his knowledge. The department also has information pertaining to five other individuals who lost money with the same scam.
So far the police investigation is focused around a man who recently emigrated to Canada from an unidentified locale in Eastern Europe. However the police would not comment further for fear it would compromise their investigation.
According to computer security experts, online banking scams and identity theft are proliferating in this country. While Canadian e-banking customers have yet to see a surge in identity theft similar to the U.S., the banks say the onus is on consumers and enterprises to protect themselves.
"If you look at identity theft in Canada, there were 13,000 incidents last year up from 8,000 the year before. In the United States there was half a million and that [difference is] because Canadian banks really got it together early on. The cost of fraud is huge so the [banks] want to make sure it's taken care of. You've got five major banks in Canada — there's over 5,000 in the United States," said Rosaleen Citron, CEO of WhiteHat Inc. in Toronto. "[The U.S. banks] don't have the co-ordination and the governing rules and regulations the Canadian banks have put on themselves."
Keystroke loggers are the most frequently used tactic for crooks targeting banking information, said Tom Slodichak, chief security officer of WhiteHat Inc. in Toronto.
"Although a Web session with their financial institution is usually encrypted, the keystroke logger intercepts the keystrokes before any encryption occurs, so they will get all the information — the account numbers, the names, the passwords or PINs or whatever they need to impersonate that [individual]," he said.
Additionally, "phishing" expeditions — where users are directed to a mirror site of their bank, for example, and asked to input personal information — have become more common. Usually the users are lured to the mirror site via e-mail — they are sent a phony message telling them to log on to the site because they need to update their information, for example.
Fortunately, these scams are something enterprise users don't really have to worry about, Slodichak said.
"The enterprise is fairly well-protected. We've seen a real resurgence of back-to-basics philosophy on the part of IT departments where they're now practicing pro-active patch management — as soon as a patch is announced companies are patching systems — and this is in light of damages from virus-related activities in the last year or so," he said.
The next step is ensuring antivirus applications are updated often, he added.
However, the home user remains largely unprotected and less-inclined to engage in good security practices, Citron said.
"It's a question of educating the masses because the enterprise's largest threat comes from unpatched and non-virus-protected computers out in the home," Slodichak said. Employees working at home with insecure computers may unknowingly pass on malicious code to their companies.
The prevailing attitude among the banks surveyed by IT World Canada — the Royal Bank of Canada (RBC), the BMO Financial Group (BMO), Scotiabank and TD Group Financial Services (TD) and the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC) — is that the bank's primary role is to educate customers about Internet security and identity theft.
"Customer education is far more important than knowing about individual cases. It requires daily vigilance on the part of the bank to educate our customers and we do that through our safe computing processes, which is prominently accessible on our Web site at all times," said Sharon Hodder, vice-president of Internet services at Scotiabank in Toronto.
Trojans AND Viruse AND Fraud..OH-MY!
Citron agrees. "The problem you're dealing with is not the amount of security the bank is putting up. Remember the bank isn't the one that is being affected here — it's the home user and they're being caught before they even connect to the bank," she said.
Hodder declined to comment whether any Scotiabank customers have been duped out of money through Internet scams.
The banks have mounted educational campaigns to teach the public about Internet security threats. For example, all five major Canadian banks — RBC, BMO, Scotiabank, CIBC and TD — have varying degrees of information on their Web sites ranging from instructing users how to get antivirus and firewall applications to security tips, updates and identity theft. However, the security information is generally linked at the bottom of the main Web page and is listed in very small font. The exception is CIBC which has no literature on its Web site about antivirus or firewalls. Its security section contains information about updating Web browsers, clearing a cache, cookies and enabling Java. However, that is about to change. CIBC spokesperson Rob McLeod said the bank will be updating its security section on its Web site to include information about firewalls and antivirus plus more safe computing guidelines.
TD has partnered with Symantec Corp. to provide a 90-day free trial of the security vendor's Norton antivirus and personal firewall. At the end of the trial Symantec offers the products at a discounted price to TD's online banking subscribers, said TD spokesperson Simon Townsend in Toronto.
RBC has previously partnered with Zero-Knowledge Systems Inc. firms for antivirus but there is no offer now for subscribers.
Judi Levita, a spokesperson for RBC in Toronto said the bank provides comprehensive information about safe computing practices and how to prevent financial fraud but some RBC customers have fallen victim to identity theft.
"We have about a quarter of million clients log in to online banking every week and we have had incidents where clients have engaged in high-risk activities and as a result have had their computers compromised. Anyone who is online needs to be aware that there are less than scrupulous people out there and they need to take precautions," Levita said.
Back in November 2003 hackers sent out mass e-mails hoping to targeting legitimate bank customers from Toronto-based BMO and Montreal-based Mouvement des Caisse Desjardins. The e-mails told consumers to click on a link to verify e-mail addresses, customer numbers, passwords and memorable data.
BMO, which learned of the scam from customers, contacted the Internet service provider hosting the spoof site, which immediately shut it down. Mouvement des Caisse Desjardins tracked down an Internet Service Provider (ISP) in Pennsylvania and had it close the other spoofed site.
"Its clear that phishing and the incidences of identity theft is growing and its a concern," said Robert Garigue, CSO at BMO in Toronto. "We see lots of activities on the Internet of organizations trying to collect people's identity by spoofing that looks official, whether its eBay, a bank or a municipality. They ask people to send it user names and passwords and usually you're redirected to the official site but on the way the Trojan collected your name and password and that is occurring a lot."
There's been an increase in these activities because networks are becoming more secure — there's a lot more security at the endpoints with firewalls and strong authentication from the service provider, he said. Additionally, Web sites are designed better nowadays and are more impervious to break-ins so criminals are finding it easier to target the consumer than the bank, Garigue said.
When asked about the prospect of the banks scanning user computers to check for up-to-date antivirus software both Garigue and Scotiabank's Hodder said that would be a violation of a user's privacy. Additionally, CIBC's McLeod indicated that the bank also does not plan to execute conduct system checks.
Overall, WhiteHat's Citron said the banks have done a great job in securing their networks.
"The Canadian banks are probably the best in the world when it comes to security," she said. "They have taken the big bank vaults from the 1940s and moved it out to the Internet. So they have probably the largest groups of anti-fraud, anti-criminal groups that you can imagine and they meet regularly — these guys have really got it going on."
Coronation Street's Gail and Eileen are to be seen brawling in the street when news of Todd's gay fling is revealed.
Gail (Helen Worth) is furious when she discovers Todd has been cheating on her pregnant daughter Sarah with male colleague Karl.
She storms over to the Grimshaws to confront Todd (Bruno Langley), calling him a 'two-timing, twisted, lying pervert'.
Gail, still wearing her towelling dressing gown, is stopped by Todd's mother Eileen Grimshaw (Sue Cleaver) who throws a punch at Gail, leaving her reeling.
The episode is being screened next Sunday on CBC.
A young mother has reportedly been given a parking fine because she took too long to get a car park ticket.
Victoria Annand took some time to get to the ticket machine because she had to take her two-year-old daughter out of the car, put her coat on and comfort her when she started crying. There was also a queue for tickets at the machine, says the Sun.
But that didn't stop two wardens ticketing her with a £30 fine in the meantime.
Ms Annand said: "I couldn't believe it. One of the attendants was like a little Hitler. There were no signs saying there were any time limits."
She has now appealed to council chiefs in Birkenhead, Merseyside.
A Wirral Council spokesman said: "On occasion parking tickets can be issued mistakenly. There is a fair appeals procedure."
Smart-ass Answer #1:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Smart-ass Answer #2:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart-ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart-ass Answer #4:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low bridge ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Smart-ass Answer #5, THE TEACHER SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow, I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess I'd say you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
How Jews got the 10 Commandments
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better." And the Arabs asked, "what are Commandments ?" And the Lord said, "They are rules for living." "Can you give us an example ?" "Thou shalt not kill " "Not kill ? We're not interested."
So the Lord went to the blacks and said, "I have Commandments for you" And the Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother" "Father ? We don't know who our fathers are."
So the Lord went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments for you." And the mexicans wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal." "Not steal ? We're not interested."
The Lord went to the French and said, I have Commandments for you. The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit adultery." "Not commit adultery ? We're not interested."
The Lord went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments for you." "Commandments ?" , they said, "How much are they ?" "They're free" "We'll take 10!"
This One is very 'Punny!'
This piece of string walks into a bar. But he's hardly through the door when the bartender yells, "Hey, String! Get outta here!" Hours later, the piece of string is still trying to find a drink. So he ruffles his ends and contorts himself. As he goes into yet another bar, the bartender says, "Are you a piece of string?" The piece of string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."